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A cold breeze blew over the warm summer air, with the sound of blowing wind accompanied by the light brushing of the waves crashing against the sand. This perfect weather had attracted the attention of various beachgoers, all of whom had gone there to relax in a different way. Some were busy sunbathing in an attempt to work on their tans, others had decided to play a game of volleyball, several families had decided to build sand castles with their kids, and there was even a surfing competition that some of the townspeople had decided to enter.

Unfortunately, whatever tranquility these people had been expecting was about to be swept away. Although most of them were too busy conversing with others or too invested in their activities to notice it, there seemed to be something preparing to come out of the water- no, upon closer inspection it seemed like there were two things!

Emerging out of the water like a speeding rocket was a blue, toy-sized racecar, one that had a sealed glass bottle securely tied to the top of its hood. The bottle itself contained a rolled-up sheet of paper, one that was of great importance to the other being who was currently making his way to the surface.

Almost immediately after, said other being ran out of the water, with his appearance causing the beachgoers to stop what they were doing and divert their attention directly toward him. From the looks of things, he seemed to be an anthropomorphic crab, sporting a crimson shell and a massive pair of claws. Large, tall eyestalks extended out from his head, with a short, crinkled nose directly below them. His only clothing consisted of a light blue polo shirt and a pair of purple slackers held up by a ridiculously thick belt. Since he wore no shoes, his short, stubby legs were exposed to the world, though they were barely visible with how fast he was running.

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"Get back here with me formuler, Plankton!" The deep, baritone voice of Mr. Krabs angrily demanded as he chased after his arch-rival.

"If you want it so badly, then all you have to do is catch up to me, Krabs! But when compared to my new hot rod, the only thing you'll be getting is a helping of my microscopic dust!" The green, microscopic scientist known as Sheldon J. Plankton boasted from inside his vehicle. Then, in an attempt to further the distance between them, the diminutive thief placed one of his microscopic legs against the accelerator, forcing his invention to drastically accelerate in speed. Unfortunately for Sheldon, his business rival responded in kind, moving fast enough that he was actually starting to close the distance between them. Once he was close enough, the crustacean began reaching down in an attempt to pluck the automobile from the sand. As he watched the meaty claw descend onto his position, the single-celled organism's only response was to give a devious grin.

"Rather impressive, but you're still nowhere near my top speed! Especially not once I shift GEARS!" As if to emphasize this, the scientist grabbed hold of a nearby gear stick and cranked it up to the highest level, causing the minuscule automobile's rear to begin changing form. In the span of a second, it had created a medium-sized thruster that activated almost immediately, spewing out flames that sent Sheldon out of the beach and onto the streets at top speed. While still somewhat behind, the portly restaurant owner was doing his best to keep up, his stubby legs moving as fast as they possibly could.

Unbeknownst to either of them, however, another pair of rivals were in the midst of their own squabble just several blocks away.

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"Get outta the way! Move it!" An elderly duck angrily demanded as he ran through the streets, bumping into people or shoving them aside. He was rather short, sporting a thick head of feathery hair with sideburns that seemed to connect to an equally large beard. His hair was mostly covered by a Scottish bonnet that lay atop his head, while his clothing consisted only of a black jacket and green ascot. This was the stingy businessman known as Flintheart Glomgold, and he currently held in his possession something of great importance. Hoisted over his shoulder was an almost cartoonishly large sack, filled with roughly several billion gold coins, yet its weight didn't seem to be slowing him down at all. As he darted through the streets, his pursuer followed behind, moving so fast that he appeared to be a red-and-white blur.

"You can try as you might, but you can't run forever, Glomgold!" Scrooge McDuck shouted angrily as he sped after his rival, literally spitting fire as he did so. Flintheart gave a haughty laugh before looking back at the wealthy Scotsman.

"Maybe not, but then again I'm not the one who's lagging behind! It looks like your age is finally showing, Old Man McDuck!" Glomgold taunted as he continued running, taking a sharp left into a nearby alleyway. After exiting through the other side, the slender businessman took off toward the right, running as fast as possible in the hopes of finding a good hiding spot. While doing so, however, his ears picked up the sound of an engine revving, causing him to look toward its direction just in time for a blue, jet-powered toy car to burst forward. As though there were a driver seated inside, the car began trying to swerve in an attempt to avoid the elderly waterfowl's legs, but it was too late as the vehicle rammed directly into Flintheart's webbed foot.

Letting out a small cry of pain, the thieving billionaire clutched his injured foot and began hopping up and down, unintentionally dropping his massive bag in the process. As he attempted to relax his aching foot, the black-clad waterfowl looked down at what hit him, his expression shifting from agitation to intrigue as he noticed what was tied to it.

"What's this?" He questioned as he bent down, swiftly untying the restraints and picking up the bottle. As he brought it to face-level, he noticed the word "formula" and gave a light grin. 'Well, whatever it is, it sure looks important.' He thought internally. Before he could put it inside of his bag, however, a deep-pitched voice suddenly called out, interrupting him.

"What do you think you're doing with my formula there, buddy?" Upon hearing this, the web-footed businessman looked around, trying to find where the voice was coming from. "Over here, you fool!" Upon looking toward the voice's direction, the duck was able to see who had insulted him: a green, two-inch tall speck that was sitting in the car's driver's seat.

"And just what are you supposed to be? Some sorta dust mite?" Glomgold questioned.

"The name's Plankton, and you should answer my question first! And just in case you’re thinking of taking it, I found that formula first, so it's going with me, got it?" The microscopic scientist asked angrily.

