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Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver


M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-Mario Hello friends! Heart
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-MarioWelcome to my page! * by Kittyrocker

F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust About me {Free to use} by LittlesBlueSeas F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust

little star by DiegoVainilla My name is Bubbledriver, but you can call me Bub. 
SPIN by 8-BitSpider little star by DiegoVainilla I live in Singapore.
little star by DiegoVainillaI really like drawing comics! <333  

-F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely -F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks

Made in the '90s by Mr-Stamp InuYasha Fan .:Stamp:. by Wolven-Sorceress Nail Varnish Stamp by Kezzi-Rose


A lot of you guys who have watched me since I came here know I have problems with my Mom's side of the family. I'm gunna condense this shit but it's got a lot to do with REALLY manipulative people who I am unfortunately related to. What I am opening this journal and possibly a forum on Help with Life forum is how to deal with Manipulative family members.

Now, to start with this. My aunt who married my Mum's younger brother. She always felt an inferiority complex, a trend repeated in themes with her daughter and me towards my mother who was her polar opposite. My mother was a school teacher and this lady had never been educated. To be fair, my mother was partly at fault now I muse on it as she always looked down on my aunt and would comment on her lack of literacy to me from an early age. My aunt was kind to me however growing up although like my mother, she was very strict towards her own daughters , bordering abusive although it was verbal and she never struck them not like my mother who would beat me (extremely brutally. I was hit with a bamboo pole, chicken duster and all manner of sticks))  if I went out of line. I grew up with her family as neighbours and I was extremely close ironically to this family. I gave them (all my three cousins ) tuition, and babysat all three of my them   and saw them as sisters I never had. I had dinner over there, it was a second home for me to crash and I had friends to watch stupid movies which all four of us loved.

At that time I never noticed it though it was pointed out quickly by my best friend and cousin, Mika who was the same age as me whenever she hung out as Mika and I were inseparable and by that it meant she came into regular contact with C, the afforementioned cousin. "C's pretty jealous of you, isn't she?.

At the time she and I were 12 and C was 11 . C had gone off to get her toy dog which matched mine , only hers was a rainbow one and mine simply a dalmation to show Mika after I had shown her my new toy.

I shot Mika a confused look. 'She's only 11, Mika. No one's perfect and sides, she's little."

Mika just gave me this look I could not read back then and said," Oh c'mon, she threw a temper tantrum when your Mom bought you that dalmation and she wanted the exclusive and rare version of your dog. She always tries to copy your artwork and get your Mom's attention since we were like, 7. I noticed and can't believe you didn't."  I folded my arms, not happy at the way as it seemed Mika was being jealous of my younger cousin whom I saw as a little sister and trying to budge in.  " Look, let us just forget about it and get some icecream together , okay? My treat?" I shared the trait of being a people pleaser with my mother and while I saw Mika's logic, I liked C too much to confront her on what I believed would be stamped out with age and maturity. I also did not want to butt back to Mika whom despite being younger was arguably more streetwise and savvy than me.

Mika shrugged ."I'm just saying, B. You need to watch your back or you will have trouble."

It was pretty ironic years later, one day.

Mika would be patting my back , tears pouring down my cheeks, hyperventilating , I would whisper to her . "-You were right." 

Because the saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from an enemy.

And that Mika was nearly always right.

---

My love had blinded me on a number of occasions to C's behavior.

C had a skin problem that was rather terrible and got worse. She was always insecure about that and her weight too. I had the same skin condition but it was not as serious.

Mika and her clashed several times as time went on Mika began to judge her rather condescendingly on C's telling us on supposed multiple boyfriends as though has it was some kind of achievement then get angry when Mika and I discussed about our grades which (later revealed to be) were higher than hers always to the extent the pair would stop meeting up totally and I would juggle time between the pair when Mika would drop by.

It never mattered much to me , grades and boys it is. Mika while a delinquent was however proud of her marks , C had a love hate relationship with her grades but was arguably more obsessed with boys and I? I was obsessed with comics and anime, making me a neutral party.

As time went on, my aunt was frequently frustrated with C, and would compliment me continuously in C's presence, using me as an example , asking C why she could not be more like me , as I never ran off with boys and was studious and never barked  back at my mother and thus was in my aunt's eyes , a model daughter.

I suppose I should have seen it coming, but I felt sorry for C and thus kept quiet when the following events happened.

C began to tell me her friends thought I was fat and ugly. To I who was already insecure about my weight and appearance and bullied terribly then and from an early age , was so ashamed that I may have hurt my cousin by being  there , would panic whenever anyone of my cousin's or brother's school friends came over to the extent I ran off when Mika wanted to introduce me to her secondary school friends.

When I told Mika after she wanted answers, her rage knew no bounds. Mika was violently protective of me always , to the extent she physically attacked an uncle who laughed at me for my weight at a gathering when we were just 14 and later broke off ties with him and refused to attend even his funeral.

I had to beg her to not send her gang after C as she had connections everywhere.

I told her it was a misunderstanding, but then Mika angrily pointed out, C could have kept quiet on her friend's supposed opinions. It was clearly meant to hurt me.

And that struck something in me.

After that, C would report and gossip to my mother on me as I was a teenager at the time, that I would swear , but so did C. I did it because C used it so often I felt out of place when we conversed and I desperately wanted to bond with her, sensing a chasm between our once solid relationship.

When I pointed it out to my Mom C swore too, Mom confronted my aunt for some reason on this and I know she was punished. C stopped swearing but so did the chasm I felt , grow.

Then one day, my grandparents both took ill. It was decided that as the son, my uncle and family would care for my grandparents. But my grandfather despised my aunt for some reason , and hated her cooking. To the extent fights broke out frequently in the house and my mother would rush in to stop it whenever she got a text or call from my uncle.

Grandpa one day took Grandma, Po-po ( The one ho had just passed.) and came to our house. They clearly were much happier and more comfortable here. But to my aunt, this was what broke the camel's back. She being extremely traditional, even my Grandparents voluntarily wanting to come over and not wanting her home, was a sign of disrespect towards her as she was the son's wife and the son was supposed to care for my grandparents. Even though Grandpa would verbally abuse her and she treated them as second class citizens in their home, according to my Grandpa, only serving them after her children has been served when Uncle was not around. And treating them coldly when the son was not around.

Like my mother, my aunt was and is fixated on what people thought of her.

She would gossip and spread rumours of my mother being manipulative of convincing my Grandpa to go over and of being cruel to her . To everyone of her friends, the shopkeepers of the small community and town we lived in.

She also influenced her three daughters who while bound by duty to not attack their elders took their anger of seeing their mother in such a state by gossiping about me to the other cousins and relations, glaring at me whenever we passed by , and talking quietly and I knew they were talking about me.

C blamed me , I heard also for encouraging the her two younger siblings to chase their dreams and when those dreams went awry, as in they could not find work in their intended fields, blamed me. Even though I myself was paying for that same mistake. See, I studied animation but would switch jobs many times into other fields and suffered verbal abuse from my bosses and a low salary and overworked .

They drove us effectively from town, my father unable to take the suffering of his wife and daughter, moved us out far away to another place and while this ultimately did not have the intended effect , as my grandpa decided he would fare better in his own house with a maid to care for them than set foot in my uncle's home.

I nearly committed suicide from the pain of this betrayal and stress of finding a job at the time.

To have three people I once considered my younger sisters turn against me in such a fashion...It broke me. Sorrow over the lost bond, then rage that they could not see my suffering and for blaming me for their own choices. I hated them, then I hated myself for hating them because I had been raised to protect them from when they were babies, each of them as my mother thought it would be great for me to have three sisters even not by blood.

