You sighed for the… you couldn’t even think of a number high enough. Sniffling, you rolled over on your bed for the whoknowshowmany time, clutching a pillow to your chest. Your tired, red, (e/c) eyes stared bleakly at the wall in front of them, having run out of tears long before. Your thoughts wandered back to the reason why you were in this horrible seemingly never ending mess.
It all started with your lovesick depression. Yes, you were lovesick. You never had someone to cuddle with, someone to talk with, and someone to hold hands with, nope. The only person that you wanted to do those things with didn’t think of you that way.
And his name is Arthur Kirkland.
You and Arthur have been best friends since freshman year, and now you were both juniors. Or soon to be, anyways; it was summer at the moment.
Back to the reason why you are lying in bed hugging a pillow.
You see, you kind of had a crush on your best friend. But that’s all you were. “Best friends.” No, screw the crush. You loved him.
You had fallen in love with how Arthur talked; his British accent was smooth, and you loved how he always called you “love”. You loved how he always kept his blonde hair shaggy and choppy, and how his thick eyebrows would crease with worry, or rise with shock. And you also loved his eyes. His crystal clear emerald green eyes always filled you with warmth and happiness; you could never feel lonely or sad when he was with you.
Now, you could go on and on about how much you loved him, but I’ll save you from the embarrassment.
Because of your depression, insomnia had taken a liking to you. Every night it was with you, making sure you couldn’t sleep. It would taunt your brain with lies and fantasies, making you even more depressed than you already were. And now, thanks to your friend Insomnia, you were sick. Well, actually, you had a cold. And why did you have a cold? Because of your depressed thoughts, you decided to turn the AC on “very high”. You guessed it was around 45 degrees Fahrenheit (7 degrees Celsius) in your house at the moment.
Throwing another used tissue towards your trashcan, and missing again, you groaned. You were about to burying your face into your pillow, until a loud buzzing caught your attention. Recognizing it as your phone, you look on your nightstand. Reaching out a shivering hand, you grasped it, and brought it closer to your face to see who the caller ID was.
This was probably the fifth time he’s called you within the past three days. And the fifth time you had purposely missed his call. You didn’t want to talk to him, knowing your shaky voice would just make him worry. And you didn’t want him to worry over you. Turning your phone off, your weak and trembling hand drops the phone before it could reach the nightstand. Hearing it land with a dull thunk, you groan and just roll back over. As your empty stomach growls, you curl into a ball, trying to relieve the gnawing pain.
Bitter thoughts start to drift into your mind, causing a few more tears to stain your cheeks and pillow. As you stare at your wall, you notice the light from the curtains slowly get a warmer and warmer shade, signaling the sun was getting lower in the sky. You glance at your clock. 7:12 pm.
I don’t know if time goes by fast or slow anymore, you think.
Trying to focus on the sound of the singing birds outside, you slowly start to drift into a light sleep...
... And then a dull banging on your front door downstairs brings you back to reality.
Oh shoot. That must be Arthur… hope he doesn’t remember where the key was hidden…
After a few more times of knocking, you let yourself relax, thinking he gave up… until you hear the door creak open.
“_____? Are you here?” You hear the Brit yell throughout your house.
“Crap.” You mutter, and as fast as your shaky body could move, you pull the covers over your body, hoping he wouldn’t know that you were here. You listen tensely as you hear his footsteps echo throughout the empty house, and then start to head upstairs.
“Blimey, it’s cold in here.” You hear him mutter. You hear his footsteps stop as he opens a door to a room, and then closing it when he sees it’s empty. Finally, he reaches your door.
“_____?” You hear him quietly ask, before turning the doorknob of your door, and slowly opening it. You held your breath, hoping he wouldn’t sense your presents in the room. But, as earlier had proved, luck was not on your side today.
You hear him approach your bed, and once you felt the covers starting to be pulled off of you, you buried your face into the pillow you were hugging, not wanting him to see your puffy eyes or tear stained cheeks. Pulling the covers off of you, you hear him sigh.
“_____, what’s wrong?” He asks you, his voice soft. You don’t reply, hoping he’d think you’re asleep. You feel the bed tip as he sits down on the edge of the double size bed.
“_____. I know you’re awake.” You feel the back of his fingers brush your cheek, sending shivers throughout your body. You then felt his hand start to slip between you and the pillow. Gently grabbing your chin, he lifted it upwards, forcing you to look at him. As your dull eyes adjust to the sudden light, you see a pained look spread across his face.
“Love, you look terrible. What is the matter?” His voice was soft and low, worry and sadness tinting his British accent. You just whip your head to the side, releasing your head from his touch. You then bury your face back into your pillow, tears threatening to spill out.
“That’s why I didn’t want you to see me.” You said, your small, scratchy voice muffled by the pillow. You hear another sigh from him, and then the bed shake as he climbs his way next to you. Sitting down next to you so that his back was up against the headboard, he gently grasps your arms, and then pulls you upwards to him. Letting go of your pillow, you simply give in. Setting you down on his lap, he leans your head on his chest, and then wraps his arms around your waist, pulling your closer to him.
Placing his chin softly on your head, he asks, “Love, please, what’s wrong? You can tell me anything, just please don’t do this to yourself. You’re so thin, and you have dark circles under your eyes. Please… what’s wrong?” His voice was smooth and gentle, and you could feel his voice rumbling in his chest. Breaking down, you grab fistfuls of his shirt, and bury your face into his chest, letting out strained sobs. You honestly didn’t know why you were depressed. You just were. Being in love with your best friend was just part of the reason.
