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About Deviant Brony1732/Male/United States Group :iconsilentponyville: SilentPonyville
 
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Deviant for 7 Years
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Silent Ponyville: Reunion pt.32.2 :iconbrony17:Brony17 1 2
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Silent Ponyville: Reunion pt.32.1 :iconbrony17:Brony17 1 0
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Dog Days (Are Done) :iconbrony17:Brony17 2 8
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Silent Ponyville: Reunion pt. 31.2 :iconbrony17:Brony17 3 8
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Silent Ponyville: Reunion pt. 31.1 :iconbrony17:Brony17 2 0
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Dog Days :iconbrony17:Brony17 1 3
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Ruined Forever S1E4-2 :iconbrony17:Brony17 1 0
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Ruined Forever S1E4-1 :iconbrony17:Brony17 1 2
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Somewhat Tarnished S5E2-2 :iconbrony17:Brony17 1 10
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Somewhat Tarnished S5E2-1 :iconbrony17:Brony17 1 0
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Silent Ponyville: Reunion pt. 30.2 :iconbrony17:Brony17 6 16
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Silent Ponyville: Reunion pt. 30.1 :iconbrony17:Brony17 7 17
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Somewhat Tarnished S5E1 :iconbrony17:Brony17 0 4
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Ruined Forever S1E3 :iconbrony17:Brony17 0 0
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Ruined Forever S1E2-2 :iconbrony17:Brony17 0 0
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Ruined Forever S1E2-1 :iconbrony17:Brony17 0 0

Favourites

Valentines day by ShinodaGE Valentines day :iconshinodage:ShinodaGE 370 31 Aposhort by ShinodaGE Aposhort :iconshinodage:ShinodaGE 697 82 Snowplant by Tsitra360 Snowplant :icontsitra360:Tsitra360 1,170 63 Commission: Samurai Tempest by SilFoe Commission: Samurai Tempest :iconsilfoe:SilFoe 502 0 Pegasus Snuggles by GrapheneDraws Pegasus Snuggles :icongraphenedraws:GrapheneDraws 690 31 Commission: New Years Kiss by SilFoe Commission: New Years Kiss :iconsilfoe:SilFoe 514 49 Commission: Showerlestia by SilFoe Commission: Showerlestia :iconsilfoe:SilFoe 1,746 117 Poniess 2018 by Mickeymonster Poniess 2018 :iconmickeymonster:Mickeymonster 684 65 Something to show by Underpable Something to show :iconunderpable:Underpable 845 38 Glory by Underpable Glory :iconunderpable:Underpable 612 13 Filly Delta by ShinodaGE Filly Delta :iconshinodage:ShinodaGE 369 20 Apodance by ShinodaGE Apodance :iconshinodage:ShinodaGE 623 43 Stormhorse (Animated) by Szafir87 Stormhorse (Animated) :iconszafir87:Szafir87 377 23 Luna Claus by NCMares Luna Claus :iconncmares:NCMares 1,545 84 Vroom Vroom by ShinodaGE Vroom Vroom :iconshinodage:ShinodaGE 428 27 Luna's Corgi Chariot by CatScratchPaper Luna's Corgi Chariot :iconcatscratchpaper:CatScratchPaper 195 39

Activity


Okay so something rather large happened since my last post. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and answered a few questions honestly and they scheduled me with a followup appointment at a mental health clinic because I displayed numerous signs of passive suicidal ideation, i.e. I wasn't planning to actually kill myself but I had suicidal thoughts on the daily and had actually developed a plan for doing it if I ever mentally crossed that line into being actively suicidal. They didn't think I was in immediate danger because every time I think about the aftermath of such a thing all I can see is my mom clutching at my father after he had just died as she sobbed hysterically, and I don't want to do that to her. I went to the appointment and they put me on fluoxetine, which I've been taking for a couple months now and... wow, this is new. I still worry, I still feel bad sometimes, and not every day is sunshine and rainbows but now it's like I have this new ability to make it stop when it starts happening, and overall I feel more stable and am sleeping better. I'm not spending the day relentlessly hating myself and wishing I were dead anymore. I had a second appointment at the clinic, but I rescheduled it for this February because going would have meant missing the last Christmas party they'll ever have at my place of work. I'm also now on omeprazole to help with stomach issues so that's another constant source of physical pain dealt with for the moment. Feeling better than I have in a long, long time.

So yeah still working on that project. It's going to be a three part short story to test the waters on a bigger project planned for after I finish Reunion, which I damn well still intend to finish. Part of me thinks that I was actually afraid of finishing Reunion because when it was done that was one less thing to live for, but now I feel like I don't need the crutch. So hopefully I will have something to post in January for you all, and I hope you'll enjoy it.

So uh... wow. I haven't posted anything here since December of last year. Damn.

Well first off, it's my birthday today... and that's pretty much the only good thing.

