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Hey all,

Life's shit sometimes, you know?

I honestly wanted to write a happier journal, seeing as how I hadn't written a journal in like, forever. But I just need to let it out..

Today, we had to put our cat down, Kiki. She was 20 years old. Over the past few months, she had been deteriorating... She became blind and deaf - which at first of course, was fine. She just used her nose to get around (smelling and using her whiskers and 'feeling' the walls and whatever.) But rapidly, her health started to decline. Something happened with her eye - she couldn't open it. She started to eat less, but she was drinking water all the time. I thought maybe she was diabetic (because, apparently, cats drink a lot of water when they are diabetic, I read...). She'd walk hunch backed all the time. Her paw was then swelling up - I couldn't even think of what the reason was. I heard cats who are declawed... sometimes their claws will grow back and it will swell the paw, ect. Kiki was not declawed, though. About a week ago, Josh noticed a REALLY big bump on her chest - he originally thought it was actually just loose, saggy skin. But he felt it, I guess, and noticed it was really hard.

All this week, she wouldn't use her litterbox anymore. Every morning I would find an accident on our carpet... She couldn't make it to the litter box anymore. I remember, seeing her go to the bathroom on the carpet a couple of days ago and breaking down, crying, because I knew it was time. She did pee on the rug a few months ago - we just figured it was because she didn't know where her litter box was (because she was blind and just went on the floor accidently.)

We're not too sure what was wrong; The vet never told us. I'm pretty sure she had some kind of cancer. She's getting cremated, and we'll get her remains in a few weeks. We're going to bury her in Josh's mom's backyard. At the end of her life, she was really just existing. Over the last couple of days, she would cry. It was really painful hearing her meows. I would go, "I know, sweetie. I know...". She didn't even want us to pet her - I think she was just in pain everywhere.  

Pets shouldn't be allowed to die. It's not fair. She was such an innocent cat. She was a really good cat. She might not have been the friendliest cat, and she may have annoyed us from time to time wanting under the covers at 3 in the morning and clawing at our noses to get our attention...but everything...everything will be missed. I really thought she had another year in her, at least. But I guess the God of kitty heaven didn't agree with me.

Part of me just wants to keep all of her cat stuff where it is - even the kitty kibble thats on the floor, even the litter box....*sigh* Sucks. I'm just going to take it easy today, I don't feel well right now either...I'm sure its because I'm sad.


Bye, Kiki....You will be missed....
  • Listening to: iDanceRadio.FM on ITunes
  • Reading: The Time Travelers Wife
  • Watching: nothing
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: miscellaneous drinkstuffs on my desk
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:iconari-dynamic:
Ari-Dynamic Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
:hug:
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:iconstephratte:
StephRatte Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Professional Artist
Sorry about Kiki, sis. Hope you guys are doing better :hug:
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:iconbro-harl:
Bro-Harl Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012
:petting:

:sniff::cries:
:hug:
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:icondigoraccoon:
Digoraccoon Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Awww, condolances *hug*
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:iconmelaleuca:
melaleuca Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
Oh man... this sounds almost exactly what happened to my poor Tess. Warning, it's a sad story. She was 17 when she died (about two years ago) and I was convinced she would live to be at least twenty because she was so healthy with a softy, shiny coat (she was black). However, in a months time she just kind of fell apart. The fur around her eyes came off and she had pink patches in some places. The vet didn't know what was wrong with her but gave her medicine in case it was an infection of sorts. She got worse and worse despite the medicine. In the end she was skin and bones and pulling chunks of fur off her body. The poor baby was in pain, we knew from her sad meowing (and she was normally a silent cat). I knew her time had come and when I told my dad that we had to take her to the vet to get put down he was all "no, she's fine". She said goodbye that night, mewling sadly and trying to find a place to rest. When the next morning came I didn't see her for hours and I accepted the fact that she found somewhere to pass. I told my dad and he found her curled up in the basement behind an old mattress. My poor baby! It was beyond heartbreaking. I miss her still but after a week of bawling my eyes out I started telling myself that I had 17 good years with her and she was the perfect cat to me. We never had to take her to the vet or anything! In the end I'm glad she died at home because being dragged to the vet would have been too scary for her (she was pretty temperamental) and she looked so peaceful curled up in a ball. Several months later we got a new kitten named Jasper... and he's such a little stinker! Tess was way cuddlier, but I love him all the same.
I'm sure you already know what it's like. You'll still be sad a week from now but much farther from where you are now. Think of how great it is that she lived for 20 years! That's like a 90 year old person. And she had a great family to spend her life with, unlike some very unlucky cats on the streets or the ones who never get adopted and put down in a shelter. It sucks so, so much but death helps us understand the limits of our love, even for small creatures!
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:iconblushbunnyc3:
BlushBunnyC3 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My condolences :( I'm sorry to hear; I know how hard it is to lose a beloved kitty you've had for well over a decade (or two) :cling: But I imagine seeing her in such pain was very hard as well... at least she's at peace now.

But yes, I agree, it's not fair pets die so much sooner than us ;_; I daresay they're much more enrichment upon this world than we are~ *hugs* Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
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:iconblackcatink:
BlackCatINK Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
That is very terrible news /hugs. I am sorry for your loss. Losing a faithful kitty is always hard :(
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:iconspacegryphon:
Spacegryphon Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I feel sorry for you :(

Everybody seems to be in a shit these days.
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:iconcalicokatt:
calicokatt Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:( I know... The thing is, that we knew that this day would come...We knew that she was getting old, and that she probably wasn't going to live another two years or whatnot... But I always just had a bit of hope that she would make it, and that she would come home from the vet and they would have been able to help her, that maybe she just had a kitty cold, or a treatable infection.... :( Its SO hard to lose a pet. Shortly before my dad passed away, we also had to put down my dog...I still really miss him :(
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:iconspacegryphon:
Spacegryphon Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh my :(
Sorry for all this :(
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:iconbecsparrow:
BecSparrow Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012
Awww Jess I'm so sorry. RIP little Kiki <3
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