Why am I so emotional? Just, all the sudden. Why do I miss her?
She clearly doesn't need me. She's doing far better without me being near her.
This depression has just been going for months and months, but one day it's there, one day it's not. And it's only been bad since early February when I found out something...
Why are my friends drifting? Even the ones on DA. I literally have like... less than 7 real friends at the moment and half of them barely see me. They don't want to talk because they know I'm an emotional wreck.
one of these friends I had issues with for 3 years. He'd come and go. Sometimes I couldn't stand him, and sometimes he was my best friend.
One is a little antisocial and he's going through issues himself and it's just difficult because he always puts himself down.
Another will make me laugh and make me feel as if I belong somewhere... but then makes me feel invisible when I'm alone with him. One is like... the awkward one but I know I can always talk to. He notices when I'm upset and will say random shit to make me smile, he's really kind, but if I tried to tell my problems he wouldn't know what to say.
One is really sweet... she's clingy, but she's always there for me. I can get frustrated at her because she's always around me and i can't get away, but she's good to talk to.
Emily is like... okay, she can be good to talk to, she's sweet and loves me. But I can't really talk to her because she makes me look like the most depressed fuck ever. She goes and tells her friends things that make me offended.
Then there's Rob, who is amazing. I can tell him anything and I feel as if he'd understand, but I shouldn't just rely on him to help me. He's put up with my sadness and sometimes I feel like that puts him down, so I've lowered it.
But even all my good and closest friends have their disadvantages. I have maybe around 3 I trust completely... I feel so, upset that I can only count on those 3 people.
I'm tired of being so emotional and having to lock away my feelings only because I don't want to hurt anyone. But it just hurts me.
I've TRIED speaking to the councillor, a friend about my issues... but it didn't really work. They all got worried and just made me feel worse.
I would just like... to tell someone my issues but I don't trust anyone apart from 3 people. But even if I told them, I'm worried they'll drift.... like everyone else I know.
But friends on DA, I know a lot of you are drifting. If you see this, can you just tell me if I said something?