HERB: Following the recent theft of the Book of Monsters from the Royal Library, security has now been increased. The Royal Guard has also announced a total amnesty on all overdue library books from there.
ALICE: That's right, Herb. However, library fines will be forgiven on all overdue books returned to this station within the next three seconds.
HERB: (Looking at his cue-cards) "Three seconds"? That must be a misprint - D'ARGH!!!!
(Herb suddenly gets buried by hundredweight of books dropped right on his head)
ALICE: No, it wasn't(!) (To the viewers) And now, back to your regular program...
HERB: Heatlake Laboratories, in association with Eagle Workshops of Chima, and working for Knightdom Robotics have announced the escape of their new experimental, CHI-Powered electric sledge hammer, which believed to be roaming around the LEGO-Verse on a really long extension cord.
ALICE: Indeed, Herb. The item in question was last seen crossing the dimension boarder between Bricksburg and Knightdom. There is no need to panic, however, since the hammer only attacks really wimpy nerds.
(The sledgehammer sneaks up behind them and boffs Herb on the head, knocking him out of his seat)
HERB: (Tripping over before getting into his seat) An explosion has just taken place at the Bricksburg Hat Factory. Thankfully, the section of the factory that blew up was empty of human life, so no casualties. Isn't that so, Alice?
ALICE: Quite right, Herb. Reports are saying that hats are falling all over the LEGO...
(A sudden downpour of assorted hats cuts Alice off, as they land on Herb, and finish of with Herb wearing a silver hard-hat and Alice getting a straw sunhat perched ever so lightly on her head)
ALICE: (To the audience) And now the weather forecast...
HERB: Local citizens have reported the sightings of an unidentified flying object. The object appears to fly without wings, has three sets of wheels, belches out smoke and steam, suspected of being a quarter-mile long, and is black in colour. Isn't that what witnesses are saying, Alice?
ALICE: Quite right, Herb. In fact, when last seen, it was circling directly over the Knightdom Castle, the Arena and Newsrooms...
(Herb reacts to that last word, and the sound of approaching yelling can be heard. Herb looks up towards the ceiling, and gets (not only a quarter-ton of rubble dropped on top of him) clouted by 's Ajax (aka Agent Triplex)'s cowcatcher, knocking him out of his seat. It says there for three seconds before pulling out, leaving Alice unhurt, but covered in grit and plaster)
HERB: Dateline, Chima. Today in Chima is the anniversary of the terrible Ice Wars in Chima, when frost-bitten zombie warlord Sir Fangar tried to freeze the entire land over in order to conquer it, but was brought to a horrific end due the combined forces of the Phoenix & Lion Tribes and the Lions' allies. And up till then, nobody believed the phoenixes existed in Chima, did they Alice?
ALICE: Oh yes indeed Herb. Out of all of Fangar's forces, only 1 mammoth and 4 Saber-tooth Tigers survived the devastation that befell their fellow tribesmen - mainly because they were against Fangar right from the start. Sadly, none of the Vultures did.
HERB: Well, despite his short half-life, Fangar is recorded down to be one of Chima's oldest living creature, next to the Legend Beasts themselves, of course.
ALICE: And even though Sir Fangar's finally been laid to full rest, none of the surviving Ice Tribe members visit his grave. Said Chima's Fire Chief, Mootah (brief pause to look at her cards) "He maybe at peace, but he looks uglier than ever. And even when he was half alive, he smelled funny"
ALICE: Dateline: Ninjago City. At the opening of the Ninjago Dramatic's Festival (their answer to the Edinburgh Festival), guest orchestra leader Cole, the Earth Ninjago, was nearly electrocuted today when he accidentally inserted his baton into an electrical outlet whilst carrying out the 1812 Overture.
(Cole, dressed in a tuxedo but looking a little frizzed, jittering and smoldering slightly, comes onto the set)
HERB: Mr Cole, as great a Ninjago as you are, I understand that according to doctors, you'd've gone in a puff of smoke - had you not been such a poor conductor(!) (Laughs at his own joke, until Cole sticks his baton up Herb's nose) I'm sorry! I take it back! (Cole removes is baton and walks away)
HERB: Here is a Knightdom News Flash...
(Herb's papers suddenly combust into flames in his hands)
ALICE: (To the camera) There it was, folks.
HERB: Dateline: Knightdom. It has been reported, just moments ago, that a large heavy object was dropped from the ceiling of the Knights Arena.
