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literature

'Be Politically Correct!' Reprise Revised

13 1 192 (1 Today)
Published: July 14, 2019
[Continued from the previous song parody…]

[Spoken]

[HYENA MESSENGER]
Scar!  Guys!  Good news!

[SCAR]
Silence, fool!  Can you not see that I’m taking a moment to mourn the loss of my most famous musical number?

[HYENA MESSENGER]
That’s what I was coming to talk to you about!  We’re gonna sing our song after all!

[SCAR]
Oh?  Do go on.

[HYENA MESSENGER]
Yeah, but…uh…the vocals and lyrics are reworked to sound all shouty and scary and psycho.  It’s also a lot shorter.

[SCAR]
[Pauses]
Very honestly, I’m not sure what to make of that.  It certainly sounds intimidating, but is it worthy of my original piece, especially when the new me lacks the human facial characteristics?

[2019 SCAR]
You’re just saying that because my voice actor is black, aren’t you, RACIST?  Now, give me my privilege!

[SCAR]
*Gah!*  What are you even doing here, Reboot Me?!  I thought you were above getting triggered like social justice warriors.  The problem isn’t the voice actors.  It’s the realism.  The very disturbing near-shot-for-shot reshoots of classic scenes with too much realism and not enough colorful facial expressions, body language, or other ways of expressing human emotion.

[SHENZI]
Yeah!  And your hyenas ain’t even a little funny!

[BANZAI]
Get out before we eat you alive!

[SCAR]
Er…I…oh, never mind.

[Singing]

It’s time Favreau came to his senses!
“Be Prepared” will receive an encore!
But, as per the audience consensus,
The Uncanny Valley’s in store.

[HYENAS]
Amid all the feuding and rages,
There’s one thing we do know for sure:
O.G. Disney lasts through the ages!
Live action remakes don’t endure.

[SCAR]
So, prep—

[2019 SCAR]
2-D films are yesterday’s message!
A clapped-out, distracted regime
Whose failings undoubtedly presage
The need for a different dream!

[SCAR]
*Hah!* You just plagiarized your own thesis,
Which now shows how lazy you are!

[HYENAS]
Like your film!

[SCAR]
The point of this parodic piece is:
YOU’LL NEVER OUTWIT CLASSIC SCAR!!!

[ED]
*Laughs.*

[SCAR]
Still, prepare for a dark age for Disney.
Be prepared for the brand’s suicide.

[HYENA #1]
I heard they’ve for sure made
A black Little Mer

[HYENA #2]
If we don’t spill details,
It might increase gross sales!

[HYENAS]
Our lack of emotion
Will lead to commotion!

[SCAR]
The Disney we once loved has died!

[ALL (–2019 SCAR)]
SJWs won’t leave us spared.
Be prepared!

[HYENAS]
SJWs won’t leave us spared.

[SCAR]
Be prepared!
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The problem with the Lion King reboot isn't the race pandering, really.  It's more or less the photorealism stripping away the emotion, humor, and heart that made the first one a timeless classic.  That's why I've revised my reprise to my meta-referential "Be Prepared" parody "Be Politically Correct!" after hearing it included in the new movie.  Partially based on the deleted "Be Prepared" reprise from the original film, it even features a self-deprecating cameo from 2019 Scar.
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Comments (1)
Stitchthebest36's avatarComment Featured By Owner

This post is basically every single 2019 "Lion King" review I'v read so far in a nutshell. I plan to see the movie next weekend before I pass judgement on the film. That being said, I saw a leaked clip of the scene where Scar throws Mufasa to his death and gosh did that scene look wonky like they were using hyper realistic dead lions created by a taxidermist. I hope the rest of the movie does not look as bad as the leak clip. Timon seems to move with more expressions than others in the trailers. I heard the soundtrack to the "Lion King" 2019 remake on youtube and I think the actors nailed the voices in and of themselves. I was happy to see "Be Prepared" on the soundtrack. My guess is they cut the song down to remove all the "idiot" lines which some people view as ableist against intellectually disabled people. As for black Ariel, I don't fault the actress who was casted, and frankly Ariel casted as black doesn't bother me, personally, quite as much as other "SJW diverse" casting decisions because Ariel is a mythical creature so I think they have more wiggle room in regards to how the characters look physically. However casting Ariel as black still feels like artificial pandering. I noticed a lot of black/African American people creating youtube essays on why they felt Disney was being racist for assuming they could only relate to Ariel as a black character and felt a new movie with a black mermaid would have been better than remaking Ariel.

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