Arthur just slowly started to rock back and forth, mumbling things like, “Shhhhh…” Or, “It’ll be okay, love…” It pained Arthur to see you like this. You always had these random depressed spells, but it was never this bad. For goodness sakes, you were as light as a feather. Your cheeks were hollow, and your skin was discolored. And you didn’t even try to struggle or anything. When was the last time she ate? He thought to himself.
As your sobbing turned to sniffling, and your sniffling turned to silence, Arthur once again asked you what was wrong.
“… I can’t tell you…” You said, you voice laced with longing and sadness.
Arthur frowned. “Why not?”
“… Because… It… It doesn’t matter…” You muttered, hoping he would get the hint.
But he didn’t. Or he did, he just ignored it. “Love, if it can make you this upset, I do think it matters.” He stated, his voice still soft, but hinted a “matter-of-factly” tone.
You sighed. “… I have a friend… we’re really close and all… but… I want to be more than that… but I don’t think he feels the same way…” Arthur frowned at this, thinking you were talking about his younger half-brother, Alfred.
Arthur was silent for a moment. “Could you tell me who this friend is…?”
You shook your head against his chest. “No.”
“Can I guess?” He asked.
“You’re no fun.”
Arthur sighed. “Love, if it bothers you this much, why don’t you just tell him? I’m sure he feels the same way about you.” You could have sworn you heard a tint of hurt in his voice. “I mean, bloody hell, you doesn’t have some sort of a crush on you?” He asked.
“… Him…” You muttered halfheartedly. Arthur sighed again. Grabbing your face, he pulled you upwards so his face was just a few inches from yours.
“_____, please don’t do this to yourself. You’ve just got to take risks sometimes. If you just sit on those feelings of yours, you won’t get very far. For all you know, that person could love you back with all of their heart.” Hurt flashes in his emerald green eyes. “Ask yourself; is this really worth all of the pain and sadness?” His eyes were pleading, full of caring and… love? Blinking, you told yourself you were imagining it. You thought about his question.
“I don’t know… I… He means the world to me… and… I don’t want to lose him…” You trailed off. Bringing your hands to your face, you leaned forward so that your forehead was resting on his chest. Defeated, Arthur starts to rub circles into your back, wincing at how spiky your spine was. As your body wracked with silent sobs, several thoughts ran through Arthur’s head. What should he do? What could he do? If you only knew…
“…. Is there anything I can do?” Arthur asked. Arthur frowned when your breath hitched and you stiffened.
“Pardon?” He asked, not having heard you.
You sighed. “You could love me..” Still keeping your face pressed to Arthur’s chest, you didn’t see his face twist with confusion, and then realization.
What does she mean by that…? She’s my best friend, I already love her. Unless…
It was then Arthur put everything into place.
“… It’s me, isn’t it?” Arthur asked, grabbing your face, and bringing it up so he could see you. You tried to look away, but he gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. His face was probably about 8 inches from your face.
“Is it me? Love, please tell me. Is it me who has been causing you all of this pain?” His voice was etched with sorrow and begging. His eyebrows were creased, and his eyes were switching from looking into your left eye, and then your right eye, and then back to your left, as if looking for any signs of lying. You just gave in, and letting a few more tears drip down your cheeks, you nodded.
“Love, then why didn’t you just tell me?” He asked, his voice full of hurt. You glanced away, not being able to look at him. But then you glanced back at him, just in time to feel a soft pair of lips meet yours. Your eyes widened, but then quickly closed as you melted into the sweet and tender kiss. As Arthur snaked his arms around your waist, your arms wrapped themselves around his neck. Arthur’s lips slowly moved with yours, forming a perfect rhythm. Once the need for something stupid called “oxygen” became too great, you both broke apart. Arthur laid his forehead against yours, a small loving smile gracing his lips. As his shining emerald green eyes stared into yours, you stared back, still trying to get all of your emotions in place.
“_____, I love you. I have for a long time now.” Arthur said, his voice low. But his gaze soon softened. “Just please, don’t do this to yourself over me. I’m not worth that much..” His gaze flickered down for second, before a hand on his cheek made him look back up.
You smiled lovingly at him, your (e/c) eyes sparkling. “Arthur, you’re worth everything to me. I love so you so much. Please don’t ever put yourself down.” You said, before quickly placing a peck on his lips, and then tightly wrapping your arms around his neck, hugging him. Arthur then wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you just as tightly.
“I’m so sorry, love…” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.
You shook your head. “No, it’s not your fault.” You said softly.
“Alright,” Arthur smiled softly, and started rubbing your back. Soon, your embrace loosened, and your breathing became slower.
“Tired?” Arthur asked.
“... mmm…” You said, too tired to properly reply. Arthur just chuckled, and then shifted around so he would be lying on his back, with you on top of him. Arthur then pulled the covers on top of you, not wanting you to get too cold. Arthur watched as the room became darker and darker, and soon was so dim, you couldn’t see anything. As your breathing became slower and slower, your voice surprised Arthur when you spoke up.
“Arthur?…” You asked, your voice small and tired.
“Yes, love?” He asked.
“I love you…” You said, before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.
Arthur smiled, and then kissed the top of your head. “I love you, too.”