ALICE: Further developments will -
(Axl suddenly drops from the ceiling, crashing right onto Herb, leaving Alice startled but unhurt)
HERB: Dateline: LEGO City. A cargo plane carrying a load of sports equipment to Heartlake City via Knightdom was forced to jettison some of its cargo.
ALICE: Indeed. Salvage Laws have been applied to all citizens, for a substantial amount due to how much of the cargo is brought in, and in the condition it is in once found.
HERB: Yes. Among the items tossed out were 10,000 ping-pong balls...
(A sudden shower of ping-pong balls drop on Herb)
ALICE: ...and one bowling ball.
(A bowling ball with Axl's name on it, drops directly on Herb's head, knocking him out, and leaving him slumped over his desk)
HERB: Dateline: Bricksburg. At this very moment, Master Builder Metalbeard is attempting to break a world record.
ALICE: Ah, but he's not alone. Competing to break this record are Gorzan and Rogon from Chima, Dogshank of Ninjago and even our every own Axl.
HERB: Well then, with the most favorable of the Rhino Tribe against him, Axl should feel right at home. Say, Alice? What exactly is the record attempt they're all hoping to break?
ALICE: Just a moment (Quickly checks her cue cards). Ah, yes. It is the world's record for overhand-refrigerator-throwing. And -
(A Smeg refrigerator (obviously tossed by Axl) lands just behind them, interrupting Alice and startling Herb)
HERB: Well, Sporting Fever has gripped the kingdom, and it's not just for the Knights' Tournaments anymore, isn't that so, Alice?
ALICE: Exactly so, Herb. All over, local citizens are getting together to enjoy better health, both in the body and in competition. In fact, with the fair weather we've been having lately, today is the opening day of the Kite-Flying Season and..
(Two gunshots are heard and about 6 large assorted kites drop onto Herb, whilst an elegant box-kite gracefully lands in Alice's lap. Herbs picks up one of the kites on him, and tosses it aside in disgust)
(Herb checks his sheet of paper, but nothing's written on either side. Alice does the same and comes up alike. They place their papers on the desk)
ALICE: Oh. (To the viewers) Sorry...
(Both hurry off-screen)
HERB: Following our new Sporting Festival, and in association of the newly established Merlock Instatute of Witches & Wizards set up here in Knightdom, some special games are to be held in our Knight's Arena. Isn't that so, Alice.
ALICE: Yes, Herb. In fact today is the opening of the broomstick flying season...
(Gunshots are heard and Merlina, Liz & Annette suddenly fall from the ceiling right into the newsroom. Liz lands on Herb and knocks him and his chair over, Annette grabs hold of the microphone boom and stops herself from hitting the floor whilst Merlina gets stuck in the light fixture, leaving only her legs dangling over the newsroom. Only Alice is left still in her seat. Liz picks herself up and puts her hat back on her head, with a very annoyed look on her face)
LIZ: Okay, who's the wiseguy who got the reports mixed up?!
MERLINA: (Off Camera) Never mind that, who left that skylight open?
ALICE: Dateline: Knightdom. An embarrassing situation developed today when news reporter Herb Herbertson hurriedly went on camera and accidentally forgot to put on his pants...
(Alice trails off as Herb looks down behind the desk, and goes bright red with shame)
HERB: Oh good grief(!) (Gets out of his chair and scurries off)
ALICE: Well, whilst we're waiting for Herb to straighten himself out, here are the traffic reports...
(Herb enters the newsroom and notices that Alice is not there. Gleefully, he takes his seat, thinking that nothing's going to happen to him this time)
HERB: Folks may recall our earlier news report about a strange black flying object being sighted in Knightdom? Well, it was recently captured by our King's Guards, and taken to the Arena to be used in our tournaments. However, five figures, dressed as the NEXO Knights managed to sneak in and free the monster in front of witness and disabling all security systems, giving the metallic creature the opportunity to fly away. The escaping monster dragged its chains behind it in fleeing, not only pulling down the Royal Box, where King & Queen Halbert were watching from, but also took out the Knightdom Newsroom's satellite dish. However, our royal couple were shaken from the fall, but not injured and all repairs to the Arena are well underway.
In other news, work was started today on the remodelling of the Knightdom News Studios adjoined to the Arena and it is said that a --
(He's interrupted by a wrecking ball crashing through the wall behind him, covering him in plaster and causing him to cower under his chair. Alice then appears through a video link on the top right of the screen)
ALICE: Oh dear(!) Looks like somebody forget about the relocation order, folks. Never mind, we will continue our reports from Merlock's Tower at the Royal Castle till work is completed.
