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     You sighed for the… you couldn’t even think of a number high enough. Sniffling, you rolled over on your bed for the whoknowshowmany time, clutching a pillow to your chest. Your tired, red, (e/c) eyes stared bleakly at the wall in front of them, having run out of tears long before. Your thoughts wandered back to the reason why you were in this horrible seemingly never ending mess.

     It all started with your lovesick depression. Yes, you were lovesick. You never had someone to cuddle with, someone to talk with, and someone to hold hands with, nope. The only person that you wanted to do those things with didn’t think of you that way.

     And his name is Arthur Kirkland.

     You and Arthur have been best friends since freshman year, and now you were both juniors. Or soon to be, anyways; it was summer at the moment.

     Back to the reason why you are lying in bed hugging a pillow.

     You see, you kind of had a crush on your best friend. But that’s all you were. “Best friends.” No, screw the crush. You loved him.

     You had fallen in love with how Arthur talked; his British accent was smooth, and you loved how he always called you “love”. You loved how he always kept his blonde hair shaggy and choppy, and how his thick eyebrows would crease with worry, or rise with shock. And you also loved his eyes. His crystal clear emerald green eyes always filled you with warmth and happiness; you could never feel lonely or sad when he was with you.

     Now, you could go on and on about how much you loved him, but I’ll save you from the embarrassment.

     Because of your depression, insomnia had taken a liking to you. Every night it was with you, making sure you couldn’t sleep. It would taunt your brain with lies and fantasies, making you even more depressed than you already were. And now, thanks to your friend Insomnia, you were sick. Well, actually, you had a cold. And why did you have a cold? Because of your depressed thoughts, you decided to turn the AC on “very high”. You guessed it was around 45 degrees Fahrenheit (7 degrees Celsius) in your house at the moment.

     Throwing another used tissue towards your trashcan, and missing again, you groaned. You were about to burying your face into your pillow, until a loud buzzing caught your attention. Recognizing it as your phone, you look on your nightstand. Reaching out a shivering hand, you grasped it, and brought it closer to your face to see who the caller ID was.


     This was probably the fifth time he’s called you within the past three days. And the fifth time you had purposely missed his call. You didn’t want to talk to him, knowing your shaky voice would just make him worry. And you didn’t want him to worry over you. Turning your phone off, your weak and trembling hand drops the phone before it could reach the nightstand. Hearing it land with a dull thunk, you groan and just roll back over. As your empty stomach growls, you curl into a ball, trying to relieve the gnawing pain.

     Bitter thoughts start to drift into your mind, causing a few more tears to stain your cheeks and pillow. As you stare at your wall, you notice the light from the curtains slowly get a warmer and warmer shade, signaling the sun was getting lower in the sky. You glance at your clock. 7:12 pm.

     I don’t know if time goes by fast or slow anymore, you think.

     Trying to focus on the sound of the singing birds outside, you slowly start to drift into a light sleep...

     ... And then a dull banging on your front door downstairs brings you back to reality.

     Oh shoot. That must be Arthur… hope he doesn’t remember where the key was hidden…

     After a few more times of knocking, you let yourself relax, thinking he gave up… until you hear the door creak open.

     “_____? Are you here?” You hear the Brit yell throughout your house.

     “Crap.” You mutter, and as fast as your shaky body could move, you pull the covers over your body, hoping he wouldn’t know that you were here. You listen tensely as you hear his footsteps echo throughout the empty house, and then start to head upstairs.

     “Blimey, it’s cold in here.” You hear him mutter. You hear his footsteps stop as he opens a door to a room, and then closing it when he sees it’s empty. Finally, he reaches your door.

     “_____?” You hear him quietly ask, before turning the doorknob of your door, and slowly opening it. You held your breath, hoping he wouldn’t sense your presents in the room. But, as earlier had proved, luck was not on your side today.

     You hear him approach your bed, and once you felt the covers starting to be pulled off of you, you buried your face into the pillow you were hugging, not wanting him to see your puffy eyes or tear stained cheeks. Pulling the covers off of you, you hear him sigh.

