Death Battle: Wario vs HalekulaniPrelude here: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all! It's time for a Death Battle!--------------------------------------------------It was a hot summer day in the bustling metropolis known as Diamond City. The Sun was mercilessly beating down on everyone's necks, and it seemed to be growing hotter with each second that passed. Despite the blazing heat, everyone was trying to find some way to fight it, though they all had their own way of doing it. Some had decided to make the best of the situation and headed to the beach, while others cooled off by going to one of the city's many ice cream stores. Some of ...
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A cocky grin made its way onto Wario’s face as he grabbed hold of his motorcycle. Rather than attempt to ride it, however, he chose to go for a rather unorthodox response. In what could only be described as something out of a cartoon, Wario opened his mouth as wide as he could and swallowed his entire motorcycle in one gulp! Once he had felt it enter his stomach, Wario ran toward Halekulani and quickly leapt over him, creating another tremor as he hit the ground. An annoyed grunt emerged from Hale’s throat as he stumbled, only for a familiar pair of arms to wrap around him.
”What?” He muttered as he attempted to move his arms, but he soon found that he couldn’t for some reason! “What.. the hell... is this?” He asked between grunts. Although he wasn’t aware of it, the Maruhage’s Heavenly King had been placed in a full nelson, leaving him unable to move.
”Let go of me!” He screamed furiously.
”Hmmmm...” Wario muttered as his leg muscles tensed up for a moment. “NAH!”
PPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTT!
The obese superhero then did the unthinkable: he unleashed a massive, almost nuclear fart that shot both himself and his captive into the air! A furious scream emerged from Halekulani’s throat as they flew through the air, which would only stop after they had flown through the storm of money. Once they had passed through the other side, Hale began spitting out the dozens of bills that had entered his throat. After the last of the cash had escaped his throat, he looked over his shoulder to ask Wario an important question:
”What are you trying to do?” He screamed as they continued flying through the air, now ascending past the clouds and into the upper atmosphere!
“What’s it look like, greenie? I’m-a winning this little fight of ours!” Wario declared as they reached the apex of their ascent. Gravity began to take its hold on the two, producing a cone of fire as they began descending toward the surface. Halekulani’s eyes widened in horror as he realized what his opponent was planning, and this terror only grew when Wario wrapped his stubby legs around his waist.
“YOU IDIOT! IF WE FALL FROM THIS HEIGHT WE’RE BOTH GOING TO DIE!” Hale screamed furiously.
”Maybe it’s dangerous for a wimp like you, but you’ve got another thing coming if you think a something like this will put me down! I’ve survived this kinda stuff all the time!” Wario boasted as they descended through the clouds. “In fact, let me tell ya right now, goldie! I’ve tangoed with the worst pirates the world has to offer!”
Hallelujah Land was slowly growing larger as they continued their descent.
”I’ve taken on any losers who got between me and my treasure, and I’ve always come out on top!”
It was now large enough that both men were getting a bird’s eye view of the theme park, allowing them to see all of its rides.
”I’ve fought my way to get to the top, started my own company from nothing, and I’ve got more treasure than your stupid park has combined!”
They soared past the park’s ferris wheel, eliciting screams of surprise from the riders.
“I’ve done all of this stuff, but you thought you’d beat me by throwin’ money my way? You wanna know why it didn’t work?” Wario asked as he leaned into Halekulani’s ear. “Because nothin’ you could’ve done would’ve helped against someone like me!”
“And what exactly gives you the right to say that? Who are you to judge my Gorgeous Shinken?”
”Well, if ya need a reminder, then I’ll give it to ya one last time! The name’s Wario! And I’m,” the Italian paused as he began spinning in place, creating a corkscrew of flame as they continued falling. Halekulani’s screamed once again, with it growing in intensity as they rapidly approached the Money Castle. In only a few seconds, his scream had become so loud that many of Hallelujah Land’s visitors looked up in surprise. Upon seeing the enormous meteor that was headed their way, the numerous families and employees began desperately running toward the nearest exits. Parents were either hoisting their oblivious children through the air or keeping a firm grip as they dragged them by the arm. The park’s enforcers, the Hell Killers, had also begun their escape, with most using their respective Shinkens to get ahead of the crowd. And while all of this chaos erupted, Wario and Halekulani had been rapidly approaching the Money Castle!
