Her Love is a Stapler

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Literature Text

It was the usual sort of afternoon, and as usual, the light music club was wasting it.

Ritsu held her hands apart.  "It was THIS big!  Bigger!"

"Whoaaaa!" said Yui, open-mouthed.  The plate of cupcakes was long forgotten.

"And as big around as your waist!"

Rolling her eyes, Mio took a sip of tea.  She'd lost track a while ago of what Ritsu was actually talking about, and she suspected that Ritsu had too, but Yui was no less mesmerized for that.

"What colour was it?" she asked insistently.

"Two-fifths of the way between blue and... ha!  I win," said Ritsu, checking her watch.  She extended a hand, palm-up, to Mio, who sighed and handed over a bill from her pocket.

Yui was lost in the woods, miles from rescue.  "You win?  Between blue and what?"

"Oh, I made all that up," Ritsu said with a dismissive wave.  "I just had a bet with Mio that I could distract you from the cupcakes for five whole minutes."

For a moment, Yui was understandably put out.  Then the word "cupcakes" reached her brain and all was forgiven.  She dove for the plate.

Tsumugi watched the other three girls interact, a beatific smile across her face.  She had the look of some creator goddess surveying Eden and seeing that it was good.

After a while, Ritsu noticed. "Hey Mugi!" she said with a poke. "Penny for your thoughts."

"Love is such a wonderful thing," she replied, still in her blissful haze.

Mio smiled. "Is love on your mind lately, Mugi? I guess spring has that effect on everyone."

"I just hope someday I know love as well as you do, Mio," continued Mugi.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

Ritsu was the first to snap out of it. "Love? MIO? Are we talking about the same person?"

"I... I..." stammered Mio.

Yui tried to weigh in, but it came out sounding like cake.

"There's a Mio Tsushima in class E," continued Ritsu. "Are you thinking of her?"

Now it was Tsumugi's turn to look confused.  "Mio, you understand love, don't you?"

"Well... I, I wouldn't really say that..."

"No kidding!" said Ritsu. "Mio's only dated two guys. I'm not sure she's actually hit puberty yet."

"Oh, because you've done so much more dating!" Mio shot back. "Besides, what makes you so sure I'd tell you, huh?"

The fight was approaching Yomi/Tomo levels when Yui finally finished chewing. "Why do you think Mio has experience with love, Mugi?"

Tsumugi looked like she'd just been asked why she thought the sky was blue. "She writes those wonderful songs for us," she answered. "How could she put love into music that way without feeling it herself?"

"Ohhh," said Yui, another cupcake already in her mouth.

Ritsu was coughing. She had choked on the word "wonderful."

"Well," said Mio, "they're not all love songs. And when I do write about love, I guess I'm imitating other songs I like."

"But that wouldn't be enough!" Tsumugi pressed. "Your songs are full of such feeling!"

"I like 'My Love is a Stapler'," Yui chipped in.

"Exactly! Such a rich, beautiful metaphor for a maiden's innocent love!"

Mio started to look nervous. "Metaphor! It's just a metaphor I came up with one day. I was looking at my school supplies..."

"Obviously," muttered Ritsu, still hacking up chunks of "beautiful".

"...and I thought of that song. I don't know why love came into my head just then. I don't!"

A bit disappointed, Tsumugi pushed on. "You've written other love songs. What about..."

The next several minutes became a catalog of Mio's lyrical works. Though still flustered, she was able to account for each of them in some way that didn't involve secret, torrid romances.

"So you're really just improvising it all?" asked Tsumugi, crestfallen.

"Er, I wouldn't go that far," replied Mio, hoping to ease her friend's disappointment. "You never know."

Tsumugi sprang to life. "Really?"

"But I'm not dating anyone!"

Ritsu smirked. "Oh? Does that mean Mio has a cruuuuush?"

"Is it a guy we know?" asked Yui.

"Um... no. Not really."

Ritsu winced. "Is it a guy?"

"No! I mean, yes! I mean..."

"We won't pry. But we're so happy for you," said Tsumugi, back in heaven.

"Yeahmph. Hamphy," agreed Yui through a two-cupcake mouthload.

Ritsu didn't say anything; she just gave Mio a look that said I bet you're full of crap, but either way, I'm getting all the details later. Mio shot back a smile that said No you're not.

Ms. Sawako popped her head in the door. "Are you girls still here? I told you the building was closing early today. Hurry up." She left.

"It's closing early?" asked Yui.

"Er, heh heh," said Ritsu, one arm behind her head. "I guess I forgot to pass that along."

Mio sighed. "No practice today, then. We'll have to pack up."

In actual fact, only Mio had to pack up, as she was the only one who ever bothered to get her instrument ready before proceeding straight to the treats.  She told the other three to go on ahead while she put her bass away, and they did, chattering casually.

As soon as she was done, Mio looked very carefully around the room, making absolutely sure she was alone. Satisfied, she reached into her bag and took something out.

Mio held her stapler against her cheek, caressing it tenderly.

"They can never know," she whispered.
Just a little something I've had kicking around. K-ON! is (c) Kakifly.

(By the way, if anyone felt so inclined, I would love to see the last bit illustrated. I'd do it if I could draw.)
© 2010 - 2021 CommodoreZeke
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eclecticBassist's avatar
lawl. here i am, nurturing my fanfiction addiction with my new dA account, over9000 tabs open. bliss.

oh fender i love this fic.
Ayanikko's avatar
Now THAT'S a way to make things too literal! xD

I think I might draw that last bit, as you requested, in chibi style~
CommodoreZeke's avatar
That would be six kinds of awesome.
Ayanikko's avatar
I'll get to work on it soon then!
Axel230's avatar
Great story, did someone special gave her that stapler or is she in love with it?
I read this on the other day, sorry I didn't comment
CommodoreZeke's avatar
Oh, she's in love with it. Her love is a stapler. (I wonder if the pun still works in Japanese...)

Needless to say, they'll have to elope.
Axel230's avatar
Woah!That's a bit creepy, but cute at the same time XD
lavistrikesback's avatar
Somehow, that made sense.
AO968's avatar
I'm sure Ritsu would love to have a pic of that last scene -- and sell it to Sogabe after making a few copies. :D

Nice story.
quamp's avatar
Overall the story is very good. I don't really see any major problems with it.
EggsMelt's avatar
The staplers lucky xD
CommodoreZeke's avatar
Well, you or I might think so. Unfortunately, staplers aren't attracted to human women. They're attracted to magnets.
EggsMelt's avatar
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