(Alice comes onto the screen)
ALICE: There is no news tonight.
(She hurries off screen)
HERB: This is an update on the Stately Homes Burglaries, the latest being the home of ex-Royal knight Sir Goodthing-Higham (Retired). Thanks to the efforts of two young squires to the NEXO Knights, Guards have recovered all the stolen property.
ALICE: Well, all except the silverware. According to reports, "it has disappeared into thin air" says the...
(A metallic rustling is heard before about 50 assorted pieces of cutlery (mostly dining knives, folks & spoons) come raining down from the ceiling onto Herb, leaving both reporters to look upwards...)
Story #17 - This was a piece done by snakebuster001 on the LMB 18th November 2016
HERB: Dateline: Knighton. As some of you may know, objects throughout the kingdom have, without warning, rhyme or reason, began to spontaneously combust. The instances are still being investigated - (Herb suddenly vanishes in a puff of smoke)
ALICE: Uh... Now onto Danny Wilkes with sports... heh... (Quietly) I warned him about eating that Gunpowder Pork, especially when served by a skeleton in a jester cap...
(Do we all know who served Herb that dish?)
HERB: Dateline: Knightdom. Today Royal Guards successfully raided the home of the world's most brilliant art forger, who's been flooding the kingdom with fakes on the antique market and art auctions.
ALICE: That's right, Herb. The Guards took away 336 canvases signed by "Vincent Van Rental", 145 signed by "Letslose TheTrek" and 19 signed by "Pix-sar-to". Seems despite the painter's skill, he was pretty lousy with the actual names of the artists(!)
HERB: Well, he'll have plenty of time to swat up on those where he's going.
HERB: This just in! Dateline: Knightdom. Following an eye-witness account from a subsidiary broadcasting network KDMN - Knightdom Digital Music Network - reports from the eastern sector of the kingdom, are coming in stating that hailstones the size and shape of chickens are falling from the sky! (Pauses) That's absurd!
(Herb then gets bombarded by chickens dropping from the ceiling onto him)
ALICE: Then again, maybe not. This also just in, Heartlake Labs, working with the Bricksburg Engineering Co. have just announced that they are recalling all of their overhead light fixtures from across the LEGOverse. A spokesman for the company said that all manufacturing of their hospital lights, in particular, have been dropped till the flaw is sorted.
(A hospital light fixture suddenly drops from the ceiling and lands on Herb, who's only just got back into his seat)
ALICE: Whaddaya know, folks? I read the story, and he gets the punchline. >Giggles<
ALICE: Dateline, Superhero High. It's Open Week at the school for Superheroes, which is receiving many applicants from across the LEGO Universe. During this week, famous heroes are invited to make a lecture about their career as a hero and what it's done for them. This week however, the first guest speaker was to be Plastic Man, but he wasn't able to attended it. Whilst rehearsing for a performance he intended to do at the seminar, he took a step backwards and stood on his dignity....(pause to look back at her news sheets) I don't get that.
HERB: Well you don't. Everybody knows robots don't have a sense of humour. (A message is handed to Herb who quickly reads it) This just in from Heartlake City. There was a nasty incident at a charity fashion show involving a new type of material, that it turns out had been stolen from Elvendale and sold in Heartlake to throw off the trail. Borderline Security Officials are looking for a white-faced man with big red lips and dressed in a red and dark purple striped suit to be linked with crime. The material, in question, as well as the designer was taken in under the Poultry Act as the material makes clothes that can suddenly turn into chickens - (Herb's outfit at that point turns into a flock of chickens, leaving only his head sticking out. Herb is horribly embarrassed)
ALICE: (Fighting the robotic giggles) Well, looks the material got here first before Heartlake. And you say we robots have no sense of humour(!)
(I bet we all know who the suspect is?)
(Herb enters the dimly lit studio. There's no sign of Alice, and only one candle on the desk)
HERB: Erm, it's too dark in here to read the news by. Can we have a bigger candle please?
(A Squirebot enters with what appears to be a large red candle, which he places on the desk. This creates more light for Herb to read the news)
SQUIREBOT: Here you go. Found this in the back next to the emergency gear. It's a "Di-Na-Min-Tay" brand.
HERB: (As the Squirebot Leaves) Ah, thank you very much. That's much better. (Turns to his news sheet) With the discovery of gold in the Elvendale/Chima/Heartlake boarders, the local residents are expecting a boom - (Herb's desk suddenly explodes, leaving him in a cloud of smoke and his area of the desk in splinters)
(Do we all know what that "Candle" really was?)
