It's been a very long time since I've written in here. I still get on DA sometimes but not as often as I once did. Reading through my old journal entries is surreal. It takes me back to a time and place that seems like someone else's past; not my own. However, it is mine and I'm thankful for having my Livejournal to go back to for refreshers because no matter ones memory, one forgets. I wish I wrote in there as often as I used to for I know I'll regret not placing my thoughts, emotions and happenings presently to read years from now. I hope to work on that failure.
I still don't think I've recovered from the shock of what occurred at one point in my life...a point where I was misjudged and accused of something I did not do. I wonder if I ever will. Sometimes, I think I avoid DA for that very reason : it reminds me of things best not remembered. Of people no longer here that upon their leaving, also took their misguided opinions and beliefs about me with them. I think that hurts the most. One person can think one thing and before you know it, the entire pool is tainted and unimaginably clouded and dirty.
I am not the person I once was. I've lost touch with people on here that meant something to me...that applauded my writings, of which were nothing more than letters put together in phrases to describe momentary hurts and joys in my life. Me. I recall writings of blades and blood, of sex and tears, of darkness and hopes. Of lost loves. I remember it all but that doesn't mean I want to relive it all. Rather, I am coming back to DA with a hope to put down new letters, new phrases, new descriptions of who I am today. There is no longer blades and blood...
...but there is still everything else, albeit, convoluted and distorted, to the point that I may no longer be recognizable.
We shall see.