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About Literature / Hobbyist Alice ChudaFemale/Latvia Group :iconabandoned-outcasts: Abandoned-outcasts
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Juicy red
Sometimes I think of very weird things.
Like how would it feel my flesh opening and getting juicy red from my blood.
Like a raw steak...
Or a sweet sweet apple...
At those moments I usually tend to space out and look at my whrists or my neck in the mirror.
It makes me to desire.
Desire myself.
Like a raw meat.
Bloody and dead.
And then I start to think about all the possibilities...
No more choices about studies and universities, no more tears to shed about being not good enough, no more pains in my chest because of him...
He... That asshole... I hate him... I guess it's because I love him. Love has always worked this way.
But tonight will be different...
So I locked the bathroom door and took out my razor blade.
Goodbye, my little, useless Alice...
I hope that we'll meet someday...
Some wonderful, autumn day... when the leaves will be in hundred different shades of red... juicy red.
:iconchudachan:ChudaChan 0 0
Howl at the Moon
I was walking my way back home.
Listening to the music,
Like always
It was dark, and cloudy,
No stars could be seen.
I turned around the corner
Of the house in front of my own
Drowning in song,
Where words don't make sense,
Nor music.
I looked at the sky,
Light blue,
Like in the morning
When I was at school
Imprisoned like a bird in cage
Could it be that...
Sun rises...
In the night?
I silently smile
And think
Sunrise in the night
New day,
New start
New possibilities
Everything new
And then I see
It's just the moon
But as shiny as never before
Skies around it seemed blue
But moon it self
Hidden in the mist
My faithful prince
My silver guardian
Watching over me
From a far
My little white ray of hope.
:iconchudachan:ChudaChan 0 0
Snow white
I never got to know you
Because you didn't let me to.
You pushed me away
I wasn't good enough
Or... I wasn't bad enough...
Who knows...
I'm not the easygoing one
with dyed hair
and smokey cloud around shoulders like a coat
I'm not the one, who
colors her lips in red
and empties another glass of beer
Yes, I'm not a bad girl,
But does it make me worse?
I keep on thinking about things you said
That I don't know you,
That it's pointless to fall.
Maybe you're right
And there's no use
For me
To die this night
Covered with white tears of clouds
Because once I had those great white wings
which angels have.
But you cut them.
And stole them.
And here I lie,
Bleeding to death
So red and yet so white.
:iconchudachan:ChudaChan 0 2
Radions by ChudaChan Radions :iconchudachan:ChudaChan 0 2 Marmelaade by ChudaChan Marmelaade :iconchudachan:ChudaChan 0 0
Stab me
Agneta was always a silent girl. Not because she was scared or had no friends, but because she just didn't like people around her. She liked to remain in shadows. "Let the kids play, if they want to." that was her motto.  
Agneta put her history notebook back in her bag, while walking down the hallway. She was a newbie and this was her first day in this school. The class was OK. Of course there were some nerds and some "cool ones" but she didn't care. Right now her biggest problem was finding the exit from the school. Compared to the previous one, this had a quite big building.
While wandering trough the hallways, suddenly she noticed some movements in the gym.
Who could be at the gym this late? It was 6 pm!
Agneta slowly opened the gym's door.
There was a guy dressed in weird white pants with suspenders, and with a sword in his hand, who was stabbing a boxing bag.
Guy turned around and saw the girl standing at the door and watching him. He waved to her. Who was she?
"I didn't kno
:iconchudachan:ChudaChan 2 0
Reasons for Living
There are some who need you
For having fun of you.
Listen to me!
There are some who need you
For humiliating you.
I beg you!
There are some who need you
For hurting you.
Please, listen!
There are some who still need you
For crushing your dreams.
:iconchudachan:ChudaChan 3 2
The girl in a mist
There are many kinds of slaves in this world.
For example I'm a slave of myself.
Or my ambitions.
I looked in the mirror. There was a tall, skinny girl, with black rings under her eyes, messy hair and tired look in her eyes.
Here I am.
Tired, scared and burned out.
I lifted my trembling hands, and glided my fingers trough my hair.
I don't have any talent at all, so I must work much harder than anyone else.
That's why I want to be the best. At everything.
If I fail, I'll punish myself.
Simple and foolproof technique which has shown amazing results in my case.
I know others who have parents, who are pushing them to do the stuff they don't want to, or making them to study four languages, and still don't talk with them, if they get a mark lower than 8.
My mind works just the same way. I'm cold to myself, when I have failed my hopes.
You would say, that it's wrong, and that you have to love yourself, and other shit.
But you're wrong.
It's a good way.
It's just that I'm too weak to walk this
:iconchudachan:ChudaChan 2 0
The Happy Family
Father kicked me out from my bed with an angry shout. It's morning, and he wants to watch TV.
I'm angry and sad, but I keep my mouth shut, and go to the kitchen.
I make an omlette with cheese, and think, while eating it.
Why can't he be nice to me? He could take a chair and sit there. Why my couch? He knows, that I love to sleep a bit longer when I have such an opportunity.
I get up from the table and go to change from my pajamas.
I don't have any plans for today, so I choose my black jeans, and red blouse with black stripes. I take some time until I find a pair of socks.
"Come here" his voice has a cold tone.
It's bad. It's damn bad.
I go to the kitchen. I have forgotten to wash my dishes. Fuck. I know what to wait, and I'm ready to hear everything about me, but still it will hurt.
"You see this?" His eyes are like mad man's "Are you teasing me? Do you like it?" he dries his hands in a towel, and puts a plate in a dryer.
"No" I mutter. I'm frightened. I slowly step back, but he's gett
:iconchudachan:ChudaChan 0 2
Seconds and blood drops
With every second we become older and older. If we lose one second from our life, it’s nothing. We live on, it doesn’t matter to us.
With every blood drop we become weaker and weaker. If we lose one drop, from those 6 liters, it’s nothing . We live on, it doesn’t matter to us.
But when seconds turn into months and years and drops into liters, we start to think.  
What if…
I was sitting at my desk, and watching him.
If I could, I would give all my blood and time for his sake.
He was sitting at the front desk, next to the window, playing with pen, while talking with my Russian classmate Danyila.
I was enchanted. I could watch him for hours. How he was laughing his horse like laughter (which really pissed me off, but I couldn't help it), his flat shoulders, his greyish- blue eyes, his brown ponytail, his long fingers playing with his pen.  Only thing, which was worth my attention was he. Screw teachers, formulas and thesis. I couldn’t care le
:iconchudachan:ChudaChan 1 3
Just smth by ChudaChan Just smth :iconchudachan:ChudaChan 1 0 Some guy in fencing clothes by ChudaChan Some guy in fencing clothes :iconchudachan:ChudaChan 1 0 Bruno by ChudaChan Bruno :iconchudachan:ChudaChan 1 0 Happy birthday, Estonia! by ChudaChan Happy birthday, Estonia! :iconchudachan:ChudaChan 0 0 My beloved pear by ChudaChan My beloved pear :iconchudachan:ChudaChan 1 0 the result by ChudaChan the result :iconchudachan:ChudaChan 0 0