ALICE: Groups of Scurriers and local vandals are trying to sneak ridiculous stories into the news. Fortunately, with the tight security in the Knightdom News Studios, it can't happen here. Neither can it happen with our sister radio network, K.D.M.N.
HERB: This just in. The Knightdom Weather Bureau has just announced that it will rain custard pies today. That's stupid! Whoever heard of it raining custard pies?
(A sudden clap of thunder, that shakes the studio, is heard. Herb looks up, and gets a custard pie smack in the face.)
ALICE: Obviously, somebody who doesn't believe in shutting the sun roof on a day like this(!) In other news, a bakery in the village of Pieburg has just exploded, following a hurried mass-order for our own NEXO Knight, Axl. Thankfully, there were no serious casualties as the bakery was flooding with custard before hand...(pause) Oh dear, I should've that one first, shouldn't I?
HERB: This just in! The great K.R.A.G.L.E Threat is over! With help across the LEGO Dimensions, the crisis has once again been averted from being spread from Bricksburg.
ALICE: Borderline Security Officials are on the look-out for a wacky-acting woman with a powdered-white face, a black figure-8 mask, red and black hair in massive pigtails, dressed in black, red and white, going around on roller skates and carrying a pink baseball bat or a giant mallet for interrogation. Despite the similarities in description given, their Royal Highness see no connection between the suspect and Jesto.
HERB: Suspicious-looking women aside, the rouge adhesive is under control -- (Herb trails off as he stands up, only to have the back of his chair stuck to his shoulders(!) He has to walk off camera like that. Completely lost for words)
ALICE: While Herb gets his wardrobe sorted out viewers, if you see this woman, or have any information about her, please report to your nearest Knight. Do NOT attempt to tackle her alone. She loves pulling jokes on unsuspecting civilians and maybe considered unstable in the mind. She was last seen in the vicinity of the Knightdom News Studio, before leaping into a wormhole which closed behind her. Looks like I should've read that part first too...
(I bet we all know who that suspect really was?)
HERB: Dateline, Ninjago City. There was trouble at the city's prison today when a limpet bomb, hurled by a Jelly Army Thug, destroyed the toilet block.
ALICE: Indeed, Master Builders and LEGO City Construction workers are hurrying to repair the damage, but local residents have complained that, since then, at least 20 in-mates have been seen going over the wall.
ALICE: And there's Matrimony News on Knightdom's Hover Train lines. Miss Agatha Wainwright, the Public Announcer for the line's stations and posted at Knightonia, today married Hover Train Operator Mr Dick Crankshaw.
HERB: Her dress was of white organdie with lace bodice - and her train was 20 minutes late(!)
HERB: Sporting News. At the All-Comers Golf Tournament held at the Knightdom Resort, Witchling Lizzie, friend of Marlock's Great-Niece Merlina, got so frustrated between somehow being her own player and caddie, and the fact she wasn't doing so well for the match by the time she reached the 13th hole, that she inadvertently turned her golf ball into a toad.
ALICE: That's what some of the witnesses claim to have seen happening there, Herb. Afterwards, she made a surprising overtake of the other players by getting... (she quints at her cue cards and carefully reads) ..."a toad-in-the-hole-in-one"...? (Awkward pause) What an awful pun(!)
ALICE: This just in, Industrial Accident over in Auremville! Sir Hartley Chintz, Knightdom's famous upholstery expert by appointment was giving an inspection of his mill, when he was knocked off the platform by a fleeing Scurrier and fell into a fabric loom...
HERB: But don't worry folks, doctors have assured reporters that Sir Hartley is almost completely recovered.
HERB: In today's program, we were to have one of our own NEXO Knights, Lance Richmond, in the studios with us to discuss his latest promotional product.
ALICE: That's right, Herb. However, we just heard that his newest suit has been disallowed by the Noise Abatement Society. He claimed they should've gone after Aaron, but they confirmed that they had their culprit.
HERB: Dateline, Knightdom. We've just been handed this message. A cement mixer has collided with several Chaos Chariots and a Siege Machine of Doom on the main road from Diggington.
ALICE: Indeed. Travellers and citizens alike have been asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened Fire Monsters.
