Just a random post about things I need to get off my chest. Also, hi! Been a while since I posted lol. Alright, here goes...
I don't know if it's just me, but it seems like there's a lot more toxicity around these days. Honestly, I'm thinking it's probably always been like this and that I'm just noticing it more now, but well...I can't help but reminisce about the days of perceived Internet peace times. "wth you talkin' about, Donnie?" Well, it's just everything's so...political. Idk. I think I noticed it right around the time the last election was getting started. Everywhere I go there are arguments about everything. Economical, social, who's morals are right, who's helping and who's not, the "why this group of people is so damn stupid and I hate them" articles...it's been so much. So lately, I've just been avoiding everything and everyone. No social media. Sometimes I'll post something, usually not even related to anything controversial, but I won't read comments because I'm also too sensitive and afraid of criticism lol. Uh, I guess what I'm saying is...I wish I wasn't so sensitive about these things. I mean honestly yeah, I do feel it's a good thing I've stayed away from social media mostly, but at the same time I feel like I'm missing out on sharing things I enjoy with others, because I'm also avoiding my friends due to our differing opinions on things. And it's not just online; I see people's opinions irl via things like bumper stickers, signs around campus, t-shirts (although that's always been a thing lol), and it's just...I feel a sense of rage build inside me where I hate everything about that person just for forcing their opinion in my head. Because then I spend time imagining an argument between us, and I assume they're just the biggest asshole ever, and they think they're smart and know what's right, and it's just...I hate that. And there's nothing I can do about it either, because I get so anxious around anyone it's hard to think straight when talking to people, so all I can do is either avoid everyone or face the world but look like an idiot because I struggle with basic interactions, let alone conflict.
I thought I'd feel better by avoiding everyone. But all that's changed is I feel more isolated. I still encounter controversial topics and opinions even if I try not to look anyway. It's frustrating, but I guess I just have to deal with it? I wish I had the ability to just say "fuck it" and not care about what people think. Many people seem so good at that. But...I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to change the way I feel. How do I just feel okay after hearing or seeing something I don't agree with? Actually, even if it is something I agree with...I still imagine that person to be obnoxious just because they have the nerve to put their stance out there for the world to see.
Um okay, some disclaimers before I stop. I completely acknowledge that I shouldn't have this attitude. Issues need to be discussed and it's important to face the truth and consider the views of others; all that jazz. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your views in whatever way you want (as long as you're not like harassing people or something of course lolol). What I'm saying is...I want to not feel this way, but I don't know how. That's the predicament. I also wish I had thicker skin and cared less about what people think about me...but that's probably better suited for a whole 'nother post.
If you read this whole thing, wow, thanks for taking that time lol. I know I said I don't read comments on most things, but I'm making an exception for this post. I want to better myself. I guess I should gain confidence so I don't have to seek the approval of others? Yeah I should probably do that, but how does one even...oh whatever, I'm just rambling now. Anyways, I'll just stop lol. Thanks again for reading, and have a good one! Stay awesome <3 <3 <3 (I should come to my dA more often)
Professional sad boi