These two emotions would war inside me constantly me.

I stopped going to meetings with my mother's side of the family. It disgusts me to see how the three of them had turned out. Over the years, after we moved into this property, as it was land given by my paternal grandmother and was bequeathed to us on her passing which Dad seized to renovate and was free-hold as in it would belong to me and my brother forever.

She and her sisters attempted to weasel and gain entry into our home. Constantly commenting on the two empty bedrooms and how convenient would be for them if my mother would let them have it because it was so near to the private university one of them was going to . Whether they implied they would pay rent or that by merely related and god daughters of my mother meant they felt entitled to the bedrooms, both enraged and gave me a huge panic attack.

Mika happened to drop by after she had rushed home to see me after completing a semester at Australia. When I told her the whole shenanigan , she stormed down to confront my mother and I thank the gods nearly everyone on the maternal side had left and declared as my father's chosen god daughter, she had more right to the bedrooms than her god daughters and would pay five times the amount for BOTH bed rooms if it would save me from her (my mother's) idiocy , from the abuse I endured. Mika's dad was rich and she could afford to go without work for life, but she wanted to earn her own keep.

Mika and Mom have not talked since.

But my mother finally reluctantly decided also to gain money , put the rooms up for rent and my Dad later reassured me he would neve rlet any one of the three cousins be willed any part of this house.'

I would be lying if I did not admit I feel resentment towards my mother for ignoring the abuse I endured, for telling me to be empathetic and be the bigger person even after being hurt so badly, to excuse her obvious sympathy for C as the both of them share the advanced stage of skin problem.

--


The past two days of funeral have been ...Not as bad. I was thankfully left alone to mourn and pay respects to my grandmother. But I was clearly a pariah. In the time I had spent away hiding from the trio, their religiousness and piety in the eyes of my maternal side was seen as a sign of their goodness. I had become the black sheep.

And it irritates me to no end they are seen as such even though they clearly have not suffered half as much as I did when I had to care for my paternal grandmother when she was dying. They were spared for that and not only caused the weakened bond within the family , continuously lying to my relations on me , painting me as a bad guy....They had the audacity to keep praying , even building a shrine to their god in their home as though it was a dang stage and they were the actors.

My aunt instead of caring for my grandparents, my grandmother when things got bad, went on expensive spiritual journeys with other practitioners of her faith. Was praised as a sign of her holiness and piety. Instead of caring for her sickly mother in law and clearly grieving father in law.

When C bitched on the whole of the maternal side despite their obvious kindness to her and her family that they looked won on her for her occupation and her mom for being a housewife on INSTAGRAM, it was swept under the rug, poor baby, she clearly was under so much stress . Wah-wah, pity her, she has a skin problem, and is the baby in my maternal family's eyes. Even though she is 26 . When I have had to deal with that and while being polite to everyone, due to C's lying gossip has me painted as hard hearted and 'stealing' my mother away even though SHE(C)  and her family were the ones who drove my family and me out with THEIR issues?

That they are constantly excused due to people thinking pious people are good and somehow can be excused for being horrible people to their own kin just cuz they worship their god suuuuper well? 

So there I would sit. Alone as my parents could attend to others .

The only people I talked to were one of two younger cousins who were too young to talk to C's side.

To my Dad's side who dropped by to visit and pay heir respects. My Dad's friends.

---

So I wanna know is this. I need advice and maybe some sharing on your experience with dealing with terrible family members? Especially when you are stuck at family gatherings like funerals with no way out for hours at an end. With people who have hurt you badly. Maybe even share your own experiences (if you wanna) so we all can not feel so alone in this together?

Take care!

<3 Bub.




Pixel music bars by nights-lights Vidya of the day Pixel music bars by nights-lights




Mah Buddehs


:iconwhitefoxdesigns::iconlawfulstudios9646: :iconpotato-yi: :iconcaligomwknight::icontixixx::iconleyrx::iconmahou-monomi::iconcolonelyeo::iconmonster-bytes::icongirlgamer7601::iconjulthecat::iconindigo-epzs::iconikatheith::iconkamellion::iconkarakuri642::iconappleghoul::iconhatcatmoby::icongvardianangel:    


In my world by BubbleDriver


 
Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver


M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-Mario Hello friends! Heart
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-MarioWelcome to my page! * by Kittyrocker

F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust About me {Free to use} by LittlesBlueSeas F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust

little star by DiegoVainilla My name is Bubbledriver, but you can call me Bub. 
SPIN by 8-BitSpider little star by DiegoVainilla I live in Singapore.
little star by DiegoVainillaI really like drawing comics! <333  

-F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely -F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks

Made in the '90s by Mr-Stamp InuYasha Fan .:Stamp:. by Wolven-Sorceress Nail Varnish Stamp by Kezzi-Rose



At 5 am, my maternal grandmother, Po po after a hard battle with cancer and organ failure, finally passed away.

I possibly will weep from being influenced by the grief emanating from my family but I had long accepted my grandmother's passing.

You see, she died in my eyes when she was struck by Alzheimers and succumbed to it totally a year back by being totally bedridden and incapable of speech and sleeping all the time.

Do I sound utterly selfish and hard hearted? Yes.

But you have to understand my point of view. Po po was full of life, and love. As alzheimers killed off her personality and mind , I realized the body on the bed was no longer my beloved grandmother. Oh yes, I fulfilled my duty as a faithful grand daughter, I visited her prone body weekly and attempted to talk to her although I knew in my heart that she could not hear me anymore.

To realize your loved one is gone mentally and all that is left is a body but without a soul ,broke my heart.

So I had plenty of time to grieve. I respected her and respect her by being as brave as I can be, as fearless as I can be, as loving as selfless even on days (mind, I do fail on that and courage's front so many times) I feel like being absolutely beastly because that was what she was.

Courage, love and selflessness.

I ate a plate full of cookies from the same brand she used to feed me as a child today as lunch. I thought if she was somehow watching me above, perhaps she would be pleased I chose to remember her in a way she would have found pleasing. Through her charity, through her love and through her actions towards me.

She lives in my heart still , now with my paternal grandmother and my grand uncle and my aunt .

Rest in peace, Po-po.

23/5/2019




Pixel music bars by nights-lights Song of the day Pixel music bars by nights-lights


Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver


M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-Mario Hello friends! Heart
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-MarioWelcome to my page! * by Kittyrocker

F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust About me {Free to use} by LittlesBlueSeas F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust

little star by DiegoVainilla My name is Bubbledriver, but you can call me Bub. 
SPIN by 8-BitSpider little star by DiegoVainilla I live in Singapore.
little star by DiegoVainillaI really like drawing comics! <333  

-F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely -F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks

Made in the '90s by Mr-Stamp InuYasha Fan .:Stamp:. by Wolven-Sorceress Nail Varnish Stamp by Kezzi-Rose



To me , story offers a way for anyone with an ounce of imagination to escape from the mundane to places and people they have never been before.

The culprit who so callously gave me the dual gift and curse of the lust for story were actually both my grandmothers . My paternal grandmother in particular, as long as I could remember told me stories . The earliest story I could remember and which stuck with me was a ghost story , in which the content which might seem crude, vulgar a story to be told to a child barely older than five but Granny cared not.

