t
literature

tell my fourteen year old self i said goodbye

Daily Deviation
celestialparanoia's avatar
By celestialparanoia   |   Watch
179 30 2K (2 Today)
Published: September 4, 2016
dear elise,

you will come to realise that even the most beautiful flowers will wilt.
in three months rosa’s cheeks won’t be so rosy anymore and you’ll be standing over an urn watering the ashes in the hopes that your sister will grow back without the thorns.
she’ll leave them behind, buried in parts of your heart that you never even thought existed and it’ll sting so much you’ll be
screaming at family or rather
the people you’re supposed to call family
to not bring flowers to a flower’s funeral.

your sister
thought she could hide it behind her petals

but she couldn’t and that means
you should have watered the roses more. that’s what your mom will tell you for years to come, and she’s right because it was her fucking garden you walked right into and tainted with god knows what. because of you, she’s going to cut off her green thumb and bury it somewhere in the corner of the garden so it dies with the rest of the flowers.

and i’m sitting here in the dirt wondering if
god wilted too

elise,
i need you to be strong for this one
mom’s going to have affairs with alcohol, cigarettes and so, so many cigarettes while dad falls hopelessly in love with work. the garden’s starting to
drown in its own dirt and
fuck.
they’ll tear up the garden. they’ll tear up the garden to replace it with a
parking lot and
at first it’ll feel like your heart has been torn from its roots but

i need you to understand.
there are
more layers to a
parking lot than
what you might
first expect.

at one point there was the garden -- trees and grass and pure untouched dirt and then somebody leveled it, maybe added a coating of gravel and paved over it and put some vehicles on top. but that doesn't mean the layers won’t still be there under the asphalt. the garden still lives on somehow, i mean.

and that's what i'm saying. you’ve still got something underneath the pavement
but you just can't get the cars to move out for long enough
to tear up the layers and plant a rose.

but
elise, i know you.
i’ve gone through what you have and i know
you’ll sit there and wait for that moment anyway. you’ll sit there
and feel other people's wheel marks burn into your skin while time paves prayers over you, maybe feel me punching concrete walls underneath
while the signs and lines that proclaim no parking get vandalized and
ignored for too long.
who knows? you’re only fourteen. i’m hoping you will start
finding beauty in the spray painted graffiti, the red streaks burrowing roots in your daydreams and cultivating a new garden in the
comfort of your head. it’s much easier that way,
having a keepsake all to yourself;
potted flowers safe in your room

i’m thinking you can tell me--
how was i supposed to ask a parking lot to bring a rose back to life
without looking crazy?

a crack in the asphalt is filled.
there goes another piece falling into place in the puzzle
not yet completed.
Comments30
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Svaye's avatar
SvayeHobbyist General Artist
Wow this is beautiful and so filled with emotions. Thank you for this beautiful work.
rialovesfanfic's avatar
rialovesfanficHobbyist General Artist
this is breath-takingly beautiful
Mrs-Durden's avatar
Mrs-DurdenHobbyist Photographer
Hello! Your beautiful work has been featured here: My Daily Deviation Highlights 2017
Happy New Year! :heart:
icypetal's avatar
Intensely honest yet passionately innocent.
learntodragonfly's avatar
You are really talented! I haven't read something that good in a while...
Bluefiregrl's avatar
BluefiregrlHobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your Daily Deviation!
akrasiel's avatar
akrasielProfessional Writer
Gorgeous and moving. :heart:
the1toastgod's avatar
the1toastgodStudent Digital Artist
This is deep and it really sinks in well it feels real not plastic.. real
mrcrozier's avatar
mrcrozierHobbyist General Artist
Stunning poem, thank you for sharing the thorns in your head with the rest of us.
wolfiebane's avatar
wolfiebaneHobbyist Digital Artist
This feels so utterly, purely human. Thank you for pouring your heart and more onto the paper for all of us to experience and partake in.
SourCandyYum's avatar
SourCandyYumHobbyist General Artist
This was beautiful, thank you, you briught me to tears. I'm so sorry about your sister, and for what is to come.
Poptarts-3's avatar
Poptarts-3Hobbyist Digital Artist
As dark as it is...it's very relatable. The past is the past and sometimes it's hard to not go back in time and relive those oh-so-glorious moments.
HalfPricedShakes's avatar
HalfPricedShakesHobbyist Digital Artist
by godd im not crying stop it

ahhaha just become a renound household name already, will ya?
I mean, we got Edger Allen wowwin at this like man... 
zowiac's avatar
zowiacStudent Traditional Artist
god this is incredible
Yilily's avatar
YililyHobbyist Traditional Artist
Amazing...
LilMissPeppy's avatar
LilMissPeppyStudent Digital Artist
Gosh, that was beautiful.
Siolan's avatar
Nice ending. A long time ago I was capable of beautifully written piems. Now, not anymore. I Just merely do some short work. Your poem remindes me of those, :). I like your work.
Bleeding-Flame's avatar
Bleeding-FlameStudent Traditional Artist
I'm not crying ;-;
Cloverperidot's avatar
CloverperidotStudent Traditional Artist
This was so beautiful. I loved it so much. You are a very talented writer! :)
TeaInSpace's avatar
TeaInSpaceHobbyist General Artist
This was beautiful. Every word had me enraptured and the raw emotion had me tearing up. Thank you for sharing this, it was beautiful to read <3
EricVonSchweetz's avatar
EricVonSchweetzHobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on DD!
pansydiv's avatar
pansydiv Writer
this is so achingly beautiful. thank you so much for writing this, I really needed it <3
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