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I'm Haunted

I'm haunted by thoughts of
What we once shared
What was lost
What can never be again
What I should of done
What I should of said
I'm haunted by thoughts
Of what did happened
What should of never been
By what will forever torment me

I'm haunted by images
Of kisses once shared
Embraces freely gave
Smiles in the candle light
Endless hours of love making
Laying safe in your strong arms
The warmth of your naked body next to mine
The sent of you, after a shower
The taste of  your flesh, as my tongue explored
The silkiness of your hair 'tween my fingers
I’m haunted by images of  who you were

I'm haunted by our last fight
It seems so silly now
How I wish that I wasn't so stubborn
And I would of listened
But no I knew I was right and
You were wrong, oh so wrong
I’m haunted by that one mistake
That was made in a rage of anger
How was I to know what fate
Had in store for us
How that night would forever
Change us

The rain began to pour
The lightening streaked across
The pitch black night sky
The thunder boomed louder
As the seconds turned into minutes
Voices raised in such a fury
Tempers flared, boarding on out of control
Angry words slashed deep
One verbal assault after another

Tears sting my cheeks as if someone
Had smacked me hard across the face
You beg me to listen to what your saying
But all I can think of is
How could you of done that to me
Didn't you love me, didn't you care
I wanted to make you hurt
Hurt as much as I did
Feeling as if my heart was being
Ripped from my chest
I couldn't take any more
I couldn't stand  and listen to this

I turn away from you
And that’s when it all went from bad to worse
I seen it gleaming every time
The lightening would streak across the sky
I had known it was there all along
I knew it was loaded
I knew how to use, that you insisted upon
For my own safety you had said
You never would of guessed
It would lead to your own demise

I don't remember walking over to the dresser
I don't remember picking it up
I don’t remember turning and aiming it at you
I don't remember pulling the trigger
I don't remember the noise of the shot
I don't remember you falling to the ground

But I do remember that look
I remember that desperate
Look on your face
I remember looking down at you
I remember seeing you on the floor
Surrounded in red, so much red
Then it hit me, it was your blood,
I had shot  you
As I stood there time seemly stood still
Your words distorted, your movements so slow
All except the blood, it was everywhere and
The stench of gun powder hung heavy in the air

Falling to my knees, a sob escapes my throat
My hands are shaking, my ears are ringing
Thinking this must be a nightmare
This can't be happening, I couldn't of done this
I wouldn't of done this, I love you too much
It was just a little fight, we always work them out
What went so horribly wrong this time?
What made me snap? What made me go
over the edge? What?

The feel of cold steel against my wrists
Brings reality crashing back
They load you and race off into the night
While I am seated in the back of patrol car
Thinking why I am here? What have I done?
What did I do? What did I do?
Tears are streaming down my face
Yet, I make no sound
I just stare straight ahead
Into the black night...
I can't remember what happened next

Until they tell me your gone, they was
Too much damage
There was nothing the could do,
It was too late
Too much blood was lost
You didn't make it through the night
They say you never had a chance
I cant believe what I’m hearing,
This can't be true, it can't be true
They tell me, I’m facing charges
And it don’t look good
It looks bad, very bad

My day in court comes and goes
The lawyer wasn't much help, nor was I
I just kept saying I can't believe I did it,
I didn't mean to, I was mad because
You cheated, I didn't want to kill you
I just wanted you to hurt. like I did
I wanted you to hurt so bad
So you'd never do it again
I didn't mean to kill you, I didn't mean to

The judge said he didn’t think I was sorry
He said I wanted to do so much more then hurt you
Said I wanted to kill you, that’s why I watched
While you laid there bleeding, doing nothing
Nothing but watching the puddle of blood
get bigger and bigger and bigger
He said he'd seen it before and I wasn't
Getting away with it
Those are the last words I remember hearing
Standing in the court room
I don't remember anything after that

Next thing I know, I’m here in
This cold jail cell, all alone, so very alone
Holding on the bars, holding on so very tightly
Holding on wondering how...wondering how
Things got so carried away, how I ended up here?
Wondering why you had to die?
Wondering how it all ended this way...
Haunted by the memories of what once was
By what will never be again...
Haunted by memories of us...
Haunted by that night, haunted
Haunted by images of you.

~Cinnamongurl22  3/13/09 re-write(9/20/04-orginally wrote)
Something I wrote a few years back. I re-wrote it a bit
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March 13, 2009
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