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About Literature / Hobbyist Ian Chisholm30/Male/United States Group :iconlearn2crit-lit: Learn2Crit-Lit
Critiquing is an art.
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Newest Deviations

Literature
A Review of Charlotte's Reviews
~ ~ ~ Many Spoilers for Charlotte ~ ~ ~
I just finished watching Charlotte recently and (drum roll please) I liked it. But the ending left me conflicted; I expected some problems, having coincidentally heard a very negative one-sentence review for the show in the middle of watching it, but after the final episode I wasn't sure what to think. Was it good? I enjoyed many parts of it. Did it have problems? A few, but I could generally see why they existed. Did it suck? I don't think so and so the negative review I had heard, from someone I trust to have good opinions about anime, confused me. Why so negative? So of course I went looking for Charlotte reviews on YouTube … and the overall opinion there seems to range from mediocre to downright terrible.
That was where I realized something: the reviewers of Charlotte had a number of complaints that came from them perhaps misunderstanding certain moments in the story. Much of the criticism focused on perceived plot holes or the reviewer
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Mature content
Story Time #1 - The Flood :iconcobrateen:Cobrateen 0 0
Literature
Amy's Vacation
Clickety-clack went the loom, clickety-clack. Amy passed the shuttle through and stepped on the pedal. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack. The fabric would be a rich yellow like sunlight blazing in the morning. Sleeves of golden pleather hung nearby, along with strips of deep reds and purples for the trim. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack.
A sound almost indistinguishable from thunder broke the air. She stopped and yelled, “Did something break?”
The thunderous slamming continued. Standing, Amy strode across the nursery studio, glancing down at a baby sleeping in a crib and sidestepping a toddler bouncing in a swing. She continued down a hall littered with laundry and toys, passing rooms with children playing video games and hitting each other. In the living room two girls sat in front of a TV quiz show as the sound of pounding continued from the front door.
Amy growled and opened a hallway closet, spun the dial of a safe clickety-clack clickety-clack clickety-clack and pulled out
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Literature
Contest Entry - Darkness to Light
I stood in a hollow place. The world around me was in continuous flux. Moments of stasis would occur, until they were ruptured by chaos. Walls would surround me and then dissipate. I could see through them to the yards, cities, and oceans beyond.
Only one object remained static in this visage. A table in the center of a room would fluctuate in and out of existence. Atop it was the object. Solid and immobile. It drew my focus; begged for it.
Demanded it.
I took one step and the Earth beneath my feet shattered. But I stayed afloat. I took another. The emptiness of the aether surrounded me on all sides. Walls, cities, and oceans disappeared entirely. All that remained was me, the void, and...
- the object.
“Then what?”
I looked up at Doctor Smyth. She eyed me over a blue plastic clipboard, her moon-colored eyes distant and ominous. She repeated the question. I turned back to my paper on the table in front of me.
My black marker filled the last white triangles along the paper
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Literature
Why I Quit
I recently quit playing the free Microsoft Store game Iron Blade. I uninstalled the game one morning before I could change my mind. And seeing as most people reading this probably haven't heard of IB, I'd like to explain why I quit … because there’s a chance you might want to give the game a try. I quit IB because I think I see now everything the game was trying to teach and those lessons reminded me that I have better things to be doing with my time.
IB is not a bad game. The spam bots in the forum say otherwise but they are one of the few small exceptions; their deluge of spam slows the main menus to a crawl. And I don't have a problem with the game's semi-addictive nature; you don't have to play every day, you'll just want to so you can get good gear and level up.
The story of IB is about a medieval knight who goes around killing the many forces of evil in a world of big cities, secluded castles and ancient temples. The art and backgrounds are much better than you might
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Literature
Three Rules of Writing
“There are three rules for the writing of a novel. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.”
- Somerset Maugham
Challenge accepted.
Rule 1 : Before you start, create an outline. Stories can impart important messages and themes through the actions of their characters and the events surrounding them. Without an outline, a novel will by the nature of its length fall off the tracks of this message. The easiest way to write something with a strong, consistent message is to write a short story; when trying to do so with a novel, it helps to have a well-planned outline. Some writers find an outline essential, allowing them to keep a consistent message, continue when stuck and write from anywhere in the novel.
Rule 1b : Or don't create an outline. Planning out a novel can naturally make the novel feel planned when read by others, ruining their sense of realism. Anyone can write a novel where doing X causes the hero to succeed, but that won't convince readers to do X in their own l
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Literature
A Night in Gullyvale
The trees cruising by on our left had pale, twisted limbs and bare branches. They cast long, jagged shadows toward the road from a low, orange sun. Wisps of grass grew from a dark ground that occasionally rose in small, misshapen mounds. On the other side of the road everything was green and leafy.
