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Deviant for 6 Years
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I feel butchered--
All cut up inside.
Like a blade has passed through my heart
A thousand times.
I feel like one of those paper snowflakes
You craft around Christmas time.
I feel like there are scattered remnants
Littered at my blood-stained feet.
I let it go a million times,
But I still feel the hurt inside.
Oh God, why do I feel so depressed?!
Why am I such a broken mess?!
My life's not so bad; I'm not too ugly.
Everyone seems to think well of me.
I look in the mirror and want to choke.
The tears won't come; I've dried that moat.
I curl up in a ball and stare at paint-chipped walls,
Hide my face in the darkness beneath the covers,
Maybe my demons will not notice me,
Until I must come up to breathe.
I feel so dead and worn and empty.
I crawl to bed. I do nothing.
I am no one, nowhere, no time.
I am sick of living, but I'm too afraid of dying.
I turn the heater up, but I can't shake the cold.
Coughs wrack my body; I feel so old.
The weakness creeps in till my breathing turns shallow.
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 0
Whispered anxiety
To deaf ears,
To no one in particular.
Silent sighs
To a still void,
To nothing; no one cares.
But inside it's wrenching,
Clawing its way out of me.
I have to let you know
How much I really want you--
How much I really care.
I see silhouettes vaguely dancing in my mind--
Silhouettes of you and I,
In no specific designated time.
I hear your voice, feel your touch;
I can sense you drawing near.
I can see and almost hear.
You're encouraging me onward.
Our children frolic at my feet,
Cling to my legs,
Sing me to sleep.
I hold them so, so close....
I reach out my hands.
I want to catch this image,
I want to capture this moment,
But it dissolves to teasing mist,
Slipping through my fingers.
You are nowhere to be found....
I am desperate.
I am desperately searching
For what I know I cannot find,
A dream within my mind,
An illusion.
I cannot have what I desire,
Yet within me is a fire.
I will claw and grasp and cry.
I want you! I want you....
But you are only an illusion....
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 2 0
Depression Says Hello....
I am drowning....
Waves crash over me.
I'm devoid of sanity.
I reach and scramble for any hold,
But I find only loose rocks.
I slip and tumble over a terrible cliff.
I crash into water and sink unceasingly.
I flounder for air--for something to breathe!
I find a void. There is nothing.
I lose all care or concern or despair.
I am nothing. The world is nothing.
Everything is colorlessly progressing meaninglessly.
I am detached....
I let myself be taken wherever the current wills.
I care not for rocks or falls or hills.
I care not for drowning or scraping or bleeding.
I care not for living. I care not for dying.
What is this blank void that is my life?
I'm ruined. I'm finished. I've decided. I'm gone.
I'm not trying anymore.
It ended. I'm leaving. It's over. I'm done.
I am defeated....
I am a pile of unmoving feelings,
Chords of blacks and greys and blues.
They stretch out and lie there, unerringly useless.
I'm not getting anywhere. I'm not caring anyway.
I think I'm done living.
There is
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 0
Insomnia (Pic) by Blue-Rose98 Insomnia (Pic) :iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 0
I recline upon my bed and stare blankly through the night,
Wond'ring how it is to sleep in peace and quiet respite,
Trying to grasp a memory, an ounce of recollection,
Trying to remember my bygone bodily perfection.
My eyes flutter and they shut, like butterfly-whispered beats,
But they do not receive the rest for which I silently entreat.
My eyelids heavy on my being, without even slight relief.
This web of shadows lace my windows--might I count each leaf?
Silent lucidity trecks the track of deathly night
As I worry and I wonder, putting shutters on my sight.
I toss and sweat and dehydrate. Irritated, I contemplate
Each hour of recorded time during which I am awake.
I heave my breath constantly, drowned in my reflections--
And the phlegm and the acid in their nightly inspections.
I watch the placid ruby digits rythemically pass the time.
I watch the shadows dancing upon the cielinged dust and grime.
I watch the steady breathing of my companion at my side.
I zone. I space. I get up and
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 0
These little shards I gather up
Reflect a shattered me.
And, while I'd rather run away,
I choose to stay and see.
Here, these borne reflections are
Revealing my true being,
And, in these little puppets played,
I find a sense of seeing....
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 0
Happy 18th, Deviantart! by Blue-Rose98 Happy 18th, Deviantart! :iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 1 Uthgardt Barbarians in the Shaar by Blue-Rose98 Uthgardt Barbarians in the Shaar :iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 1 1