"Is that so?" Flintheart questioned with a smirk. "And what if I do this?" Reeling his arm back, the slender miser proceeded to chuck the toy car as hard as he possibly could, sending it spinning through the air as Plankton's angered cries of "YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I'LL GET MY REVENGE!" faded the farther he traveled. Looking pleased with himself, the greedy thief then placed the sealed bottle inside with the rest of his stolen goods. Before he could continue his trek through Duckburg, however, he heard an all-too familiar voice call out.

"Good of you to slow down for me, Flinty!" Turning around, the black-clad duck found himself face-to-face with Scrooge, who was now sporting a light smirk. "After all, you wouldn't want Old Man McDuck to overwork himself, right?"

"L-look here, Scrooge. That whole thing where I called you an old man and stole your money... I-i-it was just a joke. So how 'bout we just-" Whatever deal Glomgold was attempting to make was cut off as his business rival suddenly rushed toward him, cane in hand as he prepared to deliver a well-earned beating.

Meanwhile, roughly an entire street away, Plankton's screams suddenly ceased as his car hit the sidewalk, causing him to briefly jump through the air, flip around, and land upside-down on the seat cushion. As he readjusted himself, muttering angrily in the process, the mono-eyed scientist looked toward the direction he'd been launched from and glared balefully.

"So that thieving waterfowl thinks he can take what's rightfully MINE, huh?" Plankton asked angrily, narrowing his eye. "Well, we'll see how long he thinks that once... I..."

The micro-organism cut himself off as he noticed a massive, portly shadow above him. Upon looking back at it, the scientist found himself face-to-face with Mr. Krabs, who had a grin on his face.

"Well, well, well. It looks like ya finally ran out of gas, Plankton!" The crustacean said cheekily as he grabbed hold of the car and raised it closer. "And now I-" his voice trailed off as he noticed a massive difference in the car's appearance: namely, the absence of a rope and bottle. "What the- where is it?" Eugene questioned in a mix of horror and confusion as he began rapidly tilting the modified toy around, looking at every conceivable angle in the hopes that he'd find his stolen recipe. Upon finding that it wasn't there, his eyes narrowed as he reached into the driver's seat and plucked his arch-nemesis from the vehicle.

"Alright, Plankton! You've got five seconds to tell me what ya did with the formula, or else I'm gonna-"

"I don't have it, Krabs!" Sheldon responded as he raised his stubby arms defensively.

"Whaddya mean, ya don't have it?" The crustacean asked, sounding slightly irritated.

"I mean exactly what I said! Some tall duck in a coat stole it from me while I was trying to get away from you." Plankton explained.

"What a load of barnacles! You're telling me that you let one of these land-lubbers steal me formula and ya didn't even bother tryin' to fight them off?"

"Look, I know it sounds suspicious, but come on, Eugene! This is me we’re talking about! Do you really think I’d let your formula go without putting up a fight?” The scientist asked rhetorically, only to cut Krabs off when he tried to interject. “If you must know, I did everything I could to make sure he couldn’t take the formula, but in the end he was just too much for me to handle!" He explained, lying through his teeth.

"Alright, Plankton. Let's assume for a second that I actually believe that malarkey. Where is he right now?" Eugene asked, his voice completely serious. Plankton looked at his surroundings for a brief moment before pointing west.

"He's just down the street over there. Now, will you let me down?" Sheldon asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Of course." Eugene responded calmly as he turned around, raised his former childhood friend through the air, and proceeded to flick him, striking hard enough that the two-inch tall scientist was launched across the street, his high-pitched scream echoing across the horizon. Rather than pay this any attention, however, Eugene instead chose to turn his back to him and began walking toward the direction Plankton had pointed in.

Meanwhile, back with Scrooge and Glomgold, the two business rivals had finally settled their differences, as the last of the McDuck Clan came down on his rival one last time, granting the mine owner yet another welt on his head and finally knocking him out. With Flintheart incapacitated, Scrooge picked up his sack of gold. While on the way back, however, he began to notice that its weight seemed to have increased, if only by about 2 pounds, but it was still enough to concern him. Once he'd found a good spot some distance from his unconscious nemesis, McDuck laid the bag on the ground for a brief moment and opened it up. Upon doing so, he noticed the letter in a bottle that lay atop his earnings and pulled it out.

"What is this?" The Scottish duck wondered aloud as he uncorked the bottle. After pulling out the paper and unraveling it, his eyes were immediately drawn to the top, which read in bold:

Intrigued by this, he quickly skimmed through it and found that this was apparently a recipe for something called a "Krabby Patty." He'd never heard of something like this, and the ingredients that were required only made him more confused.

"'A seaweed bun'? 'Sea ketchup'? 'Sea mustard'? 'Sea lettuce'? 'Sea onions'?" Scrooge read aloud, his tone growing more incredulous with each word he read. Just where was this thing from, the bottom of the ocean? And even if he ignored the rather... bizarre ingredients, there was still one question that echoed through his mind, one that soon escaped his lips.

"What use would Flinty have for a burger recipe, of all things?"

He wouldn't be able to ponder this for much longer, though, as a deep, baritone voice cut off his train of thought.

"Well, it looks like Plankton was tellin' the truth after all." Turning toward the voice's direction, the Master of the Mississippi found himself facing a rather irritated-looking Mr. Krabs. "Some coat-wearing duck actually managed to get a hold o-"

Eugene cut himself off with a high-pitched gasp as he saw what lay in the duck's hand: his formula, currently unsealed from its bottle and unraveled in its entirety, basically exposed to the world.

"Y-you- How dare you!" Eugene declared, pointing one of his big, meaty claws at Scrooge.

"How dare I, what? Who are you?" McDuck asked.

"You know exactly what you did, thief! But now you've just made yer predicament a thousand times worse! It's bad enough to try and steal from the Krusty Krab, but it's another thing to open the formuler and read through it! Give it back now, or else!" Krabs threatened.