HERB: This just in, a flock of Raven Tribe Members from Chima have been landing in LEGO City like a swarm of locus. About 30 of them were captured by Elite Police Officer Chase McCain within the LEGO City Mining Area. Apparently they were pilfering on site, so questions were arisen concerning these feathered fiends. Mainly, do they have lots of slack in their trousers? (Laughs at joke)
ALICE: Well, speaking of Ravens from Chima, Razar, the well-known "Prince of Profit-&-Pick-Pocketing" made LEGO City news headlines twice within 72 hours. Firstly when he tried to steal a lathe and gave himself a nasty turn(!)
HERB: I heard that caused him to have his good hand bandaged up, which police thought would stop his antics.
ALICE: Indeed, Herb, but the police were only half-right. All he could steal were doughnuts with his hook. He finally came a cropper in a Krispie Kreme store factory when he tried to snatch the Golden Doughnut trophy, but got into a "jammy" situation when he crashed into a ceiling fan whilst making his escape and fell into a vat of raspberry jam. (She looks back at her cue cards) Who in Creation wrote that?
ALICE: There was an ugly moment today at the Laughingshire Biograph Cinema. Axl, of our beloved NEXO Knights, had turned up to take part in a review of the latest LEGOverse Movie release.
HERB: That's so, Alice. He was asked to fill in a questionnaire after the show, so he went outside and punched the doorman. Authorities have recommended sending Axl a dictionary for Christmas.
ALICE: News just in from LEGO City's Botanical Gardens. There was a disturbance at Garden's New Feature, the Unikitty Rainbow-Hedgerow Maze, this afternoon. A party of Rhinos from Chima entered the maze, but got trapped in the centre and nearly panicked when they couldn't find their way out.
HERB: Crisis for them was averted, mind you, when one of the party members, the hero Rogon came up with, what he claimed, was "a brilliant idea".
ALICE: Now we all know that the shortest distance between A and B is usually a straight line, so that's what Rogon did.
HERB: I'll say(!) He charged straight through the hedges till he burst out just past the entrance, leaving massive holes in them, with his party following behind him. Police tried to prosecute the Rhino Hero for vandalism, but had nothing strong enough to hold him with.
ALICE: The Maze was closed for repairs, but with Forest Elves coming in from Elvendale, as well as an Intern Volunteer Gardener from Superhero High*, Park Officials have assured the public that it will be open again in the morning.
(* = No prizes for guessing who the Intern is)
ALICE: News from Chima. After weeks of speculation, Deathwatch Beetle has been confirmed in the Great Library at Eagle Spire. During the ceremony, Ewald the Chief of the Eagle Tribe also confirmed three mice, two bats and a spider. Now, as this "Grow-Your-Own" week, we at Knightdom News Network will be giving you the full story at various markets and farms...(At that moment, Herb comes in. He's looking frustrated and covered in milk and splattered eggs) Herb? By my gears and sprockets, what happened to you?
HERB: (Brushing himself down and plucking pieces of broken egg shell out of his hair) As you know, I was covering the Marketing Conference this afternoon. Boy, the fights between the NEXO Knights and the Fire Monsters were far less messy(!) Milk bottles were thrown at the Milk Marketing Board Meeting and a meeting of the Egg Marketing Board was also broken up when eggs were thrown... (He sits down in his chair, there comes a cracking "squelch" and a look of disgust comes over Herb's face. He reaches behind him and pulls out another squashed egg. Alice tries not to giggle) Yeuch...I'm just glad a mass meeting of the Manure Marketing Board got cancelled.
HERB: This just in; Fashion News from Heart Lake City. As you know, trends in fashion spread across the LEGO-Verse from this city of pink-&-purple, and we here in Knightdom are of no exceptions. Our roving team of Reporter-bots have been combing the kingdom for any new fashion signs. (Herb then get handed a piece of paper) In fact, we've just received some inside news. Seems one of our reporters has sighted someone in a Royal Park in a one-piece woollen suit...
(A picture is flashed onto the backdrop wall. Alice looks at it, then turns to Herb)
ALICE: Erm, Herb? I think the Reporter-Bots are being a little...overzealous. That's a sheep.
(Herb himself turns to look at the picture, which is indeed that of a sheep, goes bright red with embarassment, before turning back to the camera, attempting to cover his face with his hands)
HERB: (Groaning) Oh good grief. Cut to commercials!
ALICE: (Quickly to the viewers) We'll be right back.
HERB: There was quite a stir-on today in Heartlake City during a charity auction in aid of the Knightdom Squirebot Distress Fund.
