BPC: Smoker Pride

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By BloodyMess-VaoT   |   Watch
4 5 631 (1 Today)
Published: July 6, 2013
(Ilfana, Respit, Lanadriel and Solira are sitting at the news-desk, for pictures and character overview click the thumbnails in the author's description.
The desk is smeared with blood and has clusters of purple and many colored craftglitter scattered over it.)

Ilfana: Hey, humans welcome to the BPC!

Respit: I thought we just said Blood-TV ...

Ilfana: Yup, and I don give a bite.

Respit: (groans)

Ilfana: Today I stooped to talk to you again to enforce my will up-

Respit: (punches in Ilfana's side)

Ilfana: I cozly  mean to “help” you!
There are a lot of humans who have good reason to be proud these days like rainbows , veganariens , human females -but not the ugly ones gah-, foreigners and lots of other humans I don't care about, who feel the need to associate themselves with some ridiculous group labels to make themselves feel better in there deluded tiny little world, because they are insecure drops of-

Lanadriel: (demanding) Ilfana...

Ilfana: What? Can't you see I'm helping people here!

Lanadriel: (impatient) What did I tell you about being nice?

Ilfana: (defensive) Right right right! Oh my Self , don't make me sing that stupid song again!
Okay you humans forget what I just said, which should not be that hard because you are a bunch of imbecile-

Solira: (angry and annoyed) You want that done or not?!

Ilfana: (annoyed) Yaha...!
See humans: I have big boobs and I honestly believe human females should be treated like human males! Everyone satisfied now? Good!

Lanadriel: (sighs)

Ilfana: Oh yes and send all your waste glass to Japan so they don't have to live in paper-houses without windows anymore and get wet all the time like Lanadriel... -She is the worst water mage ever she can't even get a level one spell done properly. Every-

Solira: (even more angry and annoyed) Hey!

Ilfana: All right.... I'm on it! Okay?
There are so many humans that can be proud these days, but some of them have been totally forgotten! And no one really cares for these poor pathetic little creatures- humans that live like outcasts hated and despised by society.
Yes! I'm cozly talking about smokers! You can be proud of everything if you only put it right! But smokers? No no no you are evil monsters, condemned to live in small cabins and stand in small marked areas. (giggles)
You have no right to be proud at all!

Respit: What about female smokers?

Ilfana: They can be half proud, duh...

Respit: What about lesbian smokers? Can they be two halves proud?

Ilfana:You can be two halves if you don't shut up!

Respit: And what about foreigners who sometimes visit their home country, can they be temporally proud?

Ilfana: (despaired) Sol, Respit is ruining my project again!

Solira: Shut up or we repeat that lying lesson!

Respit: Pff...

Ilfana: Now, without any further interruption, I announce that today the... the...

Lanadriel: Today is-

Ilfana: (furious) I said no interruptions! (frustrated) Meh I hate this clan no one ever listens to any of my orders!  (snooty) And I don't care what today is! (cheerful) Form now on today is "Smoker Pride Day"! So, get out there and wear your "Smoker Pride" button!

Respit: Wasn't today "Stroke Pets against the Fur Day"?

Ilfana: (confused and shocked) What!? Really? Well... some sacrifices have to be made! From now on is "Smoker Pride Day" the new official holiday!

Lanadriel:  (straight and clear into the camera) "Smoker Pride Day" is not an official holiday and you might get fired if you take it as an excuse for not coming to work.

Ilfana: Bla bla bla... Get out, have fun, destroy stuff! It's "Smoking Pride Day"! Now some people like Angel-Chan might say: (makes a childish imitation of a whiny voice) I'm not only the worst water mage ever I'm also the worst vampire ever and don't deser-

Lanadriel: (annoyed) Wakatta yo! Smoking is bad for your health and those around you.

Solira: (cocky) As purposely avoiding food, that is part of you diet, is.

Lanadriel: (upset) I did  it for the animals and it's not harming others!

Solira: (amused) Oh now that you've said it, I remember one of the little chicks smiling right before it flew into the meat grinder. Must have been due to your efforts...

Respit: (cynic) Isn't it about telling others, how much better your lifestyle is all the time, anyways?

Lanadriel: (even more upset) I really don't care what you think. That was my choice and I was willing to deny myself some things.

Ilfana: (happy) Hey, that's an awesome transition: Don't care what others say! You are an adult aren't you? And if you want to deny yourself a longer life span then that's your choice! And you should be proud of that! Making tough choices isn't easy! Most of you fat dwarfs can't even decide if they want catchup or mayonnaise to their heart stroke menu!

What the ilfana tries to say is that there really is no need to be ashamed of being a weak minded drop of pus. All humans are the same and that's a good thing, but you made the choice to smoke! And that was the right choice! You should be proud of it! And this is what I honestly believe.

