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Bayesian Empirimancer
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The Bride, the Groom, and the CHAPEL OF DOOM!

T

The Bride, the Groom, and the CHAPEL OF DOOM!

Gather round, friends, and play will resume Your greatest adventure you’re here to consume Your roles have been rolled, the Bride and the Groom Let’s see you contend with the Chapel of Doom! Within, you will learn and no doubt be annoyed Your friends and your kin heretofore have deployed They stand between you and your marital joy Your quest is now clear: they must all be destroyed The first wave is simple, some low-level pests These co-worker kobolds and goblinoid guests They gibber and jabber, they’re wearing their best By blade and by cantrip their outfits are messed Next to contend are the ushering ghouls Who insist on enforcing the seating plan rules They hunger for flesh, you can tell by their drool You smite the undead with the edge of a stool And here come the bridesmaids, each one of them: Driders (The torsos of dark elves, the bodies of spiders) And to make matters worse, they have been on the cider The Bride and the Groom might here be outsiders But quick are your wits,

Symbiotic Psychosis

S

Symbiotic Psychosis

The Journal of Anapaestic Medicine presents: The development and prognosis of Symbiotic Psychosis. An abridged lecture in verse. Now possibly some of you already know this Condition we call symbiotic psychosis So often dismissed as banal diagnosis I bring you the facts on this common neurosis It’s long been endemic in our population Past data has shown an extreme correlation With feelings of panic and frequent elation See Byron ’09 for the thorough citation. Where once thought contagious is has since been shown This syndrome must be co-dependently grown Though we thought that its causal effects were well known We propose past provisions should be overthrown Though one observation we don’t disabuse: The condition binds patients most often in twos One unanswered question still leaves us confused: Are pairs picked at random or does someone choose? This form of psychosis is often acute The coupling short lived, and the binding: minute But once in a while a compulsion takes root The

Yet another unnecessary butchering of a classic.

Y

Yet another unnecessary butchering of a classic.

Little Miss Muffet Sat on her tuffet Plotting her rise to fame Then along came a Spider Who sat down beside her And never would life be the same Now Little Miss Muffet Was not one to rough it With the snakes and the bugs and the dregs But the Spider was keen And his body quite lean And he swaggered on very long legs Little Miss Muffet Told the Spider to “Stuff it I don’t have the time for you.” But the Spider, entranced On his flat feet just danced What is a Miss Muffet to do? Oh Little Miss Muffet Sat firm on her tuffet And practised her withering glare For there’d come a Spider That sat down beside her And sixty years on he’s still there. Well their days were well spent They lived rather content And the times they did flow and did ebb They raised mutant babies To three lovely ladies At home in a cosy cobweb. Still Little Miss Muffet Would often begrudge it The pair of them knew how to brawl Though a decent provider He’s still just a Spider And he drives the poor girl up the wall

Dragonslayer

D

Dragonslayer

In the land of Pyrûn, an exporter of lead Ruled by a king (who’s extremely inbred) Homeland of giants, but the giants are dead So the towns are beset by a dragon instead You can only burn down and eat all a man’s stuff So many times before he’ll say, “Enough! It’s time for the dragon to see that we’re tough, Our knight will extinguish that piteous Puff!” So out rode their champion, in gleaming steel armour Bearing his shield with its heraldic llama To be the right hand of the force they call Karma (At this point it’s safe to assume there’ll be drama) Up the Mountain of Dread, it&r

Tweedling

T

Tweedling

Tweedledum and Tweedledee They are all that's left, you see This is why they are (in rhyme) The final clones of Tweedleprime Tweedle-if and Tweedle-or Ran afoul of wild boar Tweedledon't and Tweedledo They fell ill with bucket-flu Tweedlethis and Tweedlethat Eaten by the Cheshire Cat Tweedleda and Tweedleniet They played Wonderland roulette Tweedleblow and Tweedlebreeze Each contracted mime disease Tweedleslow and Tweedlequick Kitchen with the candlestick Tweedleflash and Tweedlejava Lost their lives in molten lava Tweedlesheer and Tweedleskid "Will it blend?" They sure did. Tweedlehigh and Tweedlelow Snapped up by the Mo