ALICE: That's right. Earlier today, lot 36, a ton of cascara, was unexpectedly eaten by lot 37, an elephant.
HERB: And lot 37A, a last minute surprise, failed to find a buyer(!)
ALICE: Dateline: LEGO City. There was a red alert today at the city's prison this morning when it was realised that 26 of the prisoners had put their names down for picnic lunches.
HERB: Dateline: LEGO City's Courthouse. It's been reported moments ago that Ripnik of the Raven Tribe in Chima, and a ginger-haired bespectacled youth in woollen tank-top and faded jeans will appear before court today.
ALICE: Indeed. These two hoodlums were caught squirting cavity wall foam up policemen's trousers. They're to be charged with insulating behaviour. (To Herb) Thank goodness this incident didn't happen in Chima.
HERB: Why? No cavity wall foam to speak of?
ALICE: Well, no one there wears trousers. It's either kilts, robes or ragged loincloths over there...
(Can anybody guess who that youth was?)
HERB: A Scurrier appeared at Grinstead Magistrates Court today, accused of stealing an 18 pound tin of bicarbonate of soda during a recent Fire Monster raid.
ALICE: Royal Guards said that he'd swallowed the evidence upon his capture by the NEXO Knights. He was remanded into custody, pending very loud reports.
HERB: Dateline: Chima. It was announced that the Bear Tribe have given up on the old clocking-on system for their tribal industries.
ALICE: That's correct. According to a report from our Chima spokesperson, starting with the Bear Tribe's windmill, workers will now be invited to sign the Visitors' Book.
HERB: Over a video-link from Ninjago City Prison, we'll be talking to a man who was imprisoned there for his beliefs.
ALICE: Very true, Herb. According to his report, he believed the night watchman was asleep.
ALICE: (Having received a piece of paper) Dateline: Chima. According to our on-the-spot reporter, their royal highness's King Crominus and Queen Crunket of the Crocodile Tribe mingled informally with the crowds at the Speedor Races today, when their balcony collapsed.
HERB: Thankfully the Queen wasn't hurt since she was caught by ex-Prince Lavertus and repairs to their balcony were immediately underway, thanks to the Beaver Tribe.
ALICE: Well, it was underway as soon as they got the King out.
HERB: Latest reports from Knightonia's Electricity Board, when they took on Jesto following the disperse of the Cloud of Monstrox. Seems the unfortunate jester survived 330,000 volt shock, and is sitting up in his hospital bed, confused and once again suffering from amnesia from the time he got shocked to the moment of his recovery.
ALICE: That's right. He's feeding himself, two tumble driers, a dish washer, the entire lighting system for Knightonia's Theatre District, Princess Macy's hair appliances and Sir Lance's toothbrush. (To Herb) You'd think he'd rather be back in that padded cell from the first time...
HERB: His Majesty, King Halbert visited the Volunteer Junior Army Unit of Hill Country.
ALICE: And despite the fact that unit is the most underfunded in all of Knightdom, they put on quite a colourful display for his Highness. He explained the duties to the new Armoured Skateboard Division and received a 21 bow-&-arrow salute.
ALICE: With the Multi-Dimension Sporting Events just around the corner, the Committee have announced new schemes to re-designing each nation's symbol so they suggest the nation's name.
HERB: According to our sports reporter, Danny Wilkes, the idea came from the crests of our own NEXO Knights.
ALICE: The nations participating, as well as their badges are the following; Ninjago City's badge will be a Ninja Hood. Chima will be a CHI orb. Heartlake City will be a Heart.
HERB: And Bricksburg will be a Brick. The Old West will have a Cactus. Knightdom will have a Castle Tower.
ALICE: And Elvendale will be a bejewelled leaf. Cloud Cuckoo Land are in two minds. And Gotham City have backed out altogether.
HERB: However, the rest of the kingdom will see if this works well before they take up the idea for future tournaments.
HERB: This week is "Accident Prevention Week" and since Jesto stole the Book of Monsters from the Royal Castle Library -
ALICE: Actually Herb, the Book ran off with HIM.
HERB: Nevertheless, since that disastrous event, three hundred wives of members of the Royal Guards, have signed an undertaking, correct Alice?
ALICE: Yes, Herb. The undertaking was of course to have a guard in front of the fire. Boy, that'll leave the Royal Knights in the hot seat and no mistake(!)
HERB: Dateline: LEGO City. Rumours have started springing up about bombs being planted in the sewers by invading Serpentines, who usually plague Ninjago City. In fact, those rumours have even reached our local Resort. In order to stamp out these rumours, the Elite Police Squad have brought in an expert who's lived in the sewers of New York City.
