hi, this is the third edition of my journal series, where I talk about life, problems I face, and just general thoughts, enjoy.
(WARNING, THIS CONTAINS SWEARING.)
last time: my cats
now: my self harm (kinda upsetting)
essentially, i was a developer at a group we're going to call "the brony clan ecks dee" to not give it exposure.
the owner who we're calling turtlewitch, had a rule where you would NEED to get permission to make anything. this ALREADY started problems.
i had added doors, yes, doors. things you walk through. and get verbally abused, my admin taken away and i was banned. i was fairly fucking upset, and asked my friend who's a co-owner, to demote me to a rank that wasn't a developer. i checked my rank, and i was demoted. i started thanking her until she told me that "i didn't demote you". i checked the logs, and it was the fucking owner who did it. i got really angry, and decided to take matters, into my own hands.
i deal with depression, so this was hard for me to make a good decision. i decided to do self harm.
i got a razor blade, and cut my hand until it bled. it felt good to stop the pain for a minute. my other friend tried to stop me, and even suggested me talking to his therapy account, but i declined. i did it, and was worried i might do it again, as he told me "i don't want to be friends with someone that does self harm." he didn't unfriend me, though.
i went back to TBCED to say goodbye and admin abused (getting guns, btools, radios, ect) and new staff warned and kicked me. i didn't get to say goodbye.
and that's it.
if you ever feel like doing self harm, just remember this: DON'T. FUCKING. DO. THAT. SHIT.
it's not worth it. you could get addicted, and that isn't good. take this from me.