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Graduation ceremony is tomorrow morning, so likely coming home that night or Tuesday. Not much else, finals wasn't too troublesome although I don't know how hard it'll be to get a job. Didn't graduate with any special honors either. Yesterday I talked with a friend for a while and he sort of agreed that it's hard to apply philosophy much on both a personal and political scale if we want to be accurate.

Finished Attack on Titan S2, getting flashbacks much earlier fit in decently well. Hopefully S3 comes out next year as announced and not another 4 year wait. Also watched the 1st two Yuki Yuna movies and they were alright, although the second one had too many SoL shenanigans that weren't executed that well. Hopefully S2 that comes out this fall will expand on the plot... The fight scenes are alright but the Vertex are just simple monsters if I recall.

Kind of on the second season of WIXOSS. Also picked up Re Creators yesterday, not that much to say about it so far. Got Horizon Zero Dawn and Guilty Gear Xrd Rev 2, will have stuff to say about those hopefully.

Hopefully I can finish my big animation project in the next month or so. I'm still mostly dealing with integrating SFX/voice and not redrawing really, hah.

Anyways here are my comments on some goals and shortcomings in college, I guess:

When I entered college in 2013 I still didn't have a clear goal in mind for either animation or writing. Summer was just unproductive. Was doing animation portfolio with 5-6 characters, but even that was random and unorganized really, the extra layer of shading took a toll on my patience too. Making the Zusa OP was the easiest thing that came to mind, and it was somewhat syncable after I did the original transformation sequence. I was able to finish Zusa's Misadventures story by the end of October, although at the end it was still sort of randomly thrown together.

Mature Content

Candor Shade character intro by Candor-Shade


Getting fanfiction back helped a bit once I went on Christmas break in December. Spent a good amount of time doing game animations with Zusa attacks and such yet that never got off the ground (sprites aren't even colored). I had a set plan once 2014 rolled around though. I finished the Hanabi animation of my portfolio by the end of January, and started plugging in real work on Legend of Shade. I still felt rather crappy about everything and wasn't really enjoying my work.

When February rolled around I started Zusa's Legacy. I really didn't think it through and I wanted to capture a big story before the action with narration and all, meaning that I spent most of the month doing less exciting work. In mid-March my tablet stopped working as well. Redeeming factor for me was that Legend of Shade seemed to be making its own decent progress.

Spring Quarter I still felt rather tired and damn hot with the weather. It was pretty stupid of me in retrospect to make the opponents so big with so much detail. I still didn't use much gradients or alpha so my effects still looked rather cheesy, and overall I still did hair pretty poorly. In late April I moved to writing Zusa's Journey, but as May passed by I wasn't really getting into the story as much as I hoped, even if it was an improvement over the initial Zusa. I kept on trucking in June while still feeling pretty shitty and didn't really manage to relax. As you can kind of see the hair and flame effects, movements were really still lackluster then.
2014 Project preview by Candor-Shade

After my birthday on the 11th of July (which I had a decent celebration for) I hopped back to Legend of Shade and began to really find my groove in the story at the end of the month. I wasn't animating any big projects in particular even though I was playing around with Flash. Mid-August I was also clicking with a new animation, and I found a new game in Smite and good anime in Rose of Versailles. In mid-September I really got into the groove and wrote almost every day, making my story much bigger than expected -- I animated a lot too even if I was playing Starcraft 2 on the side. I guess I had more time and energy since I wasn't really in my martial arts club then, and I finally managed to get my own apartment during sophomore year.

After finishing Legend of Shade, in December of that year I worked on a short Zusa animation and tried to figure out how to make a Unity game, but that also fell short. We only had 2 weeks off for winter break (and my finals went to Thursday) so I couldn't get that much done, and I was sick for a few days too. Still I was pretty deep into my main animation project even though it took pretty long to get the forest scene done, and Smite was pretty fun on the side. I didn't plan much for the future and maybe just wished for the good luck to continue.
Hiatus/Redesign by Candor-Shade

I wanted to just see how far I could push myself with my animation portfolio so I put a hiatus in general writing for a couple of months.. But in reality I guess even just doing Quinity's short segment was stressful enough. I didn't have that much experience with lightning effects, saiyan auras before, I guess that one ended decently. Ice effects are even harder for me with Maira, and I discovered after 2-3 hours of drawing my hand cramps and I can't draw that many good curves. Flames effects are probably the easiest for me, although I could have given more explosions with Zusa. Just needed generally more effects and effort with Shade and Shane in the end. Still impressive that I did this while kind of juggling the heavy work with the dragon/volcano scene in The Sky.


My next story, Tales of Quinity started out as I had expected. Soon enough however both the plot and the characters felt iffy and there just weren't that many interesting things to put in. I still was pretty productive with the work, even if I didn't muster the pace I had gone with at the end of 2014. In late May I started the sequel to Legend of Shade, but I discovered it just wasn't that exciting despite me having enough ideas for it. Personal issues got to me, as you can see from my old journal posts. As for my animation, I had delays and ran short on ideas after the dragon-volcano scene. All I knew is I wanted to add more of my OCs into it. I guess positive thing was that I actually liked Legend of Shade when I fully reread the work in early May.

I couldn't do much with the cityscape in The Sky because buildings just require so much detail, probably more than I had used on the volcano-dragon scene. Still, the biggest flaw was not putting enough effort into the scene where Shade flies past Mimi as she carries laundry. Animating Caenus was hard to do, and it was a preview of what would have to come for my next major project. My backgrounds for Icen City were pathetic too. As for my story, I probably should have given Lukais more achievements as the first 60,000 words or so did seem kind of scattered since I had so many characters.

