Not feeling too well, so forgive me for the short, listed sentences and shit writing.
- My grandmother (On my dad's side) passed away yesterday.
- My health, though still pretty damn awful, is slowly recovering.
Finally got the newly prescribed medication (Citalopram) along with some others
and its' reduced much of the terrible withdrawal symptoms---for now.
- I've decided against driving at all for right now, I am simply just too fearful of the road and am just not ready.
Planning on bike riding, city bus, riding with friends, and Uber instead.
- My anxiety and mood swings are out of control.
One minute I'm terrified at every sound and subtle movement, the next minute I'm so fucking numb
that a serial killer could break into my house, threaten me, and I'll just be like; "Cool, man."
Neither of those strikes me as healthy.
- VE school is nearing its end soon.
As expected, the only good thing out of it was the friends I made there, otherwise,
didn't feel like I accomplished much there and just feels like yet another case of miscommunication
and a waste of time and money... to make things worse, I'm scared that I won't have a good paying job
quickly enough to pay back all the borrowed money as soon as they'd like.
I know age has nothing to do with, but I'll say it away;
Being 24, unemployed and still relying on a parent to pay for everything is a HORRIBLE feeling.
It's a living hell and is nothing to be proud of.
- Last but not least, I've been thinking of closing commissions for a while (Possibly permanently, but I sincerely hope not).
It's something I've been thinking about for quite a long time, but whether or not it's actually a good idea---I don't know.
The plan was to try and jump back onto owed art full time once I'm done with school and finish up whatever orders I have left,
and then shut down art commissions as a whole, whether it's temporary or permanent, I still haven't decided yet.
It's mainly to focus all my time on improving at 3D modeling and my art in general so that maybe I could
try to find a full-time job revolving around character and creature design.
As of right now, I feel my art is mediocre.
Not the worst, but most certainly not the best.
There's no way I'll be able to make a decent living off of my current skills.
I want to take time to improve my art and myself, but it's hard to do that while worrying about school,
your health AND freaking out about how slow you are about getting commissions done for people
and feeling like they hate your guts for it.
I feel like I'm in a horrible mess right now and can barely think and function straight, I feel like I'm gonna vomit out my insides.