Doubt (BAK) *pre 2013*The dreadful cousin of Blame
She is vile, despicable, a monstrous abomination Doubt.
Yes you laugh at me as if I’m a fool, but listen
Would you laugh if you
yes you were her next three course meal on the menu?
I didn’t think so listen and do it well
For her lovely appetizer
the first to go on her list would be your exquisite courage, bravery, valor, heroism and more
If you’ve got it she’ll take it,
Oh, yes the main-course that would be of course your pride, self-importance,
And anything in that category in which everyone has,
For best of the three the dessert her favorite dish
By the way to tell you it’s your self-esteem
Whether it’s the high kind or the low kind she’ll take it all
The worst part is that what’s left of you is a coward,
a yellow-belly who’s afraid to have fun or even live,
But the worst part of the worst is when she’s done
her cousin Blame comes over to have his part of the fun.
So beware but never be too anxio
Blame (BAK) *pre 2013*Something that I feel, like a boulder on my shoulder
And it gets larger as I get older
And is so annoying like a growing molar
Its blame something so plain
That’s what makes it such a total pain
It seems we’re a duo like a lion and a mane
What makes it worse is that it can’t be tamed.
But it enjoys rattling and matting my brain
‘It’s my fault, it’s all my fault’
is all I can say for those are my thoughts from day to day
What’s wrong, get over it you say,
oh but I’ve tried but it just comes back harder like some love-struck boomerang
With its haunting greeting of ‘Hay buddy, old pal of mine you can’t throw away me for I’ll always have a key’
So you see Blame is its name and it always sticks with me
I guess I’ll be free when everyone has someone else to blame instead of blaming me.
So before you pin a gigantic blame on a little innocent pony get your facts straight
Or you could end screwing up someone
Fear (BAK) *pre 2013*There is a time when one feels invincible.
As if they are everyone else’s iron pillar of comfort
that they must show that there isn’t anything in the world that can
torture, terrorize, torment and too many more to name that can scare them at all.
They act, act and act almost all of their lives…;
pleasing, pretending, providing, and protecting the four P’s of love and agony.
All together before they know it they’ve already lost themselves,
thinking what they’re doing is the right thing.
Yet, they’re so busy thinking that they’re helpful.
It’s when someone sits them down
and tells them about someone else’s piece of life’s work,
that they realize...
That they aren’t as strong, not as ‘invincible',
'untouchable’ as they thought they were.
No because then like a slap in the face they realize it.
What they’re most honestly and truly really afraid of are the thing so simple but more complex than any rub
Speak (BAK) *pre 2013*I’ve tried but I can’t
The words I want don’t come to mind
until it’s too late.
I try to speak,
but the signals don’t connect.
Like there’s a zipper on my mouth,
my lips are glued shut and my tongue isn’t even there.
When I do I’m a drone for I never have a happy tone.
Saying how I feel or what I want was never a question
because no one ever heard or listened to me.
So I shut up I closed up from everyone else.
Why? Some ask.
Because no one ever cared about me or wanted to get to know me
the real me, but until someone does while I hide behind this wall
I will remain distant, hoping and waiting for them to hear me.
Shadows (BAK) *pre 2013*The creepers of the darkness
The minions of the night
The illegible figures that lurk behind,
to the side of those who are lost in the darkness,
the gloom, the murkiness, and obscurity.
Some are brave enough to come and take
someone right out of their grasp.
They are evil, despicable,
and more loathsome words to describe its solitary nature.
There seems yet to be no reasoning to this nature.
Still some have no fear of them at all;
they got to them in open arms.
As a place to hide in, spy, sleep in,
cry in, and to sometimes die in.
The Shadows are the creatures of the Darkness,
Killers of the lost.
In disparity, the Saviors to the shamed,
Redeemers to the cold hearted, evil,
spineless scum that are afraid to step into the Day’s light
and repent or change course to turn around
and get back on track to stay alive.
Changed *pre 2013*Shes dead, that makes me a murderer now doesn't it?
Oh its ok because this is the type of murder no one will notice or even care about really. Yes i know i have a few screws loose.
The me i killed was years ago, sweet innocent just a molecule of what i am then multiply that by uncorrupted joy & happiness.
So yes she was 'good' better than myself i suppose.
How'd she go you might wonder?
It wasn't painful not in my opinion i choked her.
I let her fade into nothingness.
If she isnt gone then i dont care if she is a figment of my subconciousness.
The only part that angers me now is that my parents want her back.
They dont seem to understand but they havent the slight clue about the deadly maze that is my mind.
They say things & do things that enrage me, because theyre trying to bring her back. I rule this kingdom now.
The weak one had her chance.
So now im the ruler & i shall stay.
She's gone for good.
Alone (BAK) *pre 2013*In my dark room where no one can see
But if you can that's where you'll find me,
Some have tried to seek me out but I hid further away.
Because I was afraid of what I could have seen
In the light, where all the surprises lie
Because when you're in the darkness
you have nothing to fear but fear it self
For it's only as scary as you make it seem,
I'm here waiting just for the right person
to just come along and take me with them.
Because I'm alone in a place where the eyes are deceived,
the ears get tricked,
and your nose HA! is useless.
So here I am sitting by myself alone in the cold.
"Where is here?" you ask to tell the truth I don't know.
Since you've heard me out I think you might be the one so come in.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I'm tried of being alone
and I'm finally ready to take on the light
Just let it shine because it's going to blow my mind.
I owe you my life and thank you for you risked your own for a stranger you kind person.
I'll soak in light's warmth an
Chaos' Toy (BAK) *pre 2013*life is complicated
i hate it
the emotions make things miseriable
and terribly difficult.
I never understood how to be
"true to yourself" because frankly who doesnt
lie to themselves about things.
Its almost immpossible to be completly
honest to yourself.
Because YOU know what YOU wanna hear!
Another thing is everyone isnt always honest
with you either!
Its hard to have real friends,
Theyre hard to find,
And you sure as heck cant really make 'em anymore!
I hate this, Life loves throwin me curve balls im already
insane i dont need a push!
The Chaos Cat is watching with a grin for i
am his ball of Yarn!
This equation doesnt add it never did but
these problems keep rising up everythime i fall!
It as though i can not win at all.
Lies Lead to Lonliness (BAK) *pre 2013*Some say time heals all wounds well i beg to differ with that!
you sit there & sit there & think about whatever it is was more & more
which makes it worse and that helps nothing!
Others say when you start a lie you end up weaving a web i say thats quite incorrect as well.
or that person just sucked at lying & got caught early in their process
when you start lying you start falling off a cliff into a deep dark trench.
sure you hit a legde climb onto it thinking ur safe now but it.
isnt it cracks & crumbles
it gets lonesome.
yes it does this trench is your mind your own personal prison.
you cant run
you cant escape.
you can call for help but whats the use
no ones rope of support they toss you is never long enough
or moving fast enough to catch you.
Lonliness isnt a "a stone in the stomach"
its a dang bullet to the chest
an arrow to the heart.
thats barely a comparision but its close enough.
dang it lonliness is the bars that go around