ref by vestradah ref :iconvestradah:vestradah 9 1 unforgivable love by bright-kingdom unforgivable love :iconbright-kingdom:bright-kingdom 2 0 The Treachery by tanaka8120 The Treachery :icontanaka8120:tanaka8120 12 7 Duffie Izumi ~ Spooks [Too Many] by DuffieShirayuki Duffie Izumi ~ Spooks [Too Many] :iconduffieshirayuki:DuffieShirayuki 18 0 Cherryblossom by Poppysleaf Cherryblossom :iconpoppysleaf:Poppysleaf 354 62 By the lake o.O by mo-s-art By the lake o.O :iconmo-s-art:mo-s-art 32 5 Carrot the Killer-opinion about ocs ... the Killer by Hekkoto Carrot the Killer-opinion about ocs ... the Killer :iconhekkoto:Hekkoto 218 147 Vile Raven by Little-Horrorz Vile Raven :iconlittle-horrorz:Little-Horrorz 56 9 Kuchiki Byakuya by Akane1901 Kuchiki Byakuya :iconakane1901:Akane1901 82 16 Koeli by FabiolaMustang Koeli :iconfabiolamustang:FabiolaMustang 8 2 Recycled Merida by Poppysleaf Recycled Merida :iconpoppysleaf:Poppysleaf 431 35 SNK: Eren Jaeger by Moiscen SNK: Eren Jaeger :iconmoiscen:Moiscen 1,260 98
Were you talking to me?
Thank you for noticing I'm alive!
:iconledbrite:LeDbrite 2 2
I don't know you...
Would you like to make a new friend?
:iconledbrite:LeDbrite 6 22
GaaNeji Chibi by DeidaraLittleMonster GaaNeji Chibi :icondeidaralittlemonster:DeidaraLittleMonster 32 9
She sits on the roof before the birds are up but
Long after the coyotes stop howling and
Pretends she’s profound
Because she can think ugly thoughts and
Hate herself without having to
Get drunk first.
She likes to believe that
The night hides her scars and
The humidity frays the knots and the
Nots in her stomach,
But the moon’s rather bright when
Compared to her past and
Even her footsteps seem to radiate radiation
When she’s trying to run away.
She’s as light as a feather but
She’s drawn to the dark because
It turns out not eating
Slows you down
Skins you down to the bone
And you learn to
Make friends with the things
That once scared you.
(She’s not afraid of much of anything anymore,
But that girl in the mirror
Still sends shivers down her spine
:iconserenadetheasylum:SerenadeTheAsylum 18 11




