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cambiare-magico's avatar
She
By cambiare-magico   |   Watch
45 67 1K (1 Today)
Mature  |  Published: September 5, 2012
I wanted to try and illustrate how it feels to be called the wrong pronouns. Before I went on hormone therapy, every 'she' or 'her' made me feel like I was being attacked emotionally. Nowadays I get it a great deal less and can deal with it a lot more, but I still remember how it felt.

I intend to do a photo shoot of myself wearing a dress, to show the discomfort and awkwardness when faced with such a feminine item.

I bought a dress from the charity shop where I volunteer and in seeing it, drew this picture as a concept for the photos to come.

Image is © Saku Smith aka *CreatoreMagico
Image size
2648x2200px 9.1 MB
Comments62
anonymous's avatar
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BubblyBunnyBash's avatar
BubblyBunnyBashStudent Artist
I know it's a bit of a different context, but I sort of feel your pain... only more in my short stature than anything else.. 

my shortness makes me look like I'm 12, so I often get people saying "aww, she's so cute!" "How old are you?" "How tall are you?" etc.. I know I shouldn't be one to complain about this, but I do get tired of it and would maybe like for people to see me for more than just my height..

on a completely different note, every now and then my boyfriend and I will get a few comments like "eww! that's nasty" simply because my height makes them think I'm the younger one, although in all honesty I'm the cougar ;)

Oh well. I wish you the best for your future. :)
Daniellesdresses's avatar
DaniellesdressesHobbyist Photographer
I work at a petrol station and recently I had someone pull up on a motorcycle and go to fill up that I thought at first glance must be like 12 years old. They were wearing baggy biking leathers and a helmet turned away from me and I had the thought to not authorise the pump. But there was something about them, their movements were too confident and practiced. When she came in to pay it was clear she must have been in her 30s like me but was so tiny, and her leathers and helmet swamped her and made her look even smaller. I wandered how many times she gets ID’d and how often she gets  dumb comments like “oh your so short” and “you look so young” just going about her every day life. I just served her as normal and didn’t mention it.

As a male who wants to present female sometimes the worry is always about not looking “right” for the gender I want to identify as at the time and what that makes people think and say. but being miss aged constantly must be as bad in many ways and there’s even less you can do about it. I really feel you :3

Also this art was very powerful for me too!
BubblyBunnyBash's avatar
BubblyBunnyBashStudent Artist
I'm constantly told by my coworkers that I "look so young! That's a good thing!!" It still gets frustrating. Even wearing my work uniform sometimes people will still tell me "Oh, I thought you were in middle school!" When I worked at Subway my thought was, "What? You think they'd let middle schoolers work with knives??" Now as a housekeeper the thought is in a similar vein -- since when were middle schoolers allowed to be housekeepers? Don't even get me started on trying to find appropriate clothing for my age, much less work shirts. Took forever to get an extra small set of shirts ordered in -- not that my boss didn't try. The company they order from just drug their heels. I've never gotten the extra small jacket, so now i'm looking at having to alter it myself. Work shoes are also a battle, and EVERYONE has to comment on how tiny my feet are. I was once reported to and followed home by the cops just for pulling a basket of groceries home since I "looked like an 8-year-old."
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for telling me your story, and how you relate to my picture. I really think the great thing about art is that it speaks to everyone, no matter what they are going through.

Being called something you are not must feel very similar. I'm so sorry to hear about your plight, it's a form of discrimination and you have every right to be upset about it.

Perhaps you could prepare a response for the next time it happens. A polite but informative "Actually I'm [however old] and I actually find those sorts of comments offensive, so could you please refrain from them in future. Thank you so much."

It's always hard to communicate our needs to others, especially when it's about something to do with our bodies that we can't help.

If it's people you know and care about, I'd say make the effort. As for passers by and hecklers, they don't know you and they are frankly morons.

You and your boyfriend stay strong and I also wish you the best of luck. <3
BubblyBunnyBash's avatar
BubblyBunnyBashStudent Artist
Waahh! so many kind words!

I honestly don't know what to say now..