Jug o'rum

J

Jug o'rum

Down in the bayou, Luisiana stream. Fertiliser runoff, The trematodes teem. A polliwog hatched, A polliwog matured, Deep inside his limb bud, A tissue fluke secured. He crawled out of the river, And now we see his plight: For there's two feet on his left side, While three grow from the right. It's Banjo! The greater-spotted bullfrog with five legs. Down in the tributary, Mississippi creek. Population: normal, Plus one freak. With so many parasites, It's not a way to live. They get in all the tricky spots With diseases they're eager to give. The frog had one conclusion: A new home must be sought! But the journey would be

Hadean Earth

Tears of an Unfinished Recital

T

Tears of an Unfinished Recital

Tears of an Unfinished Wedding Recital There's a wedding on in half a year So let's get organised. A big event to engineer Are you sure we couldn't downsize? "Now many of us have something to read, Poems that we have chosen. In mind for you, something different indeed. Perhaps you would compose one?" There's a wedding coming, four months due Locale is booked , it's all in hand, The tux is ordered for the groom We're considering a band. "And how's your poem coming along? (Of course I hate to nag) But two months now have come and gone The time ain't gonna drag." There's a wedding on in two month's time The dress is bought- go

My Heart: a tribute

M

My Heart: a tribute

My heart: it is four-chambered It's quite a sight to see. It pumps blood right up through my lungs Then round the rest of me. I am quite fond of it, oh yes. The reason is quite plain. For if it should stop working I would feel a lot of pain. My left arm- it is cramping It feels like it's on fire. My chest is fit to bursting The situation's dire. It seems my heart is angry It's marching out on strike. Why must my body hit the bricks While on the office hike? The paramedics calm me down They say it's just angina. It complicates my poem's end 'Cause it rhymes with "girl's va

Simic Ragworm

See all

The Bride, the Groom, and the CHAPEL OF DOOM!

T

The Bride, the Groom, and the CHAPEL OF DOOM!

Gather round, friends, and play will resume Your greatest adventure you’re here to consume Your roles have been rolled, the Bride and the Groom Let’s see you contend with the Chapel of Doom! Within, you will learn and no doubt be annoyed Your friends and your kin heretofore have deployed They stand between you and your marital joy Your quest is now clear: they must all be destroyed The first wave is simple, some low-level pests These co-worker kobolds and goblinoid guests They gibber and jabber, they’re wearing their best By blade and by cantrip their outfits are messed Next to contend are the ushering ghouls Who insist on enforcing the seating plan rules They hunger for flesh, you can tell by their drool You smite the undead with the edge of a stool And here come the bridesmaids, each one of them: Driders (The torsos of dark elves, the bodies of spiders) And to make matters worse, they have been on the cider The Bride and the Groom might here be outsiders But quick are your wits,

Symbiotic Psychosis

S

Symbiotic Psychosis

The Journal of Anapaestic Medicine presents: The development and prognosis of Symbiotic Psychosis. An abridged lecture in verse. Now possibly some of you already know this Condition we call symbiotic psychosis So often dismissed as banal diagnosis I bring you the facts on this common neurosis It’s long been endemic in our population Past data has shown an extreme correlation With feelings of panic and frequent elation See Byron ’09 for the thorough citation. Where once thought contagious is has since been shown This syndrome must be co-dependently grown Though we thought that its causal effects were well known We propose past provisions should be overthrown Though one observation we don’t disabuse: The condition binds patients most often in twos One unanswered question still leaves us confused: Are pairs picked at random or does someone choose? This form of psychosis is often acute The coupling short lived, and the binding: minute But once in a while a compulsion takes root The

Yet another unnecessary butchering of a classic.

Y

Yet another unnecessary butchering of a classic.