Mature content
A Prayer for the Dying... :iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 5
About Me
Who am I?
I am...
Somewhere in the middle of who I was and who I'll be.
Somewhere in the middle of the forest and the sea.
Somewhere in the middle of the boxes I don't fit in.
Somewhere in the middle of heaven's glory and my sin.
Somewhere in the middle of a nerd and a geek.
Somewhere in the middle of a weirdo and a freak.
Somewhere in the middle of metal, rock, pop, and chants.
Somewhere where I can always get up to sing and dance.
(But not to country....
Somewhere in the middle of a bard and a cleric.
MTG a little bit, though I can barely bear it.
Somewhere in the middle of an otaku and a bore.
Somewhere in the cross between Olidammara and Pelor.
Somewhere in the middle of organic and fried chicken--
[Chick-fil-a doesn't count, because, of course, it's christian.]
Somewhere in the middle of the due date and procastination.
Somewhere, something, in between the journey and its destination.
Somewhere caught up in between cokes and Dr. Pepper....
I lied--there's no competition
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 4
Nothing But Nonsense
I don't know what I'm
I don't know what I'm
I don't know what I'm
Talkin' about
I don't know what I'm
I don't know what I'm
I don't know what I'm
Screamin' out loud
I don't know what I'm
I don't know what I'm
I don't know what I'm
Talkin' about
But it sounds a lot like nonsense to me
Written down and composed to some melody
But these stupid consumers cannot see
So lift your hands, all teary-eyed
To nothing.
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 0
These little shards I gather up
Reflect a shattered me.
And, while I'd rather run away,
I choose to stay and see.
Here, these borne reflections are
Revealing my true being,
And, in these little puppets played,
I find a sense of seeing....
In Jade I find my indiscretions
And my search for inner peace.
In Letthealia, many valuable lessons:
Of wisdom and release.
Jade, the middle ground I walk on.
Letthealia, all I want to be.
Jade, the Phoenix sleeping still.
Letthealia, yet now risen, free.
In Willow is my darkest night
And all my tragedy,
My sin-filled hollow and retreat--
My deepest apathy.
In Lily there is joy aplenty
And love for all and spare--
Sunshine daisies buttermellow--
Yet I find wisdom there.
Asea is a soft ambrosia:
Simple, weak, and neat,
But in her tender heart I find
She's quiet, wise, discreet.
In Keppery I find all my sauces--
My perky peppy rebel cries.
That which, though slain forever,
Never really truly dies.
And what of Eira and Nymphadora
And many unnamed heroes
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 1 2
Rise Up, Phoenix by Blue-Rose98 Rise Up, Phoenix :iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 1 0 'Pit' (Female) by Blue-Rose98 'Pit' (Female) :iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 1 0
Miry Clay
I feel so hopeless
So helpless
So restless
What am I to do?
Can I follow You?
I desire so much fruitless
Damned messes
I just feel so confused.
Can I follow through?
Am I damned from the start?
Cursed in my heart?
Bruised, bloodied, battered
Full of pain—My soul is tattered
Darkness welling
If I run to You,
Can the light break through?
Can the phoenix rise again
From the ashes of defeat
And be completely resurrected
From the ruin at my feet?
Can the dawn still rise in mourning?
Can the caged still be made free?
Can You break the chains most binding
And clear these demons haunting me?
Will these shadows haunt me longer?
I cannot bear it if they stay.
Can the beast live on in hunger?
Will these fears soon go away?
Will I know the joy of laughter
And the purity of love?
Will I ever see my homeland?
When will it ever be enough?
My God, my Savior, my dearest Lord,
Can You clean the mess I'm in?
Will Your mercy please come cover?
Will You save me from my
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 1 0
O Heart
Break, my heart.
Pour out, pour out.
Bleed upon this page before me.
Weep upon the blank unfolding.
Stain this page with words of pain
And never-ending games you've played.
Empty your bitter cup before me.
Seize the lines and marks and scrolling.
Let your voice be heard in word,
Your beating, pounding, formed to words.
Your vile contents--pour them out!
Drip them from your stainèd cauldron.
My weary heart may be broken,
But these venoms stay inside.
O heart, wicked and deceiving,
Always falling yet still leading,
Blind and utterly conceited,
Fill this page with all your sins.
You feel pain, close to bursting,
From all the sorrows that you have laid in.
Let them out and surely freedom
Shall replace your heavy burdens.
Cast them here and leave forsaken
All your follies and your breakings,
All your fears and anger and hatred.
Leave them lie to rot and die,
Let them here to disappear.
Weary heart, break free from bondage.
These sorrows are not everlasting.
The ashes that lie here befo
:iconblue-rose98:Blue-Rose98 0 0



