OBSESS-Archive

I'm one of those artists who will ultimately look back on my artistic history and end up hating the vast majority of my own work, but I feel like that's okay as I move away from producing art in general. For too long I tied too much of my self-worth to production - that I wasn't worth anything if I wasn't creating - a line of thought that is as much the fault of a society that demands we prove our value as it is my own bed of neuroses taken root. Ultimately I've come to resent the years I spent trying to convince myself that I was some sort of creative genius (I was not), but hubris tells us that we're all destined for great things even when our own dead-commonality proves otherwise. In reposting the original run of PCC here, I'm repeatedly astounded by how I thought I was creating something that was anything other than utterly mediocre and derivative, and I honestly wish I'd had more outside perspectives during the creative process (even though my own arrogance at the time might've discounted those arguments). I've turned to lampooning my own body of work, which I'm sure my shrink would tell me is laudable but is still not a place I'd ever thought I'd be. Still, being able to laugh at yourself is considered a great way to manage the weight of disappointment...especially since prison doesn't have the kind of food that I like.

Are there regrets? Many, but none that are insurmountable. We live in a society where we set ourselves these grand destinies that we're told we can never let go of until we achieve them, and in the process we never allow ourselves to fail if and when we ultimately fall short. As the years have gone by I've come to realize that I spent far too much time trying to prove to myself that I was worth something only by virtue of what I could create rather than just realizing that the mere act of existing was more than enough - if my worth was only measured by what I could create, the vault would be quite empty, I feel.

I can't imagine what it must feel like to seek validation in the social media age (I turned my back on Twitter four years ago and Facebook last year after I realized they were nothing more than outrage farms and I was too often taking the bait), but in the early days of the internet that's exactly what i was doing, and trust me, that is POISON. If there's any piece of advice I can give to anyone from my own experiences it's this: value yourself just as you are. Strive for improvement, but not at the cost of your soul. In pursuit of your dreams, don't forget to exist in the waking world. Keep in mind where you are in the timestream; don't live in the days ahead as those days are formless, ephemeral, and may never come to pass. Don't forsake today for the promise of the future...and for God's sake, GET AN EDITOR.

Oh hey so my Dwarven mage/engineer needed a workshop in World of Warcraft so I built him one - watch it or don't: https://youtu.be/2qdxiycbc44

So I had this dream last night where I died, and apparently I did well enough in not being a complete asshole that I was given three options on how to spend the rest of my sentient existence: a barkeep in the Star Wars universe, a maintenance man at Avengers Tower in the Marvel Universe, or a roadie for the Muppets' Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. Oddly enough when I awoke the one thing that stuck in my head is that the afterlife is apparently owned lock stock and barrel by Disney

(I chose the Mayhem by the way)

Well, it was finally time so I made a walkthrough vid of the house I built in World of Warcraft - Dr. Nutzenvultz' Voidreaktor und Secret Underground Lair. Stuff like housing is never really finished because you're always adding or moving stuff around, but it's in a good enough place I feel a video record of its current state is warranted.

https://youtu.be/cNCJEoVyC40

...because as bad as things are getting in the US, I'm wondering how long it'll be until the guns come out

I mean more than they already do