Goodbye Flash by Candor-Shade

When I got back to school in September I kind of started to get more into writing. My supporting characters were being fleshed out, even if everything didn't click like it had with Caenus and Maira. I thought that one way or another things would generally end up working out in that area -- on the other hand, finding the motivation to animate became more difficult, even though I had pretty big gaps of time to do so. Even though my artstyle or backgrounds didn't improve by that much drawing two dudes fighting really does take a toll on me. In addition although working in ToonBoom was more efficient, backing up the file took significantly more time, and it did still glitch up every now and then. I drew some big compilation artworks, but they didn't motivate me that much or make me feel as proud as the previous year.
Ocs 2008-2015 by Candor-Shade

2016 started out okay I guess. I was writing at a moderate pace while resuming pace with animation and also drawing a good amount on the side. I really began to refine my art as well, developing more polished hair and clothes wrinkles and such -- although you can say that I didn't improve as much as I wanted with monsters, dragons and backgrounds. Still, even if my mood wasn't as bad as it was in Winter 2014, I just wasn't into my projects that much. Overall the first segment of Jaren and Shade felt really slow even without the dialogue. I probably could've made Shade's flight path a lot more freeform during his attacks. In addition I felt like I didn't have that many ideas with my novel, Hanabi's side stories were beginning to be a lot more interesting than the main plot at least for me.

I was able to push on for one more month or so in April. Then I sort of hit a motivational lapse with my art as well. Somehow I trucked on with my animation -- it was slightly more interesting as the pace sped up but I was still disappointed that I hadn't really reached the stage where Jaren goes saiyan mode. I decided to more or less put Legend of Shade on hiatus and started writing the remake of Zusa's Misadventures, only to run into difficulty there as well. For the rest of Spring Quarter I just tried to truck on and hope inspiration would come in the next few months like it did in 2014. No side projects were particularly appealing either although I did make this short Maira vs Cardimon sequence.


Summer rolled around and it was still hard to write regularly. I didn't really get into a higher gear with animation either, Jaren's saiyan form was harder to animate although I didn't think I had that many more details -- my music guy was delaying giving me his music as well. I developed pretty good improvement in drawing, although I only experimented with pen and ink and wasn't good enough to develop it more. When I reread Legend of Shade in late August, I did end up finding motivation to put in a few of my edits, but at the same time I wanted to keep a lot of it intact, even if I wasn't that pleased with it then. I expected there was more to add to the story and that I'd be more inspired but that was another disappointment. I still trucked on through that pain and I don't think I wasted that much time on games. Even though I didn't get that much done with Zusa I still set a basic framework for the story, you could say.

My mood did improve as I returned to school in September but I still didn't get into that good of a writing groove. I was still inspired enough to make a few more good drawings, although I didn't have as much motivation to draw Maira as I had expected, plus I had to move to using Krita due to the new tablet. As for the animation, it didn't get any easier with Shade's transformation, and looking back perhaps I was still rigid and lacking... Slowing it down for a few seconds in the final fight before the shield thing probably would have been a good idea?
Arrie Flustered by Candor-Shade

I wanted to more or less finish up my animation and story over winter break but my dad kind of got in the way, ranting like crazy and stuff. I don't blame myself too much for that but it still was pretty shitty. The me of 2012 would have completely broke down in such circumstances, but that's not much consolation. Hoped that I had made more drawings during this time, but the drawings that I did make did end up taking a good number of hours to finish. In general I thought I had more to write with my novel, and it was still hard trying to wrap a long story up.

I spent January in a pretty big slump even though I had more time to spend outside of classes and such. Even though I liked Maira her character development seemed to fall short somewhere. I wasn't too sure of what I wanted to do after Legend of Shade either. And neither did I have too many ideas for new drawings especially after discovering how long extra patterns in clothing and background took. Playing the new Zelda didn't really give me nearly as much inspiration as I wanted, although it was fun.

Overall right now I'm still tiring pretty easily from both animation and writing but I can't see myself stopping. It's both a combination of boredom and a mysterious lack of energy, I suppose. I've considered starting a new writing project after Shade, which I dropped because the concept in general didn't feel original and bold enough. My two main ideas animations after Jaren vs Shade also had serious consideration, but I didn't muster the effort for it so I awkwardly bumbled around.

Probably overall much of what's tiring is the backgrounds I have to do. The Sky was pleasant to animate for the most part because it was my first time really doing backgrounds like that, but buildings are just not as fun to draw. I doubt that I'll be able to find an animation team anytime soon, heh. It would be hard for me to appreciate drawing backgrounds because realistically if I want them to look good it would probably take quite a while for each one.

Most productive year was sophomore year, and I was decently productive till the end of 2015. Perhaps I really just suffered a bad burnout. It's not the worst that could happen as many more years could stretch on... The worst year in overall mood was my freshman year, only near the end of the year did I really feel comfortable with my roommate. (I was still getting used to having to resist college brainwashing as well) Depending on how you factor in drawing and animation productivity, my senior year and freshman year are around similarly tied in lowest productivity.

If we count five and a half years since 2012, from certain perspectives the only real thing I improved on is dealing with pain -- I haven't gotten a good grasp of how to just have fun or be happy. In the last few months of 2011, it felt like life would get better even if it had ups and downs -- I had pretty cool friends even if I was playing too much Lost Saga... I don't know. For most of my life since teenage years I didn't have much to look forwards to, since I wasn't interested in too many things. Blame the autism.
  • Listening to: Filthy Frank, beyatch!
  • Reading: who knows now
  • Watching: Re Creators, WIXOSS
  • Playing: with little girls
  • Eating: rice and stuff
  • Drinking: water to wash it all through ._.
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June 18, 2017
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