"Now, hold on just a second, Mister...?"

"Krabs."

"Krabs. You've got it all wrong. I didn't steal this from you, nor did I know it even belonged to you. I simply found it in my bag and-"

"Save it, land-lubber! Do ya really expect me to believe your lies when not only are ya holding the formuler right in your own hands, no doubt tryin' to memorize its recipe for yer own gain, but you've also got an entire sack full o' gold right behind you, one that you also probably stole!" This accusation seemed to cause something to snap inside Scrooge, as the duck's calm expression suddenly dropped.

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"Would you care to repeat that?" McDuck asked, his voice dangerously calm and now possessing a slight edge to it.

"You heard me! What, do ya expect that I'd really believe you coulda gotten that large sack of yours from anything else? There's no way some greedy thief like yourself could have been able to come up with cash like that legitimately!" Eugene roared, his glare and pointing growing further in sharpness.

"So not only do you accuse me of petty thievery..." the rich duck began as he started walking closer to Eugene. "...but you also undermine the hard work and trials I've gone through to get this money by saying that I stole all of it." By this point the two were glaring at each other, with the anger showing itself visibly, albeit in different ways. Eugene's eyes were now bloodshot, and the lines on his face had started creasing, while Scrooge's pupils had vanished, replaced by a pillar of flame that represented the raging inferno of anger bubbling from deep within. "Am I hearing that right?" He questioned as small bursts of flame emerged from his mouth.

"Every word." Krabs responded, meeting McDuck's baleful glare with one of equal intensity.

"Then let me show you why you've just made one of the worst mistakes in your life. Let me show you why no one thinks they can squander the reputation of Scrooge McDuck and get away unscathed!" As this declaration left his mouth, Scrooge threw out a powerful left hook, sending his accuser flying across the street. Upon hitting the ground, Eugene immediately forced himself back up.

"Is that so?" He questioned, his eyes narrowing at the angered waterfowl. "You think you can scare me with your reputation? BAH! I've gone up against worse than you in me ole Navy days!" He then put up his dukes in a fighting stance before continuing. "But if ya think ya got what it takes, then bring it on!"

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Scrooge responded to Eugene’s taunt by rushing forward, closing the distance between them in less than a second. Once he was close enough, the elderly Scotsman followed up from his previous assault by throwing out another punch, this one aimed at the gut. Upon making contact, the blow elicited a pained grunt from Krabs, who found himself unwillingly lurching over. Despite the slight pain he felt from how hard he’d been struck, Krabs proved quick to recover, responding almost immediately by delivering a headbutt that nailed his feathered adversary in the bill.

As McDuck stumbled back, his overweight opponent chose to capitalize on the situation and charged forward, preparing to slam into him with a shoulder tackle. While this was still occurring, however, the elderly mallard had managed to shake off his dizziness and looked back at his attacker. For a moment, all Scrooge could see was a vague blur rushing toward him, but even with the limited time he had, he still managed to dive to the right at the last possible second.

”YYYYAAAAHHH- huh?“ Eugene’s war cry briefly turned into a confused exclamation as he realized he’d somehow missed his target. Before he could question how that was possible, the former pirate felt something latch onto one of his legs and give a hard tug. The moment it did so, he found that his own momentum was being used against him!

Despite his best efforts, Krabs could do nothing but brace himself as he flew through the air and crashed into a massive pile of trash bags that lay in the middle of a dead-end alley.

Upon colliding with them, all of the bags suddenly exploded outward, submerging the Krusty Krab’s founder in a sea of used objects and rotten food. As he attempted to push himself back to his feet, struggling through the trash that now covered him, Eugene heard his opponent’s voice call out.

”Well, this seems quite appropriate, if you ask me.” The restaurant owner looked up, briefly setting his voyage of trash aside to glare daggers at Scrooge. The elderly businessman’s only response was to stare back, a light smirk adorning his face as he held his signature cane in hand. “A bottomfeeder like yourself finding himself with the only company he’s able to keep.”

“Why you!” Krabs muttered while gnashing his teeth. “I’ll have you know that the Krusty Krab holds the honor of being the most successful restaurant in Bikini Bottom. If anything, this trash that’s surroundin’ me represents what company thieves like you keep!” He accused, pointing one of his claws at the waterfowl. As he did this, however, his furious expression suddenly shifted into one of awkward realization as he noticed a banana peel stuck on his sleeve.

“Uh...” He stammered while looking off to the side, appearing slightly embarrassed as he lowered his arm and wiped the fruit off his shirt. Once it had disappeared, the crustaceous cheapskate returned to his accusatory pointing.

”If your restaurant is serving its food at a place called Bikini Bottom, then I think it’s safe to say your reputation might not be as good as you think.” This comment only seemed to get Krabs even more riled up. In fact, he was gritting his teeth so hard that sparks actually began to fly off of them. Adding onto this anger was the fact that his eyes were growing even more bloodshot than they’d been prior.

With rage overtaking his mind, the miserly shellfish wasted no time as he charged forward, pulling a giant mallet out of nowhere as he closed the distance. Once he'd drawn close enough, Armor Abs Krabs unleashed a war cry of pure, unbridled fury as he brought the wooden hammer down with as much force as he could muster. It flew toward Scrooge with enough speed that, had it made contact, it likely would’ve struck with enough force to send him through a nearby building...

But this hypothesis would never be tested, as its supposed target responded by casually leaning back, leading the flying hammer to hit thin air. While this occurred, something caught the Scotsman’s eye: it was a manhole cover, one that had visibly come loose. As he returned to his normal position, the gears within Scrooge’s head had already begun turning, his mind quickly coming up with a strategy for how he could use this to his advantage.