     “_____, what’s wrong?” He asks you, his voice soft. You don’t reply, hoping he’d think you’re asleep. You feel the bed tip as he sits down on the edge of the double size bed.

     “_____. I know you’re awake.” You feel the back of his fingers brush your cheek, sending shivers throughout your body. You then felt his hand start to slip between you and the pillow. Gently grabbing your chin, he lifted it upwards, forcing you to look at him. As your dull eyes adjust to the sudden light, you see a pained look spread across his face.

     “Love, you look terrible. What is the matter?” His voice was soft and low, worry and sadness tinting his British accent. You just whip your head to the side, releasing your head from his touch. You then bury your face back into your pillow, tears threatening to spill out.

     “That’s why I didn’t want you to see me.” You said, your small, scratchy voice muffled by the pillow. You hear another sigh from him, and then the bed shake as he climbs his way next to you. Sitting down next to you so that his back was up against the headboard, he gently grasps your arms, and then pulls you upwards to him. Letting go of your pillow, you simply give in. Setting you down on his lap, he leans your head on his chest, and then wraps his arms around your waist, pulling your closer to him.

     Placing his chin softly on your head, he asks, “Love, please, what’s wrong? You can tell me anything, just please don’t do this to yourself. You’re so thin, and you have dark circles under your eyes. Please… what’s wrong?” His voice was smooth and gentle, and you could feel his voice rumbling in his chest. Breaking down, you grab fistfuls of his shirt, and bury your face into his chest, letting out strained sobs. You honestly didn’t know why you were depressed. You just were. Being in love with your best friend was just part of the reason.

     Arthur just slowly started to rock back and forth, mumbling things like, “Shhhhh…” Or, “It’ll be okay, love…” It pained Arthur to see you like this. You always had these random depressed spells, but it was never this bad. For goodness sakes, you were as light as a feather. Your cheeks were hollow, and your skin was discolored. And you didn’t even try to struggle or anything. When was the last time she ate? He thought to himself.

     As your sobbing turned to sniffling, and your sniffling turned to silence, Arthur once again asked you what was wrong.

     “… I can’t tell you…” You said, you voice laced with longing and sadness.

     Arthur frowned. “Why not?”

     “… Because… It… It doesn’t matter…” You muttered, hoping he would get the hint.

     But he didn’t. Or he did, he just ignored it. “Love, if it can make you this upset, I do think it matters.” He stated, his voice still soft, but hinted a “matter-of-factly” tone.

     You sighed. “… I have a friend… we’re really close and all… but… I want to be more than that… but I don’t think he feels the same way…” Arthur frowned at this, thinking you were talking about his younger half-brother, Alfred.

     Arthur was silent for a moment. “Could you tell me who this friend is…?”

     You shook your head against his chest. “No.”

     “Can I guess?” He asked.

     “… no…”

    “You’re no fun.”


     Arthur sighed. “Love, if it bothers you this much, why don’t you just tell him? I’m sure he feels the same way about you.” You could have sworn you heard a tint of hurt in his voice. “I mean, bloody hell, you doesn’t have some sort of a crush on you?” He asked.

     “… Him…” You muttered halfheartedly. Arthur sighed again. Grabbing your face, he pulled you upwards so his face was just a few inches from yours.

     “_____, please don’t do this to yourself. You’ve just got to take risks sometimes. If you just sit on those feelings of yours, you won’t get very far. For all you know, that person could love you back with all of their heart.” Hurt flashes in his emerald green eyes. “Ask yourself; is this really worth all of the pain and sadness?” His eyes were pleading, full of caring and… love? Blinking, you told yourself you were imagining it. You thought about his question.

     “I don’t know… I… He means the world to me… and… I don’t want to lose him…” You trailed off. Bringing your hands to your face, you leaned forward so that your forehead was resting on his chest. Defeated, Arthur starts to rub circles into your back, wincing at how spiky your spine was. As your body wracked with silent sobs, several thoughts ran through Arthur’s head. What should he do? What could he do? If you only knew…

     “…. Is there anything I can do?” Arthur asked. Arthur frowned when your breath hitched and you stiffened.