“NUMBER ONE!” Wario finished. As he watched the metal roofing grow closer, Halekulani let out a panicked, furious scream, and then-
BOOM!
A massive explosion of fire and smoke shot through the air, spreading across the entirety of the Money Castle and extending throughout the entire park! The smokescreen lasted for several seconds, but once it faded one figure could be seen. Although the impact had reduced him back to his base form, the greedy businessman still rose to his feet, and then...
He pumped both hands into the air, forming a W with his fingers as a victorious laugh escaped his throat!
“WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah! Take that, loser!” Wario taunted before continuing to laugh over his opponent’s corpse. Halekulani’s limp body laid against the ground, having taken the full brunt of the explosion. His entire upper torso was practically nonexistent, while his lower half had been rendered unrecognizable. Despite this, the obese antihero paid it no mind. Only one thing mattered: he had finally beaten Halekulani, and now all of that money belonged to HIM!
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Well, I guess that’s one way to end a fight. And I’m not even a big fan of wrestling, either.
Anyway, let’s talk about this fight, because it was honestly one of the weirdest battles I’ve written. When it came to strength, Halekulani didn’t have that much going for him in terms of concrete feats. Backhanding ghosts, destroying a wall of ice, and damaging the likes of Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler are certainly impressive, but there’s not that much else to him since he mainly uses his money-based powers when fighting. If we’re using scaling, he could likely be scaled to Bobobo, who destroyed the Sun while fighting against Giga. Admittedly, the Sun in question is way smaller than the one in real life, plus this fight happened sometime after Halekulani’s defeat. That said, the issue with the Sun could be chalked up as an artistic liberty since Bobobo is a gag manga, and technically Halekulani could still be scaled since the fight with Giga happened before Bobobo got a power-up that gave him an enormous buff.
Outside of showing more concrete feats due to participating in fights, Wario also took strength in scaling, too. He’s often been shown to fight the Mario Bros, even beating both of them at the same time. The Marios have both shown the ability to compete against and fight alongside Rosalina, who shielded Mario, Peach, and Bowser from a massive black hole that threatened the entire universe. According to herself, she has done this numerous times, with “the cycle never repeating itself in quite the same way.” Additionally, Wario’s strength has been shown to be almost comparable to Bowser, who is implied to have survived the aforementioned black hole.
As for speed, it’s no contest. Halekulani’s lacking any real feats in this regard, whereas Wario has a plethora of these feats. Without employing scaling, Wario’s reacted to a ball that was thrown fast enough to catch fire in the atmosphere, broken the sound barrier with his Shoulder Bash in Wario Land 4, and even outswam a black hole. With scaling, he would once again be comparable to Mario, who has shown the ability to pilot the Starship Mario, which can move across galaxies in seconds.
So Wario takes the stat trinity pretty hard. What about the non-physical stats?
Well, experience is another aspect that Wario takes. Halekulani’s only been in two fights, and he didn’t really do much in either. By contrast, Wario’s had a history of fighting others, hunting for treasure, and he’s often competed in various kart races and sports competitions. Similarly, Wario’s also got the edge in intelligence. True, he doesn’t really use his smarts while fighting, but his expertise in close-quarters and grappling put him ahead of Halekulani, who has never really been shown to use his intellect during a fight.
