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About Varied / Hobbyist Core Member Ciro Lurker24/Male/United States Groups :iconatomic-tree-press: Atomic-Tree-Press
 
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Deviant for 5 Years
18 Month Core Membership
Statistics 120 Deviations 6,919 Comments 13,556 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Look! Something! by Ciro16 Look! Something! :iconciro16:Ciro16 7 8 Use your manners. by Ciro16 Use your manners. :iconciro16:Ciro16 11 10 Bad Parents. by Ciro16 Bad Parents. :iconciro16:Ciro16 6 7 Crem So'Da, Lurlim Bounty Hunter. by Ciro16 Crem So'Da, Lurlim Bounty Hunter. :iconciro16:Ciro16 11 15 LOOKY WHAT I FOUND!!! by Ciro16 LOOKY WHAT I FOUND!!! :iconciro16:Ciro16 4 0 CIRO UPDATE PICTCHA!! by Ciro16 CIRO UPDATE PICTCHA!! :iconciro16:Ciro16 6 7 Here's a thought! tell me what you guys think. by Ciro16 Here's a thought! tell me what you guys think. :iconciro16:Ciro16 0 4 The Shattered One Emblem by Ciro16 The Shattered One Emblem :iconciro16:Ciro16 5 0 Psycho Space Ninjas Emblem by Ciro16 Psycho Space Ninjas Emblem :iconciro16:Ciro16 8 14 A cigarette with her...oh... by Ciro16 A cigarette with her...oh... :iconciro16:Ciro16 2 13 Patti: the Unintentional Pokmon Trainer by Ciro16 Patti: the Unintentional Pokmon Trainer :iconciro16:Ciro16 3 2 Blue Gold Stone  Opalite. by Ciro16 Blue Gold Stone Opalite. :iconciro16:Ciro16 10 9 The Lady of Pain by Ciro16 The Lady of Pain :iconciro16:Ciro16 8 0 Old Deathwind Doodles. by Ciro16 Old Deathwind Doodles. :iconciro16:Ciro16 1 0 Erdan Aarn: Human Paladin by Ciro16 Erdan Aarn: Human Paladin :iconciro16:Ciro16 1 15 Aaron O'Domhnail: Human Fighter/Berserkerer by Ciro16 Aaron O'Domhnail: Human Fighter/Berserkerer :iconciro16:Ciro16 8 78

Favourites

Timeless: Challenge by White-Mantis Timeless: Challenge :iconwhite-mantis:White-Mantis 1,430 21 Ervin WIP by Esther-Shen Ervin WIP :iconesther-shen:Esther-Shen 43 1 Redraw Of My First Deviantart Drawing by thegreatrouge Redraw Of My First Deviantart Drawing :iconthegreatrouge:thegreatrouge 1,057 49 SCP-049 by Amamidori SCP-049 :iconamamidori:Amamidori 132 6 Viktor by MagicalErinyaa Viktor :iconmagicalerinyaa:MagicalErinyaa 32 7 Poor Translating by TheRoflCoptR Poor Translating :icontheroflcoptr:TheRoflCoptR 101 27 Hank..No.. by thegreatrouge Hank..No.. :iconthegreatrouge:thegreatrouge 887 64 Golden Synx by Salmon88 Golden Synx :iconsalmon88:Salmon88 237 5 Cyro Amber by Salmon88 Cyro Amber :iconsalmon88:Salmon88 239 4 Look it's another oc by KillingKate1 Look it's another oc :iconkillingkate1:KillingKate1 41 3 Stock:  Andrea Gil Elvgren Retro by ArtReferenceSource Stock: Andrea Gil Elvgren Retro :iconartreferencesource:ArtReferenceSource 46 1 Callista for nosmileteddy by JackieCoco Callista for nosmileteddy :iconjackiecoco:JackieCoco 11 2 ARS Becky Bolton Glamour Sample by ArtReferenceSource ARS Becky Bolton Glamour Sample :iconartreferencesource:ArtReferenceSource 35 0 ARS Alexis Reed Sample by ArtReferenceSource ARS Alexis Reed Sample :iconartreferencesource:ArtReferenceSource 16 1 Stock:  Ivanna fashion Sample by ArtReferenceSource Stock: Ivanna fashion Sample :iconartreferencesource:ArtReferenceSource 12 0 ARS Savannah Sample by ArtReferenceSource ARS Savannah Sample :iconartreferencesource:ArtReferenceSource 12 1

Shoutbox

FoxTails2000:iconfoxtails2000:
Ehhhhhhh
Thu Apr 6, 2017, 10:41 PM
megakyurem4188:iconmegakyurem4188:
Merry Christmas and have a great new year!!!
Thu Dec 29, 2016, 6:15 PM
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Well, here we are again.

