seabelle

e. you're under my skin and intertwined within my heartstrings. i wish i could say i no longer love you but i can't. e. i cannot shake you from my mind, (god) know's i've tried. you're my ultimate mindfuck, sometimes i think you were right when you said that i know you better than you know yourself. so maybe, just maybe, you still love me too. ... maybe just maybe you never even stopped. e. you're the only one that settles the storms in my head and heart with the memories of your arms around, me, your warm hands and how you always kept me together

i’m unraveling the intricacies of my life like a finely knit garment. removing all the glimmers of love and hope and lust, praying that it stays together that it’s still beautiful without its sparkle. that it isn’t something that i hate or want to forget... it's not what i want for you. i don't want to hate you and i don't to lose you.

dear -, i found you when i felt i had noone else, in a time where i needed someone most. you saved me in a way. i didn't expect to care as much as i did, and i never expected you to care so much more. dear -, i never hid my concerns, i was as honest as possible. i stayed true to my reality, and always asked you to do the same. i never hid that i was different, different for me at least. dear -, i always wanted you to let go first because it'd hurt me less. dear -, you told me to do it, that you'd rather it be me. that i be the first to let go. but dear -, that's when hypocrisy seeped out between your words. that's when all i didn't wan

let's play a game of cat and mouse. let's start tripping over our hidden meanings, that aren't at all really hidden. let's get tongue tied and quiet possibly doe eyed. let's say it without really saying it. let's keep this, our little secret. our message hidden in a bottle; the body is our lungs, the neck our esophagus.

1. my mind is masochistic and a magician, what i think and what i feel aren't what they appear. 2. i'm hurting, i feel wounded. but i'm not, or i haven't really been. yet. 3. my hands are seeking warmth from coffee filled mugs, and its making me miss your hands. 4. ignorance is not bliss. i've said this before. i need to know what, what comes next... what we are. if we are anything anymore. 5. i feel like i've already lost you. 6. i hope you are only just coping and that you'll come back. that you meant it when you said you weren't done. 6.5. even if that was before and this is now. 7. not a truth, but an apology. i am sorry if i've

just the other day; i spent the morning in your arms and in the evening you starting to slip away. just the other day; we both admitted to falling for each other, then something happened and i folded under pressure, i risked us, and hurting you. just today; i think i might have started losing you. not just today, but since the other day; i've been scratching my fingers down to stubs along the walls of my skull in an attempt not to cry. trying not to break in free fall, because maybe you will still catch me... but if i do hit the floor at least i have more of a chance of being pieced back together.

dearest dear, if i let myself fall for you, will i fall into your arms and be (forever) in bliss. or will i hit the pavement beside you and be swept away like autumn leaves.

there's a war in me that's between will and want. i am fueled by an ideal that exists only idealistically, i think. then there is that fear the one that seeps into every thought, turning them into something they're not. changing them to something almost unrecognisable; like a drop of ink into water, it's irreversible.   truths are forgotten and there's the constant haze, clouding vision and thoughts. my will is the ink, i am the water and i am losing site of what i want.

dearest dear when you placed your arms around me i didn't realise what it meant. those warm and soft arms that pulled me close and held on so tight were ripping me from the world of such blissful ignorance, and now that they're gone i find my- self falling beyond the abyss. falling to an unknown place and my stomach is left in a tangled mess of knots and 'not anymore' and really, i dont want to miss (you) but i do.

to the boy, with something much more behind his smile, there's more to you than you care to reveal. you're tearing yourself into two of what you think is best and that which you des- ire, deep down beyond the tiniest fibers of your heart. with every electrical pulse there's a change, somewhat like a flickering light one moment there's the spark and as soon as it appears its no sooner forgotten.