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CATDOG Anatomical Deconstruction

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Catdog is a polycephalic organism that bears mixed canine and feline mammalian characteristics. Although sharing many similarities with standard vertebrate anatomy, Catdog’s digestive system is of particular biological interest. Each head’s orifice performing dual functions as both nutrient intake and waste disposal. As with all organisms, the process of digestion begins when food is swallowed. In Catdog this process is complicated by the fact that the digestive system is directionless, as food can pass into the body from either “end”. Because the canine component has been observed eating more frequently, most scientists choose to designate this side as the “primary orifice”. After passing through one head’s esophagus, food moves into a series of specialized glandular stomachs called the proventriculus which produce enzymes, acids, and mucus that aid in digestion. These structures are symmetrical on both sides of the organism’s body, and food must pass through this structure both on its way out of or into catdog. The proventriculus terminates in a single centralized organ known as the ventriculus. Here, food is desiccated, drained of nutrients, and the remaining substances are ground finely, and consolidated into tight clumps of inert matter. These waste products are held in a specialized storage sack, and further drained of useable nutrients before being disgorged up through either of the organism’s mouths. Insoluble food items such as bones, fur, teeth and feathers are can often be found whole, and tightly packed into these characteristic balls of waste. 

Morphologically, Catdog’s body is highly asymmetrical. The primary heart is located on the feline side of the organism, with a small vestigial equivalent on the side of the canine head. Alternatively, the lungs and diaphragm are shifted to the side of the canine. Catdog contains a single functional version of every necessary organ, often with an equivalent but inactive version on the opposite side of the body. This accounts for the creature’s ability to function with only a single body cavity shared between two heads. Although one head is characterized as feline, and the other is distinctly canine, the body between the two is indistinct and difficult to categorize. It does not closely match either head’s ordinary animal anatomy, and instead contains an extremely flexible spine and four blunt paws of identical size and shape. Each head controls the set of limbs closest to it, but does not share sensory data to coordinate movement. Locomotion is therefore laborious and often directionless, often with whichever head is moving forward dragging the entire body behind it. 

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EDIT

Wow, this piece is really taking off! And a lot of commenters and direct messages have been excitedly asking-
WHY DOESN'T CATDOG JUST HAVE A 100% EFFICIENT DIGESTIVE SYSTEM AND NEVER NEED TO POOP??

This is an interesting (but impossible) idea. And I looooooooooove absurd scientific questions and hypothetical biology, so I thought I'd take some time to explain why this explanation doesn't work. 

Long story short- Digestion isn't magic, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. 

In vertebrate digestion, large chemical structures are broken down into small water-soluble food molecules so that they can be absorbed by the body. Generally, Fat, protein, and carbohydrates are the primary sources of nutrients for most higher life forms. 

- Proteins are broken down into polypeptides that are then broken down into amino acids. 
- The short chain lipids in fat are broken down into diglycerides, and the digestion of one molecule of fat (a triglyceride) results a mixture of fatty acids, mono- and diglycerides.
Carbohydrates like dietary starches are composed of glucose, which are units arranged in long polysaccharide chains called amylose. During digestion, bonds between glucose molecules are broken and turned into progressively smaller chains of glucose. This results in simple sugars that can be absorbed by the small intestine.

That's a lot of scientific jargon, but essentially what it means is that digestive processes break down chemical structures, but both the useable and unusable components of those structures remain present in the body. Not to mention totally indigestible things like pectins, cellulose, and other dietary fibers which are essentially inert matter with no chemical energy to utilize. These components need to go somewhere. 

That's not even really getting started on the waste products that the body's own metabolic processes produce independently of digestion. Which I won't go to far into. Suffice it to say- cellular metabolism generates many by-products which are rich in nitrogen and essentially toxic. Urea, uric acid, creatinine, and many other byproducts must be cleared from the bloodstream routinely (which is mostly why we pee and poop).

So... maybe Catdog has a totally alien internal anatomy that violates all biological principals as we understand them?  
You might say. 

Well, since we see Catdog eating human/animal food at a rate pretty consistent with an ordinary animal its size this seems pretty silly.... Where does that mass go? Why does it eat sandwiches if it doesn't perform normal digestion? 