Its been a while hasn't it? Since my last update and what not. Many of you are probably wondering where the art is or where I have been, and to tell you the truth, I don't even know the answer to that.

To tell you the truth, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I want to draw, I want to get my stories out, I want to be here with you guys, hanging out with you guys, making things together. But the harsh reality is that I can't. I've lost my spark. To be honest, the more time goes on, the more the world grows more harrowing and vindictive, the more I faith I lose in myself.

My friends are moving on, finding cooler better friends and doing better things without me. My family, as loving and wonderful as they are, are now strangers to me. Hell, I'm a stranger to myself. Before I may have had a few hiccups here and there but I knew what I wanted. Now, I don't even know if anything is worth anything anymore.

I wanna scream at the world, I wanna grab my friends by the shoulders and cry into their faces, but that would make me an attention whore. I wanna share my love with you guys and show you how I feel, but that would make me creepy or whiny. I feel my only other recourse is to hole my self up in this walled off enclosure and keep myself locked up, even then that'll just make me a coward. I'm literally going mad with all, why am I such a mess? Why am I like this? Why does everything I do just wither away?

Well... I know the answer, but its not a good one. Not like it matters. There's nothing in this world that really matters much anyways. No matter how hard we try to stand out and make our lives it'll all be for naught.

Fuck. Never really wanted this journal to end up so bitchy. But whatever. I guess that happens when you decide to make an update while you're emotional. Ish. I dunno what to call whatever this is.

Just know that I am still alive for now and I'm just chugging along.

I'm gonna stop talking now. Feel free to ignore this, sorry...
Look! Something!
Oh good lord, it has been forever since I posted anything. I'm sorry about that and I'll try to be more active in the future, but for now, how about some bistro-esque art I made for work today while I had time to do something.

It ain't poifect, but its something. I'll try to upload more later if I gets a turn at writing menus.
Loading...
Here's some humour to mask the depressing atmosphere of the last post, I guess...

ciria-luxom16.tumblr.com/image…

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So... I gotta level with you guys. Any of you who are still watching intently or even care. This is mostly gonna be rant journal, but its going to be very hard to write, because these are things that are quite personal and... Well I have a hard time letting people in. Any ways lemme start by saying this...

I'm not happy.
I have high functioning depression.

What that means is I can look and act totally fine, act like,my goofy wierd self.
But that's all it is. An act. A façade put on so that I don't burden those that I care about with even more baggage.

I know what most of you are thinking. "Why Ciro, why don't you just talk with us or your family about it," or "Ciro, you should really see a shrink if you're feeling this way."

That's all well and good. But that's also really naive of you to say. Do any of you really wanna hear what I'm really thinking or feeling? Do you really wanna listen to all of the dark shit in my head, the self destructive malarchy that I believe? History has dictated that that answer is no. And I have fewer friends because of it. Do you have any idea what it's like when you're told that and when you do open up, you're either ignored or told to keep it to yourself or, my personal favorite, told to die quietly so that everyone else can get on in peace?

If you have, then you are few forgotten souls in this indifferent society and you have my sympathies.

So yeah, I usually don't open up. Because despite how wonderful you all are, some of you more than others, you're still just strangers. Faceless strangers on the other side of the globe. With lives of your own. Its none of your business what goes on in mine.

And for those of you who I don't consider strangers or want to not make strangers, please understand that when I message you frequently, I do so because I care. I know it sound superbly selfish, and you're right it is. I hate it. I hate clingy people and its one of the many thing I hate about myself. But when another can look past that and tell me about the things I'm doing right, well... It kinda makes life that much more bearable. And god... That just sounds like some of the most awful shit...

I'm sorry... I really am, I'm really writing down all this as it comes to mind. This is, after all, a rant. But still I'm sure most of you don't care about my feelings and only watched for the good ol' anime gobbly goodness... Well... I've been finding it hard to do that recently.

