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literature

The Sorrow of the Leaves

Chezzy-Am's avatar
By Chezzy-Am
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The light, decanted by the leaves - 'tis diffused,
A scattering barely seen from the ground;
Perhaps the greed of a few, who were crowned
By the light are blessed; the rest refused
This need... Could be a thought - or a ruse:
The leaves that are in the shadows still live;
They manage themselves, the Sun need not give
Any importance for their needs: disuse
Has made them adapt to their surroundings.
Just as a child who accepts the darkness,
The leaves survive.  And for this, adapting
To what we think as Fate wrought in sadness,
They are like their roof above: their callings
Understood; more than us, who see far less.
It took me a month (accurate to the day) to write this prompt, but I am so glad that I did.

Prompt 2 by d-e-l-e-t-e-d

The prompt I chose was Komorebi. For more information, consult this comment.

Incidentally, tagging Parsat .

Written in the form of a Byronean Sonnet. ABBAACCA DEDEDE

Hope you like it :) Cheers. Comments are always welcome

:new: EDIT 7 May 2015: Made grammatical corrections to this sonnet as per the recommendations of Parsat
Comments31
anonymous's avatar
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Mordial33's avatar
Mordial33Hobbyist General Artist
Honestly, this is a beautifully sublime poem.
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
Much obliged. How are you? Send a note, mate. Hope to hear more about your health.
NotenSMSK's avatar
NotenSMSKHobbyist WriterFeatured
Honestly I liked the entire work other than the ending and that isn't your fault - the form itself lost appeal :shrug: However this was surprisingly well written - I liked the expression, the message - it read well, it was consistent and it made me think. The title - sorrow of the leaves, and then connecting this with the poem: one doesn't even think in this manner - one thinks of the tree as a whole, no care given to the leaves, but if you sit down and ponder, you realize just how unfair it is on those trees that only dwell in the darkness, in the shadow of other leaves that bathe in the sun. Of course one can continue with this work and remind that:

"Too much of light, too much of the glory,
can blister the leaves and burn in the folly;
while those left in dimness of forsaken shades
hue with tender care, then in autumn - too fade.
"

Of course this was written right on the spot without much care but I think it gets the message across. So a very well written work - worth analysis and praise. I loved the flow of it and had the ending been a tad bit different (perhaps form wise - while not asking you to change - it could be the content of the last two lines but I feel that two more lines following DE rhyme would add a lot) - it would surely be among my favorite poems of all time.
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
First off, thank you for the comment. I'm sorry I took so long to reply. Now, onward to the details.

So far the ending is concerned, and as far as my conversations with you regarding sonnets are taken into consideration, I can understand why the ending may have lost its appeal. It is consistently about - as you have observed, amongst others - "of the tree as a whole, no care given to the leaves, but if you sit down and ponder, you realize just how unfair it is on those trees that only dwell in the darkness, in the shadow of other leaves that bathe in the sun." That was what I had in mind when I wrote the poem, and for the most part, I'm glad its clear from the poem when taken as a whole.

So far as the quatrain is concerned, I am curious about how it will play out amongst your literary endeavours. Its a work which continues to intrigue me, and stir my curiosity.

Now, onward to the form. I will admit that I had considered changes in the ending, but I chose not to alter it. Adding a couplet with a DE rhyme makes sense, but requires diligence and judicious care. For me, however, the main problem is that I'm sticking to the Byronean Sonnet format, and for that reason I will leave the original, but probably add a revision below the original with the DE rhyme schemed couplet. It could make it more book-ended, it could not.

Thank you for the advice, for your observation of the poem, and - a rarity for my poems all things considered - being added into the "Exceptional Works" folder. :)
NotenSMSK's avatar
NotenSMSKHobbyist Writer
No worries. Again, I was worried about giving you a stroke and being put in jail for it.

Well it didn't lose its appeal - I suppose I was just expecting more - so what was there had appeal, I was just waiting for the punch line.

As for the Quatrain - I plan on perhaps adding it with another quatrain and closing it there unless I see a lot of potential in it and add seven or so more stanzas.

It is fine to stick to the Byronean Sonnet form - again, at times one sacrifices freedom to maintain a form and it is the balance of what you gained against what you lost that determines if it was a sensible choice or not. Since you managed to convey a lot already, and unless you find very exquisite lines to add - it may be best not to alter it.

And well you're making that folder sound like the chest of priceless fortune which it is not - just a reflection of preference. You're welcome regardless :nod: I picked it up due to the title and it did not disappoint.
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
Pfft. You'd plea innocent and get away with murder. I think its pointless to even assume anything will happen.

true. Its a fair point. I don't have much else to say other than "it is in the folder, which is good, and of course everyone has their opinions and perspectives, but the collective perspectives of everyone who has commented - so far - on this poem have been positive." :shrug:

That sounds like a plan. Looking forward to it :D

There we go. That's the plan. :)

Pfft, most of the works in it fit the definition of "exceptional", and are good additions. All in all, a fun collection to play around with XP
NotenSMSK's avatar
NotenSMSKHobbyist Writer
Nah, I don't really think I'd plea innocent. I'd plead guilty and still get away with it :meow:

Yes, I suppose that is one way to look at it.
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
I don't know. It sounds like something out of a Blackadder sketch if you ask me. There was an actual episode in which Blackadder talks of a person who pleaded guilty to murder and not only got away with it, he got pension and recompense as well.
NotenSMSK's avatar
NotenSMSKHobbyist Writer
Ummm.... that is blackadder for you :|
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
Yeah. I guess its a different thing.
prettyflour's avatar
prettyflourHobbyist General ArtistFeatured
This has been featured in my journal.  :heart:  :heart:  :heart:   :heart:

What a long, fantastic tripA trip through my FAVS.











Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
gosh... thanks so much. I owe you one :)
d-e-l-e-t-e-d's avatar
d-e-l-e-t-e-dHobbyist WriterFeatured
I absolutely love this. So gorgeous.
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
Thank you. I'm glad you loved it. :)
Thanks for the prompt. Its greatly appreciated.
d-e-l-e-t-e-d's avatar
d-e-l-e-t-e-dHobbyist Writer
Of course. :la:
prettyflour's avatar
prettyflourHobbyist General ArtistFeatured
Like it?  I LOVE it. A truly beautiful piece of fixed form.  Well done!
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
:blush: gosh... I'm glad you think of it so highly. I appreciate it. Thanks
PuzzledHeartBox's avatar
:clap: Truly well executed my friend.
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
Thanks :)
PuzzledHeartBox's avatar
To me, these following lines made the poem.

"The leaves that are in the shadows still live
They manage themselves, the Sun need not give
Any importance for their needs; disuse"
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
:) I'm going to get back to this poem and make a few changes in it.
PuzzledHeartBox's avatar
Have you had a chance to read my latest poem by the way? 
I know I don't write/upload that often anymore, but I'd like your honest feedback on it.
Chezzy-Am's avatar
Chezzy-AmProfessional Writer
Link it via notes. This comment thread stops here!
Parsat's avatar
Parsat WriterFeatured
I like the form you chose, and I really how you took the prompt to the next level. The message is fantastic. But I have my reservations about the execution; the writing sounds and looks murky because it does not flow grammatically. I think it's much more apparent in the first half; the interpretation of komorebi coming out in the second half bears much more clarity.
anonymous's avatar
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