Comment on Shower Scene by Chipchinka

brietta-a-m-f's avatar

I've never read a shower story that kept me so darn interested. There's the right amount of abstract and scientific detail to make it easy (as usual for you!) for me to slip entirely into this universe. I have loved following along with several of your characters, as no one of them has left me without wanting more. However, Kiril and Hal have possibly made their way into my favorites. I want to go wandering the halls with the two, and I really want to see what deceleration is like. It is obviously quite an event, and where will they stop, I wonder? What new world waits just beyond those metal walls?


I have the tiniest critique and it is that you use the descriptor "Pecan" for skin color very frequently. To be sure, it is an awesome adjective, and makes it pretty easy to visualize the character, but I'd like to see your color palatte expand a little bit more. You succeed so well in pretty much every other area, it took some digging for me to find anything for you to improve upon!


And now, to whisk this off to my favorites, and here's to reading some more of your fantastic work! I have left it off for FAR too long!