     “... You could love me…” You whispered. Arthur’s fuzzy eyebrows creased with confusion.

     “Pardon?” He asked, not having heard you.

     You sighed. “You could love me..” Still keeping your face pressed to Arthur’s chest, you didn’t see his face twist with confusion, and then realization.

     What does she mean by that…? She’s my best friend, I already love her. Unless…

     It was then Arthur put everything into place.

     “… It’s me, isn’t it?” Arthur asked, grabbing your face, and bringing it up so he could see you. You tried to look away, but he gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. His face was probably about 8 inches from your face.

     “Is it me? Love, please tell me. Is it me who has been causing you all of this pain?” His voice was etched with sorrow and begging. His eyebrows were creased, and his eyes were switching from looking into your left eye, and then your right eye, and then back to your left, as if looking for any signs of lying. You just gave in, and letting a few more tears drip down your cheeks, you nodded.

     “Love, then why didn’t you just tell me?” He asked, his voice full of hurt. You glanced away, not being able to look at him. But then you glanced back at him, just in time to feel a soft pair of lips meet yours. Your eyes widened, but then quickly closed as you melted into the sweet and tender kiss. As Arthur snaked his arms around your waist, your arms wrapped themselves around his neck. Arthur’s lips slowly moved with yours, forming a perfect rhythm. Once the need for something stupid called “oxygen” became too great, you both broke apart. Arthur laid his forehead against yours, a small loving smile gracing his lips. As his shining emerald green eyes stared into yours, you stared back, still trying to get all of your emotions in place.

     “_____, I love you. I have for a long time now.” Arthur said, his voice low. But his gaze soon softened. “Just please, don’t do this to yourself over me. I’m not worth that much..” His gaze flickered down for second, before a hand on his cheek made him look back up.

     You smiled lovingly at him, your (e/c) eyes sparkling. “Arthur, you’re worth everything to me. I love so you so much. Please don’t ever put yourself down.” You said, before quickly placing a peck on his lips, and then tightly wrapping your arms around his neck, hugging him. Arthur then wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you just as tightly.

     “I’m so sorry, love…” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

     You shook your head. “No, it’s not your fault.” You said softly.

     “Alright,” Arthur smiled softly, and started rubbing your back. Soon, your embrace loosened, and your breathing became slower.

     “Tired?” Arthur asked.

     “... mmm…” You said, too tired to properly reply. Arthur just chuckled, and then shifted around so he would be lying on his back, with you on top of him. Arthur then pulled the covers on top of you, not wanting you to get too cold. Arthur watched as the room became darker and darker, and soon was so dim, you couldn’t see anything. As your breathing became slower and slower, your voice surprised Arthur when you spoke up.

     “Arthur?…” You asked, your voice small and tired.

     “Yes, love?” He asked.

     “I love you…” You said, before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

     Arthur smiled, and then kissed the top of your head. “I love you, too.”



Lame name is lame.
This, is what depression does to me.
When I'm depressed, I write about England and fluffy stuffs.
Because England and fluffy stuffs makes me happy.
It's even better when they're together. :D

So yeah. Happy reading~

I do not own England/Britain/UK/Arthur Kirkland. He belongs to the brilliant Hidekaz Himaruya.
I do not own you. You belong to England now.
I basically only own the plot.

Thank you so much to everybody who favourites and comments~!!! :heart:

Thank you so much for reading, and have a beautiful day~!! :D
Add a Comment:
GamrLinaFrye Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2019  Hobbyist General Artist
The next day; he gently opened the door —
DaylaIsWatching Featured By Owner May 4, 2019  Student Digital Artist
*Sayonara playing on background*
FallingMidnight Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2018
Awwwwwwww ;-; >3<
Sweet-n-Salty Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is exactly my story. Sadly, he broke up with me cuz he likes someone else ;~;
totalleolover Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I've actually had a similar (and worse, in a way) condition before about a girl that I loved. Actually, no, I'm still in that condition. But, I have confessed to her, and... Let's say, the ending wasn't anywhere near as sweet as this fanfic...
Saroona0410 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
tfw when you read a fanfiction with you being depressed and your crush loves you and everything's fine
when in reality you tried killing yourself many times and depressed as hell but nobody loves you or even knows how terrible you feel