ALICE: He's been described as a giant brown rat with black-&-white markings and dressed in dark red monk robes. He was brought into LEGO City Police HQ, in order to assist the police - at arm's length. (Looks at her newsheets) What an odd way of putting it(!)
HERB: Last night, at the Heartlake City Ballroom, a visiting group of Rhinos from Chima were performing for a dance act, and called for requests.
ALICE: When asked to do something Irish, they went and dug up the car park. It later turned out that they got the wrong book on Traditional Irish customs from their travels with the Ninjagos...
(Alice & Herb are doing their usual broadcast, but are surrounded by stacks of gold bullion, with Axl standing around in the background)
HERB: Following recent raids by Fire Monsters and Bandits alike on our Hover Train system from LEGO City, tight security surrounds the Knightdom News Studios with the studios holding 50 million* in gold bullion.
ALICE: But don't worry folks. Our own NEXO Knights are helping to guard the precious metal around the clock till special services across the LEGOverse can be arranged. So far Gotham City, Ninjago City and LEGO City are doing the best they can to volunteer their services. Services are also coming in from Chima and Superhero High.
HERB: And let's not forget dire consequences will befall anybody who so much as lays a finger on it. Like so...
ALICE: Erm, Herb. I don't think you should do that -
(Before anything else can happen, Herb touches the bullion, Axl tackles him to the ground, then flings up into the air like a caber. Herb lands behind the desk, looking very roughed up)
HERB: (Dazedly & Weakly) Er...medic!!
(A Medical Squirebot, dressed in white and carrying a stethoscope, enters, but puts the stethoscope against the bullion before turning to Axl)
SQUIREBOT: They're going to be all right - but stay with them.
ALICE: And now to Cloud Cuckooland for a direct call on our hotline.
(Alice reaches for the phone, but Herb pulls it away from her onto his side of the desk)
HERB: Oh no, you don't. I'm getting this. (He picks up the receiver, but before he can put it to his ear, he drops it with a cry of pain and puts his hand in his mouth) D'OW! Woh! Woh!
ALICE: I did say it was the "hot"-line(!)
HERB: On the Agriculture news-front in Knightdom, the recent bumper crop has been causing problems for farmers.
ALICE: Nevertheless, officials from across the LEGO-Verse are working together to distribute the crops to other worlds and make the farmers a tidy profit.
HERB: But in doing so, farmers are to pay a deposit of 10 gold coins to take part. Those who don't want to pay have tried other alternatives. Wide-spread dumping of produce has resulted from this bumper crop, now --
(Herb gets no further as a stack of about 15-20 car bumper suddenly tip over onto the desk from his side)
ALICE: Something tells me there was a mix-up with the reports...
(Herb & Alice are standing behind the counter of a Newspaper Kiosk. A scrolling banner on the bottom of the screen reads "Reporting Live from Knightonia Central Station")
HERB: Here is a Knightdom News Flash -
(At that moment, a Rhino from Chima (but not Rogon) steps in front of the camera and picks up a paper from the rack in front of them)
RHINO: (As he does so) Er, excuse me, how much is the Chimaneer here?
HERB: (Recovering) Will you get out of here? We're in the middle of a broadcast! (The Rhino turns, see the camera and with a cry of "Oh" hurries off-screen before Herb continues) Deliveries of letters and parcels maybe delayed as a result of a strike by mailbag handlers due to take effect immediately. (Just as Herb finishes that sentence, a disgruntled postal worker pulls a loaded trolley in, and parks it between the camera and the kiosk, almost blocking Herb and Alice from view)
ALICE: Thankfully, the strike hasn't effected the entire service as other realms and dimensions are sending in volunteers to assist the Postal Service. So far, about 10,000 Beavers from Chima have been reported to have arrived at the Bricksburg Post Office HQ, offering their services. And there's even talk of a Pirate Post Office to take place off the coast of LEGO City.
HERB: However, delivery of airmail will continue as normal. (There then comes a whistling sound, and another postal sack drops from the sky, landing on Herb's head with a "thump" and an "Oof" from Herb, knocking him to the floor)
ALICE: (Climbing to sit on the sack-laden trolley) So don't worry folks. You may rest assured that this strike will soon peter out, especially if the Eagle Tribes use their own aircraft to assist with deliveries.
