The Australian Bloody Christmas Miracle
By a Bloke
You may think the story will begin in post-apocalyptic Australia
Its 2016 and
Everyone are blokes and ride kangaroos around and that there’s no government each state is run by an AFL team anyone who doesn’t like AFL gets shipped out of the country
Well the second option is right and it’s going to be a bloody good journey mate!
It’s Christmas Eve I get up to get me a VB OH NO I bellow mums drinking the last VB
She tells me to get some snags for the Barbie
So I grab a roo brew from the fridge and get in my car
I dump the rest of my roo brew in the tank and get going to the gas station first things first more VB
I do a command roll out of the window and rush to the fridges in that aisle
Already standing there is my arch enemy the KING OF AUSTRALIA I brandish my weapon
He laughs to himself you call that a knife he says now this is a knife he pulls out a metre long kukri
He phases dashes towards me and swings I duck and grab a spoon from the floor and spoon him in the chest.
He falls on the floor I kneel beside him. I will send my condolences to your kangaroo wife I say and grab a VB
And get some snags for the Barbie.
I go to bed to think of my encounter with the king of Australia
In the morning I grab a roo brew and step outside a bunch of Aussies are kneeling praising me for defeating the Tyrant of Australia they crown me and hand me the 1 metre golden kukri.
I am the King of Australia I yell at the top of my lungs!