^^;
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
You are so cute. You don't need to say anything!
SynWilliams's avatar
SynWilliamsHobbyist General Artist
I know exactly what you mean. This explains 100% what it's like for a lot of trans persons, MTF or FTM. Thanks for this, it's amazingly well done.
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much for your comment. I know this piece caused a little negative feedback so I'm very grateful when people understand what I was trying to do with it. :hug:
SynWilliams's avatar
SynWilliamsHobbyist General Artist
Yes, i can understand how it could be taken the wrong way, butni find it just helps to explain to others how a transperson can feel
Evometheus6082's avatar
Evometheus6082Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
On the behalf of all those who used religion to bully you i am sorry masculine madame
GaiaMIX's avatar
GaiaMIXStudent Digital Artist
Saku identifies as a man, not a "masculine madame". Or he won't have made this picture.
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you very kindly for the sentiment. You have no need to apologise. However, I tell you I do not identify as a 'madame' as I am FtM (female to male) trans. Sorry for any confusion!
Evometheus6082's avatar
Evometheus6082Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Oh no problem what so ever i mean sure you turned into a dude i still think your a lovely lady FtM or not and i am sorry if i sounded like a pervert and i hope you meet the girl of your dreams good sir.
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you, and for taking the time to comment. I have indeed met the girl of my dreams, she is very supportive and very sweet.
nekophoenix's avatar
nekophoenixProfessional General Artist
1. Slight reference to the comments here - people claiming that trans are anti-feminist need to go roger themselves with something large and barbed. I am so fucking sick of that argument. I actually UNDERSTAND it, as I've spent many a day reading feminist literature (I AM a feminist ffs) and I can see what angle they're coming from but it's from the angle of someone who does not and cannot understand what it feels like to have gender dysphoria.

2. AAANYHOO - love this. I love the style you've taken, it's cute and it's almost chibi, yet it doesn't take away from the seriousness of the message, it just draws your eye in quickly.
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
*hugs* You're one of the gender-queer feminists I know and as I said, all the activists/feminist I know and have known have either been that, trans or very lgbtq accepting. I think I can see the point of what the commenter was saying but like you said, it's a little uninformed from the gender diaspora pov? I think that it's easy to be enemy of something as large as feminism without even trying, because it's such a huge part of the world around us that we don't fully understand. But I don't think half the people who are 'enemies of feminism' want to be, or even understand why or that they are. Because when people don't know about something and just go on interacting with society and the world, it is easy to become an enemy of many things. But rather than being called that, they should be taught further so as to gain further understanding then make a concious choice to be for or against something. Does that make any sense? I feel proclaiming someone an enemy is harsh, teaching and discussion should always come first.

Thank you for your comment on both the discussion and the artwork here. I appreciate both immensely. :hug:
Deutschtard's avatar
I like this, and I can't wait to see the photoshoot.
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you very much. I have taken some pictures and hopefully when I am recovered from surgery tomorrow I will be able to edit them!
FungalZombieX's avatar
FungalZombieXHobbyist General Artist
And yet my parents don't understand why I act so hurt when they just fucking continue calling me she, haven't I tried enough to get them to stop? Haven't I proved that I'm not going back to even TRYING to fit that fucking role?
BubblyBunnyBash's avatar
BubblyBunnyBashStudent Artist
In this case, I think it's more of they don't understand so it scares them. I can't actually say I understand why people are transgender, but at least i'm not afraid of it anymore.
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
Hang in there bro. Whether they ever understand or not, you are who you are. All you can do is give them time and patience even though it hurts and you'll always feel angry. After all, how much time and patience can a guy give? Parents (in most cases) never want to hurt their kids but they do, often. It's hard on the path you've chosen but I wish you all the strength in coping with your parents.

:hug:
FungalZombieX's avatar
FungalZombieXHobbyist General Artist
u.u thankyou. I need all the support I can get, especially when I can't get it from my parents.
cambiare-magico's avatar
cambiare-magicoHobbyist Traditional Artist
Your most welcome. If you ever need to vent, go ahead and do so in the comments of my work. Maybe you will find more people who relate to you and who can support you as well.
anonymous's avatar
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