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You close your laptop, hungry for
discs of cabanossi and cheddar shavings,
and aching in the throes of indecision.
Yet here you are, shut up completely.

Discs of cabanossi and cheddar shavings
flow in abundance at parties like these
yet here you are, shut up, completely
lost in daydreams and nightmares, which

flow in abundance at parties like these—
well, you should know, except you don’t:
lost in daydreams and nightmares, which
more or less, for better or worse…

well, you should know. Except you don’t.
You close your laptop, hungry for
more or less, for better or worse
and aching in the throes of indecision.
At the risk of offending my watchers with my high influx of submissions, I tentatively present my attempt at a pantoum (a style of poetry which involves line repetitions—I think, again, it would be best for me to let Google explain!).

I'm very keen to hear what you think about this, so please feel free to leave a comment!

Also available on tumblr.
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:iconscfrankles:
SCFrankles Featured By Owner May 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Just been reminding myself what a pantoum is, via Google :D Really like the line discs of cabanossi and cheddar shavings. It seems so oddly poetic and prosaic simultaneously. (I do mean this as a compliment :P)

The form does seem to suit your subject - the lines coming round again make you think of repetitive thoughts caught in the brain, and suggest the confusion of nightmares.
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:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner May 23, 2014  Student Writer
I may or may not have been eating cabanossi and cheese at the time of writing... :P I will take that as a compliment: un-familiarising the ordinary. It's what I aim to do :D

Thanks for commenting and faving! :hug:
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:iconedges-to-everything:
Edges-to-Everything Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
I will have to give a pantoum a try one of these days. I certainly enjoyed this one!
:clap:

- Michael
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:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner May 2, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks :) I'd be keen to see what you come up with!
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:iconannmariebone:
AnnMarieBone Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
:painter:  You really do have a way with words, being able to use them effectively in such different styles!  :airborne:
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:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014  Student Writer
Aw, thanks! :blush:
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:iconmwbluewolf:
MWBlueWolf Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Student Writer
I love pantoums, and you certainly pulled off the style quite nicely. It still flowed well, made coherent sense, and had that touch of versatility to it. This takes a lot of skill to do so well, but you certainly had no problem. Are you thinking of writing more of them? :clap:

Also, have you ever tried your hand at villanelles? They're somewhat similar, and I feel you might be good at them, despite how hard they are to write effectively. :meow:
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:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks so much! It was a lot of fun working away at it, so I definitely plan to play a bit more with the style in the future :)

I actually have attempted a villanelle! Feel free to take a look at it: Homework + Dogs by BlakeCurran It's a very different feel to this one, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless :)
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:iconmwbluewolf:
MWBlueWolf Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student Writer
I did enjoy it. Very well done, indeed (though I was expecting nothing less)! I had to look it up on Tumblr, because my computer's busted at the moment, and my iPad and phone can't open PDFs. -w-;

This is sort of out of nowhere, but have you made any progress on your story? You can't leave me on a cliffhanger like that! X3
Are you struggling with writer's block, or have you just been too busy as of late? 
Reply
:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks for going to the trouble to read (and fave) it! I really appreciate it :)

My Tom and Bec story? I ended up writing about 5000 words, but I didn't like where it was going, so I've started rewriting it. I haven't got very far (due to both being very busy and a lack of motivation/energy), but I have written one chapter, and am working on the second chapter. There are six main characters now (two of which are Tom and Bec) and the story takes place on one single day (the day of Tom's dad's funeral), and I've got a good idea about where I'm going...I just have to write it :P But thank you for the encouragement! :hug:
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:iconmwbluewolf:
MWBlueWolf Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Student Writer
Glad to be of some service! >u<
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:iconkmills95:
kmills95 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like it!! Pantoums can be a lot of fun. 
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:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks! They really are!
Thank you for the fave as well :hug:
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:iconkmills95:
kmills95 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Most welcome :)
Reply
:iconazurenite88:
Azurenite88 Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014
As one with an abundance of this particular feeling, I have to say that you capture it really well. Awesome job :D
Reply
:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks so much! I'm glad you can relate (if 'glad' is the right word, given the subject) :)
Reply
:iconoichidan:
oichidan Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Nice! I enjoyed this and got through the feeling. Keep it up!
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:iconblakecurran:
BlakeCurran Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks so much! :D
Reply
:iconoichidan:
oichidan Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Alright, no problem :D
Reply
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