When it comes to arsenal, Halekulani’s only got his bills and coins, and while his powers ensure that he can use them competently, Wario takes both quality and quantity. In short:
-Power-ups and pots give him an edge in attacks and versatility
-His Bob-ombs can easily destroy Halekulani’s money, ruin the Gorgeous Shinken’s attacks, and even damage Hale himself
-His brass knuckles, balloon suit, Power Suit, Power Flower, and Donkey Kong mech all boost his strength, with the latter increasing his durability
-The Power Suit and mech also grant better ranged options and possess something that gives him an edge in mobility (Power Suit and thrusters)
-His buckets can blind Halekulani and would be extremely difficult to remove
-Megavitamins can give him better long-range options, a way to heal himself from damage, and a possible way to poison Halekulani
-Goodstyle gives Wario a versatility advantage thanks to his different forms
-His vehicles boost his speed even further and give him a mobility advantage
-Garlic can heal him, power his farts, and turn him into Wario-Man
Then there’s their powers. Halekulani’s ability to manipulate money, transmute people into it, and grow stronger by absorbing it are certainly some impressive hax. His ability to turn people into cars was also a pretty dangerous ability. That said, Wario also had his own impressive abilities. For starters, his cartoonish nature ensured that even if Halekulani’s money transmutation did affect him, it would only be temporary. His ability to absorb money by inhaling it would also nullify several of the Gorgeous Shinken’s abilities, including the transmutation. I say this because every time Halekulani’s used transmutation, it’s always been from the outside, not the inside. There’s also nothing that suggests he can use money to transmute people from the inside.
Wario’s ability to resurrect himself with money was another power that put a massive damper on Halekulani’s attacks. Of the Gorgeous Shinken’s moveset, it would easily damper the 10 Billion Dollar Bazooka and One Hundred Trillion Dollar Finale. His snot and fart-based attacks could also counter most of its techniques, the former by rendering the cash too sticky to use and the latter by dispersing Hale’s larger attacks.
“But what about the Death Money Sugoroku?” I hear you ask. Honestly, the Death Money Sugoroku was probably the biggest threat Halekulani had to Wario. With it, he’s nearly invincible, can bypass Wario’s durability by attacking his soul, and its money-draining abilities rendered several of Wario’s greed and money-based powers moot. So why did Wario win if the Death Money Sugoroku was that much of a threat?
Well, for starters, there’s the massive gap in stats, especially speed. Because of Halekulani’s vastly inferior physical stats, he likely wouldn’t be able to use this before Wario blitzes and one-shots him. Wario’s weaponry could also destroy the board, which would give him the ability to harm Hale without the risk of becoming diamond. There’s also the fact that he had several means to escape the board. He could go for the straightforward route and beat Halekulani to death after removing the board’s obstacles. Artsy Wario could likely paint an exit to the game. In fact, Wario in his base form could either hypnotize Halekulani (which is something Halekulani has shown no resistance to) or he could just use his strength to literally break the fourth wall.
Finally, there are their transformations. Ultimate Halekulani can boost his stats, which lessens the physical gap by a slight margin, and it gives him access to more powerful attacks like the 10 Billion Dollar Bazooka and One Hundred Trillion Dollar Finale. He could also combine it with his money absorption to further close the gap. There’s also his other transformation: No-Money mode. Unlike his ultimate form, it’s unknown if this gives any buffs, and its only attack seems to be a massive explosion. The most damning thing about this form is probably its requirements. In order to use it, one would have to completely drain him of his money (which Wario could certainly do), but Wario has his way to counter each form. He could easily blitz Hale before he ever reaches either form, I’ve already described how he can counter Ultimate’s attacks, and he’s more than durable enough to survive No-Money mode. Not helping was that Wario had his own transformations to use.
Of his power-up based forms, Fire Wario gave him ways to destroy Halekulani’s money, Metal Wario buffs his strength and durability, and Bunny Wario boosts his mobility by a pretty decent margin. Tree Wario also has some pretty impressive abilities. He could use roots to attack or ensnare Halekulani, make him trip balls by unleashing spores (rendering him unable to focus in the process), or he could just bypass Halekulani’s durability by melting him with a mouth beam. Then there’s his ultimate form: Wario-Man.
Although it runs on a time limit, Wario-Man grants a drastic boost to his stats, he gains the ability to fly, and his attacks gain similar buffs. Then there’s its biggest advantage: his invincibility. Thanks to this, all of Halekulani’s attacks would be rendered useless, giving Wario all the time he’d need to take Hale out.