“These woods go on forever.” I stared out at them, my knuckles white on the steering wheel. We drove down the old highway in Val’s teal Prius, no other cars in sight. The gas gauge was on the final bar. “How long until the next station?”
“How much is in the tank?” Val leaned over the cup holders, pushing her head against mine. “There’s a whole bar left.” She sat back in her seat and stared down at her phone. “When it starts blinking, we’ve got about forty miles.”
“Are we going to make it?”
“We could have filled up at that last gas station.”
She didn’t have to make it sound like my faul
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Literature
Me - At War With Terror
We truly are now at war with terror.
Someone once said we would go to war with terror. We would find where terror was, wage war against terror, and at last defeat terror. To be honest, some of us laughed at that person. After all, who can fight an idea? How can anyone fight a label, an emotion, an intangible?
But whether that person was right – or we simply found the war we went looking for – we are now at war with terror. Every day it seems we hear of this new tragedy, that new affront, those new foes. They scream into the television cameras. Strikes occur to us and our allies, at home and abroad. People really do hate us. And why shouldn’t they? We went to war with terror, and (not entirely by accident) we instead ended up attacking our fellow human beings.
Someone once said he who is without sin may throw the first stone. We who won our country by fighting off an oppressive overseas regime must always remember: One person's terrorist is another person's rebe
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Literature
Short - A Simple Task
As Brother Moon descended in the sky and the feast came to a close, I began to grow anxious. Valorian and I had asked among those attending, but the name Russ was unknown to all. We knew he must exist if the medicine man said so, but the sacred magic prevented us from finding him.
People started to leave in twos, small families and groups. The giant left with his wives, more groups left, and at last there were just a few remaining to clean and set the hall in order. I was worried, but found distraction in helping. The old medicine man sat still and silent on the raised platform, deep in meditation or fast asleep.
Valorian and the graceful woman in the silk robe came over to me. “San has a task for us,” Valorian muttered to me, pointing her thumb at the woman. I nodded and followed them to a quiet corner, away from others. Sometimes people we met asked favors of us, simply because we were outsiders who could leave afterward.
The woman in the silk robe began immediately.
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Literature
Short - A Costume Party
Our choices were to stay with Val’s Prius until the attendant came back, or walk through the dark town at the directions of the ghost woman. Gullyvale was silent around us, providing no help with the decision. Then a cold wind blew through, rattling all the branches of the bare white trees. That was all the motivation I needed.
Val and I walked off down the sidewalk. A wave of nausea hit me as we left the lamp light. I doubled over, hiding the involuntary motion by pretending to smooth down my ruffled petticoats. I do not know why I would be bothered. There were no men present, unless one counted Valory, who as always refused to dress as a woman.
I looked to her, passing a secret smile. She was not looking at me, but behind us with a cold stare to her Model T. Her hands checked the pocket of her suit for the starter plug, which she always removed upon leaving it anywhere. Seemingly reassured, she turned and helped me up.
“Still experiencing vapors, Anabelle? I knew the seas
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Literature
Short - A Small Town
The trees cruising by on our left had pale, twisted limbs and bare branches. They cast long, jagged shadows toward the road from a low, orange sun. Wisps of grass grew from a dark ground that occasionally rose in small, misshapen mounds. On the other side of the road everything was green and leafy.
“These woods go on forever.” I stared out at them, my knuckles white on the steering wheel. We drove down the old highway in Val’s teal Prius, no other cars in sight. The gas gauge was on the final bar. “How long until the next station?”
“How much is in the tank?” Val leaned over the cup holders, pushing her head against mine. “There’s a whole bar left.” She sat back in her seat and stared down at her phone. “When it starts blinking, we’ve got about forty miles.”
“Are we going to make it?”
“We could have filled up at that last gas station.”
She didn’t have to make it sound like my faul
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Mature content
Short - the Brothers Wo :iconcobrateen:Cobrateen 2 0
Literature
The Story - Risk and Reward
It’s easy to give a character something. Let’s say the writer wants X to have a sword so he can go on adventures. Maybe he’s had the sword for as long as he can remember, and the writer gave it to him before the story started. But a sword isn’t something most people just start with. A sword represents the ability to protect yourself and get what you want, and most people don’t start with those things. We earn our swords, or have them given to us in times of peril. This is the essence of Risk and Reward.