As owner of the Sohubo company I can tell you that over 95% of my workers all over the world are heavy smokers and we are constantly hiring new workers preferable smokers, but we also take non smokers of course. The amazing thing is that only after some month even the strictest non smoker starts smoking. Naturally this is because of our smoker-friendly work environment. I personally made sure that the work is as fulfilling as possible. I promise you only a few month in one of my factories and you will agree that smoking is the perfect choice for you. And since smoking is so popular at my companies, I'm even offering a new retirement benefit plan. Instead of paying into some unsubstantial retirement pool you can have half of the money right now and a fair amount of the other half will be used to supply you with even more cigarettes.

Don't listen to people who tell you smoking is a bad thing to do and that it's harming others.
You are helping them! You are helping everyone! Without people as thoughtful and future-oriented as you, your whole society would collapse! You are the foundation this society is build on! Without people like you they would be nothing! So go out be proud! Today is your day! Everyday is your day! You deserve it! The world owes you! Show your pride and wear your "Smoker Pride" button no matter if you are a heavy smoker or just smoke from time to time! And don't forget to support Clan-Bloodpie ! Do not believe the lies of the Neo Order ! But who am I telling? You are way to smart to fall for them!

Lanadriel: (slightly angry) I think that's enough...

Ilfana: Yeah if you go on like this some Extremists try to take over the world again, right Respit?

Respit: (annoyed) Don't you have to bake a cake or something?

Lanadriel:  (not really convinced of what she is saying) Please don't forget to wear your button and very important, if you are a supporter that does not smoke don't wear it. If possible... support us! We really try our best to help you, but whatever you do, don't join the Neo Order! They are very terrible people... and I have seen a lot of terrible-

Solira: I think we make a cut here.

Ilfana: (over friendly) Yeah and don't forget to wear your bloody button. (threatening) There is nothing more disgusting than sifting through metastases! (indignant) Last time I puked my whole heart out! (very friendly) I swear if any of you has cancer and is not wearing the bloody button I'll make him kill his family and friends, bring him through the trial unguilty, make his address public and give him a job at Sohubo, then I watch how he slowly-
© 2013 - 2020 BloodyMess-VaoT

My satire plays in a parallel universe that has similarities with ours.
At some point there's a big (propaganda) war between two parties, the Neo Order and Clan-Bloodpie and both
factions are almost only interested in their own goals. They manipulate, mislead and exploit humanity where ever they deem necessary.
Where reality ends and fantasy starts is up to you;)

Watch also:
BPC: Feel Good About Yourself DaysSetting:
(Ilfana, Respit, Lanadriel and Solira are sitting at the news-desk, for pictures and character overview click the thumbnails in the author's description.
The desk is smeared with blood and has clusters of purple and many colored craftglitter scattered over it.)

Ilfana: Hey humans welcome to Tim and Dorothy's aquatic adventures!

Respit: You know what? I think I leave right now...

Solira: Shut up and sit down!

Ilfana: Today I want to talk with you about a really really awesome invention you humans found!
The feel-good-about-yourself days! Now you cozly say feel-good-about-yourself days? Never ever heard of such a thing like that. A

Here some stuff from the antagonist's faction
P-ComfortLast year me and my friends went to Japan.
And I must say I love Japan. The food is just awesome.
You get no better sushi than you get in Japan, I tell you.

But then I tried to find a proper beauty salon.
You know how important it is for a woman to always look gorgeous.
Then, after I made my way through a jungle of gibberish and finally found one, imagine what happened?
I was rejected any service!
Can you imagine that?

I was so shocked!

And non of them was speaking English I felt like back in stone age or something.
I mean hello? Globalization? You heard about that? How about getting off your island sometimes for a change!
I had no idea w

For more info on the protagonists check out their folders in my gallery!

I'm still a little unsure about the whole format for the TV-skits, this time I left descriptions of their movement out to see how this works.

The opinions and views expressed through or in this work are the opinions of fictional characters and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or views of the author. (Would you deem this as valid legal-mumbo-jumbo or should I change some parts?^^)

Besides that I'm trying to see how parts of my story and my characters workout I'm trying to make some real points, which are only my personal opinion, which may change due learning new things or hearing other opinions.=)

You should not reduce yourself/let yourself be reduced to one “trait/lifestyle”.
Not everyone who rallies for your “trait/lifestyle” acts in your best interest.
Don't trust evil companies led by vampires!;P
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Laeneris's avatar
LaenerisStudent Writer
Oh my Self! :XD: I love Ilfana's character, although she probably doesn't love me back. :XD:
BloodyMess-VaoT's avatar
BloodyMess-VaoTHobbyist Writer
Thanks! She is also my favorite character, it's like I created her myself. ;P

The loving back thing is actually a good question, I didn't lock that completely, yet.
She definitely is very full of herself kinda like Bender from Futurama, who only loves himself and things that remind him of himself^^
She would kill those things though, because it's very important for her to be unique.;P

I'm not sure yet how many soft spots I give her and for what reason.
Laeneris's avatar
LaenerisStudent Writer
Hmm, I wonder why that is. :eyes:

But Bender occasionally helps out his friends!
BloodyMess-VaoT's avatar
BloodyMess-VaoTHobbyist Writer
I write you a note, there are too much spoilers=)
Laeneris's avatar
LaenerisStudent Writer
Okay! :)