Hi! It's been a while, right?
I admit I'm not the kind of person to be uploading daily journals like I used to be a few years back, but this time I think it's maybe time I tell you what's going on lately!
Alright, where do I start...
Last year was probably one of the worst I've had so far- which explains in a way my huge lack of activity in the beginnings of 2018. But in a way it's also the year in which I made tough, but important decisions which helped to make the end of said year to be slightly better, and, hopefully, said good vibes holding on for this new year...Tough start
To make it short, I think you guys remember I went through medecine studies, then to a midwifery course. With the years I started to question whether I was fit for the shop or not- tried to bring the subject to my parents two years ago, who didn't have the support I expected- so I carried on, with the same questions, same worries, and same anxiety... I kept messing up during my internships until I started to really get sick at the thought of returning to work there, until I had a real burnout last january.
Like I've said, it wasn't the best time of my life, since my depression and anxiety reached a state I'd have never thought to reach- Which made me take the decision to quit midwife studies.
My father was absolutly against the idea, but mom was supportive enough to make me go through all of this - despite of dad constantly blaming me for this decision for at least three good months.
And this bring us to other family issue, since I can't really say Dad has the right to complain about my choices since, he wasn't a really... loyal husband to start with, if you catch my drift.
So personal issues + family issues mixed, despite of the relief felt from leaving the midwife course, made me drastically at the bottom of the pit.Climbing back to the topHowever- when you're at bottom, you can only go up, right?
From these moments, I started to have a full control of my life. My decisions, my wills, my responsabilities. So I opened art commissions in order to earn some cach (and btw, it's still open!), tried to apply for student jobs (which I never got replies to, but oh well), and most importantly, seeked for my next course.
Because yes, the issue wasn't that I didn't want to study, but the course where I was before! I wanted to find my own path, but somewhere else. I'll never put a feet in an hospital anymore, that's for sure! (Unless I'm the patient, but can't say I really wish for that).
So I tried to enter an art faculty of my city- I was refused for my art was too cartoony for their taste. Oh well, at least I tried! However, I still had a plan B. In the meantime, I had filled a report to enter in a language course, since I love the english language and would be interested, if not art, to pursue a carreer in that matter.What about now?
Guess what? I got accepted! And since october, I started back a new english course (right back to the start, however- didn't have anything which could have helped me to start a bit higher in the licence rank, but oh well) and I just finished the first semester.
I can't emphasise enough on the fact that, despite of how tough the decision to change course was, it's probably one of the best decisions I've made of my life. For so long I was doing everything for the sake of my parents, the sake of my family, the sake of my teachers...
It's enough. Now I do the stuff for my own sake. I took way too long to realise this, and now I'm getting a better view of who I am, and who I want to become. You can't imagine how relieving it is! I'm now way more optimistic and confident than I used to be, and I met some new lovely friends who don't really care that I'm a bit older than them- and honestly, said classmates being way more open minded than my midwife classmates were! It's so refreshing ♥
What else to say? I also got more into writting and RPing, and among all in the Rayman RP community of Tumblr who's probably the best community I ever fell on. If you guys read this, I love you so much and you're awesome! ♥ It definitly helped me to improve my own characters, story, and especially Clara herself, my main OC whom I started to gradually hate due to how flawed her story was- but that's old history now.
Oh, I also entered in theatre class, too! I'm finding activities or talents I'd thought I'd never have, such as writing theatre scenes, or portraying them. All these things helped me to grow up as a person and with my own identity.
Oh, by the way! Talking about identity- I'm not hiding anymore behind a mask- I'm pretty open minded about my own orientation and I even came out to my mother! It took a while for her to get used to it, but now she has been very supportive.
My dad? No way, he's been a dick anyway lately so... I can't fully blame him since he's a great father, but I can't say he's a great husband. Not anymore, at least.Will I be still active here?
As far as I'm concerned, I'm not planning to leave this site- but between my new studies, and other activities, I can't say I can be very active here. But I still wanted to keep you in touch with my situation, to not give the feeling I just don't give a care about you guys- which is far to be the case, honestly.You can still support me!
Still! As I said earlier, I have art commissions open
, as well as a Ko-Fi account
, so if you want to support me in any way, it's here! And let's say that with the lack of replies I get for a proper student job, I really need a hand financially speaking...
Thank you in advance!! ♥♥Where can we also find you?
Here's a list of other places where I'll be more active- but I always come here since I take care of the Rayman group, so feel free to say hi here, I'll try to answer as soon as possible. ♥
Aaand I think I went through the most important things-
This said, thank you so much for your support - and a quick thank you for the bday wishes a few weeks ago!
Hopefully this year will bring better news- but so far I think I'm handling things kinda well, so let's see how this goes.
Take care everyone, and be kind to yourselves and others! ♥