Listening to: Gone Forever - Three Days Grace
Reading: The Bazaar of Bad Dreams- Stephen King
Watching: Rick and Morty
Playing: Battle Fleet Gothic
Drinking: Generic Brand Cola!
It's all gone.
Looking a little empty around here isn't it?
No, that's not a mistake or the page being wonky, my gallery and scraps have been cleaned out. By me. And I know it probably doesn't matter to the majority, but it does to me. So I'll talk here like it matters, as it is my final piece and all.
I've had this account since middle school, when I was posting my cringe worthy Naruto fan-art with my best friend. Since then I've watched myself shrink, I watched myself grow, suffer, live, and almost die. I catalogued my random thoughts and goings on in this space like it all mattered throughout some of the worst phases and places in my life. When I was thirteen and suicidal, sixteen and violated, and in my twenties and homeless (Three times. Talk about unlucky, eh?) Because in my head it did matter, even if nobody interacted with it, it mattered. And up until now, that was enough. I was happy and fine and enjoyed looking at my art and the art of others and it was grand.
And then within the past two years or so, I fell off the wagon. And I fell off the wagon because of some decisions I made and some of the people I chose to interact with. Yes it was a choice. It was a choice because I kept going back to it, and once you do that, it's no longer a mistake. It is a choice.
And it was those choices that wrecked me. I know I'm being very melodramatic but that's who I am damn it, and I like it that way. I spiraled into depression, hopped from couch to couch. And I made practically no art.
But I don't want to post it here. I don't like dA's policies and I don't know very many people who do. I don't like that my page did in fact spread, through my will or in spite of it. Because now, now, people I don't want peering into my life have an ickle little window with which to do so. And fuck it, I'm taking that away. This year and the next is all about me taking my power back. I've never been very specific or detail oriented about my life, save for one or two occasions. So it's not like anyone here, besides those keeping tabs on me, who know exactly what's going on. Tl;Dr : I came from an abusive home, I made the mistake of starting to date at sixteen (I was violated and then left him ) then I was engaged throughout the rest high school, broke it off, and began a string of bad decisions (home, finance, work, and people related) that ultimately I hope will make me a better person. Though I don't think drinking Denny's wine qualifies.
So I've packed it in. I'm leaving the account active because there are web-comics on here I'd like to be able to keep reading, and on the very rare off chance I decide to re-make, I want to be able to inform those (though the chances of this are like a million to one but hey I can dream) who are interested where it is I wound up. My journals will stay up too, because fuck they are a hilarious read. In my humble opinion anyway. Gotta love those ups and downs and pretentious opinions.
That's it I suppose. I like that I managed to finagle it so I ended on the big 5-0.
And don't worry. We'll be together forever, in this box.
EDIT EDIT EDIT:
I have a new platform, if you want it, you must message me directly. Either here, or, if you are the rare few who have me elsewhere, elsewhere is fine too. But you must message me directly.
Together forever. In this box.