Halekulani was definitely a powerful opponent, but he just couldn’t cash a break when fighting Wario.
The winner is Wario!
Anyway, let’s talk about this fight, because it was honestly one of the weirdest battles I’ve written. When it came to strength, Halekulani didn’t have that much going for him in terms of concrete feats. Backhanding ghosts, destroying a wall of ice, and damaging the likes of Don Patch and Jelly Jiggler are certainly impressive, but there’s not that much else to him since he mainly uses his money-based powers when fighting. If we’re using scaling, he could likely be scaled to Bobobo, who destroyed the Sun while fighting against Giga. Admittedly, the Sun in question is way smaller than the one in real life, plus this fight happened sometime after Halekulani’s defeat. That said, the issue with the Sun could be chalked up as an artistic liberty since Bobobo is a gag manga, and technically Halekulani could still be scaled since the fight with Giga happened before Bobobo got a power-up that gave him an enormous buff.
Outside of showing more concrete feats due to participating in fights, Wario also took strength in scaling, too. He’s often been shown to fight the Mario Bros, even beating both of them at the same time. The Marios have both shown the ability to compete against and fight alongside Rosalina, who shielded Mario, Peach, and Bowser from a massive black hole that threatened the entire universe. According to herself, she has done this numerous times, with “the cycle never repeating itself in quite the same way.” Additionally, Wario’s strength has been shown to be almost comparable to Bowser, who is implied to have survived the aforementioned black hole.
As for speed, it’s no contest. Halekulani’s lacking any real feats in this regard, whereas Wario has a plethora of these feats. Without employing scaling, Wario’s reacted to a ball that was thrown fast enough to catch fire in the atmosphere, broken the sound barrier with his Shoulder Bash in Wario Land 4, and even outswam a black hole. With scaling, he would once again be comparable to Mario, who has shown the ability to pilot the Starship Mario, which can move across galaxies in seconds.
So Wario takes the stat trinity pretty hard. What about the non-physical stats?
Well, experience is another aspect that Wario takes. Halekulani’s only been in two fights, and he didn’t really do much in either. By contrast, Wario’s had a history of fighting others, hunting for treasure, and he’s often competed in various kart races and sports competitions. Similarly, Wario’s also got the edge in intelligence. True, he doesn’t really use his smarts while fighting, but his expertise in close-quarters and grappling put him ahead of Halekulani, who has never really been shown to use his intellect during a fight.
When it comes to arsenal, Halekulani’s only got his bills and coins, and while his powers ensure that he can use them competently, Wario takes both quality and quantity. In short:
-Power-ups and pots give him an edge in attacks and versatility
-His Bob-ombs can easily destroy Halekulani’s money, ruin the Gorgeous Shinken’s attacks, and even damage Hale himself
-His brass knuckles, balloon suit, Power Suit, Power Flower, and Donkey Kong mech all boost his strength, with the latter increasing his durability
-The Power Suit and mech also grant better ranged options and possess something that gives him an edge in mobility (Power Suit and thrusters)
-His buckets can blind Halekulani and would be extremely difficult to remove
-Megavitamins can give him better long-range options, a way to heal himself from damage, and a possible way to poison Halekulani
-Goodstyle gives Wario a versatility advantage thanks to his different forms
-His vehicles boost his speed even further and give him a mobility advantage
-Garlic can heal him, power his farts, and turn him into Wario-Man
Then there’s their powers. Halekulani’s ability to manipulate money, transmute people into it, and grow stronger by absorbing it are certainly some impressive hax. His ability to turn people into cars was also a pretty dangerous ability. That said, Wario also had his own impressive abilities. For starters, his cartoonish nature ensured that even if Halekulani’s money transmutation did affect him, it would only be temporary. His ability to absorb money by inhaling it would also nullify several of the Gorgeous Shinken’s abilities, including the transmutation. I say this because every time Halekulani’s used transmutation, it’s always been from the outside, not the inside. There’s also nothing that suggests he can use money to transmute people from the inside.