She would tell me as we rested in the shade and cool of her bedroom . About the time a long long ago , when she was a little naughty girl who stayed in a kampung in Malaysia who had a hankering for some juicy bananas one day. Particularly the fat wild ones in the dark forest that bordered the kampong that she spied. The children were however warned by the village elders never ever to go into the dark forest for reasons, Granny said with a twinkle in her eye, she was about to find out. So, thinking her village elders were just bluffing , off went young Granny , secretly to get the bananas . She found what she was looking for , a rather large banana tree in a clearing surrounded by clumps and clumps of lalang. Anyway , granny had climbed up the tree and was about to pick the nearest one when she sensed something. She looked up and there was an old lady but she knew it was no mere old lady for she was butt necked and had these huge pendulous breasts that were so huge and wrinkled they touched the ground . She had these long, long nails and oh, she looked really hungry and she was looking at Granny.

Granny called it s variety of vampire , an older uglier but no less deadly version of the Pontianak.

With a squeak, Granny leapt off and fled. Grabbing clumps of lalang as she fled, recalling what her own mother drilled into her should she ever encounter this type of spook was its weakness. She flung them behind as she fled, hearing yelps, howls of pain and fury as she made her hasty escape. Lalang, she told me, jabbing her pointer finger at me, wards off the southeastern variety of vampire. Needless to say, it was the last time she disobeyed her elders warning.

Granny would regale me with stories, stories of her time growing up in rural Malaysia. Her time spent with her brothers during the Japanese occupation , hiding with the resistance troops and living off wild tapioca, bananas, leaves and bark. And rainwater. Her time when her own mother sold her off as a child bride to a rich Singaporean family, to the son of the family. My grandpa . Happy times, sad times .

My maternal grandmother was the more favored of the two but not as good as a story teller as she had a short attention span and also extremely busy .

She would tell me between snatches of conversation on her day , what her neighbor did , and then go off on a tangent and talk about the times she was a girl .

Po po ( the term for maternal grandma in Chinese )was always busy . While my Nai Nai ( the term for paternal grandmother in Chinese) was the queen of the household , both feared and loved by her respectful brood and army of children and grandchildren , my Po Po fitted the textbook image of loving granny . She or my Grandoa would give me change to buy snacks , I always had a chance to eat cookies at her place and her cooking was way better than my Nai Nai’s delegated cooking for my mother . ( For as long as I can remember , my Nai Nai never cooked and for good reason, she did once , but it was a disaster.)

My Po Po had this big personality , and she loved to gossip and talk to everyone and everyone. And all the while , while cooking . Which was 99.5% where she was . In the kitchen , in some manner of food preparation . Peeling the onions , chucking potatoes while bellowing on what how the prices had gone up and what a struggle she had to negotiate prices with the unfortunate shop owner to get it at this ( in her humble opinion ) ridiculous price . Then telling us young grandchildren or her offspring to serve out the bowls of soup she would ladle out .

When she finally had time to spare to sit down it was never for long she gave her attention to me for I was not her only grand daughter , she had many .

Popo would talk to me about the present , she did not seem unlike my Nai Nai interested in her past . The only story I got out from her was how she escaped being taken by the Japanese Troops as a little girl was hiding in her older sister’s long black dress before she swiftly changed topics .

So while I did learn how to express myself through her possibly , and gain interest in oratory skills and interest . Po Po was not as good a story teller as my Nai Nai due to time constraints and lack of interest although she certainly possessed the potential .

However , I credit my mother for taking it up a notch and adding 'voice' to her stories. To me, there can be no other who can tell stories so well. Give tone and voice to character. Like life reflects art, I would later analyze and determine that every character had an individual voice and was the key to creating an interesting story.

So really, I had very good role models who cultivated within me the willingness to learn and to be teachable. Through then I learnt the importance of transporting my readers and audience to different worlds and inculcating values because c’mon , at the heart of it all stories, the good ones anyway have some sort of message .

What story do you want to tell if you write ?



Pixel music bars by nights-lights Song of the day Pixel music bars by nights-lights


Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver


M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-Mario Hello friends! Heart
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-MarioWelcome to my page! * by Kittyrocker

F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust About me {Free to use} by LittlesBlueSeas F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust

little star by DiegoVainilla My name is Bubbledriver, but you can call me Bub. 
SPIN by 8-BitSpider little star by DiegoVainilla I live in Singapore.
little star by DiegoVainillaI really like drawing comics! <333  

-F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely -F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks

Made in the '90s by Mr-Stamp InuYasha Fan .:Stamp:. by Wolven-Sorceress Nail Varnish Stamp by Kezzi-Rose


I feel validated somehow through my male characters . Growing up I was told to shut up . A lot. Even before I could talk or get a word in. So, the inability to speak due to some curse is featured in a lot of my male protagonists. To me, the male protagonists of my stories represent the painful side of me, the suppressed , the anguished , the hidden side that seeks warmth and companionship. My female characters represent what I wish to be , my male leads represent my true self.

To me. Story is an art. You spin entire worlds , create life and death with a flick of your pen, weave entire lives out.

.... Yes . I’m into my death note phase . Everything is hinted to have something to do with it . Urghhhh! I absolutely love it and hate it .

It also opened my eyes to the idea of privilege in life. What society constructs around us is so subtle and so poisonous that it is shocking when you realize what you have been inhaling.

Men and taught to be a certain way , women are taught to be a certain way and to behave or express otherwise is to be outed as abnormal .

Yes, story to me a form of expression and an art . Escapism if you will , but it is also a medium to comment on toxic societal norms and standards in gender roles and gender identity erasure .

What story do you want to tell if you write ?



Pixel music bars by nights-lights Song of the day Pixel music bars by nights-lights


Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver


M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy M A G I C A L G I R L by King-Lulu-Deer F2U Sparkle by piirmy
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-Mario Hello friends! Heart
Wing (left) by King-Lulu-Deer (F2U) sparkles by peachkonpeito Arrow left by Drawn-MarioWelcome to my page! * by Kittyrocker

F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust About me {Free to use} by LittlesBlueSeas F2U - Scribbly Starry Moon by Sugary-Stardust

little star by DiegoVainilla My name is Bubbledriver, but you can call me Bub. 
SPIN by 8-BitSpider little star by DiegoVainilla I live in Singapore.
little star by DiegoVainillaI really like drawing comics! <333  

-F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely Tiny fruit divider (F2U) by Zilverlovely -F2U- Black Popping Bullet by RariJacks

Made in the '90s by Mr-Stamp InuYasha Fan .:Stamp:. by Wolven-Sorceress Nail Varnish Stamp by Kezzi-Rose

Strawberry Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Faves and Comments - stamp by Yaraffinity IMAGINARY FOOD by HisMissDolly
I am not going to mention names here but a few years back I had the misfortune of watching a drama series on singapore tv.

The director was going for edgy I guess, an imperfect female lead than the usual parade of perfect girls featured onscreen . But what sickened me was this. The lead was reduced to working in a pet stall. Not happy, when no one is looking she abuses the dog by dragging it until it is clearly gagging and hoses it down roughly. I have had two dogs, both raised from puppyhood . If anyone even threatened a single strand of fur on my dogs heads , I'd very happily murder them with my bare hands. There are two kinds of people I personally find rephrensile and one of them are child abusers and the other animal abusers. Abusers repulse me in general given my history with them but these two unnerve me because of the victims helplessness. Animals more so because they cannot speak for themselves.at the end of the train wreck I was baying for her blood.

So the directors wanted me to feel sorry for such an utter trash bag of a human being. Nope, not gonna happen.while I despise what was done to her though I digress. She orchestrated the rape of another girl and cheered on the rapists and jeered merrily but was shocked when her gang members mostly male turned on her? Rape is particular is disgusting act, and while the drama correctly showed rape had to do with the power and control and is seen as a punishment, how it is shown or tried to frame the female lead in a sympathetic light does absolutely nothing except highlight how morally weak she is to lower herself to the level of abuser to living creatures even weaker and helpless than children. Taking out her anger on the dog only shows weakness in character. Inexcusable. Her frustration at her supposed helplessness is in a way understandable however how she chose to release that toxic emotion destroys any like ability for the character.

