I'm like you Marilyn! I used to keep things bottled up and after much counselling learnt to get things out........now I get things out and I'm told that I should keep things in!!!!!!!??????? You just can't win!
what I mean by this is..when I was younger whatever was bothering me, I kept to myself...and I was going through a lot...being bullied and no one sticking up for you doesnt help..and when I tried sticking up for myself, it made things worse..especially when they laughed at me...
now it seems since I am much older,..if something is bothering me, I tell them what I think, especially if it just pisses me off!!!...............my hubby keeps telling me to watch what I say because I am a short and fragile looking person and most people are bigger than me that someone might hurt me...hell even most 12 year olds are bigger than me!!!!!
Studying Buddhism has always helped me to overcome bitterness and injustice I received in life. I always keep my feelings bottled up even when I shouldn't. I try to remain sophisticated, kind and polite as possible in any situation. I may not be able to control the situation, but I can control my attitude and deal with it peacefully.
As a kid I was always shy and quiet one wearing old ragged up clothes. I was picked on because my farm heritage, boyish looks, and the hairs and smell animals left on me, but I didn't really care. That only tells that I love animals more than people. I was mentally mature for my age and didn't react to insults. Being the tallest and strongest of the class spared me from the physical abuse. I could have hurt others and ruin their life if I wanted, but I slept better at night knowing I didn't do it.