1. If you were the opposite gender for a day, what would you do?
--.........I don't want to answer this question......

2. If Pokemon were real, which would you keep at home?
--Pokèmon?? Well, it'd have to be a ralts. I just love the ralts-kirlia-gardevoir set....I also love the eveelutions, particularly Glaceon. :)

3. If you were in a fight against an evil clone of yourself, what would be your strategy to take him/her down?
--There's a mirror for that in D&D....I'd throw chocolate and french fries at myself. The other me would never even get to me....

4. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
--Use the bathroom, stretch/read the Bible etc., eat breakfast (may go to the track before breakfast and read my Bible there), and then it depends on the day. Mostly prepping for a D&D campaign, drawing, reading, writing, playing LoZ Windwaker on Gamecube, or cleaning, if I don't have to go grocery shopping, doing laundry at the laundromat, or something like that....

5. Does your region call them fireflies or lightning bugs?
--....I honestly have no idea. I call them both. XD

6. Have you ever secretly drawn someone during class, waiting in line, at the airport, etc?
--Yes, several times! It's the best way to get quick practice....

7. You are kidnapped by a dragon who plans to eat you in the next 24 hours because it thinks you are a prince/princess, which taste delicious. How will you convince it that you are not royalty?
--No crown and can't pay bills. Besides, does this slouch look like princess-material to you? Or these second-hand clothes? Naw. I'm broke and have quirky artist homeschooler written all over me....

8. A shy little kindergartner asks you how to make friends. What will you say to the little tyke?
--Talk to them and listen to them. Chances are you'll find you have something in common....Best idea: open your tablet, go to a game app like Subway Surfers, and they will come....Wanna play? Lol! XD

9. What time is it?
--2:45pm CST

10. Have you ever been in a food fight? Did you win?
--No. I'm a cat person who like to be clean.....Though I have been in a shaving cream fight at Church Camp before.... :hmm:


Blue-Rose98's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
~Avatar used with permission by artist trungbui42.
Check out their awesome art! -- Dawn by trungbui42~

★DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in much of my earlier deviations do not necessarily reflect that of my current stances....★

Puedo hablar un poco de español. ¡Hablemos!
Je sais un petit peu française.

'1•1•Six be my logo'....

Half the world goes to bed with empty stomachs, naked bodies, and broken hearts. Won't you please give to help them? Visit or any of the millions of charities out there to start changing lives and creating futures.

-------( •—• )-------------------------------------------------------

Hi. Call me "Kay-chan" or "Kegan". I may change my name/alias from time to time, but no alarm. If you must, just call me "Kay" or "Blue-Rose". Either will universally suffice. ;)

Anyway, if there is curiosity about it, I am a christian. I am also an american. Due to the tainting of these titles over time, I cannot completely take pride in having either. I am honored to take up the title christian because it means 'little christ', and I long to be like Him, but because of the centuries of injustice and ignorance associated with the title 'christian', I cannot completely embrace the joy of the title. Same for the title 'american'. I appreciate my freedom, but my countrymen and I disagree on many things....I cannot take pride in a country who obsesses over celebrities and gorges on ridiculous amounts of wealth and vanity while half the world starves and suffers. I don't want to be like that, and I cannot take pride in a title that associates me with those things....I'm sorry....

Regardless of my strange ideas and ideals, I am an amateur artist. I do it as a therapy and an entertainment. I simply enjoy it. I do not see myself ever getting as good as my fellow artists here, in visual or literature, but I do so enjoy viewing/reading works of art. ^~^ And socializing with people around the globe. I am grateful for the time others take for me. Please do talk with me! I love to gain new perspectives on all sorts of things. And don't worry about offending me—I have three brothers. Offending me is a tough job at this point. So, if you have questions, comments, or recommendations, go for it! I may need them. :D

Anyway, time is wasting. Don't waste your life on my rambling. Go live it. We only have one....and no telling when that one will end. Best be sure of the important things while there is still time, and live a full life while we can. :)

-------------------------------------------------------( •—• )-------

Deviously Pleased Stitch Stamp by TwilightProwler

American English language level NATIVE by TheFlagandAnthemGuy

BT EN Language Level stamp3 by Faeth-design ~Lol!

Spanish language level BEGINNER by TheFlagandAnthemGuy French 3 by Faeth-design JP Language Level stamp2 by Faeth-design Chinese language level BEGINNER by TheFlagandAnthemGuy Stamp: German Language Beginner by MafiaVamp

<Stamps belong to their respective owners. I do not own any of them.>

Please feel free to check out my website:

Or my Facebook page for my art/music/literature:…

I enjoy visitors and comments. Thank you. :)


Add a Comment:
unnibabu Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2018  Student Traditional Artist
I am so sorry for wishing you late....  I wasn't home for a week

Happy birthday angel :)
Blue-Rose98 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. ^~^
KRMi-e Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday! :-)
Blue-Rose98 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! :D
Madailein Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2018  Hobbyist
Thank you for all your interactions and comments on my page!  It has been really nice to read them.  I have plans to sit down and read through some of your literature soon, but I've had some really hectic weeks.  When I have time to breathe, I definitely want to sit down with a nice warm drink and enjoy your art.

Blue-Rose98 Featured By Owner Edited Jul 26, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw! Thanks so much! Really, it's my pleasure. I'm not even half the poet you are (and a lot of my recent works haven't been uploaded yet) and I'm not that great an artist. ^^; Still, I hope you enjoy my works, if you ever get the time to read/view them! I know the feeling of not having time. X/ At any rate, your response means a lot to me! Thank you!

Grace be with you always....
Madailein Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2018  Hobbyist
Thanks for the favs!
Blue-Rose98 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem. I was really enjoying them. And I seldom give faves....
Madailein Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2018  Hobbyist
Thanks for the encouraging comments, too.  :-)
Blue-Rose98 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
My pleasure. ^~^ ~<3
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