So if you write your protagonist, unless you are writing from a point of view of what an utter piece of poop they are , in no way can I comprehend how you can expect people to emphasize with such a low life. It truly is mind boggling that tv execs or tv writer could have gone. " ooh! Lets write a story about a utterly piece of trash animal abuser who also orchestrates the rape of a fellow female whom she just dislikes because of her positive attributes and people are expected to like her, she's so edgy! 1! 1!" People are gonna love and relate to her! Yaaaaass!

No. Just no.

How would I have fixed this? I recently got into Death Note and it clearly has a villainous but well intentioned lead and a heroic but dubious intentioned antagonist . It did it right by Never excusing the actions of the main lead , the story never tried to frame or give excuses for Light Yagami and it showed the struggle of the heroic antagonist, L to bring him to justice by endearing us to him .

This drama series to add salt to the wound is also geared towards families with kids . My horrified family members and I watched this utter travesty against human sense till we closed it in the middle of the heroine whining and bitching about the hole she dug herself in and even my then ten year old brother questioned who was the heroine . He agreed the main character was wrong in her actions although he voiced uncertainty as clearly the writers saw her in the right . At least this showed me my parents and I had raised the kid right .

No .

We all are given choices . Orchestrating the rape of another girl for merely disliking her and for gaining the attention of your crush?

Don’t expect me to feel sorry for you when karma happens when the same rapists you enlisted turn their attention on you . But the way they framed it was so nasty and poorly done it was like a cheap ass porno promoting rape with each man taking turns to rape each girl in the most cliche of cliche places , the food court toilet and coming out of each cubicle adjusting their belts with a very satisfied expression as though we the viewers are supposed to cheer and go:” Yaaaaaaaaaaaas! Justice be served ! Hm-mmm!”

And then the dog abuse . And the way you chose to frame it is that she clearly is only frustrated by the fact she got out of jail and is merely a dog groomer’s assistant and not PTSD? The fact her employer hired her out of pity and while a bit gruff is clearly kind hearted to hire such a low life nasty person ? Oh no, hun .

Honey . That did it for me .

If I had written this ? Scrapped the disgusting rape satisfaction scene . I would have made it traumatizing , focused on the trauma of the victims . I also would have the rapists caught and tried.

I would have amped up more screen time on the heroic antagonist and her struggle to remain kind and her recovery after such a horrible incident . As this is a family show , I would eventually have her triumph over the villainous protagonist with the other locked up or undergo extensive therapy that she finally realizes she is in the wrong and suffer villainous BSOD.

I would show the other characters NOT react to the villainous protagonist’s behavior with sympathy and babying but horror and criticism . To show she is in the wrong .

.... If the writer of this circus clown act is female , Ma’am, you make writers like that Twilight series and Fifty shades of grey look like feminist literature iconlasts of our century . And I say that politely .

Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver

emoticon Bubble by BubbleDriverWhat would you choose, oh maiiiii  emoticon Bubble by BubbleDriver



A Bubbly Dance by BubbleDriverCats A Bubbly Dance by BubbleDriver


Me schedule 

Mon: 1 comic page ID , the
Concept and lettering

Tue: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain, the concept and lettering


Wed:blog + chat (today)


Thurs : 1 comic page ID, colour and posting

Fri: blog + chat

Sat: gaiaonline avatar


Sun: illustration of Bub or fanart gaiaonline avatar

.... A schedule pattern one following Schedule pattern two next week . So every week will have content on a regular basis or at least I will TRY.


S M K

Sex- Tumblr is that hot hipster and supposedly liberated dude you met one night and thought was awesome . A few tosses in the bed and as time went on , you however realized to your disgust not only is he getting more and more with the wrong crowd but is getting more and more belligerent on his opinions and only his are the correct ones . The final straw comes when he insults your innocent parents and patronizes your disgusted friends after an attempt to introduce him to the family . It’s over . Of course you never hear the end of it in cyberspace , of which he takes to to vent his side of the story to his legion of sympathetic friends . Crazy sex but it ain’t worth it for the crazy aftermath . Haha!

Marry - Deviantart is your weird childhood neighbor who was a bit of a Weeaboo growing up . You were incredibly close growing up but Time changed , there was a period of time you avoided him due to cowardice as he was honestly seen as a bit of a quiet outcast in social circles but he never resented you for this and forgave you when you eventually returned after the what you call the Tumblr and Insta saga . You found his steadfast, open-minded and desire to connect to you - personality great in comparison to your previous flings and ability to laugh at himself attractive and him standing up to others when they made you feel uncomfortable on purpose, to you comforting. You eventually propose to him and marry him in front of your happy but exasperated family who saw it coming a mile away .

Kill- Instagram is the rebound relationship after Tumblr . An otherworldly handsome and wealthy celebrity who enjoys taking selfies of himself , the dog, food and well, anything under the sun . The attraction to both him and his money quickly dies off due to his complete lack of personality . His constant taking of photos drives you around the bend , then it comes to light he is cheating on you and others by extension , with multiple partners . This coupled by the frustration of having your photo taken even when sleeping even when you are in the shower, to conversing only via Phone and photos drives you crazy . In a fit of insanity, you murder him on the remote billion dollar island and bury the body before escaping . You never tell your poor current husband , DA about this even though he seems to guess and understand. Your crazy ex , Insta however is obsessed and conspiracy theories abound on his blog after the news hit .

...

Sooooo, if you had any fave or past!fave websites, who would you SMK? ;3

---
  

25 year old loser, Arta Pendragon has been fired from her deadend job and kicked out by her deadbeat (now ex-)boyfriend. On top of that, she suffers from mysterious terrifying dreams that has led to her drinking coffee in a bid to stay up which results in a vicious cycle of getting fired due to her exhaustion . The last thing she was thinking of was getting a crush on a stranger. But when mysterious Mordred Kingsley waltzes into her life, the coffee oddly stops working its magic for WONDERFUL sleepless nights. Arta has now to find a way to deal with nightmares, get a new job. When she gets a new job , little does she know that is the first step of starting a destiny long forestalled by malevolent forces.

A webcomic series! Thanks for Supporting 'Is it Deja Vu' by BubbleDriver

Thank you to all for supporting it for a year ans for the long ass hiatus! I could not have done it without your overwhelming support, everyone!! 

What is ID? 

ID! Comic -Arta Pendragon by BubbleDriver

ID! Comic -Merlin the cat by BubbleDriver

It's an over the top action fantasy romance tragicomedy that combines slice of life with a prophecy. If you like cheerful and ridiculously cheerful protagonists , you probably will like 'Is it Deja Vu"? 

Sounds like your jam? 

Here's the sypnosis! 

25 year old loser, Arta Pendragon has been fired from her deadend job and kicked out by her deadbeat (now ex-)boyfriend, the last thing she was thinking of was getting a crush on a stranger. But when mysterious Mordred Kingsley waltzes into her life, little does she know that was the first step of starting a destiny long forestalled by malevolent forces.


-----

Me schedule 

Mon: 1 comic page ID , the
Concept and lettering

Tue: blog + chat

Wed: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain, the concept and lettering

Thurs : 1 comic page ID, colour and posting

Fri: blog + chat

Sat: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain clean up

Sun: illustration of Bub or fanart or gaiaonline avatar

.... A schedule pattern one following Schedule pattern two next week . So every week will have content on a regular basis or at least I will TRY.