GalaxyGirl9001 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2017
I'm not crying rn because of feels...
mikoyoruchan Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
This was beautifully written. I got chills when Arthur asked if it was him.
So much awesomeness!
HomestuckIsLief Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
omG mY heART > - < but very cute, I love it >//////<
Victoria-Walker925 Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2016  Student Writer
T-These aren't tears, i-it's liquid p-pride... Cry forever 
TheOriginalGalaxxy Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I love your comments XD
SmilyeFace Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2016
Its ok, just let it all out
crazyraered Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
"No, screw the crush." Honey, thats kind of the plan...
muchobsession Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
sangstertommeh Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2016
Saroona0410 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
KUNIKIDA-KUN BSD - Dazai Osamu icon 2 
iliketrains32 Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2016
Danisnotonfire: FEELS 
OkamiTakuyoshi Featured By Owner May 16, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Plot twist:
Because reader was so weak and cold, she caught hypothermia and died.

I'm really sorry.
Star-Art-Stone Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2016  Student General Artist
omg im laghing so mutch even tho this is so sad XD
BadJuJu35 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Same! XD
KunaTheFox Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2016  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
........ That makes sense 
AncPikachu Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2016  Student Digital Artist
*starts to sing "Up on Melancholy Hill" by the Gorillaz*
ImAHurricane Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2016  Student Digital Artist
skylasparkle Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
England and fluffy stuffs make me happy too!~
hellokitty-icons Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2015
This was absolutely beautiful...
Natsu-Lynne Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2015  Student General Artist
"Hoping he wouldn't sense your presents in the room"
okay, I know I'm not supposed to laugh here, but I CANT EVEN- //shot
Saroona0410 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
InSaNe-SuNsHine Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
UnknownKitty13 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Me, sorry xD
InSaNe-SuNsHine Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
G-giv.. m-me a TISSUE .. 
UnknownKitty13 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Here. Arcadia Ceramic Tissue Box Icon 
Yurirei-senpai Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
*frantically using tail to wipe eyes and hands to eat icecream*
Discardia2 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2015
This happened to me in real life...(well almost first of all I was at school-screw sickness-and second he hasn't said a word to me since then, and that was three years ago :< *sings* WHERE DID I GO WRONG I LOST A FRIEND
awesomepug123 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2015
I'm not crying!!
My eyes are..... sweating?
😐 yup. That's it
Njnord Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2015
In the words of the reader in one of Kirusawa's sequels in Metro PD (Voltage Game):
"Im not crying! My heart's just sweating."
paigertlol Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not crying, my eyes are sweatin!!
QuantumTrance Featured By Owner May 9, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww---wait... what do you mean crying? I wasnt crying, i...uh.. i poked my eye--YEAH, hah,,, ahah... ah *sob* ....shoot
DekuPalacePrincess Featured By Owner May 7, 2015  Student Filmographer
SO MANY FEELZ Cry run Cry run Cry run Cry run Cry run Cry run Danisnotonfire: FEELS Danisnotonfire: FEELS Danisnotonfire: FEELS Danisnotonfire: FEELS Danisnotonfire: FEELS Danisnotonfire: FEELS 
theotakugurl Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015  Student General Artist
AnimeGeekKatie Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
*choked sobbing sounds*
Sophie-Chan-11 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015
allen-walker212lover Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
The Feels are Strong with this one.
Danisnotonfire: FEELS the feels 
allen-walker212lover Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
JustJennaxxx Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2015  Student Writer
made me cry XD I nearlly NEVER cry
HetaliaFairyAttack Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2015
MissRailgun Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015
Irushion Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Danisnotonfire: FEELS 
allen-walker212lover Featured By Owner Edited Jan 26, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
MissRailgun Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2014
asdfjoivnoghaofjiyh had to stop reading in the middle to stop crying.... Q^Q
AccompanyTheQueen Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The feels... the FEELS man!  
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