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Miss the past pretty badly. Been around a year since college graduation and this year has been one of the worst of my life. 11th and 12th grades despite the depression, boredom of teenage years I could go home every day and play freaking Lost Saga, even if that game had its issues, even if I raged at it I was interested enough in it to have fun, damn it, and I had both online and real life friends there. I still had much more social interaction at school than in work.

Getting security card guard soon to get more job opportunities. (although that cost additional money) Probably will suck less than being hunched over and staring at boring shit on a screen, although the pay is lower. I don't have to do much fighting at all as you just stand there watching for suspicious things according to training. Krinkels (creator of Madness Combat) started his work as a security guard, although I dunno if he still has any day jobs now. When he releases his game it should give him more income though while I can't guarantee the same even if I get published.

Please donate to my Patreon! Need money, hah...
www.patreon.com/captainafrica

I'm not so much sure about whether or not I regret playing Smite and SC2 (and TERA) from 2014-2016, I did spend a good amount of time on them but didn't end up enjoying them as much as I did with LS. Smite had its MOBA issues and I just wasn't grindy enough to fully appreciate SC2 I guess. Overall was less depressed than I was in high school, but at the same time didn't enjoy my friendships in college as much either (of course part of that being because everyone just has less time).

Overall 2013, 2015-2016 were the worse stretches during those moments, but on average I don't think they were as bad as it was dealing with the average workweek and crappy Sunday evening feels. Animation, art and writing really is my coping mechanism for life in general and without it it's tough to function no matter how much I get paid from work. I suppressed so much hauling my ass to corporate buildings.

Fourth reread and more editing of my work is going well so far, had a decent stuff to add in as well. Overall it's still not going to read like a normal book though. I guess the last edits I was still unsure where to edit, maybe it just takes many times to be familiar enough with the work to improve it. New animation isn't going to be here anytime soon, I started it in late May.

Also have a more proper plan B if Shade doesn't publish or make much money, finished that novel in late May. Probably still overall going to edit a bit more though it's weight off my chest and another work of mine that I'm more proud of. Overall if I had more focus, ideas it would've been done by the end of last year.

Finished Iliad reread and the Witchwood Crown. Comments... Iliad has a lot of surprising animal metaphors during the fighting and Greek gods are still crazy. As for the Witchwood Crown I got quite into it, didn't realize how much I missed reading due to work. Favorite characters are Nezeru, Jarnulf, and Unver, even if Unver didn't get as much time on the pages. Simon and Miriamele seem a bit boring old ass, and Morgan was well-written and realistic. I also read the Heart of What Was Lost last year but it was pretty short though.

Norns have slavery but apparently the mortals don't? Realistically those in medieval times peasants labored in shitty conditions too though. (Serfs vs slaves?) and I'm pretty sure many cultures had slaves? Overall the mortals seem too "peaceful" to be realistically humans, but this also makes them look good compared to the Norns. 

I guess I had to realize to be authentically just honest with myself... In 2016 even though I generally did well enough in the law and legal classes my heart and mind were in my own fantasy worlds, even if those had their own shortcomings. It's a very strange way to put it. Still in 2017 I thought that the job wouldn't kill me as bad as it did but it turned out that if I kept it up for another few months I would've been squeezed dry.

It's likely that I'll never be neurotypical so that means jobs are going to kill me on the inside until I can make more sustainable income writing someday...
  • Listening to: Madoka OST in my head again
  • Reading: who knows soon?
  • Watching: Mahou Shoujo Site
  • Playing: SC2
  • Eating: random food
  • Drinking: water to wash it all through ._.
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June 15
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