---



Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver

emoticon Bubble by BubbleDriverConsumerism , addiction, oh mai  emoticon Bubble by BubbleDriver



A Bubbly Dance by BubbleDriverCats A Bubbly Dance by BubbleDriver


Me schedule 

Mon: 1 comic page ID , the
Concept and lettering

Tue: blog + chat (today) 

Wed: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain, the concept and lettering

Thurs : 1 comic page ID, colour and posting

Fri: blog + chat

Sat: gaiaonline avatar


Sun: illustration of Bub or fanart gaiaonline avatar

.... A schedule pattern one following Schedule pattern two next week . So every week will have content on a regular basis or at least I will TRY.


thumbnail IMG 0754 by BubbleDriver

thumbnail IMG 0755 by BubbleDriver



Untitled by BubbleDriver
thumbnail IMG 0757 by BubbleDriver



Untitled by BubbleDriver


Untitled by BubbleDriver

Untitled by BubbleDriver



Bubble tea is chamomile + Dandelion + Fennel ! = It gives you pep to fight weariness like coffee from Dandelion, yet soothes and relaxes you from Chamomile and allows you to fight away bloating (And keep away evil spirits!) 

Coming soon to a stall near you! <333

Take the quiz here and post your results! I'm drawing Bubble tea soon ;333  



---
  

25 year old loser, Arta Pendragon has been fired from her deadend job and kicked out by her deadbeat (now ex-)boyfriend. On top of that, she suffers from mysterious terrifying dreams that has led to her drinking coffee in a bid to stay up which results in a vicious cycle of getting fired due to her exhaustion . The last thing she was thinking of was getting a crush on a stranger. But when mysterious Mordred Kingsley waltzes into her life, the coffee oddly stops working its magic for WONDERFUL sleepless nights. Arta has now to find a way to deal with nightmares, get a new job. When she gets a new job , little does she know that is the first step of starting a destiny long forestalled by malevolent forces.

A webcomic series! Thanks for Supporting 'Is it Deja Vu' by BubbleDriver

Thank you to all for supporting it for a year ans for the long ass hiatus! I could not have done it without your overwhelming support, everyone!! 

What is ID? 

ID! Comic -Arta Pendragon by BubbleDriver

ID! Comic -Merlin the cat by BubbleDriver

It's an over the top action fantasy romance tragicomedy that combines slice of life with a prophecy. If you like cheerful and ridiculously cheerful protagonists , you probably will like 'Is it Deja Vu"? 

Sounds like your jam? 

Here's the sypnosis! 

25 year old loser, Arta Pendragon has been fired from her deadend job and kicked out by her deadbeat (now ex-)boyfriend, the last thing she was thinking of was getting a crush on a stranger. But when mysterious Mordred Kingsley waltzes into her life, little does she know that was the first step of starting a destiny long forestalled by malevolent forces.


-----

Me schedule 

Mon: 1 comic page ID , the
Concept and lettering

Tue: blog + chat

Wed: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain, the concept and lettering

Thurs : 1 comic page ID, colour and posting

Fri: blog + chat

Sat: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain clean up

Sun: illustration of Bub or fanart or gaiaonline avatar

.... A schedule pattern one following Schedule pattern two next week . So every week will have content on a regular basis or at least I will TRY.

---



Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver

emoticon Bubble by BubbleDriverConsumerism , addiction, oh mai  emoticon Bubble by BubbleDriver



A Bubbly Dance by BubbleDriverCats A Bubbly Dance by BubbleDriver


Me schedule 

Mon: 1 comic page ID , the
Concept and lettering

Tue: blog + chat (today)

Wed: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain, the concept and lettering

Thurs : 1 comic page ID, colour and posting

Fri: blog + chat

Sat: gaiaonline avatar


Sun: illustration of Bub or fanart gaiaonline avatar

.... A schedule pattern one following Schedule pattern two next week . So every week will have content on a regular basis or at least I will TRY.


ID page 30 sketch preview by BubbleDriver



Now where I? Ah yes, between a hard rock and a shitstorm. Funtimes, were being twenty.

Anyways, I continue to ignore Scott. He's being a dweeb, but an apparently loyal one, as someone who is pretty loyal, I can understand that and grudgingly give credit even if it is blind loyalty in a pretty crap-o terrible person.

But noooooo.

It is a presentation day. All of us have to showcase our portfolio. For my portfolio. I stand up to give my presentation. A dozen eyes glower balefully at me. I'm still at odds with most the class. Ignoring the titters and mutters thrown my way. I toss my head and launch into a showcase of my work. Soon it dies down and more admiring sounds are made, despite popular girl turning her head to give a death glare to silence the sounds from her cronies.

Anyways, I cite my influences during the hush. One of which is Scott Pilgrim . And one of my personal heroes who served as an inspiration for many of my characters, Nightcrawler aka Kurt Wagner. 

I passionately begin to launch into an explanation on why Scott Pilgrim is so important to me, as an art style and wildly diverse cast - Someone jumps. 

"Oh my god!" We all jump. Scott , the real Scott is giving me this wild eyed look like he just cracked the Rosetta stone and this look of-well- let us say my heart sank in horror as FINALLY what Nepeta had been trying to tell me f, what I had spent time puzzling over, agonizing over privately finally , finally hits me.

Oh.

I am not amused by the revelation . The lecturer overseeing the presentation is extremely unamused as well.

"Mr Scott. Miss Driver is giving HER presentation. May you please sit your arse down and save your enlightening comments till after the show is over?"

"Oh. Oh! Suure. Uh-heh-yeah." He sits down a bit deflated. I roll my eyes , ignoring my feelings, and continue on how I adore the pixel concept, the game of Scott Pilgrim, the sheer ingenuity of it being able to reach out and acknowledge and bridge such a wide audience. 

Scott is clearly vibrating, he opens his mouth several times like a fish. But the lecturer is prepared, somehow and has seated himself next to him, a pissed stony look on his face. 

Whatevers, he's at least quiet until I get into Nightcrawler. "WAIT-YOU TOO?! HE'S MY CHILDHOOD HERO TOO. " 

I inwardly keep a cheerful tone as I go on the hero's past, his outlook and how he is received by fans, particularly female ones , how he is such a radical inversion of the stereotypical hero , ignoring the outburst. I have a grade to earn, an unfaithful idiot to ignore , and he isn't gonna stand in my way. 

Scott somehow is quelled by the lecturer , until the feedback session. I recall the embarrassment of watching him try and talk about how similar our *cough* portfolios are, over the feedback given by my equally exasperated classmates.

Urgh. It makes sense now.

I guess I should be flattered. If it had been those few weeks before I learnt he had been dating a younger girl and since then it had been a year since, I would have been over the moon. But I was not.

Scott was dating a girl. A vulnerable young girl who was gaga over him, whom he chose to play around and keep by his side because she was a 'safe' option. A pretty option, a less opinionated , conventional option.  

If he really wanted me, he should have had the balls at least to break up with her , and try and win me over like the comic. Not that I would have accepted him even then. I personally find people who throw away their current partners because they are 'bored' or were having fun , are revolting as I'm not there for short term, I'm long term. 

But real life is NOT a comic. And the two Scotts could not be more different. Maybe he was tired of her, seeing her as 'boring' pretty, slim , puppy-ish ,Knives, maybe he saw me as this mysterious, cool, curvy Ramona. The Ramona who would complete his boredom, who was quirky like him and shared similar interests with, who would eventually  give in to his hints and go out and have a fling with. But I was not. I was NOT Ramona as much as I admired her. 

