Just Call me LispieBlazie... I need to change my name like.... now.
Super Close Friends/Artist that I love dearly and Look up to~
Okay... so... Hmm I guess I should list them?
~ MY COOKING DISASTERS~
1: My First time cooking: It was my first time cooking. I was about 10, maybe 11 years old and I was going to make my first dish that wasn't egg related. I thought of Fish and Vegetables. Yummy right? Well... Not when you crack open a can of sardines and a can of sliced carrots and call it lunch. It gave me the worst Hershey Squirts ever..
So, When you think of dessert, what comes to mind? Cakes, Cookies, Rice Pudding? ......I made rice pudding. My brother whom was.. 6-7 at the time was my "Cooking Assistant" I opened about three boxes of JELL-O Chocolate pudding mix and read the directions as followed. Then, I threw in about 4 1/3 cups of raw parboiled rice.... And made my brother eat it. You know you fucked up when your little brother eats it and is crunching with focus. My Mom got mad at me while I was dying laughing.
Cheesesteaks are the best when they are cooked to perfection with the right cheeses and the right seasonings... Well, I had eaten half of my cheesesteak when I decided to save the rest for later. I wrapped it up with aluminum foil and sat it in the fridge. Later that day, I wanted the rest of my cheesesteak, but there were no paper plates and I was too lazy to wash the dishes.. What did I do? My Dumbass put the foil-wrapped cheesesteak in the microwave for 3 minutes.... 3 minutes too late for my to save the microwave as it caught fire from the foil... I forgot it said NEVER MICROWAVE METAL... Learned that lesson.
So when you're making Muffins for breakfast, it's always important to make sure you have it on the right time and temperature.... I baked my muffins on 400 degrees for 30-40 minutes..... Fuck.
When you want fried chicken, always remember to have the fire set to HIGH when heating your oil. After the first few pieces of chicken are fried, set to slightly lower. I made my chicken and it looked so pretty.. Like, someone spent hours making the perfect fried chicken. So, My family and I was eating until I and my brother bit into a piece of chicken to find Blood leaking out of the wing.. We ate out after that.
This is the Ultimate fuck it moment: I was told by my dad to go make him some grits while he took a nap. At the time, I didn't know how to make grits. So, I boiled the water and poured the grits in. I thought grits were like Cream of Wheat, so I stirred it. My dad, becoming very impatient was rushing me and I was at my wits end, so I used a mixer to mix the grits. Just when shit hit the fan, I pour "Satan's Concoction" In a bowl and threw some Kraft singles in it.... Boy, Was he pissed!!
Welp, Those are my short stories on how I fucked up my cooking... Enjoy reading~!!