I'm confident that anyone who reads this journal thing or lives in general knows what it feels like to plan something only to never do it in the end.
Like preparing for a certain convention that will more than likely be occuring in a few days.
Or maybe going home, promising that you're going to do homework, only to go surf the internet instead
Or coming up with the BEST idea of how to continue a story you're writing only to decide to play a game.
I personally find it hilariously frustrating. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person who's gone through this.
I was told the other day to "live as if it were my last day alive". And I've been told that years before that day.
However, I only really understood it recently.
We all make plans for tomorrow and such, right? But what if tomorrow never came?
We've all had dreams about doing something really awesome, and we've come up with plans to do it, only to put it off. But what if tomorrow never came?
There are so many different series of anime that I want to watch. But what if the day came when I would never get to watch them again?
I have so many ideas for stories, and I've promised myself that I wasn't going to die (a huge boon against any thoughts of suicide) until I'd written them all down.
But what if I died by accident?
Every single day passes us by, but we never actually do the things that we really want to do. And of course we wouldn't. Of course we shouldn't.
If we always did what we wanted to do, nothing would get done quickly: Think of the people who exclaim "Yolo" before doing something dangerous.
But what if you had that idea for how to improve a story... What about that idea for the ultimate game, the most amazing piece of art?
What about that person that you swear to god you've loved him or her for how the deuce long, but you never worked up the guts to confess?
And then, all of a sudden, one day, you died?
I was told to live as if it were my last day alive. And I actually understood it for once.
But I don't live like it anyway, still doing the same monotonous things I've always done.
I can't help but wonder: What about those series of anime that I've never watched?
If I suddenly died, who would come to my funeral?
What would someone think if, one day, they came across the stories I've written, never actually finished?
What about the pieces of artwork on my wall?
What about the dolls on my bed, the one random nendoroid placed next to a coffee mug filled with pens and pencils?
What about that binder that I cherished so deeply, tattered as it is, filled with handwritten text?
What about that shelf that had one level -just one- filled with manga?
What about the letters that I'd randomly written to people?
What about the 3DMG that I built by hand, so tirelessly worked on only to fall apart after use, and promised to be repaired?
What about the tertiary corrections to What Could Have Been?
What about the pencils that constantly hang from my collar, people always saying that it's "dangerous"?
What about that computer that sits in my room, a four terabyte drive filled with videos, pictures, and text from the internet because I was afraid of losing it?
What if, one day, I had suddenly died, whatever the reason may be?
To think I live like I always do, mindlessly going about my daily business, never doing what I really want to do...
And yet I still ask these questions, and promise that I'll finish my stories before I die.
And to think that I never ask: What the heck am I doing?
Plans and such.... eh. Just do stuff for gods sakes. That'll accomplish so much more.