Don't feel bad for earning more money with your hobby. I'm also a developer like you and I really enjoy that like a hobby, but anyway I receive a paid from my company every month. Think also about the people that works on Pixar, probably for many of them doing 3D is also their passion, but they earn money with that passion. If at the end you receive more money though Patreon than you expend in your hobby, what's the problem? That means people value your work and you deserve that money.
I'm not gay but when I see a guy in the kind of casts I like, I imagine myself in that situation so for me is fine. Also, if you like drawing that, why not? There are another kind of public that will enjoy that drawings. Don't stop because some of your public only like women in cast, they already have enough content to enjoy.