a little about life

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Brymcha's avatar
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My life has two strange sides.
I am 21 years old (and for some it’s only), and I still can’t find motivation for myself. Motivation to intensively draw, learn, develop something. And this is strange. I seem to be standing on the dead center. I have few moments for joy.
On the other hand, I was able to go to university. Unfortunately, in my country there is no opportunity to study for free precisely on those professions that you want to go to, or you get on them, and they are taught absolutely not what you really need in life. Such complexity is in the design. Perhaps, I am plagued by doubts because I am learning only in the first year, and it is not entirely clear what they want to get from us.
I constantly set myself a framework. in everything. and this is my most unpleasant feature. Looking at my works, for all nine years of self-study in drawing, I understand that I have spent a lot of energy, and I am proud of this experience, but during this time I was only able to gain popularity with my friends.
I put up with many things. I stopped wanting to play interesting and beautiful games, because I understand that my laptop does not have enough power to launch them. Therefore you have to watch videos on YouTube.
On the other hand, I found love, which, as it turned out, was nearby for 6 years. But at that moment I again set myself a framework: "only study, only drawing, the rest is enough for you on the Internet!". Stupid teenager. haha
I am disturbed by this condition, disturbed by the lack of motivation and prospects. I continue to create, but I do it much less often. I stop seeing the meaning in my ideas. He is missing.
At some point I wondered how people live in different countries, the topic of travel became interesting, which was not there before. Apparently, my consciousness requires searching for oneself in the first place, searching for something new, even the surrounding natural world.
I still do not understand much, and I know it perfectly. I see that you, people living in other countries, have so much energy, even in the comments that you leave. You seem so emotional to me, isn't it because you are happy? it is interesting. You have the very spark that allows you to create everything new and new.
Many of my friends, students at universities, are losing their joy. Apathy awakens in them, many become "gray." And it scares.
Perhaps, if you do not mind, we can talk about it in this journal or personal messages.
If you are interested, I can also leave a link to my instagram, where, in addition to my work, I post photos from my life. Basically, this is the area around me.
-> www.instagram.com/brymcha/   (Brymcha)
© 2019 - 2022 Brymcha
Comments1
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mr-macd's avatar
I am sure, Natalia, that you will find some more "Freedom" and the ability not to over analyse your Work and aspects of your life and existence.
I am still learning, developing and enjoying my Life and my Art, now approaching my 73rd year!
It is difficult as a 73 year old or even a 21 year old to see through the yes of a child, the Joy, the Enthusiasm and the lack of Fear and compartmental-ism.
I DO hope it comes SOON, Natalia!
Keep on Creating!
Cheers!