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He wrapped his thin arms around my neck
My arms rested beneath his back and legs
His bare feet swung
High above the grass
Wet with dew

My flip-flop clad feet
tread silently across the lawn
water and night air chilled my skin
But I kept my mouth shut
for he weighed almost nothing

On the porch, he swung down from my arms
his bare feet dry and warm
"Thank you" he said and kissed my cheek
Those words from my brother
Caused my heart to warm my feet
This one goes out to my little brother. Love ya buddy! I really like this one. It isn't impressive as far as rhyme and rhthym go, but it really captures a moment, which is what poetry is meant to do, I think. I just hope that one day, the kid it was written for will love it.

I'd love feedback on how I can write free verse poetry better (one of my first tries) so that it flows a little better and any other thoughts/comments are appreciated. ^^
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:iconan-old-grimoire:
An-Old-Grimoire Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2010
One thing you obviously didn't lie about: you sure your little bro! :D

He's a lucky guy to have such poems written for him :) Good job
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:iconcait-ry:
Cait-Ry Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2010
Thank you. This poem is close to my heart. It wouldn't leave me alone until it was on paper.
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:iconthe-photographicpoet:
the-photographicpoet Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Again, your writing blew me away. You have a nack for writing beautiful descriptions and drawing the reader in with each line.
The title is unique, the lexis is unique, and the way you use both just pulls off a stunning read to me.

It's so sweet too that you dedicated it to your little brother, because I really thought of my brothers too when I read it which was before I read your artist comment. I think it's something every reader can relate to because of it's context and theme.

"Caused my heart to warmy my feet"
This made me go jelly inside because of the tenderness and the raw emotion it injects into the readers thoughts, and we're left with that same tender feeling that you were. (well, almost)

I think with free verse poetry, it's something that you can't control too much. Maybe if you just re-wrote it, or changed the structure so it was more of how your thoughts appeared then it would help but, for me, free verse is when I just write and then don't change. :)

Beautiful piece.
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:iconcait-ry:
Cait-Ry Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2010
Thank you for the comment and the advice. I'm glad that the feeling of the poem got across. :)
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:iconthe-photographicpoet:
the-photographicpoet Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:) you're welcome :hug:
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:iconn-szewski:
N-Szewski Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Cute^^ It's nice to see when siblings get along so nicely. Well done:]
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:iconcait-ry:
Cait-Ry Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2010
Thanks
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:iconkiku-chan13:
kiku-chan13 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2010   General Artist
what a lovely memory of "the kid" XD your words create magnificently realistic images that just sucks you into the verses. it's so vivid, like it's one of my own memories, and i forget that it's a poem (does that make any sense? i'm sorry if it doesn't...it's hard to explain). you're such an amazingly gifted writer, and i'm positive you'll make it far with this extraordinary gift.
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:iconcait-ry:
Cait-Ry Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2010
Thank you, Jade. :blushes: I'm glad you liked it.
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