I think i'm the saddest I've ever been.

I just got back to San Angelo from California. My eyes are swollen I've cried so much. I left my favourite state, and my mom, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, brother, everyone else in my family, and my friends. I had to come back to San Angelo, Texas. The worst, lonliest, most horrible place i have ever been to. It's funny though, how suicidal I was. Then I went to California and saw all of my loved ones again, came back to Texas yesterday, am the most sad i've been, but i'm not suicidal. I want to live. You know why? Because my father told me he would consider moving to California to make me happy again. I told him I couldn't be happy here and I told him that i'm so family-oriented that I am absolutely, utterly depressed here, and the only way for me to be happier is being around my family again. But my step mother said she doesn't want to move to California, she said she has never wanted to live there. She said "I don't like the traffic, I don't like the people, I don't like the state." And then my older brother said "I don't want to move back to California, I like visiting but I don't want to live there again. I want to live somewhere new. Not somewhere i've lived before. How about Oregon?" But that's like a twelve hour car ride to where my family lives! My father said he never wants to move to California but when I talked to him about me needing to be with family, he said he's fine with moving there. So, it's basically two against two. I want to move so incredibly bad. So I found a loophole. If they decide to not move to California, I asked if I could go live with my Uncle in La Mesa, San Diego. My uncle has told me so many times that he wants me to live with him, his wife, and his daughter. My uncle said it was a great idea and he would love to have me move into the extra room they have. I'd rather live with my uncle than with the people i'm living with now, honestly. My father said he has to think about it and talk to my step mother about it, but it MIGHT happen. I'm actually hoping they decide to move somewhere far from California so I can live with my uncle. Another problem is, I'm the only one doing research. And we've all discussed moving before, but people just give it up and say "no, we're not moving" If that happens, I'm still going to try going to my uncle's. I think I'm really going to try to get to California. I won't let the people i'm with now keep me from my family. I will fight for it. I haven't shown this family how much I can fight for something I want, this time i'm serious. I will get back to California, no matter what. I wish my brother, father, and step mother would start doing research so they can figure out where they are going to, so I can talk about going to my uncle's to live. I want this so incredibly bad. Not Giving Up.