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First month or so I was just pretty bitter about losing one of my main sources of support, it didn't end too well either. New therapist didn't really help much at all, I was pretty clumsy with the conversation myself. Going to CMAC two times a week and for 3ish hours each day became a more draining, but did have less classwork with only 3 classes. Still, I passed a lot of time on Granblue Fantasy and watching janky Thunder games, both of which were sort of ugly and pointless in their own ways. Thunder did have a lot of good games but I also sat through a number of blowouts.

February mood improved a bit I guess. I got to watch and read Mahouiku, which was pretty enjoyable overall, especially after only watching mediocre stuff last month. (Although I'm not sure when more light novels or anime seasons will come out) GATE S2 wasn't that great though. Only went out once with my CMAC group on a Sunday, was pretty fun though. In March new Zelda came out -- decent distraction from mediocre life, for around 2 weeks at least. I didn't get too much done on Spring Break, and by the end of March my PC started screwing up my drawing software. As for writing, I finished Legend of Shade 2 in mid-February, but pondered on what to do next for a good two weeks. Was still hard returning to Zusa...

April to mid-June the mood improved a little along with the weather? Had some fun chats in Mahouiku Discord as well. Returned to Chivalry Medieval Warfare late April I believe, even though I didn't get too into it. Also was pretty hype about EBF5, which hopefully will come out soon. Still, the days went by and I wasn't particularly making the best out of my last remaining time at college, even though I had two additional free days (Tues. and Thurs.) I also put off finishing my big animation project which is overall pretty bad. When I finished Zusa's transformation sequence I felt underwhelmed and didn't want to do another fighting scene. The buggy software continued, resetting my PC a bunch, probably overall delayed me 1-2 hours a week. Remember back in 2014 I got really mad at my PC randomly shutting down, and now it has this problem on top of that. Maybe should have bought a new one earlier in the year.

I graduated and played Horizon Zero Dawn but didn't get that much time to relax. I started rereading Legend of Shade in July, still overall didn't have the confidence that I wanted. The weeks continued to pass without me clicking much on animation or writing until late into the month when I started Legend of Shade 3. It looked like redemption finally the first two weeks or so (and got new idea for animation), but soon enough I had more hoops to go through for employment. Working at Harry's was pretty tiring, but for the beginning I thought it'd manage. 2 week office job in September, I was still feeling fairly confident, I busted in three 13-hour workdays. For now I thought I could enjoy things a bit at least, I was getting back into Magic with the Legacy scene as well. Pox was decently fun but decided to transition to Goblins soon which was the right call.

The one week vacation didn't really feel like much, especially because I still had night shifts at the restaurant. In late September to October I had both paperwork fiascos and a minor car accident, luckily it didn't cost me too much money but I still had to put in a lot of hours with my dad to fix it. My job was pretty boring, and continued to be pretty boring as November rolled around. I felt kind of silly that although I had lucked out on many things in life I was still overall pretty depressed. I played some (DDLC and then) Hollow Knight which was a fun distraction, even though I didn't enjoy it as much as I enjoyed games when I was in high school. I was also animating a lot less unfortunately, even though I also cut back on drawing by now. Kekkai Sensen & Beyond was a Saturday treat, but beyond that there wasn't that much great in life at all. Being a working adult was noticeably less enjoyable than most of my life before, I couldn't spend so much energy on hobbies and fun things, I'd summarize.

December has been better since I reached out a bit on Facebook and got the support of a wonderful person, not to mention a winter break a bit. Went on a long drive (7+ hours) down to SoCal (near the college) to meet up for a bit too, nothing much after happened. May still get pretty salty come Valentine's and I don't have plans for the future if worst comes to worst, but that's how I've always been.

Also having finished Kekkai Sensen & Beyond I guess overall I'd say it was pretty good, finale was a bit underwhelming though. Liked the character development on Chain, C.C. and such, but still not done on Steven and Klaus who are just pretty straightforwards. Overall the Libra characters are a bit too OP compared to their enemies, but it is still overall entertaining and the animation and action sequences are good. Would stick around for a 3rd season.

In conclusion trying to do 3-6 hours a day of animating, drawing, creative work seems way too draining by now, unless on the weekends. I had averaged that during many creative peaks in late 2014 and in 2015 (with still time for games on the side, ha). And yet so many things I've left unwritten and undrawn is frustrating.

Major goals for next year is probably either get a raise, a more interesting job, or finally a good job and maybe publish, hah, but I guess a lot of stuff is outside my control there. I'm not too sure how much animation I can do either -- might have to compromise that if I also want to keep writing and other stuff alive. No new hobbies really interest me at the moment. Would like to move out into my own apartment but that does mean more work I guess. As far as saving money I don't think I need to change my spending habits that much, spent over 1K on Magic this year, might do so next year to make another deck.

Overall I have noticed, the art since I've started working feels rushed, many seem undone as well. I guess I am overall too tense when thinking that I need to wake up early to do work the next day, and it's also hard to unwind and just accept that I spent 9-10 of the past hours of the day (because traffic and meals) grinding out boring shit on the computer.

Ordered a box of Eternal Masters: Pulled a Mana Crypt (around 70 bucks even if Legacy banned) so can't be too sad about it, got Deathrite Shaman, Visara, Mystical Tutors as other good rares, but overall kind of underwhelmed, wanted Wasteland or Force of Will, and only 1 Brainstorm, 2 Daze, and no Swords to Plowshares as the uncommons. :P Got more than a set of Emperor Crocodile haha...

At the moment my main New Year's Resolutions are moving out and living independently. I'm probably overall a bad cook and will just make pasta most of the time since it's the cheapest though. Will probably move back to SoCal because it is much cheaper and most of my close friends are there by now, haven't made any close friendships back in my hometown, even if it means looking for a new job (that might pay less). Of course every now and then I'm still going to yearn for the past and those high school days, and it also means having to find a new game center if I want to continue playing Magic. I am not sure how much commitment I can have to other projects if I want to keep a full-time job, ha. I'll just have to deal with an angry dad if that's not the "right" decision.

But in the end, following my heart has given me the most happiness in life after all. The days of being able to do philosophy as a student in most of my waking hours is over, I've got crummy office work for bills, but the night life must somehow live on. I have a dumb feeling right now that 2018 is going to be a better year. Still end up feeling a bit too much pressure to try and enjoy or make the most out of my 20s.

Probably still have it better than my brother if he has to grind out med school though. Many of the people from my hs are probably just fully integrated into the system by now, although they might still be bored and lonely.
  • Listening to: Filthy Frank, beyatch!
  • Reading: who knows now
  • Watching: Yuki Yuna S2
  • Playing: with little girls
  • Eating: random food
  • Drinking: water to wash it all through ._.
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December 31, 2017
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