I don't think I've mentioned it on here at all but people following me on tumblr or fimfiction certainly got an earful so I'll update everyone here at long last. In the summer of last year my father started having back pain so bad that he couldn't even walk down the hallway without mom and I supporting him, and even then it hurt so much he was shouting in pain the entire way. We finally convinced him to go to the hospital, and the doctors find a growth on his spine, along with all of his lymph nodes being swollen. They take a biopsy, and as they're trying to figure out what it is he's getting worse, to the point where they put him on radiation therapy to reduce the growth on his back. Late into the radiation therapy they diagnose it as stage 2 lymphoma, and after the radiation treatment was over they start him in on chemo therapy. This proceeds for a couple months with a few instances of him having to go to the hospital because he won't eat or drink and is suffering from dehydration and massive loss of body weight. Ultimately the chemo therapy does nothing but make everything worse, so they start him on an alternate treatment... except when they get there they do a scan and decide not to bother and send him home. The cancer had spread with unstoppable aggression to his entire skeletal system and they shifted priority to making him as comfortable as possible as he died. After a couple months of hospice, far past the point where he had ceased being able to talk or interact with anyone and was only able to make random noises of absolute agony, he started gurgling. Slowly his eyes started losing focus, and at one point he started flailing and I wound up having to hold him so he didn't fall off the bed. It felt like I was drowning him. Then he just sort of... stopped. He laid back and looked at nothing and stopped breathing. My dad died at around 10 PM back on March 25th of this year and I've been kind of shell shocked ever since.

So at the same time that was happening it was announced that my company had been sold to another company, and they want to move my job to another state where I can't really afford to follow right now, both financially and because I can't just leave my mom here when she needs help and just lost her husband. Not to mention all the other family and friends that live in this area.

So in summary, my dad's dead, and I won't have a job past January of last year. I have no idea what I'm going to do and I have this overwhelming feeling that this is just the end of things and I'm straight up fucked.

I've been making slow progress on my writing projects. I've been working on something that isn't Reunion but as soon as I finish that (and post it here!) I'm getting back on Reunion because I need to AT LEAST finish the damn thing before Friendship is Magic's last season finishes. Hopefully you'll see some more activity from me soon. Thank you.

Okay so something rather large happened since my last post. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and answered a few questions honestly and they scheduled me with a followup appointment at a mental health clinic because I displayed numerous signs of passive suicidal ideation, i.e. I wasn't planning to actually kill myself but I had suicidal thoughts on the daily and had actually developed a plan for doing it if I ever mentally crossed that line into being actively suicidal. They didn't think I was in immediate danger because every time I think about the aftermath of such a thing all I can see is my mom clutching at my father after he had just died as she sobbed hysterically, and I don't want to do that to her. I went to the appointment and they put me on fluoxetine, which I've been taking for a couple months now and... wow, this is new. I still worry, I still feel bad sometimes, and not every day is sunshine and rainbows but now it's like I have this new ability to make it stop when it starts happening, and overall I feel more stable and am sleeping better. I'm not spending the day relentlessly hating myself and wishing I were dead anymore. I had a second appointment at the clinic, but I rescheduled it for this February because going would have meant missing the last Christmas party they'll ever have at my place of work. I'm also now on omeprazole to help with stomach issues so that's another constant source of physical pain dealt with for the moment. Feeling better than I have in a long, long time.

So yeah still working on that project. It's going to be a three part short story to test the waters on a bigger project planned for after I finish Reunion, which I damn well still intend to finish. Part of me thinks that I was actually afraid of finishing Reunion because when it was done that was one less thing to live for, but now I feel like I don't need the crutch. So hopefully I will have something to post in January for you all, and I hope you'll enjoy it.

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Brony17
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Comments


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:icondarksoma905:
darksoma905 Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2017
Thx for the Fav!! :D
Reply
:iconpony4koma:
Pony4Koma Featured By Owner May 2, 2017
Thanks fav-favs icon :twilightsparkle: 
Reply
:iconrose-blaze13:
Rose-Blaze13 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I MADE A PICTURE OF THE SOVEREIGN TO SHOW MY APPREHENSION FOR YOUR FANFIC!!

She's not colored yet though...
Reply
:iconmrbastoff:
MrBastoff Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2015
Happy birthday, little boy!youtu.be/fqOgGpgRX6c
Reply
:iconponebiscuit:
PoneBiscuit Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2015
Happy birthday! :la:
Reply
:iconladyleomon:
LadyLeomon Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2015  Hobbyist Filmographer
Hi Brony17! I loved the original Silent Ponyville and the sequels, I'm loving Silent Ponyville Reunion even more now! Just checking are you still continuing it in the future? I'm dying from giddiness imagining Lance when he finds out Posey made Fluttershy do what she did! I'm imagining the Marie/Maria from Silent Hill 2, they looked so similar but we're total opposites ... So which one is Lance with?

Just knowing you'll continue it one day is enough to get me through the days until the next chapter. Amazing work ^_^
Reply
:iconbrony17:
Brony17 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2015
Rest assured I do intend to finish it, and am glad you enjoyed reading it!

And I'm not telling anyone plot details, because what fun would that be? ;)
Reply
:iconladyleomon:
LadyLeomon Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2015  Hobbyist Filmographer
I'm so glad it is still in progress thank you ^_^

i'm just guessing at what could happen, he keeps reliving memories so if he relives that last day ... Oh I'm gonna love it!

Thanks for your time and thanks again for writing an awesome story with creepy/cool monsters, I especially love the Monarch

Laters ^_^

P.S May I make a small request? I know multiple endings are commonplace with SP fanfics, may I ask you do an ending like Silent Hill 2's ending with the Dog? I laughed till my face hurt seeing Harry having a nervous breakdown over knowing the dang dog did it all! If not thanks for listening :)
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:iconnullsplice:
NullSplice Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2015  Professional General Artist
+fav Thanks
Reply
:iconxeno-the-hedgehog:
Xeno-the-Hedgehog Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It would seem that you haven't posted anything in several months.  Are you alright?
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