Daily Deviation
Ceresta's avatar
I HATE drawing
By Ceresta   |   Watch
1K 226 15K (1 Today)
Published: August 1, 2014
Oh yes, I do!

I hate it so much. So much I can't stop doing it.

I tried to stop drawing for once and for all so many times already. But regardless of how often and how long I managed to lay down all pencils and brushes, it always came back to me sooner or later.
I don't draw because it's my passion. I can't even remember when drawing was purely fun for me the last time. There's this horrible urge inside me that just makes me do it!

I feel bad if I don't draw and I feel bad if I do draw. It really makes me insane sometimes! But I simply can't stop it. It's like a love-hate-relationship between me and my drawings...Am I weird? :dead:

Anyway, I tried to depict this inner conflict with this drawing. 
The fingers in form of pencils are totally worn out. They crumble, they break, it's so painful to keep drawing! But it doesn't matter, my hand still won't stop...
Image size
945x1252px 969.97 KB
IMAGE DETAILS
Make
Canon
Model
Canon EOS 500D
Shutter Speed
1/32 second
Aperture
F/4.5
Focal Length
30 mm
ISO Speed
160
Date Taken
Aug 1, 2014, 3:55:59 PM
Software
Adobe Photoshop CS5 Macintosh
Sensor Size
6mm
Comments226
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Sign In
Riphy's avatar
RiphyHobbyist Traditional Artist
Goodness, it's how i feel exactly about art, thought i was the only one cuz while everyone else seems to enjoy the challenge i just wouldn't care about drawin  but then again i can stay away from it, lol. Very nice, creative piece btw! ^^
chesya's avatar
I can feel the hold it has over you, especially when it starts channeling material from parts of you that are unfamiliar to you and it seems to take on a life of its own. It is also boring and frustrating, yet more than any other medium - precisely because we can pluck ideas from the sky or scoop them from the pavement so easily - it gives us a window on the sublime.
plzgaiasrebirth's avatar
yeah my hand usually look like that when i try to draw XD
Irin's avatar
IrinHobbyist General Artist
So you are addicted to drawing. You must have allowed some destructive thoughts some time ago and let them grow. Am I right?

I regained the joy of creating only months ago. I needed to tell myself that the outcome and ideas (or lack of ideas) don't matter as long as I treat sheer act of painting as an adventure or relax method. It worked. I still don't like my pics and I hate my dull ideas but it no longer matters.
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
Yes, you're right!
I made this drawing two years ago and this phase is pretty much over. I do enjoy drawing very much right now and it's exactly like you said, it's an adventure and the process you should enjoy instead of only judging the outcome. I needed quite some time to understand this but I'm glad I'm over it now. Thanks a lot for your comment! :)
Irin's avatar
IrinHobbyist General Artist
My bad! I usually look at the date but this time I assumed that deviantart fanpage features only recent works, I don't know why :)
I am glad that you worked through that phase with a positive outcome, instead of giving up on drawing entirely. It always breaks my heart, even if I don't know the artist completely.

By the way I think I found your dA account on two separate occasions :D Not only you were featured on dA fanpage, I see you are the author of Saint Seiya painting! Hyoga was my first big crush.

übrigens... Ich habe Deutsch für zehn Jahren studiert. Aber ich habe die Majorität vergessen, weil ich kein Kontakt habe. :cry:

...sorry, it must have been cringy for you :D
KryativeLotus's avatar
KryativeLotusHobbyist General Artist
Such a strong, intense piece you have created. I can truly feel your anger and conflict through this! Amazingly well done! I really hope you and your drawings can come to a compromise soon enough, maybe you can try weening off of it? Perhaps draw once a week then two and so on? Maybe you've already tried that, but I wish you the best of luck!
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
Thank you very much!
I did this drawing two years ago and things have changed a lot since then. I'm an illustration student since March and I really started to enjoy art much more since I started my studies at uni. I think it really helps to have a supportive environment (which I didn't have at all before) and just to do a lot of stuff, try out as much as possible and simply create on a regular and daily basis. It just feels 'right' now and that makes me very happy. Well, my depression also did have a huge infleunce on my drawings back then for sure (I'm over it by now!).
But thanks a lot for your advice and kind words! :)
KryativeLotus's avatar
KryativeLotusHobbyist General Artist
I am so happy for you! You have so much talent and I'm so glad that dA helped you back on your feet! Please keep creating magnificent pieces!
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
Thank you so much for your kind support and the watch, that makes me really happy. :hug:
KryativeLotus's avatar
KryativeLotusHobbyist General Artist
I'm glad! I feel so bad that I hadn't watched you before! :heart: :hug:
kalouriis's avatar
This may be an old piece, but I find inspiration and admire you for drawing this in the first place. I can understand this on so many levels, a thing that we can't get out of habit. Almost like an addiction. 
The piece shows a side of artists that is rarely seen at times and the way you've portrayed it in such a surreal way just dazzles me!

