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the Confectioner of Kinks
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I'm sure a lot of you have heard the news by now that I have my first stream at the new studio scheduled for this Thursday the 21st, at 6PM CET. As you might have guessed, this comes as a result of things having settled considerably since my last blog post here.

Shortcake has since been cleared of Covid thanks to a supplementary test we booked over the weekend - about halfway through our mandatory quarantine. I also tested negative, meaning that I managed to keep away from the infection and we can both rest easy now. Since then we've been getting around to enjoying each other's company properly for the first time since she moved in, which has helped my mental health tremendously.

In the meantime, we've both been working hard to make the house we're renting together into a home. With a lot of the heavy lifting done and dusted, I've been able to shift my focus back onto work as I'd originally planned last week; hence the celebratory inaugural stream planned for later this week.

Once again, I want to thank you all for your immense patience with me during these trying times. It's stressful enough as it is to stay afloat while managing my time and energy between all that's important to me, but knowing I have a lovely community and supporters to come back to when I'm able to is very reassuring.

I'm doing my best to do just that, so stay tuned.

Thanks again.
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I think the one thing I hate the most about this crazy career of mine is that my worst slumps have me begrudging others' success.

I end up not being able to celebrate and enjoy my peers' fantastic, amazing artwork because I feel like it reflects negatively on me not keeping up. It's an irrational impulse and I acknowledge it as being just that, but it still affects me harshly and is really scary to admit to. It feels like I'm outing myself as being a very petty, jealous, selfish and egotistical person, even if it only comes out when I'm at my worst.

Ultimately it's all motivated by a feeling of shame, cause I've never felt like I manage to maintain a consistent pace or good momentum with my work for more than a couple weeks at a time. Unless I'm going at a fairly leisurely pace, which never feels like enough, I tire fast. While I've been happier trying to focus on what I want to create without worrying about "numbers," per se, cashflow is a constant burden.

2020 was the worst for it in hindsight, but I had planned for it to be the year that I make this work, or start looking into alternatives.

Other factors aside, I've often felt like I haven't put enough of my energy into the right places to earn my success and stability doing this gig. I'm eternally grateful for the support everyone gives me, but since the struggle hasn't abated much at all, I continue to worry.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm giving up here; I want to keep fighting as much as I can to see this through. This is a recurring fear of mine that, as time goes by, gets to me worse and worse each time I find myself doubting.

Giving it a voice helps me cope, so thanks for hearing me out.
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Hello everyone! Just wanted to write another quick, once-in-a-while journal to fill in the gap in activity. I'm still around! I'm just a little preoccupied with life stuff right now.

If you saw, about two weeks ago I held a series of special streams to celebrate the three-plus years I spent creating content at my studio before I pack up shop to move in together with my partner. We found a great opportunity to live together and I'm currently neck deep in getting everything ready for that. It's turned out to be a little more involved and tiring than I expected; just making sure I don't forget anything along the way. I really want it to go well, but I've been losing myself in recreation a lot more to compensate.

That having been said, most things are moving along very, very smoothly! I'm getting very excited to see it through, and make use of the new venue for hosting plenty more streams and making kinky content. I'm working hard so that I can get back into things as soon and easily as possible.

I have a fair bit of content lined up for upload, but even that is its own creative process since I like to add flavour text to everything I post for you guys. It's unfortunately gotten a little held up as a result.

That's about it! Really just wanted to check in with everybody who might not be subscribed to my other more active channels, and let you know that I'm still going at it despite my lack of uploads as of late. Thanks for your continued support, love you all!
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Hey everyone, just thought I'd post a quick update about what's been going on, how I've been lately, and what's coming up for you all.

As most of you probably already know, I hosted my very first panel during a con just last weekend, for Virtual CFz. Although it was an online con, the idea was submitted and accepted for the event before it was unfortunately cancelled for obvious reasons. It went even better than I'd anticipated, and I was actually quite confident about the show going into it. The VOD has since been uploaded to ConFuzzled's site, so if you missed out on that you can go there to check it out at your leisure.

The entire runup to the big day was extremely stressful and I'm still not yet out of the woods as I wrap up a few remaining tasks for the month before we move into June. It's been pretty intense, but definitely worth the effort.

As a celebration for the achievement and a little treat for my community, I will be hosting a viewing party on my own stream tomorrow night, sometime between 10:30 and 11:30PM CEST. The exact time will vary depending on when I get done with whatever I'm doing prior to then, but I will post a second notification to my usual stream announcement locations before we begin that part of the show.

On that note, if you're not following me on Telegram, Discord, Twitter, FA or Inkbunny you should probably do so if you wanna attend more streams in future!

As for new content, I've got a whole boatload of stuff ready for upload. I hope you'll enjoy it when I get that done!
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3 min read

Lately, I thought that working on some more neutral content (namely, character sheets for my little posse of OCs) would help ease me into regaining some confidence in my own work, but the insecurity has only persisted. I hate being in this state, cause it gets me into a mental catch 22.

One of the best solutions to breaking out of an art block is making things. Unfortunately, when I'm feeling exceedingly insecure, what I make isn't good for this. The selective bias boils down to, "what I've achieved was trivial, what I've yet to attempt is insurmountable." Worse still, seeing others' fantastic work broadly has an effect counter to inspiration. "It's been done now, likely better than you'll manage it if you tried."

It only further discourages me from focusing on my strengths since I'm too busy regretting the ideas I didn't have. Don't even get me started on the troublesome ideas surrounding the use of reference material and maintaining originality within this community.

I've been trying hard to train myself out of worrying about that and just focus on making good art, derivative or not. It's not easy. This is very much a "me" problem, but when I'm in my vulnerable state, any new idea I see is simply territory that's no longer accessible to me. Basically, someone's "claimed" it. Anything related will be derivative. Copying is verboten, but where is the line?

It's ridiculous.

I can't wait until I've found my groove within a little niche of my own style of personal content, even though I still hope to tackle a fairly diverse spread of themes. Right now, though, I still feel paralyzed cause of so many different factors and choices available to me.

I have some direction now, at least. That's better than I was when I launched my site and migrated from Patreon, but there's still a long road ahead of me to feel like I'm really creating what I consider "my own" content again. I'll be dealing with growing pains until then.

Thanks for reading through this. I'm okay, I just have some self-destructive ideas about what constitutes acceptable work, which I have yet to reconcile. I know they aren't true, but they still hold a lot of sway in how I do my thing.

I think the one thing that hurts the most is that by now, it ought to be as easy for me as "just drawing," but it isn't yet.

I'll get there, though.

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