Little Miss Muffet Sat on her tuffet Plotting her rise to fame Then along came a Spider Who sat down beside her And never would life be the same Now Little Miss Muffet Was not one to rough it With the snakes and the bugs and the dregs But the Spider was keen And his body quite lean And he swaggered on very long legs Little Miss Muffet Told the Spider to “Stuff it I don’t have the time for you.” But the Spider, entranced On his flat feet just danced What is a Miss Muffet to do? Oh Little Miss Muffet Sat firm on her tuffet And practised her withering glare For there’d come a Spider That sat down beside her And sixty years on he’s still there. Well their days were well spent They lived rather content And the times they did flow and did ebb They raised mutant babies To three lovely ladies At home in a cosy cobweb. Still Little Miss Muffet Would often begrudge it The pair of them knew how to brawl Though a decent provider He’s still just a Spider And he drives the poor girl up the wall

Dragonslayer

D

Dragonslayer

In the land of Pyrûn, an exporter of lead Ruled by a king (who’s extremely inbred) Homeland of giants, but the giants are dead So the towns are beset by a dragon instead You can only burn down and eat all a man’s stuff So many times before he’ll say, “Enough! It’s time for the dragon to see that we’re tough, Our knight will extinguish that piteous Puff!” So out rode their champion, in gleaming steel armour Bearing his shield with its heraldic llama To be the right hand of the force they call Karma (At this point it’s safe to assume there’ll be drama) Up the Mountain of Dread, it&r

Tweedling

T

Tweedling

Tweedledum and Tweedledee They are all that's left, you see This is why they are (in rhyme) The final clones of Tweedleprime Tweedle-if and Tweedle-or Ran afoul of wild boar Tweedledon't and Tweedledo They fell ill with bucket-flu Tweedlethis and Tweedlethat Eaten by the Cheshire Cat Tweedleda and Tweedleniet They played Wonderland roulette Tweedleblow and Tweedlebreeze Each contracted mime disease Tweedleslow and Tweedlequick Kitchen with the candlestick Tweedleflash and Tweedlejava Lost their lives in molten lava Tweedlesheer and Tweedleskid "Will it blend?" They sure did. Tweedlehigh and Tweedlelow Snapped up by the Mo

Jug o'rum

J

Jug o'rum

Down in the bayou, Luisiana stream. Fertiliser runoff, The trematodes teem. A polliwog hatched, A polliwog matured, Deep inside his limb bud, A tissue fluke secured. He crawled out of the river, And now we see his plight: For there's two feet on his left side, While three grow from the right. It's Banjo! The greater-spotted bullfrog with five legs. Down in the tributary, Mississippi creek. Population: normal, Plus one freak. With so many parasites, It's not a way to live. They get in all the tricky spots With diseases they're eager to give. The frog had one conclusion: A new home must be sought! But the journey would be

Hadean Earth

Tears of an Unfinished Recital

T

Tears of an Unfinished Recital

Tears of an Unfinished Wedding Recital There's a wedding on in half a year So let's get organised. A big event to engineer Are you sure we couldn't downsize? "Now many of us have something to read, Poems that we have chosen. In mind for you, something different indeed. Perhaps you would compose one?" There's a wedding coming, four months due Locale is booked , it's all in hand, The tux is ordered for the groom We're considering a band. "And how's your poem coming along? (Of course I hate to nag) But two months now have come and gone The time ain't gonna drag." There's a wedding on in two month's time The dress is bought- go

My Heart: a tribute

M

My Heart: a tribute

My heart: it is four-chambered It's quite a sight to see. It pumps blood right up through my lungs Then round the rest of me. I am quite fond of it, oh yes. The reason is quite plain. For if it should stop working I would feel a lot of pain. My left arm- it is cramping It feels like it's on fire. My chest is fit to bursting The situation's dire. It seems my heart is angry It's marching out on strike. Why must my body hit the bricks While on the office hike? The paramedics calm me down They say it's just angina. It complicates my poem's end 'Cause it rhymes with "girl's va

Simic Ragworm

Primitive organism 9

Cretaceous Desert Storm

Finn and Jake

-Aerodactyl-

Ice World II

Loki Charms T-Shirt

Purge the unclean.

