I have a confession to make here. I'm sure you all either already know this or have deduced it, but all the same...
I am a chronic procrastinator and time-waster, and I have been addicted to browsing the internet for several years.
I've always been that way, it's something that comes with ADD and being a creative type, but it really became a problem in 2015, not long after I started school.
I created a Tumblr account in 2014, hoping to make use of it as another outlet for my art. However, with me in college, I never really took the time to really upload things to it. As I'm sure you all know, it's a weird site. It's got a kind of ingenious format, but it's so poorly put together, it's hard to really use or get anything out of it.
My interests are extremely varied, and I like to entertain people. My blog quickly became something that reflected that. I started following blogs and reblogging stuff that I found interesting and that anyone who might be following me would find interesting. And never really stopped.
It quickly devolved into a random mess of reblogs. I have ashamedly spent hours and hours compulsively browsing, liking and reblogging anything that tickled my fancy. Some of it was good stuff, like art tutorials and references I wanted to save for later, but I've almost never gotten the chance to use them.
But most of it... I really could have spent my time better. I would have had SO MUCH less stress in my classes had I not wasted so much time on Tumblr. I wasted time elsewhere, too, don't get me wrong, but Tumblr was the bulk of it.
I've always had FOMO, "Fear Of Missing Out," even when I was a kid. If someone was just going to the store, I wanted to go, no matter what. Even before Tumblr, I had lost many, many hours just refreshing my DeviantArt page, hoping for someone to post something new or to comment on something of mine. I thankfully never really got into Facebook.
Now as I'm sure you all know, Tumblr has never been well managed. The staff is, at best, a bunch of low-talent, politically motivated idiots with loose morals. Throughout the entire time I've been on there, they've never made a good decision and broke the site repeatedly.
The clientele of Tumblr is arguably worse than 4chan. In fact, it's like 4chan and Twitter had a baby.
The things that have happened on that site is almost comparable to some dark web stuff. These points and more have earned Tumblr the title of "Hellsite," even by those using it. Anyone who doesn't call it a "Hellsite" either doesn't know what they're talking about or they're likely part of the problem.
It's fun to use, as I pointed out, the endless variety of content coming in is unlike anywhere else, even more than Facebook. You can go from a deep, important discussion to a hilarious meme to magnificent art to boobs in just a few rolls of the scroll wheel. I can't tell you how many entertaining things I've run across there, all the stuff I've learned, and the art and laughs...
But I've come to learn that that kind of environment is, well, bad for me. Toxic, even.
My ADD brain and personality makes it way too easy for me to just get lost on there and endlessly flit from thing to thing to thing.
These last few months, I have seriously been considering deleting my account for my own sake, but I hadn't because of the few connections I've made on there, the news I get, and the artists I follow.
Then at the beginning of this month, as I'm sure most of you have heard, Tumblr announced that any and all NSFW content will not be allowed after Dec. 17th. Which, I am ashamed to admit, is probably one of the bigger draws of the site. They say they'll allow things like nudity for "artistic reasons" but they're too vague in their criteria to make any judgment.
They're not using moderators to enforce this. They're using a very poorly coded bot that's going through people's stuff and flagging nearly everything there is. Everything from sketches of dinosaurs to blocks of paint smears.
Meanwhile, the rampant porn bots and pedophiles that have been plaguing the site for almost 2 years now, and were the reason all this got started in the first place, are going completely unaffected.
The staff has also failed to abide by their rules with their appeals. For example, a photo of Michelangelo's David statue got flagged, reviewed, and then was deemed NSFW and was removed from the site.
Anyway, this has triggered a mass exodus of the site, even those who do not create NSFW content. Everyone is getting hit by the bot and nothing is being done to improve it. Wordpress is getting overloaded by people trying to back up their blogs.
I'm going with them. Everyone I care about on there is leaving or has already left. If my blog of chaos doesn't get axed, I'm going to delete it. I've been wanting- no, needing to delete it for over a year now, and this is a perfect reason to do it.
I've tried backing up my blog, too, but as I said, Wordpress is overwhelmed right now. Plus, it costs money to host over 3gb, which I probably have over 10 times that. I'm just going to have to let it go.
I just went through some of my posts from back in 2015 and... felt this confliction of heartache and shame.
So much neat and fun stuff that's just going to be lost and forgotten about, but it was all accumulated through hundreds of wasted, unproductive hours.
I'm wanting to go through and save whatever I like most, but I can't let myself do that. I don't have the time to do it, and it'll be doing the opposite of helping me.
I am an addict, and the first step to recovery is to admit it and to do what it takes to fix it.
I'm so thankful that the site is going down. It deserves to die and I need to be free of it. It feels like God stepped in and made the decision that I didn't want to make myself. I know I'll be better off without it. It hurts, but I have to learn to let go. I can't save every little thing there is.
So yeah. That's been most of my problem the last few years. I'm an addict and I'm working on doing what it takes to get out of it.
Sorry for the long, rambling dissertation. It's all been brewing in my head for a while and I needed to get it out.
If I don't get back on here later, which is likely, I just want to say thank you all for sticking around. I'm almost done with college and I've been making a lot of stuff in there that I can't wait to show you all.
Merry Christmas, everyone. God bless you all.