As his opponent was in the midst of thinking of a new plan, Krabs was continuing his attempts at landing a successful blow, though it all seemed to be for naught. With each swing, the duck only withdrew further back, forcing Eugene to come closer to him. To make matters more infuriating for the crimson-shelled businessman, the scurvy thief was even taunting him!

”Did you feel that? I think I just a light breeze just passed by.”

SWISH!

”And there it is again!”

SWISH!

”Wait, I think I got it! It’s not the wind. It’s-”

SWISH!

”Just-“

SWISH!

”Your poor-“

SWISH!

”Aim!”

As each of the swings flew past his feathered body, Scrooge took a brief moment to shift his gaze from his attacker back to the loose manhole. He was almost there! Just one more swing and he’d have this crustaceous slanderer right where he wanted him.

Stopping directly on top of the loose manhole, the King of Klondike turned to see Krabs’ current state. In contrast with the treasure hunter, his seafaring rival had been working himself to the point of exhaustion, and it clearly showed. His breathing had become slower, with the exhales being noticeably heavier, and his shell was practically drenched in sweat. As he watched this from where he stood, Scrooge gave a light smirk before continuing to speak.

“You know what? Since you seem to be exhausting yourself, why don’t we try something different? Next time you swing, I won't move from my current position. No left, right, or backwards. How’s that sound?” He offered, hoping the businessman would be foolish enough to take the bait.

”Ya got yourself... a deal.” Eugene responded while he continued panting, taking a brief moment to wipe the sweat from his brow. Once he’d finished doing so, the former pirate reeled his mallet back before just as quickly bringing it down. The hammer seemed as though it would strike the duck’s cranium at any second, but this quickly changed as its would-be target suddenly leapt into the air, revealing a new victim. Krabs wouldn’t even have the time to try and withdraw his wooden hammer before it made contact with the manhole cover, forcing the metal disc out of its restraints and sending it flying toward its attacker. For a brief moment, the shellfish’s vision became obscured by gray, which was soon followed by a resounding CLANG as the cover smacked him in the face.

While staggering back from the pain, rubbing his sore cranium while doing so, the crimson-shelled cheapskate could feel something wrap around one of his legs. Then, with the utmost ease, it was tugged forward, pulling Eugene’s limb out from under him and sending him crashing onto the ground back-first.

Before he could even have a chance to recover from the disorientation, the Krusty Krab’s owner noticed something descending onto his current position, something that quickly nailed itself onto his head. A brief grunt of pain emerged from his throat, which became a common occurrence as his attacker repeatedly came down on him, each time faster than the last. After roughly twelve rapid thwacks to his cranium, the overweight penny-pincher decided that enough was enough. He wasn’t gonna let this no-good swindler get away with taking both his formula and his pride. Not without putting up a fight, anyway!

Raising his claws into the air, the crimson capitalist quickly grabbed hold of the cane, stopping its momentum just when it was about to hit him for the umpteenth time. Then, with an audible grunt, he tossed his feathered opponent across the street. For a brief moment it appeared that the Scottish waterfowl was about to hit his head against the concrete terrain, but he proved quick to reverse his situation as he flipped around, positioning himself at enough of an angle that he was able to land on both of his webbed feet.

Upon landing, Scrooge immediately looked up, expecting to see Eugene rushing forward to prepare another attack. One could only imagine his surprise when he saw that his opponent was now directly in front of him, having somehow closed the distance between them in an instant. He didn't even have a chance to react before Krabs smashed into his bill with a right hook, striking with enough force that his head actually snapped back. Unfortunately, this wouldn't be enough to keep his feathered rival down, something McDuck demonstrated personally by countering with a wicked headbutt that landed directly between the eyestalks. 

As his adversary was once again sent stumbling back, the elderly adventurer noticed something laying some distance away. Squinting his eyes, he noticed what it was: the open manhole he’d used against Krabs earlier. At seeing this, Scrooge gave a light smirk as he reached into his coat and pulled out two weapons. They were identical in appearance, with both being some sort of gray pistols. These were the Anti-Inertia and Neutra-Friction Rays, formidable devices created by the Cabbage Professor, and they were about to be put to good use. Aiming both of them forward, he then proceeded to pull their triggers, firing out cobalt beams that struck the disoriented shellfish directly. Despite making contact with him, Eugene didn’t even seem to have any reaction to the blue rays. In fact, it was almost like he wasn’t even aware of their existence.

Quickly shaking his head, the former navy cadet managed to regain enough of his orientation to see his feathered opponent standing before him with a smug expression adorning his face. Gritting his teeth, Eugene began running as fast as he possibly could, hoping he could wipe that look off his opponent’s face. But it was while he was running that he noticed something odd: no matter how many steps he took, he didn’t seem to make any progress. In fact, it seemed that he was stuck in place!

”What?!” He questioned in shock. “What the heck is going on? Why can’t I move?”

“From the looks of things, it seems you’re feeling the effects of my Anti-Inertia and Neutra-Friction beams. Don’t worry. It’ll wear off in, oh, let’s say a few hours?” Scrooge explained as his smirk grew wider. “Which should be more than enough time to get you outta my hair!”

Once he had finished this explanation, the elderly waterfowl simply outstretched his arm and proceeded to lightly flick the restaurant owner on the forehead. Normally this wouldn’t have affected Eugene in any way, but thanks to the lasers’ influence this otherwise ineffective tap had struck with enough force that he wound up sliding through the street. In an attempt to avert this unavoidable outcome, Krabs continued running in place, trying as hard as he could to build up some velocity. Unfortunately, his efforts would ultimately prove themselves fruitless, something he would quickly realize as he looked behind himself to see the open manhole rapidly approaching him.

In a last ditch effort to save himself, the greedy decapod grabbed hold of the sill, but the lack of inertia once again proved itself to be the ultimate obstacle. The claw wouldn’t even last for a second before it slipped off, leading Eugene to scream in a combination of fear and anger as he fell into the sewers. The exact moment he hit the surface of the murky waters, Krabs was immediately swept away by its vicious current, but not before giving his opponent one last warning.

”You won’t get rid of me so easily, McDuck! I’ll be back! Eugene Krabs isn’t one to give up without a fight!” He screamed in defiance as the deluge of sewer water dragged him down with it. As these words made their way to his ears, Scrooge’s only response was to give a light chuckle.

“Then you’d better give it everything you got when you do! I’ll be waiting for ya with open arms!” The Scotsman responded, yelling loud enough that the shellfish could still hear him in spite of the growing distance between them. While Eugene was being carried away by the raging sewer water, Scrooge was busy dragging the bag of stolen goods back to the Money Bin, all the while concocting a multitude of plans for when his opponent inevitably came back for revenge.

Several minutes later, Krabs found himself exiting the sewer as he was launched out of a pipe and began plummeting back into the ocean. Upon hitting the ground, he shook his head in an attempt to shake the cobwebs from his mind. Once he’d done so, he pushed himself back to his feet and looked toward the surface, narrowing his eyestalks in annoyance.

“So, that thievin’ flock of feathers thinks he can pull one over on me, does he?” He questioned angrily. “Well, if he thinks those fancy-schmancy doodads of his can keep me down for the count, he’s dead wrong!”

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As these words left his mouth, the determined crustacean took a step forward, but he soon realized his mistake when his frictionless body started sliding across the ground at dangerous speeds. He opened his mouth and let out a panicked scream as he made his way into Bikini Bottom’s streets. Upon spotting the various boats approaching his current location, the slippery penny-pincher began calling out in an attempt to warn them.

”Move! Hurry! Get outta the way! I can’t control myself!” He screamed, with the various drivers doing their best to put on the brakes and swerve to the side as they tried their hardest to avoid the oncoming crustacean. This chaotic trip would eventually come to an end when one driver proved too late to react, causing him to accidentally slam right into Mr. Krabs and sending the slippery miser flying through the air. Much to the surprise of the onlookers, the nigh-weightless shellfish was being flung a considerable distance, ultimately reaching his peak after roughly 15 seconds of flight. Once he had done so, the helpless restaurant owner then found himself descending through the air at an even faster rate, leaving him to see his current landing spot. Although it was difficult to make out at first, Eugene proved quick to realize what it was just when he was seconds away from impact: a pie truck with the label “GRANDMA’S PIES” displayed across the side, and a massive pie sitting atop it.

”Oh, barnacles.” Krabs muttered just before slamming into the truck’s side with a loud CLANG! As his body fell off of the truck and collapsed onto the concrete, revealing that his collision had left a massive dent in its side, Eugene noticed the truck was beginning to tilt itself on its side. As he prayed to Neptune that it wouldn’t collapse on top of him, the crimson capitalist became surprised when he saw the vehicle return to its original position. The sight of this was enough to make him sigh in relief, but the sound of creaking metal quickly extinguished this spark of optimism. Anxiously, he looked back up and found the source of this worrying noise: it was the giant pie sitting on top of the truck, now seconds away from dislodging itself.

”You’ve gotta be ki-“

Unfortunately for the shellfish, his complaints would find themselves cut off as the pastry collapsed on top of him, producing an audible SPLURTCH as berry juices exploded out of the massive pastry.

Exactly one second later, the sound of a baritone grunt could be heard as Krabs suddenly heaved and pushed the dessert’s enormous tin off of himself. As one would have expected, the exploding pastry had left him coated head-to-toe in its juices, drenching him a deep purple. Quickly shaking it off, both figuratively and literally, the blue-clad cheapskate’s expression grew more fierce as he looked back toward the direction he’d came.

”Alright, so maybe those blasters of his are giving me a bit more trouble than I thought. But that doesn’t mean he’s won just yet!” As he said this, Eugene took a step to the right, using a combination of his speed and newfound lack of friction to send himself flying away. He reappeared back on the street almost immediately, though there was a major difference. Now he was driving in a boat, one that he had somehow managed to obtain during the brief moment he’d been offscreen, and he was making the most of its existence.

From the moment he’d retrieved it, Krabs made sure to keep his foot slammed onto the gas pedal at full force, pushing it so far down that it actually became indented into the boat’s plating. In tandem with this exertion, the vehicle’s tires had begun scraping against the sand as Eugene forced it to go as fast as its spedometer would allow.

By this point, the overweight decapod’s “skin” and eyestalks had started blowing through the wind, and he was moving so quickly that his cheeks and eyes had begun stretching out wildly. Making matters worse was that he couldn’t even comprehend his surroundings. All he could make out was the light that seemed to be growing in front of him. As it drew closer, the money-grubbing shellfish braced himself, waiting for the exact moment he’d feel the surface air once again.

In less than a nanosecond, the boat shot out from the waves, with the amount of force causing it to soar through the air for several seconds before hitting the concrete with a metallic WA-THUMP!

The impact was enough that Krabs shot straight into the air before suddenly coming back down, with the resulting whiplash literally crushing him flat. Looking down, the crustacean noticed his current condition and responded by using one arm to grab hold of his eyestalks. Then, with nothing more than a sharp tug, his body stretched itself out and returned to its original size.

”Phew.” He sighed, swiping his brow. “Well, that was a wild ride. Now, where could that thief have scurried o- hm?”

Whatever question he was asking himself suddenly became cut off as he noticed a certain smell in the air. It was faint, certainly enough that no ordinary person would have noticed it, but that didn’t change what it was. It was the smell of profit, of cash being earned after a job well-done, and the restaurant owner could tell exactly where it was coming from. His crinkled nose suddenly straightened itself out, with the pointed end suddenly splitting in two to form an arrow. Where was this arrow pointing, you may ask?

It stared straight ahead, pointing at the massive silver cube that lay in the distance. Engraved on the building’s front was a golden double dollar sign, which signified one thing: whatever was in there was worth a fortune.

As he gazed at the giant building that lay some distance from him, Eugene could hear the sound of animalistic growls coming from below. Upon looking down, he found what was causing them: his pockets, which had currently morphed into wolf heads that began barking or snapping at the distant cube.

”Don’t worry there, little fellas. Papa’s gonna fill you up real soon!” He spoke reassuringly to the sentient pouches, causing them to return to normal. Quickly shifting his gaze once again, the Krusty Krab’s founder proceeded to put his pedal to the metal as he continued his high-speed trek, though this time he took care to keep it within the spedometer’s range. After taking a brief moment to breath in the faint scent, the penny-pincher sighed.

’I can just smell the riches in there! The gold, the dollars, all of that money, but most of all I can sniff out me formuler in there, no doubt locked away inside of some glass case!’ Krabs thought to himself. ‘Since that thieving bird stole something precious to me, maybe it’s only fair that I take something of his. With how much I’m sniffing out, he seems to be swarmin’ with money! He probably wouldn’t notice if I took, oh, a couple hundred coins to save for a rainy day.’

As this thought crossed his mind, Eugene began chuckling to himself, though he soon became quieter as he noticed dozens of yellow signs appearing before him at all sides. Each one displayed a different message, ranging from “STOP HERE,” to “BEAT IT,” to “DANGER,” to even an old-fashioned sheet of black metal with the words “NO TRESPASSING! THIEVES WILL PAY DEARLY” displayed in red.

Realizing he was getting closer to his destination, the capitalist’s expression suddenly shifted to one of suspicion as he realized something. With how long this path was, the building’s security seemed to be practically nonexistent. He hadn’t seen any guards patrolling around, nor had he found any-

BEEP!

The sound cut through the otherwise silent courtyard, interrupting his thoughts in the process. Then, with a bright flash from the unknown item...

BOOM!

”TRAAAAAAAPS!”

Both the ex-pirate and his boat were suddenly blown into the air by an explosion, sending them sky high for a brief moment before they plummeted back onto the ground with a loud CRASH!

“Looks like he’s more a toughie than he is a sharpie.” Scrooge mused to himself as he watched from inside the building. As he saw Krabs dust himself off and continue his drive, the elderly waterfowl gave a smirk. “He’s pretty determined, I’ll give him that. And since he’s so bold...” he reached for a nearby lever. 

“I might as well send out the welcoming committee!” McDuck declared as he pulled the switch. Back in the courtyard, Krabs’ pupils drastically shrank, becoming the size of pinpricks as he watched dozens of cannons suddenly rise out of the grass.

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“Uh-oh.” He said under his breath as one of the cannons fired at him. Just when it seemed that the cannonball was about to launch him out of the boat, the crustracean forced his vehicle to swerve to the right, with the projectile just barely grazing past his head. While he had managed to avoid it, he realized too late that in doing so he had opened himself up to the several dozen other cannons pointed his way. Seeing this, Eugene gave a nervous chuckle before bearing down on the pedal as he tried to outspeed the hundreds of lead balls coming his way. As he drifted past each of the cannons, the portly shellfish only had one goal in his mind: making his way into the Money Bin. With his stubby foot placed firmly against the pedal, he decided to make the trip a bit easier by leaning back, using his other foot to steer the wheel.

While this occurred, Scrooge was busy watching the situation unfold from his office, viewing it through the lens of a security camera that had been installed on the field. For the most part, his expression had been neutral, but now it had become one of confusion as he witnessed something that should’ve very well been impossible.

Somehow, despite not even being able to see where he was going, Mr. Krabs was actually managing to expertly drive through the field of cannons with no issue whatsoever! He was even holding both claws behind his head in a relaxed manner, furthering the impression that he didn’t seem to care about his current situation in the slightest. This would soon change, however, when a hatch suddenly opened from beneath the ground, firing out a comically large boxing glove.

WHUMP!

“WHOOOOOA!” The reckless driver called out in surprise as both his ship and himself were sent flying into the air, both of them flipping through the air multiple times before slamming back onto the ground. While still in the midst of recovering from his recent trip, he noticed a window open up, with Scrooge sticking his head out soon after.

”So, you finally decided to show yourself, ya yellow-bellied coward!” Krabs insulted as he glared at the distant waterfowl.

“‘Yellow-bellied coward,’ huh? Funny you’d mention that, considering what I was just about to do!” While he spoke, McDuck pulled out a pair of Colt Peacemakers and aimed them forward. “Let me introduce you to the Yella-Belly Waltz!”

As these words left his mouth, the Scotsman pulled the triggers on his guns, rapidly firing off multiple shots at Eugene’s feet. The crustracean let out a series of high-pitched yelps as he moved his stubby legs, only to realize too late that his lack of friction would only make his situation worse. While the slick shellfish was busy sliding around the courtyard, Scrooge noticed a rock laying to the crab’s right and shot at it, splitting the stone in two and sending it hurtling toward his adversary. The moment it connected, Eugene suddenly collapsed onto the ground, repeatedly spinning around as he continued sliding. After roughly three seconds, this humiliating spectacle would finally come to an end when the slippery cheapskate smacked headfirst into a cannon.

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”AUGH!” Krabs cried out in a high-pitched voice as he felt the cannon fall onto his lower body, crushing him under its weight. In a desperate attempt to escape this unintentional prison, he began crawling against the ground, slowly freeing himself from his confines. As he watched this from the safety of his Money Bin, McDuck tapped his cane against the floor before pointing it at the crimson miser.

Back with Eugene, the semi-paralyzed businessman suddenly noticed a group of shadows standing above him, and they were all moving incredibly fast. Confused by this, he looked toward the shadows’ direction, and in doing so he was met with a truly horrifying sight. From the sky, dozens of meteors began raining down from the heavens, and all of them were converging onto one target: him!

“Aw, crud.” He muttered just as the rocks were seconds away from making contact.

BOOM!

A massive cloud of flame and smoke erupted from the point of collision, with a lone figure slowly crawling out from the explosion, his entire body now black with soot and covered in cartoonish burns. Quickly shaking it off, both figuratively and literally, Krabs looked back up at Scrooge’s office and glared. He hadn’t come this far just to be humiliated! He’d get his formula back even if it killed him! That just left one question: how was he going to make it into that fortress? There’s no doubt that the place was filled with traps, and with his body still under the guns’ effects it was doubtful he’d be able to safely speed past it. So what other options did he have?

After taking a brief look around the field- first to the left, then the right- Eugene shifted his gaze until he was staring directly ahead, and it was then that he found the perfect solution to his problem. Staring him in the face was one of the many cannons that dotted the field, and it was currently empty! With the gears in his head going into overdrive, the decapod began using his slippery body to his advantage by racing toward the cannon and stuffed himself inside. Then, after lining himself up so that he was facing the Money Bin’s office window, something bizarre happened. 

Almost as if it were alive, one of his eyestalks suddenly extended outward and wrapped itself around the fuse. The sentient stalk then gave a sharp tug, activating the cannon and sending its owner flying through the air with a resounding BOOM! The former cadet crashed through the window almost immediately, accompanying the entrance by delivering a powerful shoulder tackle that knocked a flabbergasted Scrooge to the ground. While he wasn’t aware of it, Eugene had- if only through sheer dumb luck- managed to discover a weakness of the Anti-Inertia Ray. The beam might’ve neutralized the force behind his attacks, but it had no effect on his personal gravity. 

Unfortunately, he wouldn’t be able to recognize this, nor would he be able to exploit it again, as he was suddenly interrupted by an outside source: his pockets. Once again, his pockets had come back to life, and they were sniffing the air. Their “ears” suddenly perked up as the scent of gold filled their “nostrils,” leading the sentient pouches to begin rushing toward the source as saliva ran down their “mouths.”

”WHOOOOOAAAA!” Krabs screamed in surprise as his own pants forcibly dragged him out of the office and into the halls. Although what he’d just seen was enough to leave him heavily confused, Scrooge quickly put it aside and chose to run after the fleeing miser, mentally preparing himself just in case this turned out to be some kind of trap.

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With that, the chase was on as the two businessmen darted through the Money Bin’s halls, seemingly neck and neck with each other. As they raced through each of the fortress’ floors, McDuck’s brain began going into overdrive as he tried to think up a way to stop his slippery adversary. There were dozens of options for him to choose from, though it ultimately boiled down to which one would be the best to use in this situation. Roughly four nanoseconds of debate later, the treasure hunter’s expression had gone from one of determined strategizing to a cocky smirk as he came up with an answer.

Quickly screeching to a halt, he pulled a new weapon from his coat just as Mr. Krabs pulled ahead. It was another gun, this one being a small, green pistol with a scope sitting atop it.

Now armed with his Burglar Stunner, the elderly mallard first lined up his shot, utilizing its scope as a means to make sure he was on target. Once he’d made sure of this, Scrooge pulled the trigger, firing off a red laser that immediately struck Eugene in the back before just as quickly exiting out of his chest. Surprisingly enough, the slippery invader didn’t seem to acknowledge his newfound injury, though what happened next would soon change that.

As he continued running through the Money Bin, Krabs could feel a slight heat emerging from his back. At first he’d dismissed it as just being nerves, but this notion quickly left his mind when the smell of smoke made its way to his crinkled nose. Realizing this could only mean one thing, he looked behind himself, and in doing so found the source of his problems. A small burst of flame had emerged from where the laser had hit, and it was quickly growing in size. Each nanosecond was accompanied by more of his clothes burning away and his skin being roasted into a deeper shade of red.

In a desperate attempt to extinguish the fire, Eugene began rapidly slapping the affected areas, moving so quickly that his limbs were reduced to nigh-invisible blurs as he tried to pat out the roaring inferno. Unfortunately, these attempts at extinguishing himself had left him unaware of his surroundings, something he’d only realize when his pockets ran around the corner. The moment they did so, their owner was dragged along with them, with their hastiness leading him to accidentally slam into a wall.

A pained groan began to emerge from Krabs’ throat, but it quickly crescendoed into a panicked scream as his pants violently tugged him along. In a bid to regain control, the still burning decapod attempted to place his feet against the ground, but his lack of friction instead led him to slip and fall on his crimson-shelled rear. With no way to get back up, all the former pirate could do was continue screaming in panic as he slid along the ground, fire consuming him further with each centimeter he traveled. This would continue for several seconds, his screams echoing across the entire manor until his body was consumed by the flame. The fire continued blazing for roughly three seconds before it suddenly... stopped.

In a rather anticlimactic fashion, the flames suddenly extinguished themselves, if only because there was nothing left to burn. In their place was the now gray body of Mr. Krabs, which spontaneously collapsed into a pile of ashes. The only part that remained of him were his eyestalks, which landed directly on top of their former body. As they felt this, the stalks looked down at the ashes, then back up at where they’d been headed, and it was then that both eyes widened in surprise.

“Guh... guh... guh...” Eugene’s disembodied voice stammered, completely in awe at what he was staring at. His pupils and irises changed shape, becoming a pair of gold bars that then began spinning around. These bars then began expanding outward, slowly increasing in size until they had morphed into two letters. Printed on the left stalk were the letters “GO,” while the right one displayed the letters “LD.” As these letters appeared in his eyestalks, Mr. Krabs’ awe began to subside, at least to the point where he could begin speaking once more.

“GOLD!” He shouted excitedly as his body suddenly erupted from the ashes, somehow fully clothed despite his recent immolation. As if sharing in this jubilation, the pockets on his newly-formed outfit suddenly rocketed forward. The only obstacle standing in their path was a long line of railing that separated the rest of the Money Bin from Scrooge’s profits, but thanks to Eugene’s overweight frame-

CLANG!

It was knocked off its hinges as both Krabs and his sentient pouches dove into the ocean of gold and treasures that laid below. The moment the nigh-endless amount of gold entered his personal space, the crustacean’s pockets began digging into the meal of profits at a ravenous rate. Each time they took a breath, another dozen gold coins and jewels entered their maws. With greed flowing through their “minds,” the pockets wasted no time and began shooting through the Money Bin like a pair of water skis, devouring more of McDuck’s gains with each passing second.

Their owner was also enjoying himself, having scooped hundreds of gold coins and jewels into his claws and laughing merrily as he did so. He had even pulled out several burlap sacks and dunked them into the sea of money, filling their contents within the span of a few seconds. Unfortunately for him, this stroke of good fortune was about to come to an end.

As he continued running through his mansion, Scrooge could hear the familiar sounds of Eugene’s laughter echoing throughout the halls, and it seemed to be coming from one location: the Money Bin! Furthermore, he could hear the sound of coins being shifted around, and that could only mean one thing: Mr. Krabs was shuffling through his money, trying to steal his hard-earned cash! And that was something the Scotsman refused to stand for!

As fury overtook his mind, the King of Klondike picked up the pace, moving so quickly that he became a vague red-and-white blur. He would only stop once he came to the platform’s edge, which he noticed was missing a chunk of where the railing used to be. But aside from that, he also noticed something else: Mr. Krabs was currently stuffing a burlap sack with the duck’s own profits, and judging by the stack of them laying nearby, it was safe to say this wasn’t his first time. Fortunately, it seemed that the crab hadn’t noticed his arrival, and to say that Scrooge planned on making the most of that fact was an understatement!

Without a moment to waste, the wealthy Scotsman dove off of the platform and immediately crashed directly into the golden terrain below. Surprisingly enough, the pressure didn’t crush his body into paste; in fact, he actually sank into it, almost as if he were diving headfirst into a swimming pool. That said, his entrance had one slight flaw that prevented it from being perfect: his impact had audibly caused several of his coins to fly through the air and clink against the ground.

”Huh?” Krabs murmured, briefly stopping his ransacking to look over his shoulder. He could’ve sworn he just heard something land inside of the gold. After taking a brief moment to scan his surroundings, he gave an uncaring shrug. “Must’ve just been my imagination.” He muttered dismissively before going back to counting his newly found gains. ‘Still,’ he thought, ‘McDuck could be coming ‘round the corner any second now, so it’d probably be best to wrap this up. Neptune only knows what would happen if he caught up to me now.’

As these thoughts ran through his head, Eugene quickly tied up the last sack and began hoisting all of them over his shoulder. Surprisingly enough, their weight wasn’t slowing him down, as the sound of his stubby feet scuttling across the ground could be heard echoing throughout the Money Bin. Just when he was halfway across the room, however, he felt a blow slam into the back of his head, sending him crashing onto the ground.

Looking toward his attacker’s direction, the shellfish found nothing, but the sound of someone clearing their throat caused him to turn back around. Doing so made the greedy capitalist nearly break out into a cold sweat, as standing right in front of him was Scrooge McDuck, his expression one of visible irritation as he kept a firm grip on his cane.

“What was it you called me earlier, Krabsy? You said I was a greedy thief, right?” The Scotsman recalled. “Yet I go in here, and what do I find? A thieving crustacean who’s trying to fill up as many bags as he can!” As he said this, Scrooge gestured over to the sacks of gold that lay strewn about.

”Ever heard of an eye fer an eye, McDuck? You stole something from me, so it’s only fair I take something of yours!” His adversary responded as he tried to reach down and grab hold of a nearby sack. Before his claw could wrap around the bag, however, a feathered hand grabbed hold of the outstretched arm and hoisted it back through the air.

”The only way you’ll get my money,” Scrooge said in a deathly calm tone, “is over my dead body!”

As he finished this statement, the duck began applying pressure to the arm, producing a series of audible cracks. In an attempt to prevent his arm from breaking, Krabs threw out a left hook, slamming his claw right into the Scotsman’s jaw. The blow was enough to leave the treasure hunter stunned, though it wasn’t just from the pain. From his previous experience in using them, both the Anti-Inertia and Neutra-Friction rays should still be affecting Krabs, but for some reason they’d stopped working!

While his opponent stumbled back, Eugene took a brief moment to nurse his wound before shifting his attention back to Scrooge and narrowing his eyes.

“Over your dead body? Well, if you insist.” The former pirate said as he cracked his non-existent knuckles. “Besides, I’ve been meaning to pay you back for that last fight, anyway!”

As he watched his crimson-shelled opponent ready himself into a fighting stance, Scrooge responded by reaching into his coat and pulled out a pair of brown mittens. Putting them on, the Scottish waterfowl responded in kind as they strode toward each other, eventually reaching the middle of the vault. For a brief moment they stayed in place, sizing each other up while assessing the right time to attack.

---

Part 2 can be found here:
Death Battle: Scrooge vs Krabs, Part 2