My creative spark isn't what it was... Actually.. No. That's a lie. It's sharper than it ever has been. It's my motivation that's dying. Much like my motivation for everything else really.

I get these urges to draw or do something great when I'm at work or somewhere else where I can't do what I want, and when I do, it just fizzles. Vanishes into nothing. Then I go back to occupying myself with videogames, YouTube, porn or whatever my mind can get into. Feel like I'm getting the run around from my own mind and I'm getting tired of it. And my current living situation isn't helping.

Penniless, stranded in the middle of nowhere surrounded by loving family that don't really see any use or any importance in your interests and hobbies and instead project their ideals on you, even though these ideals have kept them in the same state as you're in for years. Also there's the fact that I can be homeless in no time flat if certain payments aren't made and with me being the only stable source of income, it kinda sucks that I work a job who intentionally keeps their employees poor in order to force them to work for them. So... Set's kinda the first and last thing on my mind right now.

I just feel like I'm just drifting on until my inevitable end. Call me out on my Bullshit, defend yourselves, call me a crying lil' white privileged first world problem crybaby bitch who should just die, I don't care. Just don't be surprised if I take your advice.

Welp, I've said enough and will probably lose friends and followers in the morning. I'm done. Its 4 a.m. in the morning and I need sleep. If it'll come.

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deviantID

Ciro16
Ciro Lurker
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
My lifegoals are to become a manga ka, a youtuber, maybe make some music, and to change the world forever...

Pretty epic huh?
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Well, here we are again.

Its been a while hasn't it? Since my last update and what not. Many of you are probably wondering where the art is or where I have been, and to tell you the truth, I don't even know the answer to that.

To tell you the truth, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. I want to draw, I want to get my stories out, I want to be here with you guys, hanging out with you guys, making things together. But the harsh reality is that I can't. I've lost my spark. To be honest, the more time goes on, the more the world grows more harrowing and vindictive, the more I faith I lose in myself.

My friends are moving on, finding cooler better friends and doing better things without me. My family, as loving and wonderful as they are, are now strangers to me. Hell, I'm a stranger to myself. Before I may have had a few hiccups here and there but I knew what I wanted. Now, I don't even know if anything is worth anything anymore.

I wanna scream at the world, I wanna grab my friends by the shoulders and cry into their faces, but that would make me an attention whore. I wanna share my love with you guys and show you how I feel, but that would make me creepy or whiny. I feel my only other recourse is to hole my self up in this walled off enclosure and keep myself locked up, even then that'll just make me a coward. I'm literally going mad with all, why am I such a mess? Why am I like this? Why does everything I do just wither away?

Well... I know the answer, but its not a good one. Not like it matters. There's nothing in this world that really matters much anyways. No matter how hard we try to stand out and make our lives it'll all be for naught.

Fuck. Never really wanted this journal to end up so bitchy. But whatever. I guess that happens when you decide to make an update while you're emotional. Ish. I dunno what to call whatever this is.

Just know that I am still alive for now and I'm just chugging along.

I'm gonna stop talking now. Feel free to ignore this, sorry...

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:iconkernaalitanuli:
KernaaliTanuli Featured By Owner Edited 2 days ago  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for faving :thumbsup:

DuskDregs - Fork Maiden by KernaaliTanuli DuskDregs - Possessed Scarecrow by KernaaliTanuli
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Aenea-Jones Featured By Owner May 27, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
                    Thank-you-for-the-favs by KmyGraphic
Horizon: Zero Dawn V by Aenea-Jones
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:D thanks ~
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Thanks for the +fav. ^^ Chitanda Bowing Icon 
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Many thanks for the fave :huggle:
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Sadovod-Ogorod Featured By Owner May 9, 2018  Hobbyist Artist
HOW DARE YOU FAVE MY WORK!!!? PERVERT!!! Clem Epic face by ZoraSteam
(Thanks you very much for Fave)
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Ciro16 Featured By Owner May 9, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I DO WHAT I WANT!!! IMMA PERVERT AND PROUD!!!




you're very much welcome. ^^
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JamesF63 Featured By Owner May 8, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the new new fave! I really appreciate it :huggle:
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Thanks so much for the new fave. I really appreciate it! :huggle:
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Thanks for the fave, much appreciated :huggle:
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