|Two Throwbacks...being back.|
|MY PILE OF CRAP! 8D But in all seriousness. There will be some stuff there you probably won't like. So if you already don't like what you see in these thumbnails...then in all seriousness, you probably shouldn't bother looking.|
To be honest, I’m not too fond of this time of year. And...I'm in a super raw state of emotion right now, so I feel writing stuff down might help.
I got some shit to get off of my chest. It wont be full on TL;DR, but I feel honestly I gotta say something. About things in general.
Before I get to now, I gotta go back.
2015 was a pretty soso year. That...spiraled into a death spiral and signaled what I thought would be a short bleak period...which ended up being a much...longer and more brutal period.
Over the course of the year, friendships were...for the most part ok. Save for a few toxic stuff I made a decision in January of that year to step away from. School was soso...and things moved along ok.
In the September of that year, my father who’s been dealing with Parkinsons wasn’t feeling too hot. Asked me to take a day off from classes, as he was home and was huddled up in the corner, his torso killing him. We decided to take him to the doctor, to find out that his intestines found a way to tie themselves up. If we had waited longer, he wouldn’t be with us. It made his Parkinsons worse...his mobility became even more shot.
While he was in recovery, my mother and I who didn’t live with him...recieved a notice in the mail in October. Saying our home was going to be foreclosed ...on Christmas Eve. So we needed to be out by then. At that time, my Stepmother was also making a play, doing her best to ensure family members from my mother’s side of the family couldn’t even visit him...threatening with police calls and everything.
Things were pretty tumultuous...and in December of that year...instead of kind of trying to find something to smile or laugh about...I spent the majority of the month...packing. And on Christmas Eve, the house that had been my home for 14 years, for most of my life was gone. Taken from us. Dad eventually got out of the hospital...but he wasn’t the same. He hasn’t been.
...Since then, I’ve almost died via getting my tiny car annihilated by a trailer on an 18 Wheeler weeks before my birthday, I’ve managed to get hit with crippling debt.
On the upside in that time frame, I finally finished college. Class of ‘17, woot woot.
I’ve tried maintaining some friendships...and I’ve managed to make some during this time. I’ve loosely talked collaborations over the years, but shit never came through. Either through fault of my own or, just...us not following up with each other. While many have moved off, and done their own things, I’ve been cool with it. I don't hold ill will, hell I’m happy if others are being successful. I’ve been putting others over myself mentally and emotionally. And while some have been there for me, others havent and I recognize everyone’s dealing with their own shit...and I wont hold it against them. Because I’m often holding myself responsible...when it shouldn’t all be on me. Many things are a two way street.
As the year is coming to a close...my father made the decision that he was going to move back to his home country. To retire properly. He’s mostly wheelchair bound these days. He hallucinates...and his memory is getting very shot due to a form of dementia that’s tied to Parkinsons. If I can make things work to get funds together for a trip to his place, maybe he might remember most of my time with him...because I see that...may change. My mother is dealing with what may be the early stages of breast cancer after several recent surgeries. And...I’ve dealt with the fact that while some people have thrown something at me...I’m just happy I finally have an inflatable bed to sleep on after living on a floor and occasionally a couch for the better part of 3 years.
I dropped my father off at the airport yesterday...which may be potentially the last time I see him in person. Yesterday was filled with bullshit from family, but...it did make me put a lot of things in perspective. While I’m still putting out all these fires, I’ve made a decision. Despite almost putting down the pencil/stylus, I’ve decided 2019 will be the year of the rebound. And I will state these things here.
...For the friends I’ve lost contact with or I haven’t spoken to that often, I’ll do better. I’ll extend myself as much as I can. If they’re fine with letting it die, then I have to find a way to not blame myself for not trying.
For the new friends I've made...I'll do what I can to show I'm worth the time. Even if I'm not always there, I'll do what I can.
For my 3 patrons, I thank you for helping me out and doing your best to support me. I will do better for you all. I swear I will do better. Thank you guys for being incredibly understanding of my situation and how my home life just doesn't know when to stop spiraling out of control.
I will try to post my inktober stuff from this year here once I get bio’s written out...since I realize these Inktober characters i’ve been making...if I ever wanted to go commercial, I can work with these.
Maybe I will try to follow through with the promised collaborations that have been discussed in the past...or maybe I’ll find ways to make some happen.
I’ll try to be a better person all around in the coming year...because while I do feel like I am at my lowest point...I gotta do better. And I will try to do better.
To those who made it through this whole thing...thanks for letting me vent.
And I hope you have an awesome year too.
Not much to know about me. I go on...I get by. I live as best I can. I just hope I don't bore you along the way. Either way, this is me.
For IM related inquiries, do ask me. I does have AIM, YIM, Skype.
And I dont add people on Facebook unless I really feel Im cool with em. So yeah.