I was like, Nepeta said, kooky, I was kind, I worried a lot, I was down to earth. Iwas actually pretty immature. I was no manic pixie dream girl as much into subculture I was. And if there was anything I hated, it was being seen as something I was not.

I was not anyone's other half. I AM not anyone's other half peroid. I loathe especially the concept of being seen as some mystical totem or prize that someone thinks if they chase after, or go on some quest for, they deserve or being seen as an inspiration for some soul searching mystical quest. Cuz screw that shit as much as I adore it in stories. 

I was no Ramona. I was no one's Princess Zelda or Princess Peach. I was ME.

I kept it down. I ignored him and his hints by pointedly giving him very flat looks, non committed grunts to his queries. So he kept it to staring. Always the staring.

He made a point of staring as we passed each other. It grew uncomfortable especially whenever Nepeta and Kurolz got together and me and Scott were on each side of the loving couple.To the point I had to excuse myself away from. I hated it. The feeling of running away.


Until one rainy day, I was in a particularly bad mood and he decided to try and follow me to my bus stop when I damn well knew he stayed at the far end bus stop at some far off shopping mall. 

That day, SHIT hit the fan. I honestly think I kinda have some form of PTSD, my defensive mechanism or whatever kicks in cuz of being chased and stalked countless times home as a little kid from abusers my age, and it's always raining aaaaand shit if it weren't a rainy day that day , so I BLEW MY TOP.

I turned around, and he gives me that dopey glass eyes gaga look and I screamed. Yes , screamed loud enough he jumped. 

"CAN'T YOU TAKE A F*CKING HINT?!"

He gapes at me. "Buh-buh-buuuh-"

"I'M NAWT INTER-REST-TED IN DE LYKES AWFF YEW. YEW GUD FER NUFFINK LAWSEE CHEATUHHHH!" I roar, accentuating each, spelling it out in hopes some logic might pierce that hardened skull.. My accent comes through real western whenever I am pissed. It's cuz I watched a ton of western cowboy cartoons growing up and enjoyed immitating their accents. 

I am breathing hard. I look up eyes hard. 

"I just -uh, thought. ...You're real-really cool , an' and you and I like the same-same stuff. We ...We just have this connection. You feel it too, don't you?!"

There is this silence. I am shocked. But not the good kind. 

Hearing it from his mouth somehow makes it even worse. Unknowing of my growing pissedoff-ness, he lumbers on from the frying pan into the fire.

"Look. You're just li-like Ramona. I'm like Scott. You're my real life Ramona flowers! We're meant to be!"

That did it. Ohhh boy. 

"You. Are no Scott. You're just a delusional jerk-bag hipster who thinks he's hot shit for fooling little girls." I grind out, my hand gripping onto my umbrella like a sword. Wishing it was one so I could run it through the assbag.

"You don't know anything about me. Nothing! You've never hung out with me even before things got weird. You only got interested recently cuz you got bored of your poor girlfriend and you want some kinda change."

The rain pours.

"Newsflash, assh*le. I'm not interested in being that change."

It pours harder if possible.

"You-Look, I don't like Scott Pilgrim, the main character. " His expression is horrified like I had actually run him over in a truck. " Hell. I don't even like Ramona! Gawd, if you knew me. Actually knew me, you would darn well know that Kim Pine is my personal fave and MORE like me in actual personality!" 

There is a pause, as I wheeze. Gawd, I am so going to get a sore throat later on. 

"And one last thing. I'm gonna repeat. I'm no Ramona. Heck, I'm gonna make it real clear, asswipe. I AIN'T YOUR RAMONA FLOWERS!"

We gaze at each other. He looks utterly lost, utterly defeated, kind of like a lost puppy, the pacifist in me hates causing anyone discomfort , but it is overrun by a sheer weariness, of relief and frustration and overwhelming bitterness. Finally this drama is over.

"Now leave me be, Forever."

With that I storm off, kicking up the grey puddles. I don't look back.

---

Looking back, I can see where Scott was coming from. But I don't think even had I been more like I am currently, I would have responded any kinder. I still would never want to be in a relationship with people who cheat on their present relationship personally.

He was a small town boy from some part of the USA, okay, relatively well off that he could attend this high class university . Scott apparently from what I gleaned from Nepeta , was shuttled between two worlds, Singapore and USA since secondary school. His life seemed to me, pretty boring and clear cut. He was a relatively okay student, not that popular but not an outcast. he led a normal life, got into anime and gaming in late secondary school and he only got a girlfriend because according to the exasperated Nepeta , they met at a party, despite her disapproval she was too young, and he was not serious, and Kurloz encouraged it. 

Till now, apparently Kurloz and him were only besties and only besties because they shared a similar fandom, and liked gaming. Well, apparently till I came along. "-You were like this cool badass loner chick. You did not look like any of the other asian girls, I mean you're dark and curvy and tall compared to them! Brooding away at the back of the class, all mysterious-like, well once I got to know you, you are actually a huge goofy nerd and like weird shit like I do but yannow first impressions. Scott's just dumb. He had a little crush on you since day one . Then when he , uh, found out you were into the same shit as him, urm, that's when things kinda got a little hairy." ((Nepeta, ever the diplomat after I relayed to her my side of the events.))

I must have been a breath of fresh air to him. In his and many others stereotypical view of what women, especially asian women must look like in order to be accepted as a relationship in society and by their prospective families. I liked makeup, but I kept it to bold eyeliner and just powder with nude pastel lipstick whereas my female classmates, constantly fretted over their looking natural, the amounts of caked foundation to cover up their actual skins and fretted on their hair.

At twenty, while I inwardly despaired of never being able to fit in truly forever and fought with my dual desire of retaining my individuality and yet seeked companionship , I never voiced it . Outwardly I wore skirts, hoodies , and black tights. Paired with an assortment of interesting hair ornaments. 

According to Nepeta and several others, I looked unique, interesting, sharp ...What's the word, exotic. I was never going to be Miss Universe or a Snow white princess but I made an interesting side character. No one fully believed I was Singaporean.

I brooded over this for a long while. But I realized something as I pored over my research on Consumerism and how animation ironically was aiding it.And which I now bring into my essay and comic.

Consumerism is necessary. And that is something I will reiterate despite it seeming otherwise in my depiction of events.

What is not good is when it feeds off people's insecurities and turns them away from finding and exploring their real self in a bid for a false form of camaraderie or worse, encourages them into a never ending search of being seen as normal all the time, to be seen and accepted.

Scott is a good example. There was so much frustration in him about being bound by society's expectations and him following that despite his wishing, he never got the gumption to rebel in even choosing his partner. 

And of course, this frustration to be seen and to 'fit in' makes most people lash out at those who rebel. How dare they not follow the norm when they have sacrificed so much to fit in and conform. I suffered for years and while I eventually gave up trying to ever truly fit in as I am too much of a free spirit, I still am subject to the baying of the herd. ...And I know I am not the only one.   

Thus, we have the beginnings of a toxic society. It's a world-wide phenomena and as animators and creators are only humans, these negative stereotypes might often secretly be reflected in their depictions of certain characters, or storytelling.

I am saying this because had Scott and many others been brave enough to fight against the monotony of their lives, they might have lead a life more true to what they desired, then what society's conventions dictate. That true camaraderie is nothing like merely looking the same and apparently liking and agreeing to the same stuff.

That people keeping people who act, look or think different out and making them outcasts, may actually be their own loss, for you cannot grow truly if you choose to be a frog in a well. There is a blue sky and others who while may look different outside your well, may share a different outlook.Consumerism also encourages people in a an increasingly worrying fashion to see others as objects, hence women look a certain way  are each expected to be a 'type' , men who look a certain way are each expected to be a 'type'. 