Even if Catdog had some kind of immensely powerful reactor in its stomach that could perform successful nuclear fission this wouldn't work. Fission isn't really turning matter into energy. It just releases the binding energy of the nucleus. This binding energy is part of the measured mass pf the nucleus, and if you want to separate "matter" and "energy" (not really possible), then it counts as energy. However, the number of protons and neutrons that you start with in fission doesn't change at the end. From this POV, where particles count as "mass", we can say that no mass was created or destroyed, and only the nuclear binding energy was released. These used particles still need to go somewhere.

I like the idea that Catdog basically violates the laws of physics by never pooping, because I'm interested in hypothetical scientific systems, and enjoy working backwards from absurd fictional premises to potential real world conclusions. 
But alas... as the classic children's book clearly states....

Everybody poops. 

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@TopherStoll 


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Comments151
anonymous's avatar
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EmmetEarwax's avatar

'I am starting to exclude impossibled things from my multi-verse: such as CatDog or the Cthulhu Mythos.

EmmetEarwax's avatar

I'm commenting on Ghost Anatomy here as I can't find the note function anymore.

Ghosts are mistakedly believed to be departed souls, but are a separate supernatural species. What becomes of a human after death is a yet unsettled question, BUT a few become ghosts. Their reproduction ,longeivity et all, are not yet explained. Wizards/witches provide some data, but not all.

Ghost abilities incl: invisible at will, phasing through solid objects, shape changing, flight...

Ghosts have reverse metabolism, and are cold to the touch. When a ghost enters a room the temperature is likely to drop 1-3 degrees C. Prolonged presense of 1 or more ghosts may weaken one and render him/her more suspectible to illness or psychic assault.

Ghost internals, in their inert state... their blood,like their tears, saliva, sweat... is colorlless. They can take any ammount of metamorphesis, Injury is also well tolerated and quickly repaired.

Casper has detached his own head with no consequence. If removed (like in his encounter with the Queen of Hearts) involuntarily, he is weakened temporarily. If removed involuntarily without warning (like in an attack from behind), he can be seriously weakened.

Potentially immortal, ghosts do tire of dwelling on this plane, and will elect to "cross over". Likewise wizards/witches , tho able to avoid aging by age regression potions (ghost ingredients) and memory editing, do tire finally and elect to "move on" (walk the winding road) and disappear physically as well as spiritually.

Two documented accounts tell one to "beware of those who COME BACK !".

Ghosts are also subject to spells meant to be untoward: Spectreversion, seance, etc.Dr.Turntable knew how to embalm a ghost (the ichor has a peculiar effect on a glass container after holding said ichor for years; the glass takes on the property of "Rupert's drops")

Like the demon Mallacia (or Malaccia ?*), ghosts absorb the nutrients/savor of food they eat and leave but the dross that is jettisoned when they phase through solid matter. When Mallacia feeds on something, he inhales all of value. its appearance is unchanged but it now tastes like wet cardboard and has the same nutient value...


* Mallacia has a huge nose and no jaws or mouth.

EmmetEarwax's avatar

I think you;'re the same joe that did the pokemon anatomies (incl. the hideous one about the voltorb.)

pookiesaurus4's avatar
Felis catus x Canis lupus familiaris
Snowtail410's avatar
So how do they go to the bathroom?
Manj10's avatar

Through the mouths.

niqqerslayer's avatar

dont ask questions you dont want answers to nigga

Snowtail410's avatar

I never answered to this. I want answers, that’s why I asked

pookiesaurus4's avatar
I'm pretty sure they DO want an answer.
mantisngo2468's avatar

So That's What Their Body Looks Like On The Inside! I Always Wondered How They Use The Bathroom Though?

shatterlamp's avatar
If it had some sort of advanced evolutionary biological cold fusion going on that would solve it.
ColeTheLastSorcerer's avatar
So do CatDog recycle it's waste completely as energy?
Manj10's avatar

They puke out the poo XD

The-Nina-Beans88's avatar
Honestly. I never really cared or curious about how they go to the bathroom.

i just enjoyed the show for what it is.
Ganondox's avatar
How does it fuck?
RoseOfTheNight4444's avatar

I doubt there's room for sexual organs. Why assume it HAS to happen, anyway?

shatterlamp's avatar
Liriiex's avatar
I want to cry.
Macboo1's avatar
I am both amazed and disturbed at how well thought out this is.
joyfull-disaster's avatar
Christopher-Stoll's avatar
B-X-X-L's avatar
YUS I love this show so much! Oblivious Dog 
anonymous's avatar
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