Peculiar

P

Peculiar

What a peculiar thing it is to be A single man without TV Oh its still here, willing and able But lacking any useful cables No DVD, no XBOX, not even VCR Anything I could've used has been spread wide and far I've still got things that I can do. Got comics, got my books, I could even strut around nude, if not for judging looks. Maybe I could call some friends, they'd come round for a drink. Hang on, they're all out doing stuff. My heart begins to sink. And just like that, my sofas gone, and all my shelving too Now I've nought to sit upon while I've got nought to do. At least I've got my family, who's company I treasure. Showing me

Bicentenaria argentina

Spotlight

  • June 26, 1988
  • United Kingdom
  • Deviant for 13 years
  • He / Him
Badges
Albino Llama: Llamas are awesome! (82)Albino Llama: Llamas are awesome! (82)
My Bio
Guild of Calamitous Intent: Junior Member
Masters of Evil: Auxiliary Member
Legion of Doom: Affiliate, July '10 Villain of the Month
Evil League of Evil: Applicant
Republican Party: Council of Elders

Favourite Visual Artist
Daniel Luvisi
Favourite Movies
Serenity, Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Iron Man
Favourite TV Shows
Firefly, Doctor Who
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Queen, Elbow
Favourite Books
The Last Hero
Favourite Writers
Terry Pratchett
Favourite Games
Oddworld, Mass Effect, Fable, Halo
Favourite Gaming Platform
Super Gamestation-Boxcube Thingie
Tools of the Trade
Omni-Tool
Other Interests
Wolrd Domination

Divination Memetics

Divination Memetics

"Turn to page 35 of the nearest book to you," commanded the Internet meme. I cast around the room and laid my eyes upon Robert Rankin's The Educated Ape and other Wonders of the Worlds, a book I have not yet read but certainly plan to in the next few days. The meme continued: "The third sentence determines your sex life in 2013." Such fun. Okay, page thirty-five... here we are. Third sentence... okay. "It is all about theory and putting it into practice." JOLLY GOOD VERY HELPFUL

There's a pigeon in here.

There's a pigeon in here.

It's 3:48 am. I'm in bed, in my jammies, blogging because it's all I can think to do. My bed is covered in shit. My room is covered in shit. There's a wild pigeon in here looking at me. I only just noticed this. I am too tired to chase it around right now, and I know that if I try it's just going to shit all over everything even more. The way the windows work it won't get out by itself. I just want to go back to sleep and deal with this in the morning, except that it is in my bedroom with me RIGHT NOW and oh hey it just did another shit. What do?

Restaurant and aggro

Restaurant and aggro

There's this one restaurant that's become something of a regular place for my family for special occasions. It used to have a Belgian theme, and though that has since changed to a more personal theme, the menu changed very little. For example, there are still a lot of Belgian beers and wine (understandable, I think most of their clientèle came for that). I, on the other hand, come for the mussels. They do them in many sauces, but always cooked up in a black pot that they are served in. We first went there for one of my birthdays, chosen as a surprise location for my love of mussels, though the rest of the generation on this side of the

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RaenafynHobbyist General Artist
As it would appear, the last comment is me wishing you happy birthday two years ago...
If you ever return to your account, Happy Birthday!
RaenafynHobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday! :cake:

Edit: I realize I already wished you happy birthday earlier in the week, but eh, why not? XD
You are still the funniest man on the planet. 
The Daily Show needs someone to take over. I was sitting here looking through old stuff and trying to remember...

What I remember, on nearly every post, is how incredibly BRIGHT and WITTY you are, and combine that with a keen bit of wordsmithing and Damn. 

It's an honor. 
RaenafynHobbyist General Artist
Happy early birthday! :party:
So what ever happened to the bird planet? Did people stop calling it that? 
I keep waiting for your avatar to accidentally cut his pony tail off with that lightsaber lol