There's going to be a lot of confessions and triggers in this post. You've been warned.
This year took the life out of me, and I don't want the next to be the same way. 2018 me was depressed and suicidal. I'd find myself crying because I couldn't get a job/drive because of my epilepsy. I didn't even want to exist. I thought I didn't have a purpose because of my inability. I didn't want to say it on here since I'd rather have my watchers worry free. I shoved everything down my throat and didn't say a word. I didn't focus on self care/health. Instead, I compared myself to everyone around me. Instead of facing my problems head-on, I over published shit on deviantart. Secretly, I was a fucking mess and didn't acknowledge my own emotions. Then, numbness overcame me because every emotion that I shoved down in my gut hit me all at once. Fits of artist's/writer's block slapped me across the face. I was basically cutting myself off from society and my close friends in order to try and get it back. I hated it.
Keeping yourself afloat isn't easy, I'll admit that. Well. I'm sick of feeling this way. I can't keep denying myself of how I'm feeling.
This upcoming year, I want to focus on PMA (positive mental attitude) and self care. I might even take a break from Deviantart since that was adding onto my stress and depression. Yeah I think I'm going to unplug for the first couple weeks of the new year for my own sake. My mentality is going to improve for this upcoming year, but that requires me to work towards it. Any goal is possible with the right, healthy amount of work.
Alright I'll stop being cheesy. My point is: This year is going to be different. I want to find enjoyment outside of Deviantart. I want to start living. No more running.
You hid it very well. Wish there was something I could do to help or to cheer you up. I also wish you the greatest of success in your endeavor to improve your situation. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.