Bullet-Magnet's avatar
Bayesian Empirimancer
75 Watchers38.3K Page Views78 Deviations
D
Dragonslayer
In the land of Pyrûn, an exporter of lead Ruled by a king (who’s extremely inbred) Homeland of giants, but the giants are dead So the towns are beset by a dragon instead You can only burn down and eat all a man’s stuff So many times before he’ll say, “Enough! It’s time for the dragon to see that we’re tough, Our knight will extinguish that piteous Puff!” So out rode their champion, in gleaming steel armour Bearing his shield with its heraldic llama To be the right hand of the force they call Karma (At this point it’s safe to assume there’ll be drama) Up the Mountain of Dread, it&r
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5
T
Tweedling
Tweedledum and Tweedledee They are all that's left, you see This is why they are (in rhyme) The final clones of Tweedleprime Tweedle-if and Tweedle-or Ran afoul of wild boar Tweedledon't and Tweedledo They fell ill with bucket-flu Tweedlethis and Tweedlethat Eaten by the Cheshire Cat Tweedleda and Tweedleniet They played Wonderland roulette Tweedleblow and Tweedlebreeze Each contracted mime disease Tweedleslow and Tweedlequick Kitchen with the candlestick Tweedleflash and Tweedlejava Lost their lives in molten lava Tweedlesheer and Tweedleskid "Will it blend?" They sure did. Tweedlehigh and Tweedlelow Snapped up by the Mo
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J
Jug o'rum
Down in the bayou, Luisiana stream. Fertiliser runoff, The trematodes teem. A polliwog hatched, A polliwog matured, Deep inside his limb bud, A tissue fluke secured. He crawled out of the river, And now we see his plight: For there's two feet on his left side, While three grow from the right. It's Banjo! The greater-spotted bullfrog with five legs. Down in the tributary, Mississippi creek. Population: normal, Plus one freak. With so many parasites, It's not a way to live. They get in all the tricky spots With diseases they're eager to give. The frog had one conclusion: A new home must be sought! But the journey would be
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2
Hadean Earth
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40
T
Tears of an Unfinished Recital
Tears of an Unfinished Wedding Recital There's a wedding on in half a year So let's get organised. A big event to engineer Are you sure we couldn't downsize? "Now many of us have something to read, Poems that we have chosen. In mind for you, something different indeed. Perhaps you would compose one?" There's a wedding coming, four months due Locale is booked , it's all in hand, The tux is ordered for the groom We're considering a band. "And how's your poem coming along? (Of course I hate to nag) But two months now have come and gone The time ain't gonna drag." There's a wedding on in two month's time The dress is bought- go
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1
M
My Heart: a tribute
My heart: it is four-chambered It's quite a sight to see. It pumps blood right up through my lungs Then round the rest of me. I am quite fond of it, oh yes. The reason is quite plain. For if it should stop working I would feel a lot of pain. My left arm- it is cramping It feels like it's on fire. My chest is fit to bursting The situation's dire. It seems my heart is angry It's marching out on strike. Why must my body hit the bricks While on the office hike? The paramedics calm me down They say it's just angina. It complicates my poem's end 'Cause it rhymes with "girl's va
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12
Simic Ragworm
18
5
Mister Sinister
25
1
A
A day in the life of a penny
On behalf of the RSPP To whom it may concern: I am a penny. A coin made from copper and tin, and, for reasons unbeknown to me, entirely self-aware. This presents itself with a few problems. First of all: why am I sapient? There appears to be no reason for it. I just am, and it's maddening. Second of all, I am still a mere penny, so I am also blind, deaf dumb, and otherwise completely unable to sense or interact with the world. And believe me it is hellish. I remember the day that it happened, clearly as anything."Huh? What? Whaaaa!" I cried in my thoughts. "Who am I? And what do I mean by 'who am I?'" and other such unoriginal nonsense. It
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6
Dipleurus xanthura
25
9
See all
D
Dragonslayer
In the land of Pyrûn, an exporter of lead Ruled by a king (who’s extremely inbred) Homeland of giants, but the giants are dead So the towns are beset by a dragon instead You can only burn down and eat all a man’s stuff So many times before he’ll say, “Enough! It’s time for the dragon to see that we’re tough, Our knight will extinguish that piteous Puff!” So out rode their champion, in gleaming steel armour Bearing his shield with its heraldic llama To be the right hand of the force they call Karma (At this point it’s safe to assume there’ll be drama) Up the Mountain of Dread, it&r
4
5
T
Tweedling
Tweedledum and Tweedledee They are all that's left, you see This is why they are (in rhyme) The final clones of Tweedleprime Tweedle-if and Tweedle-or Ran afoul of wild boar Tweedledon't and Tweedledo They fell ill with bucket-flu Tweedlethis and Tweedlethat Eaten by the Cheshire Cat Tweedleda and Tweedleniet They played Wonderland roulette Tweedleblow and Tweedlebreeze Each contracted mime disease Tweedleslow and Tweedlequick Kitchen with the candlestick Tweedleflash and Tweedlejava Lost their lives in molten lava Tweedlesheer and Tweedleskid "Will it blend?" They sure did. Tweedlehigh and Tweedlelow Snapped up by the Mo
4
2
J
Jug o'rum
Down in the bayou, Luisiana stream. Fertiliser runoff, The trematodes teem. A polliwog hatched, A polliwog matured, Deep inside his limb bud, A tissue fluke secured. He crawled out of the river, And now we see his plight: For there's two feet on his left side, While three grow from the right. It's Banjo! The greater-spotted bullfrog with five legs. Down in the tributary, Mississippi creek. Population: normal, Plus one freak. With so many parasites, It's not a way to live. They get in all the tricky spots With diseases they're eager to give. The frog had one conclusion: A new home must be sought! But the journey would be
11
2
Hadean Earth
11
40
T
Tears of an Unfinished Recital