But first, what does it mean for the author to “give” a character something? Obviously it can be more than just a sword. Any item in a character’s possession is something the author gave them. Their adventuring equipment, their many outfits and accessories, their trinkets and treasure. They may have found the magic ring in a cave, but the author placed their hand on it. And consider every aspect of the character: their titles, position, fa
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Literature
Short - the Black Bull
An oval impact crater sits in the middle of a gray, lifeless city. One end descends into a scar miles wide and stretching to the horizon. Long, curving ridges of dirt and rubble surround the crater, and under the shadow of one tall ridge is a giant pile of scrap metal and garbage.
Strange things poke from the piles. Sleek black metal coils, forked glass tubes, crystalline rods of many colors, golden webs of spiky moss, and intricate lattices of wire soldered to dull brown boards. Treasure amid the trash. A young boy, face covered in tufts of brown fur, pokes his head up from behind a metal slab.
A tall man in a long coat picks his way through the heap. A large wolf made of black metal follows close behind him.
The brown furred boy creeps closer. He lays on his thin stomach atop a pile of trash and calls down, “Who are you?” His voice is rough, like something is stuck in his throat.
The tall man looks up and smiles. “Roy.”
“What are you doing in my scrap he
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Literature
Short - the Guiding Arrow
Police cars and various street vehicles line the cement walls of an underground garage. There is silence until, against one cement wall, an elevator door pings and slides open. A tall man steps out, pleading with a short, sallow-faced man.
“Come on, Dick. No ride apps will take me out there. I need to borrow something, preferably all terrain. A SWAT tank - an armored dune buggy - I’ll accept a motor bike even.”
The shorter man shakes his head. “You’ve done good work already, but this case has gotten too big for you. It’s been well over my pay grade from the start.”
“It’s not about the pay grade.” The tall man glares down at the cement floor and shuffles his feet. “Hey, Dick. You ever start reading a book but stop in the middle? All those unanswered questions and unresolved plot threads – the Vic never got his happy ending. I can't let the Perp get away with that. I need to see this through.”
Dick opens the do
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Literature
Short - the Dirty Water
A man in a long coat, hands in the pockets, crosses a tidy grass lawn toward a group of stone buildings. The stone structures are square and austere with uniform windows and glass front doors.
Near the doors stands a small group of people. They hold signs saying, 'Free our guns!' 'Give them back!' 'Respect the 2nd!' One tries to approach the man walking by. He steers clear and doesn’t look at them.
At the door of the building he is stopped by a short white woman in uniform. The security guard points him toward a gray, rectangular archway. He takes off his coat and places it on a conveyor, then ducks through the metal detector without a beep and waits for the woman to slide a wand over him. She waves him off with a nod.
#
In a tidy front office a brown-skinned man stands behind a tall desk. A large PWE logo hangs above him on the wall. The man in the long coat walks up.
“I should have an appointment set up by Detective Dick at DRPD.”
The receptionist checks through a c
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Cobrateen
Ian Chisholm
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
“Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!”

I love Anime and writing. Someday I'd like to write scripts for original animation and to that end I build worlds, create characters, and tell stories. I'm always willing to make something with my works; if any of you visual artists read something here that inspires you, I would be interested in a creative collaboration. And I'm here to learn and help others learn. As a writer-in-training, I want critique on how I can improve and I'll take on prompts and requests to sharpen my writing skills. If you'd like a critique or some proofreading, you only have to ask.

My 2019 ID is … anyone remember Pogs? So I was cleaning my closet the other day and I found my old Cobra Pog. It's got a shiny turquoise background, a tiny lightning bolt, and a golden hooded cobra. I don't think I played the game (I had to look up a YouTube nostalgia video to remember what kids even did with them) but I've got a few and I know this was my favorite. Maybe it even fueled my love of snakes all through elementary school? Which caused me to go by Cobrateen when I first got online at the ripe old age of 11, and I've carried that name ever since. It's funny what makes us who we are.

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:iconryusuta:
Ryusuta Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2019   Digital Artist
Thank you very kindly for the watch. I'm glad you enjoy my work and I hope you'll continue to do so!
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:iconitchymoto:
itchymoto Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav! :D
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:iconflyteck:
flyteck Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2019  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the watch!!
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:iconloki-icon:
Loki-Icon Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank You for the Fav's Most Kind :hug:
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(1 Reply)
:iconloki-icon:
Loki-Icon Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks 4 the Llama Most Kind Have one back :hug:
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