From first glance it had already tugged at my heart strings.

And I can see why! Thank you for making this.
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
Thank you so much! :heart:
I'm very glad if my feelings could reach you.
TheCelesticWarrior's avatar
There are some things that you just simply can't break away from no matter how hard you try, and this shows that perfectly and quite cleverly as well! Kind of reminds me of myself with making videos. Used to be fun but I got sick of it because nothing I did was good. But I feel I have to... except I stop halfway through one but the urge comes back to make a new one and it's annoying.

I find this pretty easy to relate to, basically.
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
Thank you very much!
I also can relate to your story pretty easily, this sounds quite similar to my experience with drawing.
Actually I have to say that it's really getting better by now. I made this drawing two years ago (and I'm still wondering why so many people still react to this) and I went through a lot since then. I really wish you that you'll be able to have more fun in doing the thing you love the most again!
TheCelesticWarrior's avatar
Not a problem.
The reason people still react to it is because it made it into the What's Hot section and the story behind it is very relatable for many artists, no doubt.
And to be honest, making videos was fun at first but nowadays I don't really want to do it. It was never something I loved the most. I'd say drawing is after taking its place.
Well, playing video games as well, which is something that making videos got in the way of since they were about video games. The time I spent trying to make the videos was time I could have spent having fun playing video games... or drawing. XD
Drawing is fun but everything will get to a point where you don't know why you do it. I'm glad to hear your situation has improved. Good on you!
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
By the way (I hope you don't mind me asking), what exactly is the 'What's hot' section anyway? I totally didn't take any interest in this section until now, is this something similar to the daily deviations on a weekly basis or something like that...?
TheCelesticWarrior's avatar
It's basically the section that shows the most popular deviations and it can either take a day or so to change, or it could show some different results within a matter of minutes depending on what's popular.
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
Ah, thanks for explaining!
Still not really sure how this old drawing ended up there... Never mind, I guess I should just be happy about this, uh, unexpected attention.
I was also really interested in Marital Arts when I was younger! So many interesting things one could do... just try out as much as you can! ;)
TheCelesticWarrior's avatar
Yeah. Well, HEMA involves the study of medieval combat techniques. European swords, polearms and all that stuff. At first I was a casual fan but I suddenly really wanted to get into it and it turns out there are ways you can train yourself so that served as a huge confidence boost and left me with no reason not to try it.
But let's not make this about me! 
I'd say someone dug it up, linked it to a friend and that probably caused a chain reaction of sorts. I'd say it deserves all the favourites it gets.
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words.
Good luck with all the things you want to do from now on! :hug:
View all replies
Ceresta's avatar
CerestaStudent
Ah, so that's why. I was really irritated where all these favorites came from so suddenly. This was much more extreme when the drawing made it into the daily deviations though, I already started to wonder what happened this time. :D
Seems like there are many things you enjoy, sounds tricky. I was always really focused on drawing, I couldn't think of much else even during the periods when I didn't draw at all. For some reason it feels extremely important to me and I couldn't give up on it even if I wanted to. Maybe you still have to figure out which of those things is the most important to you (or maybe it's somehing completely else you still didn't discover until now?). But maybe not everyone has and needs this kind of super important thing and some are happy with having several more or less important activities in their lives.
TheCelesticWarrior's avatar
I perfectly agree with you.
Although I've also started taking an interest in Historical European Martial Arts as well so... that's another thing. XD
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Sign In
©2019 DeviantArt
All Rights reserved