This is extremely negative as people are alive and not objects. A woman who chooses to wear revealing clothes and dye her hair may well be a kind hearted prude who likes bright colours. A mousy bookworm in a sedate attire might well be a merciless cheat who has many partners. A heavily muscled dude may well be a momma's boy who owns seven cats and likes baking. A seemingly overweight man in a singlet may be a Physical education teacher and a nutritionist. 

Everyone is unique and different and well, Grey. There is no such thing as a purely evil person just as there is no such thing as a perfectly good human. Toxic Consumerism however through adverts pits us against imaginary villains, and buying into the concept of the other. Thereby we begin to see the other as a threat when in reality the other is in all of us, no matter how small. 

Life is a lesson in accepting and becoming better at controlling the other.

And that is how I managed to fit in consumerism and this little message in
my Comic

Now, finnnaaaally we got to part three where I will finally wrap up this longass essay and part reminiscence of my sadass past. (ahahaha)  

((Pt 3 continues next week! It'll make more sense soon! ))
---
  

25 year old loser, Arta Pendragon has been fired from her deadend job and kicked out by her deadbeat (now ex-)boyfriend. On top of that, she suffers from mysterious terrifying dreams that has led to her drinking coffee in a bid to stay up which results in a vicious cycle of getting fired due to her exhaustion . The last thing she was thinking of was getting a crush on a stranger. But when mysterious Mordred Kingsley waltzes into her life, the coffee oddly stops working its magic for WONDERFUL sleepless nights. Arta has now to find a way to deal with nightmares, get a new job. When she gets a new job , little does she know that is the first step of starting a destiny long forestalled by malevolent forces.

A webcomic series! Thanks for Supporting 'Is it Deja Vu' by BubbleDriver

Thank you to all for supporting it for a year ans for the long ass hiatus! I could not have done it without your overwhelming support, everyone!! 

What is ID? 

ID! Comic -Arta Pendragon by BubbleDriver


It's an over the top action fantasy romance tragicomedy that combines slice of life with a prophecy. If you like cheerful and ridiculously cheerful protagonists , you probably will like 'Is it Deja Vu"? 

Sounds like your jam? 

Here's the sypnosis! 

25 year old loser, Arta Pendragon has been fired from her deadend job and kicked out by her deadbeat (now ex-)boyfriend, the last thing she was thinking of was getting a crush on a stranger. But when mysterious Mordred Kingsley waltzes into her life, little does she know that was the first step of starting a destiny long forestalled by malevolent forces.


-----

Me schedule 

Mon: 1 comic page ID , the
Concept and lettering

Tue: blog + chat

Wed: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain, the concept and lettering

Thurs : 1 comic page ID, colour and posting

Fri: blog + chat

Sat: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain clean up

Sun: illustration of Bub or fanart or gaiaonline avatar

.... A schedule pattern one following Schedule pattern two next week . So every week will have content on a regular basis or at least I will TRY.

---



Retrolicious Journal Lurve of Sparkly awesome by BubbleDriver

emoticon Bubble by BubbleDriverConsumerism , addiction, oh mai  emoticon Bubble by BubbleDriver



A Bubbly Dance by BubbleDriverCats A Bubbly Dance by BubbleDriver


Me schedule 

Mon: 1 comic page ID , the
Concept and lettering

Tue: blog + chat (today)

Wed: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain, the concept and lettering

Thurs : 1 comic page ID, colour and posting

Fri: blog + chat

Sat: gaiaonline avatar


Sun: illustration of Bub or fanart gaiaonline avatar

.... A schedule pattern one following Schedule pattern two next week . So every week will have content on a regular basis or at least I will TRY.


ID page 30 sketch preview by BubbleDriver

When I was in my early teens, the world to me was a crap-o place. While I was a happy sunny girl , being abused on a daily baisis by my fellow *cough* in-mates at my lovely jail aka primary school , and for the record, I was subject to being degraded verbally (and it involved being called private parts in all kinds of local dialects, called a female dog ) ,and beaten up , pinched, drawn on using chalk on my clothing and on my clothes, finding staple bullets , nails on my table seat, having eraser droppings flung into my hair, stalked on a daily baisis, turned me understandably into a very angsty , quiet but inwardly angry kid to anyone but my cousin who was also going through a similar kind of hell .

At the time I was heavily into a band called Evanescence. Ah, Evanescence, you and that grey, grey outlook and emotional outburst of raw sheer angst that somehow conveys the misery that emo (With reason) teenagers everywhere.  I starting wearing black all the time, it was a symbolic of my colours being drained by this grey, grey and depressing world.

A particular song struck out to me back then. It was called 'Everybody's fool'. As a child, I could not bear to watch the full music video , especially the part where two ordinary women mock the famous actress in the music video unsympathetically.

If Britney Spears was my feel good favourite pop artist who encouraged me to dream of the impossible , then Amy Lee was my realist favourite artist who confronted me with the stark reality that there are monsters out there and you have to live with them.

My parents at the time for some odd reason kept wanting me to slim down. They kept telling me I would be so pretty if I slimmed down. Boys would want me. At the time, I also wanting to fit in amongst my slim peers ,also wondered if this reasoning for being abused on top for being good at english, not speaking dialect , for being considered better off, was also because I was plump. That I was thus unlovable and thus deserved to be treated like shit. Everywhere, I went , I was the tomboy, the quiet 'good' tomboy. The well-spoken good girl who did not put on makeup, dye her hair, gossip on the latest clothes, the latest keychains and toys.

And for the record, I wanna say this. Those girls wanting to grow up faster? Put on makeup and stuff? That's cool then to me, cool to me now, I was no better or worse then them. I get it now as an adult why they would want to splurge money on stuff to feel better about their possibly equally crappy lives. What I will never forgive is how they chose to use me as their defenseless punching bag.

In a sick way, I thus allowed the abuse to continue as 'punishment' for existing, for being a plump nobody. I would contemplate suicide several times in this very dark peroid of my life. Not being like everyone else was something I would struggle with and continue to struggle with from teenhood to adulthood.

At twenty, thing were not better, I was in a very crappy place. I was in a verrrry weird place. I was in an odd situation, see, I was a member of a group of friends, four of us got along well at the beginning. I was actually a newcomer, I befriended the girlfriend of one the two boys. For the sake of this story, I'll call the girl Nepeta, the jackass boyfriend of hers, Kurloz coz they were die-hard Homestuck fans and the other member, Scott because he was later revealed to be a huge Scott Pilgrim fanboy like I was actually.

So from the start, let me tell you guys, I was accepted into this chi-chi university after the professor begged me to join after seeing something in my portfolio . I don't know what , seeing as he rescinded his initial promise that after I graduated I would work there (That itself is anoooother long story.)

Ok, getting off topic here. Anyways, I walk into the class and I sit beside Nepeta and she starts chatting with me, it was the start of a friendship. She liked me so much that I was invited to become the fourth 'man' of their three. So there I was, the quiet , gritty and often exasperated mother hen to her excitable fluffy Nepeta, her mean critical and jerkbag boyfriend with whom she often had tremendous fights with Kurloz, and cheerful,mysterious Scott.

Scott and I had an odd sort of camaderie after I was accepted in the beginning. Lord knows how many times we watched in exasperation as Nepeta and Kurloz would fight and bet cynically as a rather dark joke if they would get back together. They alllways didd.

Now, I better say this. I had a sliiiight crush when I first saw Scott, he honestly looked a lot like the actual character had walked off the comic book. He was funny, he was cute, he liked to sing and play the piano. Oooh, cultured. So the first weeks were kind of me being aloof to him and watching him from the sidelines.