Tears of an Unfinished Wedding Recital There's a wedding on in half a year So let's get organised. A big event to engineer Are you sure we couldn't downsize? "Now many of us have something to read, Poems that we have chosen. In mind for you, something different indeed. Perhaps you would compose one?" There's a wedding coming, four months due Locale is booked , it's all in hand, The tux is ordered for the groom We're considering a band. "And how's your poem coming along? (Of course I hate to nag) But two months now have come and gone The time ain't gonna drag." There's a wedding on in two month's time The dress is bought- go
1
1
M
My Heart: a tribute
My heart: it is four-chambered It's quite a sight to see. It pumps blood right up through my lungs Then round the rest of me. I am quite fond of it, oh yes. The reason is quite plain. For if it should stop working I would feel a lot of pain. My left arm- it is cramping It feels like it's on fire. My chest is fit to bursting The situation's dire. It seems my heart is angry It's marching out on strike. Why must my body hit the bricks While on the office hike? The paramedics calm me down They say it's just angina. It complicates my poem's end 'Cause it rhymes with "girl's va
30
12
Simic Ragworm
18
5
Mister Sinister
25
1
A
A day in the life of a penny
On behalf of the RSPP To whom it may concern: I am a penny. A coin made from copper and tin, and, for reasons unbeknown to me, entirely self-aware. This presents itself with a few problems. First of all: why am I sapient? There appears to be no reason for it. I just am, and it's maddening. Second of all, I am still a mere penny, so I am also blind, deaf dumb, and otherwise completely unable to sense or interact with the world. And believe me it is hellish. I remember the day that it happened, clearly as anything."Huh? What? Whaaaa!" I cried in my thoughts. "Who am I? And what do I mean by 'who am I?'" and other such unoriginal nonsense. It
13
6
Dipleurus xanthura
25
9
Cretaceous Desert Storm
25
132
Finn and Jake
Finn and Jake
2.1K
31.3K
-Aerodactyl-
-Aerodactyl-
639
12.3K
Ice World II
375
3.3K
Loki Charms T-Shirt
527
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Purge the unclean.
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P
Peculiar
What a peculiar thing it is to be A single man without TV Oh its still here, willing and able But lacking any useful cables No DVD, no XBOX, not even VCR Anything I could've used has been spread wide and far I've still got things that I can do. Got comics, got my books, I could even strut around nude, if not for judging looks. Maybe I could call some friends, they'd come round for a drink. Hang on, they're all out doing stuff. My heart begins to sink. And just like that, my sofas gone, and all my shelving too Now I've nought to sit upon while I've got nought to do. At least I've got my family, who's company I treasure. Showing me
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Bicentenaria argentina
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169
June 26, 1988
United Kingdom
Deviant for 13 years
Badges
Albino Llama: Llamas are awesome! (81)Albino Llama: Llamas are awesome! (81)
Divination Memetics
"Turn to page 35 of the nearest book to you," commanded the Internet meme. I cast around the room and laid my eyes upon Robert Rankin's The Educated Ape and other Wonders of the Worlds, a book I have not yet read but certainly plan to in the next few days. The meme continued: "The third sentence determines your sex life in 2013." Such fun. Okay, page thirty-five... here we are. Third sentence... okay. "It is all about theory and putting it into practice." JOLLY GOOD VERY HELPFUL
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There's a pigeon in here.
It's 3:48 am. I'm in bed, in my jammies, blogging because it's all I can think to do. My bed is covered in shit. My room is covered in shit. There's a wild pigeon in here looking at me. I only just noticed this. I am too tired to chase it around right now, and I know that if I try it's just going to shit all over everything even more. The way the windows work it won't get out by itself. I just want to go back to sleep and deal with this in the morning, except that it is in my bedroom with me RIGHT NOW and oh hey it just did another shit. What do?
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Restaurant and aggro
There's this one restaurant that's become something of a regular place for my family for special occasions. It used to have a Belgian theme, and though that has since changed to a more personal theme, the menu changed very little. For example, there are still a lot of Belgian beers and wine (understandable, I think most of their clientèle came for that). I, on the other hand, come for the mussels. They do them in many sauces, but always cooked up in a black pot that they are served in. We first went there for one of my birthdays, chosen as a surprise location for my love of mussels, though the rest of the generation on this side of the
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Comments312

anonymous's avatar
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avfc4me's avatar
We moved. Come find us.
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Raenafyn's avatar
Raenafyn|Hobbyist General Artist
As it would appear, the last comment is me wishing you happy birthday two years ago...
If you ever return to your account, Happy Birthday!
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Raenafyn's avatar
RaenafynEdited |Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday! :cake:

Edit: I realize I already wished you happy birthday earlier in the week, but eh, why not? XD
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avfc4me's avatar
You are still the funniest man on the planet. 
The Daily Show needs someone to take over. I was sitting here looking through old stuff and trying to remember...

What I remember, on nearly every post, is how incredibly BRIGHT and WITTY you are, and combine that with a keen bit of wordsmithing and Damn. 

It's an honor. 
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Raenafyn's avatar
Raenafyn|Hobbyist General Artist
Happy early birthday! :party:
Reply  ·  
avfc4me's avatar
So what ever happened to the bird planet? Did people stop calling it that? 
Reply  ·  
Draco-94's avatar
I keep waiting for your avatar to accidentally cut his pony tail off with that lightsaber lol
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