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United States
Current Residence: California's Sac Valley
Favourite genre of music: Rock: Indie; Hard; n'Roll; Pop; Garage; Ska;
Personal Quote: People on the edge have a different perspective.

It has been just shy of four months since dad left us.

On Friday at work, I was checking my calendar for what was ahead in the next couple of months -the time frames for work things, people things, Holiday and maybe vacation time. 

I also noticed that I had written in dad's birthday on Aug 2 – he'd been 79 – it will also been two years since we lost my sister-in-law on that same day.

Been a busy couple of years. Got a job again, got my AS degree, lost the sister of my heart, gained a husband, lost my dad.

So much change in so short of a time.

So, more change. Got to start working from home. To do that, I need an office. I've been cleaning and moving things around at dad's house starting around mid-January, and it hasn't stopped. Now I have to start working on my "office" space which is a teenage girl's bedroom at the moment. More stuff we need to move around. The paint and carpet are not the big deal it is the cleaning out – it's leaving me drained – I've not been able to do more than look at it, feel totally overwhelmed and run away.

What's worst, I could get this all done, have a functional office having spent the money necessary to have new carpet, paint, new internet and phone service and then in October there is still a potential of no job by November. Then what? All that money flushed. The uncertainty of it all… ugh… the stuff that keeps me up nights.  

And today, I seem to be useless – I have a massive headache which I'm going to blame on the heat and the fan blowing in my face all night – so instead of shopping for paint and carpet I'm sitting on my butt hiding from the world, crying for missing people that can't come back, and being overwhelmed by the stuff that needs to be done.

So… I write about it. In words, perhaps I can gain perspective on the things that I can't change. Or maybe just purge emotions that are not all that constructive.  Gosh I'm tired. 


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KagomexxxSesshomaru Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009
:iconstalkerplz: LOLOL >:3
cjflutterbye Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009
you're a celery stick?
KagomexxxSesshomaru Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009, but I stalked you =x
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