And yes. I suppose you guys should know. Guys, I have a confession to make.

...

I hate Tsunderes. Because I myself am kinda like one.

Until one day, i think it was week five after I started at the uni when a girl in this uniform , Catholic based junior high turns up outside the classroom. Nepeta rolls her eyes as we pass her into our next class and Scott hurries to see her.

"Uuuuurgh, it's Scott's Junior high girlfriend." She groans in clear disapproval. Failing to judge that she herself is dating a guy many years out senior. FYI, Nepeta was two years younger than me, I and Scott were the same age and Kurloz the pedo was FIVE years older than me and scott and thus SEVEN years older than little Nepeta.

I jump.

"Girlfriend?!" "Yeah. They met at a party I think. You know, Bub. I don't think Scott's really into her-"

The rest I cut out, as sharp relief and both sadness flooded me. Of course it would never be. I was too old, too unlovable, too plump. Any normal and cute boy would want someone younger, prettier, slimmer.

It was saddening but freeing at the same time. After that I opened more up to Scott .

But the tentative peace was NOT to last. I think it was the time I got majorly into Scott Pilgrim. I cut my hair, kind of subcosciously I guess, to be kind of like Ramona's bob. Of course, I did not possess the balls to dye it. I also started wearing makeup around this time.

Nepeta and the girls often gushed I looked cute, badass, like an 'anime'. Yeah whatever. Kurloz being a jerkbag and already jealous I was always on Nep's side and apparently taking more of 'his' Nepeta's time . Whatever. He's a jerk. I've grown a thicker skin to deal with assholes like him that I ignore his jeers that he thinks it's too much makeup when it's just eyeliner and a bit of lipstick.  I've been called worse and more as a kid. This is just water off my back.

I start noticing a pair of eyes on me, by this time, Nepeta and Kurloz are on the rocks again. This time, Kurloz and poor Scott sit at the back. I never figure out, until I realize it's Scott sneaking little glances at me as one day, exasperated when I feel a set of those same dang eyes on me again . I turn around , all ready to snarl at whoever it is, I will tear their sicko -creepo  eyes out and wear it as a gory necklace (Look, I picked a fight recently with a popular girl in that class, I was on the rocks with a lot of people) ,  meet a pair of grey eyes which quickly look away.  Scott? What the hell, dude?

I confront him with a suprisingly amused Nepeta when kurloz was off sulking after he himself quarreled with Scott after class.As Kurloz storms off, and Scott is busy glowering athe the ground, I check the coast is clear before as nonchalently as ever , altough I was pissed at the time. Pissed and oblivious according to Nepeta. 

"Scott. What did I do?" He jumps. I stare at him, a dead eyed look that speaks volumes that I'm not happy, arms folded up. Nepeta snickers. "Yeaaah, Scott. Whycha keep looking at Bub here? Real creepy, Scott."

Scott gulps. I give him a look, then deflate. "Dude. I know Kurloz is your buddy, that popular girl is one of your pals , but I did nothing to you. Why are you treating me like you wish I was not around? " He starts to speak, Nepeta is saying something, but all I can hear at the moment is the sound of my parents telling me I'd be so pretty if I slim down, the taunts of my tormentors , and the hateful glares that had become second nature for simply existing.

I turn away. 'Whatever. I'm done. You want me to be the bad witch in your little fairy tale who kidnapped the princess from your good friend, Prince charming . Then so be it, Mr. Knight. Live in your little fantasy world. I. AM. SO. DONE." I storm away to have a good cry in the toilet.

I can hear Nepeta shouting something at him before I hear the sound of her footsteps as I bawl my eyes out in cubicle 2.

"Oh, Bub." I sniff and scrub my eyes ."Boys. " I growl, although at the moment it comes out more like a whimper. She gives me her best girlfriend understanding worldy look. "Boys." She agrees. Then rolls her eyes."-Are such idiots...But you are too!"

"What." I say blankly.

There must have been a helluva pissed look on my face for her hands fly up in defense.

"I mean it , Bub. You're my sis and I love you totes! You are real smart, you say smart things and draw reaaaaal pretty . But you are so DUMB. Sometimes. Like towards feelings and junk."

I gape at her. "Are you brain-damaged? Like permanently and more-so than usual?! "

"That hurts!"

"He's got a cute junior high girlfriend! They are in luuuuurve. "

Nepeta smiles a real secretive cat got the cream smile. "What the hell is that look for?! Wipe it off, pal!"

"They're oooon the outs.Omg, Bub. Scott isn't serious about her. She is, but he ain't."

I roll my eyes, dabbing away at the snot and tears with toilet paper. "Uh-huh. Next thing you will be telling me is that Scott likes big girls who are weird and messed up. Dude, C'MON." "They haven't been on dates in months. You have eyes, YOU c'mooon.She's stopped coming by."

I glare at my reflectiion in the murky, finger-print covered mirror, Nepeta behind me gesticulating.  I look like shit. "S'what? Ain't none of my beeswax. Couples sometimes have fights anyways." I fling the snotty tearstained toilet paper into the overflowing bin. "Look, Scott chose his buddy's side, he's decide to become a creepy D*CK and stare hatefully at me like i'll magically vanish if he does so. He's now me enemy. Seems clear to me. End-a story."

She opens her moth, then gives me a sour look. "You. Aren't gonna listen to me , are you?" I am already strutting out of the door. "I need to EAT.I ain't got not time for crap like this."

It seems better than the other option. Gawd, I pushed the other thought out of my mind.

That poor girl.

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaw. My tummy agrees . I got better things to do after this. A good meal and a good sleep.

Oooooh boy, how wrong I sadly was.

((Pt 2 continues next week! It'll make more sense soon! ))
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25 year old loser, Arta Pendragon has been fired from her deadend job and kicked out by her deadbeat (now ex-)boyfriend. On top of that, she suffers from mysterious terrifying dreams that has led to her drinking coffee in a bid to stay up which results in a vicious cycle of getting fired due to her exhaustion . The last thing she was thinking of was getting a crush on a stranger. But when mysterious Mordred Kingsley waltzes into her life, the coffee oddly stops working its magic for WONDERFUL sleepless nights. Arta has now to find a way to deal with nightmares, get a new job. When she gets a new job , little does she know that is the first step of starting a destiny long forestalled by malevolent forces.

A webcomic series! Thanks for Supporting 'Is it Deja Vu' by BubbleDriver

Thank you to all for supporting it for a year ans for the long ass hiatus! I could not have done it without your overwhelming support, everyone!! 

What is ID? 

ID! Comic -Arta Pendragon by BubbleDriver

ID! Comic -Merlin the cat by BubbleDriver

It's an over the top action fantasy romance tragicomedy that combines slice of life with a prophecy. If you like cheerful and ridiculously cheerful protagonists , you probably will like 'Is it Deja Vu"? 

Sounds like your jam? 

Here's the sypnosis! 

25 year old loser, Arta Pendragon has been fired from her deadend job and kicked out by her deadbeat (now ex-)boyfriend, the last thing she was thinking of was getting a crush on a stranger. But when mysterious Mordred Kingsley waltzes into her life, little does she know that was the first step of starting a destiny long forestalled by malevolent forces.


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Me schedule 

Mon: 1 comic page ID , the
Concept and lettering

Tue: blog + chat

Wed: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain, the concept and lettering

Thurs : 1 comic page ID, colour and posting

Fri: blog + chat

Sat: 1 concept art of Hercule’s pain clean up

Sun: illustration of Bub or fanart or gaiaonline avatar

.... A schedule pattern one following Schedule pattern two next week . So every week will have content on a regular basis or at least I will TRY.

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