Wario’s ability to resurrect himself with money was another power that put a massive damper on Halekulani’s attacks. Of the Gorgeous Shinken’s moveset, it would easily damper the 10 Billion Dollar Bazooka and One Hundred Trillion Dollar Finale. His snot and fart-based attacks could also counter most of its techniques, the former by rendering the cash too sticky to use and the latter by dispersing Hale’s larger attacks.
“But what about the Death Money Sugoroku?” I hear you ask. Honestly, the Death Money Sugoroku was probably the biggest threat Halekulani had to Wario. With it, he’s nearly invincible, can bypass Wario’s durability by attacking his soul, and its money-draining abilities rendered several of Wario’s greed and money-based powers moot. So why did Wario win if the Death Money Sugoroku was that much of a threat?
Well, for starters, there’s the massive gap in stats, especially speed. Because of Halekulani’s vastly inferior physical stats, he likely wouldn’t be able to use this before Wario blitzes and one-shots him. Wario’s weaponry could also destroy the board, which would give him the ability to harm Hale without the risk of becoming diamond. There’s also the fact that he had several means to escape the board. He could go for the straightforward route and beat Halekulani to death after removing the board’s obstacles. Artsy Wario could likely paint an exit to the game. In fact, Wario in his base form could either hypnotize Halekulani (which is something Halekulani has shown no resistance to) or he could just use his strength to literally break the fourth wall.
Finally, there are their transformations. Ultimate Halekulani can boost his stats, which lessens the physical gap by a slight margin, and it gives him access to more powerful attacks like the 10 Billion Dollar Bazooka and One Hundred Trillion Dollar Finale. He could also combine it with his money absorption to further close the gap. There’s also his other transformation: No-Money mode. Unlike his ultimate form, it’s unknown if this gives any buffs, and its only attack seems to be a massive explosion. The most damning thing about this form is probably its requirements. In order to use it, one would have to completely drain him of his money (which Wario could certainly do), but Wario has his way to counter each form. He could easily blitz Hale before he ever reaches either form, I’ve already described how he can counter Ultimate’s attacks, and he’s more than durable enough to survive No-Money mode. Not helping was that Wario had his own transformations to use.
Of his power-up based forms, Fire Wario gave him ways to destroy Halekulani’s money, Metal Wario buffs his strength and durability, and Bunny Wario boosts his mobility by a pretty decent margin. Tree Wario also has some pretty impressive abilities. He could use roots to attack or ensnare Halekulani, make him trip balls by unleashing spores (rendering him unable to focus in the process), or he could just bypass Halekulani’s durability by melting him with a mouth beam. Then there’s his ultimate form: Wario-Man.
Although it runs on a time limit, Wario-Man grants a drastic boost to his stats, he gains the ability to fly, and his attacks gain similar buffs. Then there’s its biggest advantage: his invincibility. Thanks to this, all of Halekulani’s attacks would be rendered useless, giving Wario all the time he’d need to take Hale out.
Halekulani was definitely a powerful opponent, but he just couldn’t cash a break when fighting Wario.
The winner is Wario!
Wario (Winner)
+ Took the stat trinity by leagues, which would only increase further thanks to his transformations and weapons
+ More experienced
+ More intelligent
+ Larger arsenal
+ More versatile powerset
+ Superior in hand-to-hand combat
+ Better mobility
+ More unpredictable
- But Halekulani regularly fights opponents like that
+ Larger number of transformations
+ Inhaling and ability to resist transmutation rendered Halekulani’s money-based attacks useless
+ Wario-Man’s invincibility only furthers this
+ His powers countered the Gorgeous Shinken’s abilities
- Death Money Sugoroku could bypass his durability and drain his money
+ But Wario has multiple ways to bypass it or get around it
Halekulani (Loser)
+ Used to fighting unpredictable opponents
+ Death Money Sugoroku would be a huge threat to Wario
- But that’s assuming he could even use it, and even then Wario had several ways to get through it
- Everything else