ChudaChan's Profile Picture
Alice Chuda
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature

There's nothing much to tell.

I'm pretty nerdy teenager. who likes to boss others around, but I'm not spoiled.
I like to read (even though I haven't read anything for a while. All the books I'm interested in are too expensive at the moment).

I'm from Riga (Capital of Latvia at the moment. Who knows, what can happen, when you live in a small country, right next to the Russia...)

I like to do weird things, such as learning Livonian language, attacking small, cute birds, writing imaginative diaries and pushing my self. I also like fencing and, I adore all the bruises I get while fencing. I LOVE THIS SPORT!!!

If you feel bored and have no one to talk, feel free to write to me.
I don't have anything better to do anyways...
Sometimes I become doubtful
about everything I know
because it could turn out
to be anything else.

It scares
and gives a thrill
It makes a heart to skip a beat
just like that
for no real reason

It's just my imagination
Because with my mind I know
things won't change
and I like it the way they are

And yet there's that monster
hiding under my bed
and bugging me

What would happen if...

And the strangest is that
I become curious too

Even though the answer is known
and boring.

They are ones of the most illogical
from all feelings known to a man.

Funny isn't it?

That makes me the most illogical person.
  • Reading: Pet sematary
  • Eating: nuts
  • Drinking: milk


Add a Comment:
tanaka8120 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2014
Thanks a lot for the faving my poem "The Treachery" :)
ChudaChan Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome.

I found it very interesting ;)
FabiolaMustang Featured By Owner May 19, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fav!
ChudaChan Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
you're welcome!
I like your drawing :)
FabiolaMustang Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Student General Artist
I'm very happy, thank you! n_n
DeidaraLittleMonster Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fave :D
ChudaChan Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :) They're both my favorite characters ;) Poor Neji...
DeidaraLittleMonster Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
They're both my favourite characters as well, along with some others :D Why "poor Neji", though? :O
ChudaChan Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You don't read manga I suppose. Or you just haven't got far enough to start reading.
Sorry, for spoiling!
(1 Reply)
Add a Comment: