Wise men say only fools rush in
but I can’t help falling in love with you.
He lived in a life that is surrounded by deals, drugs, guns, blood, and money.
You knew that getting involved with someone like Bokuto would be bad for you and would have consequences. Yet, you can’t find yourself to leave and let go. Even if this is the life he has, even though he is the most eccentric man you ever met, he can make you laugh and always been able to take your breath away.
Your relationship with him is unconventional. The lurking danger and the thought of forbidden love excite you too much.
You love him. You love him. You love him. You truly deeply love him that it actually hurts.
You had met and have been with Koutarou for almost four months now and you know that these feelings for him came too fast and unexpected. You liked – like – him and are very much attracted to him but love? You weren’t a fool and you know that loving someone like him would untimely lead to your death. But you do, you do, you do. And yet, you haven’t told him.
Telling him would make everything seemed too real and it will lead to you letting reality sink. The reality of loving a man who has almost died in too many occasions, made too much enemies for him to be truly safe terrifies you too much.
But if you had known that your time with him is already running out, you might just have told him.
The thought of not seeing him anymore hurts. It would be more painful than heartbreak or any wound, however deep it is.
You can’t have that. No. No. You still need time, you still need to see him one last time, to feel his arms around you, to enjoy the warmth he freely gives to you.
But the clock is ticking and you are running out of time.
You didn’t know. You should have known better. Should have listened to Bokuto and stayed with him for the night. But your house should have been safe. It had been yours and Bokuto’s little sanctuary away from the Fukurodani house. When you heard the front door open, even if it locked, you thought it was him, surprising you.
You didn’t know and you were wrong. It wasn’t him and you should have known better.
And now, you lie there surrounded by your own pool blood, trying to stay alive. Trembling hands touching the place where the numbing pain is coming from, you cried as you saw your own blooded hand.
Vacant eyes staring ahead your cream ceiling, you let your hand fall to the side. You can already feel it, the heaviness of your worn out body. It was getting harder to breath and all you want to do now is sleep.
Ah! Sleep. How many nights have you spent with him in your bed, a few doors down, just wrapped in each other’s arms as you slept like there is no evil lurking around. What could you do so that you can have that again?
You tried to remember their words. They had apologized to you, the ones who did this. They told you that they didn’t want to do this but Bokuto needed the wakeup call they said. He needs to be brought down, a peg or two, they said. That he should have known that loving you would be his downfall, they said.
But he doesn’t. He never said that he did or gave a clue. Why would Bokuto fall in love with someone like you? You are nothing special, just another face in the crowd. You were lucky enough to have him for a time, receiving his attention and affection. You can honestly say that these were the best months you ever had.
You body is becoming numb and you just know. The time is up. No more chances left. So, you accepted your fate. As much as you could, you tried to remember everything about him. His sparkling eyes filled with determination, his dazzling smile and heartwarming laughter.
So tired and sleep is now all that you wanted. You could only hope that Bokuto can’t see you in such a state. You don’t want him to see you so vulnerable, weak and dying.
You were on the verge of giving up, you labored breathing starting to cease when you heard a voice. It sounded so panicked and broken.
Is that Akaashi?
Even though you wished that he shouldn’t see you this way, you can’t help but selfishly want to see his face one more time.
“[Name]!” the muffled voice called out as you stared unseeing up to the ceiling of your
Then like a pause button, time spotted for you. The clock stopped ticking as familiar arms cradled you, giving you more time.
There he was, the man you love so dearly. Tears were already running down on his delicate cheeks but you can’t find the strength to reach up and wipe them. Your muscles are too heavy and all you want to do is close your eyes and sleep.
“[Name],” he cried in a whisper, his eyes dancing around your face then towards your injuries.
You tried to give him a smile, but all you could manage was a twitch of your lips. “It’s okay,” you rasped out, grasping his hand with yours. “It’s going to be okay.”
Bokuto wasn’t listening though; he was shaking his head and calling for someone.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he kept on apologizing, his head dropped low as he let reality sink in. “Just hold on for a bit, okay? You’ll be okay,” he assured you but you know he was assuring himself, trying to believe in his words.
You watched the broken man hovering over you with sad tearful eyes. “Kou, please,” you whimpered, trying not to sound too weak. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”
Tears spilled on your cheeks as the man that became your strength heartbreakingly sobbed. “No you are not. It’s my entire fault. I should have come with you,” he cried.
“You didn’t know,” you rasped and coughed, not liking the metallic taste in your mouth right after.
He stared at you, lips trembling and tears falling. “But I should have known. I should have been here.”
“S’not your fault, love,” squeezing his hand you turned to look at another shadow by the doorway and you just knew who it was. “Tell Akaashi to leave, Bokuto,” you ordered, looking back at him with tired eyes.
Eyes wide, he shook his head. “No. We need him. He’ll help you get better,” he cried, his chest wanting to burst and his insides felt hallow with what you are implying.
“I want you to let go.”
“No. I will never let you go.”
“You need to.”
“I chose not to. Please, don’t do this to me [Name],” he pleaded, pulling you closer to his chest. He can’t lose you. He wouldn’t know what to do if you leave him alone. He needs you by his side. “You can’t leave me.”
He knows that death is inevitable for humans but this is too soon. He hasn’t told you yet about his true feelings and intentions. He isn’t ready for this. He will never be ready for this.
“Who would lecture me when I am feeling lazy? Who would remind me that what I’m doing is wrong? Who would…who would remind me that there is still a flicker of light in my heart that is enveloped with darkness? “[Name], tell me who would remind me that my life is worth living?” He knows he was taking a long shot here, reminding you that you are a big part of his life. If you are going to leave him, how will he cope?
Bokuto had told you once that you can ask him anything and he would give you everything. But he can’t give you want you want. The grey haired man can’t do what you want him to do.
“Koutarou,” you started and somehow he knows what you are about to say.
Shaking his head, he whimpered the heaviness of his heart slowly suffocating him. “No, don’t say it. Please don’t say it,” he begged as new batch of tears spilled.
He can’t hear those words from you now that you are slowly slipping away from him. He couldn’t face a future where the girl he loves had finally confessed to him, wouldn’t be there.
Even though he was protesting, you only smiled and lightly shook your head. He has to know. You need to tell him before you let the darkness take you. His tears mingling with yours against you ashen cheeks you said, “I love you Bokuto Koutarou.”
He blinked as he felt your body become limp in his arms.
Time's up! The clock is ticking once more.