(At that moment, DC Super Hero Girls Harley Quinn, wearing Heartlake City stationary tags on her backpack, walks over to the kiosk)
HARLEY: Oh, excuse me, do you sell any chocolate bars?
ALICE: Sorry ma'am but no. I'm a Newsbot, not a vending machine.
HARLEY: (Turning to leave, but then turns back) How about jelly piglets?
HERB: (Picking himself up off the floor, and glaring at Harley) Will you get out of here?!
(Herb is sitting alone in the newsroom)
HERB: This is Herb Herbertson reporting to you live from Knightdom News Rooms. Alice Squires will not be with me today as she's doing an outside broadcast.
(A video link of Alice appears on the top-right corner, which then pans out to take up the screen. The scroll caption below reads "Live from Heartlake City" and there is a hive of party-like activity going on behind her, and it's clear she's having a good time)
ALICE: Indeed, Herb. I am here at Heartlake City Station, where they making their grand opening of the newly completed Railway system, generously aided by the Sodor Railway Company. We'll hope to get interviews with the men behind the project; the Mayor of Heartlake City and the man of the hour, Sir Topham Hatt later on in the broadcast.
(At that moment, the screen cuts back to Herb in the studios, and the quick glimpse of a spiky red-skinned hand can just be seen vanishing off screen)
HERB: Sorry to interrupt you there, Alice, but this bulletin has just been handed to me! (Quickly looks at the bulletin) Royal Guards report that someone is going around handing bulletins to newscasters! (Then a tiny figure with red skin, pointed ears and wearing a black pointed cap* scuttles up behind Herb and produces another piece of paper, which Herb takes) ...And here's another bulletin!
(* = I bet we all recognize that description on who's behind that)
HERB: This just in; Jesto's struck again! All of Knightdom is agog!
ALICE: Well, you're not far wrong. Knightdom's currently being invaded by a motorcycle gang, who apparently call themselves the "Brotherhood of Jesto".
HERB: Indeed. This gang's been roaming about committing various crimes in honour of that crazy clown, leaving jester caps and their logos dobbed everywhere.
ALICE: And it seems that the prefect crime against our NEXO Knights was committed last night when the B.O.J broke into the Royal Stables and stole all the saddles for the Hover Horses and removed all the spark plugs & guidance systems from all the Knights' vehicles. Word is the Royal Guard, and the NEXO Knights, haven't a single thing to go out on...
ALICE: Here is a Knightdom Newsflash, coming to you live from our Mobile Studios currently situated in the outskirts of Dnullib*.
HERB: Dateline: Unikingdom. Princess Unikitty withdrew her announced plans today that she will be stepping down from her throne again, following the brief spell of her brother Puppycorn ruling as prince. "I'll be ruling my kingdom until the cows come home" she said in a - ARGH!!
(Herb gets interrupted by not only a "moo"ing, but by half a dozen cows suddenly crossing the set from Alice's side over to Herb's. Alice was able to raise her chair high enough for the cows to pass under her safely, but Herb disappears under them, along with a cloud of dust)
ALICE: (Lowering herself as Herb pulls himself up from under the desk) Alright, who's the wise guy who parked the mobile studio on a migration path?
(A Squirebot Stagehand comes over with a digital map in his pincer)
SQUIREBOT: Well, it was either this place, or here (Indicates a flashing green spot on the map)
ALICE: I see. Oh well, it could've been worse.
HERB: (Dazed) How?
ALICE: That's the Hovertrain line(!)
HERB: Here's a Knightdom Newsflash. This time, reporting from our mobile studio parked outside the majestic Knightdom Resort. Dateline: Knightdom. Earlier this week, King Halbert opened the new Waterton Flood Barrier -
(Footage of King Halbert is linked in, showing him trying to cling onto a lamppost whilst up to his armpits in rushing water, and having hysterics as it rises)
ALICE: - When Queen Halbert had only just closed it three days earlier. Thankfully the Barrier was safely closed, so there'll be very little chance of flash flood... (a couple of stagehands off screen suddenly chuck two buckets of water over Herb)...well, we did say 'very little chance'...
(Alice giggles whilst an annoyed Herb lifts his sopping hairdo out of his eyes)
HERB: This just in! Last night, a group of Scurriers and members of the Brotherhood of Jesto broke into a armoury store and stole the entire stock of uniform trousers.
ALICE: That's right. Word on the streets are that the Royal Guards are looking pretty silly... (Upon realising what she's just read, she then tosses her papers over her left shoulder in disgust)